The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, June 27, 2014

The Mind Molesters of Sacramento!

Once again, politicians in the pay of Big Pink are stationing gay men in the girls bathrooms of our nation’s elementary schools.  Last time, as you may recall, it was Colorado, where a disastrous bill adding “sexual orientation” to the state’s existing civil rights law resulted in a transvestite being installed in each girls restroom across the state.   This was a shocking blow to pro-family values, but thankfully, it’s also a hardship for all those gay men cooling their heels beside the tampon dispenser, as the toilet trade tends to be less than brisk, their chances of receiving $20 and a blowjob from a Republican state legislator are slim, and their prospects of meeting George Michael frankly suck.
This week’s abomination comes from the Hollywood elites in California, and while yet another toppling domino may cause some culture warriors to despair, RenewAmerica columnist Jim Kourieschews panic and inflammatory rhetoric, and puts the issue into calm perspective:
Mr. Kouri, seen here in his graduation photo from Untouchables Fantasy Camp, links to a WorldNetDaily press release story:
“Mom and Dad” as well as “husband and wife” effectively have been banned from California schools under a bill signed by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who with his signature also ordered public schools to allow boys to use girls restrooms and locker rooms, and vice versa, if they choose.
“We are shocked and appalled that the governor has blatantly attacked traditional family values in California,” said Karen England, executive director of Capitol Resource Institute.
“With this decision, Gov. Schwarzenegger has told parents that their values are irrelevant. Many parents will have no choice but to pull their children out of the public schools that have now become sexualized indoctrination centers.”
“Arnold Schwarzenegger has delivered young children into the hands of those who will introduce them to alternative sexual lifestyles,” said Randy Thomasson, president ofCampaign for Children and Families, which worked to defeat the plans. “This means children as young as five years old will be mentally molested in school classrooms.
“Now Billy, I’m going to give you this head of cauliflower, and I want you to show me where the naughty man touched your brain.”
“Shame on Schwarzenegger and the Democrat politicians for ensuring that every California school becomes a homosexual-bisexual-transsexual indoctrination center,” he said.
But on the bright side, it’s all under one roof.
As with the Colorado case, the new law, SB 777 doesn’t actually turn all campus toilets into genderless free-for-alls, anymore than it requires girls to pee standing up in order to avoid discriminating against urinals.  Once again, it simply adds “sexual orientation” to the existing anti-bias law.  But what about unintended consequences?  Were the authors of the legislation so engorged with their own sense of righteousness that they inadvertently banned those bedrock endearments of the English language, “Mom” and “Dad”?
England told WND that the law is not a list of banned words, including “mom” and “dad.” But she said the requirement is that the law bans discriminatory bias.
Oh.  Still, you can’t expect a pro-family public policy group to ignore a good fund-raising issue.  The Capitol Resource Institute has sworn to defend traditional morality to the death.  They have said, this far, and no farther!  No paseran!  No paseran!
Save Our Kids Temporarily Suspends Campaign
Last week the Save Our Kids campaign to overturn SB 777 announced that we have suspended our campaign until after the November election.
Okay, never mind.  But the Campaign for Children and Families still cares about the sanctity of our grammar school potties, although they’re a little busy at the moment boycotting McDonalds because apparently they’re giving away gay marriages with every Happy Meal.
Anyway, most of Jim’s article is composed of quotes from the WorldNetDaily story, and the rest is spent flacking for some WND-published book about how schools are administering secret mind control drugs in our childrens’ Sloppy Joes, so I didn’t really get a feeling for the man himself.  Clearly, he’s a snappy, if anachronistic dresser, and judging by the shoulder holster, he’s more comfortable than most men with accessories.  But I really wanted to know what makes a guy like Jim Kouri tick, so I took a peek at his biographical information and discovered that, as you’d expect with a celebrity pundit, some of the personal details are kept deliberately vague to confound his enemies.  Therefore, we’ve taken the liberty of annotating his c.v. for your convenience:
Jim Kouri, CPP (this stands for Certified Public Professional, which seems to be a sort of doctorate for security guards) is currently fifth vice-president of the National Association of Chiefs of Police (he’s in charge of stocking the break room with coffee filters and Handi-Wipes).  He’s former chief at a New York City housing project (i.e., he was a security guard) in Washington Heights nicknamed “Crack City” by reporters covering the drug war in the 1980s (after first considering and rejecting the nicknames “Suffragette City” and “Super City — You Build It! — by Marx!”).  In addition, he served as director of public safety at a New Jersey university (campus cop) and director of security for several major organizations (rent-a-cop). He’s also served on the National Drug Task Force (he was in charge of stocking the conference room with NutraSweet and non-dairy creamer) and trained police and security officers throughout the country (in the art of resume puffery).
Posted by scott on July 8th, 2008

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