I’m spending a final, frigid day with my family up in Portland, and as Gerald Ford’s funeral lumbers solemnly by on the big screen behind me, I read this email from longtime Wo’C provocateur David E:
Two things are occurring troubling me on this otherwise festive New Years Eve, that I thought you might be best to reflect upon with.
#1: In all the coverage surrounding President Ford and James Brown’s deaths, we seem to be forgetting that this has happened before — quite recently. Let’s not forget that Ray Charles’ and President Reagan’s deaths also happened within two days of each other as well. And both times, this happened while I was out of town on business — and I don’t travel for work that often. I don’t claim to understand
the workings of the shadowy R&B/ex-president complex, or why their actions are timed to my movements, but like Richard Dreyfuss once said over a plate of mashed potatoes, this means something. I think it also raises a question: are we willing to sacrifice Stevie Wonder if it means my going out of town will take out Bush?
#2: I heard today that George Lucas says he and Spielberg have agreed on a script and they’re going to begin filming the fourth Indiana Jones installment (my title: Indiana Jones and the Search for Geritol). Knowing as we do the richness that George Lucas is able to bring to material he last worked on twenty years ago, I’m really looking forward to this. But here’s my challenge to you, and perhaps to the World O’Crap community: a pre-emptive World O’Crap treatment of Indiana Jones and the Last Case of Depends or whatever it’s going to be called. Given that it’s been 20 years since we last saw him, we can’t really have him fighting Nazis (unless it’s set in Argentina). I’m thinking more Soviet Russia or French Indochina. And since we’ve covered Jewish and Christian mystical objects (and faux Hindu, too, I guess, if you count the stupid second movie), we need a more obscure religion…perhaps he’s searching for Xenu’s mystical tube of Polident in Vietnam? It’s the best I can do on short notice. But you guys and Bill S. and D. Sidhe are all funnier than me, so I’d love to see what you all can cook up.
Happy New Year to all.-David E.
So what’s it to be, people — Stevie Wonder or Bush. You have five seconds to answer.
As for the fourth Indiana Jones movie — why bother showing our hero trotting the globe and looting some distant land of its cultural heritage, when the P.C police will only insist that any ill-gotten relicts be returned to their country of origin. And anyway, as we’ve recently learned, academic infighting provides plenty of opportunities for drama, intrigue, and two-fisted, Dr. Mike-style gunplay. So I suggest the next film be
Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Department Chair, and involve a canned hunt on a dude ranch, where our hero is pursued, ala
The Most Dangerous Game, by a ruthless coterie of cookie-baking feminists and their native castrati bearers.
But you can probably come up with something better.
Posted by scott on Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007 at 1:52 pm.
Leslie Talbot of Singular Existence is celebrating the publication of her book today (and unlike us, hers comes to market via a real publisher). We’d like to add our heartfelt congratulations, and urge everyone to check out the FAQ on her blog, wallow in the advance praise, and pick up her book at a bookstore or convenient Amazon link near you.