I know I should be blogging about the President’s speech about immigration (you know, the one where he announced his plan to smuggle Karl Rove to Mexico, so Karl could be an undocumented day laborer to avoid prosecution), but for some reason, I’m just not that concerned about it. So, instead, let’s check in with Concerned Women for America, and see what’s new with them.
Well, here’s something that might be informative: a column by Janice “Mad at My Mop” Crouse in which she encourages women to be weak and dependent.
Let’s take a peak at it:
Two things about the billboard caught my attention. First, the woman, in her late 30s or early 40s, is a solitary figure whose image takes over the sign. Then, the caption is simple and bold: You Are Powerful.
The advertisement's target audience is obvious. There is tremendous profit to be made by any company that successfully appeals to the more than 24 million unmarried women in the 20-44- year-old demographic.
Yes, since the billboard photo features just one woman, then obviously the advertisers (whoever they may be) are targeting old maids.
They make up 47 percent of all women in this age group (compared with only 19 percent that were unmarried in 1968).
Oh, for a return to the good, old days of 1968, when almost every woman could find somebody who would marry her! But today’s women are failures, who just can’t trap themselves a man. I blame billboards, for encouraging women to be solitary and powerful!
For, as Janice goes on to explain, wanting to be powerful goes along with wanting to be independent — and that’s a mistake, because it means that you will die alone and unloved. After all, nature designed women to be dependent on men (and therefore, married).
The sexual pleasure of the married bed is nature's bait to induce us to accept and enjoy our dependence.
Personally, I don’t consider the sexual fulfillment of beds, be they married or single, to be any of my business.
But what I think Janice was trying to say is that nature tricked her into being dependent by hooking her on passionate, steamy sex. Now she will tell us more about her physical relationship with Mr. “No Wife Of Mine Will Use Sponge Mops” Crouse.
Relationship well-being depends upon touch. In my own experience, the rituals of touch enrich my relationship with my husband. We've been married 44 years, and we still reach out to hold hands during prayer, whenever I exit the car, or when we walk together.
Hot stuff, n’est-ce pas?
And anyway, ladies, the reason you can’t be independent or powerful is that you’re not a grizzly bear. End of story.
In my youth, the supposedly powerful solitary figure on the billboard might have appealed to me. No more. No matter how much our pride -- particularly in our youth -- would have it otherwise, nature dictates that dependency is an inherent, integral part of our existence.
Nature did not equip human females like she did the mighty female grizzly bear, which truly is powerful and independent. The mother bear is fully capable of raising her cub alone without any help, least of all from the male bear.
The human female, on the other hand, is eminently vulnerable, and the development of the human child takes years longer than in any other species.
Take that, all you single mothers out there! You are NOT truly powerful and independent, and you can NOT raise a child without the help of a male bear. And if you did, your offspring would become serial killers, or worse.
With that in mind, we might recall exactly what becomes of the adorable, cuddly, playful bear cubs. The powerful, independent she-bear mother, in her solitary way, produces very deadly predators.
And that’s why you should never trust another billboard.
Posted by s.z. on Wednesday, May 17th, 2006 at 2:54 am.