The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Dumb To The Last Drop

Much like Peter’s request that he be crucified upside down, because he was “unworthy to die in the same manner as my lord,” WorldNetDaily columnist Janet Folger is daring the state of Colorado to make a martyr of her so that she may sell some more copies of her crappy book.
In a piece entitled Go ahead: Arrest me, Janet lays out the grim fate that awaits both the humble, devout Christian, and the self-promoting limelight addicts who live off them like eyebrow mites:
Censorship. Book burning. The Criminalization of Christianity. It’s here and it’s now the law in the state of Colorado.
And by “here” and “the law” Janet means “actually not here,” and “I’m a drama queen.”
The Ku Klux Klan can march. The Nazis can hand out brochures. Skinheads can do whatever it is that Skinheads do.
The Rotarians can rotate.  The Optimists can optimize.  The Masons can do that secret handshake, or palm slap, or terrorist fist jab they do.
But in the state of Colorado, the only group who is NOT allowed to be heard is … the Christians.
(Insert Melodramatic Prairie Dog Footage here.)
They’re the ones who disagree with same-sex marriage, cohabitation, and believe the biblical view that homosexuality is a sin.  But if they voice that objection from now on, it had better be inside the four walls of a church. If not, they’ll be staring at the four walls of a prison cell … for up to a year.
(Organ sting.  Fade to dishwashing liquid commercial)
You see, Colorado Gov. Bill Ritter signed into law SB 200 and turned public restrooms and locker rooms into a predator paradise where men can enter (and shower in) any female public facility in the state.
Actually, the law says that “public accommodations” which accept heterosexuals cannot bar people on account of “disability, race, creed, color, sex, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, marital status, national origin, or ancestry.”  It doesn’t say men can tinkle in the ladies room.
You’d think that would be as bad as it gets – but wait: Section 8 of that same bill claims to trump the First Amendment:
Actually, it just says that if you deal with the public, it’s come one, come all.  You can’t put up a sign that says “Queers Need Not Apply,” or, “We Don’t Want The Irish.”
Forget the public library display of “banned books week” – its “banned books week” all year round in the entire state of Colorado – if those books, paper, posters, folders, manuscripts, pamphlet, writing, print, letter, notice, advertisement, or crayon drawing is said to be calculated, intended, or thought to discriminate against homosexual behavior, or the agenda to rewrite marriage and adoption laws.
I think the problem is that Janet doesn’t quite understand the legal meaning of discrimination.  Now, she clearly wants to discriminate against gay people, and has written a book passionately advocatingdiscrimination, and calling homosexuality a sin.  But unless it can somehow grow arms and legs and stand athwart the door like George Wallace, her book can’t actually prevent gays from using the library.  Hell, it can’t even prevent Gumby and Pokey from brutally penetrating its covers anytime they feel like it
I predicted it three years ago. And a lot of people said I was crazy.
But my book, “The Criminalization of Christianity,” subtitle: “Read this Before it Becomes Illegal,”
sub-subtitle: “Now!  Buy it Now Before They Pulp the Rest of the Print Run!”
…just became … illegal. And it’s no longer just in Sweden, Europe, and Canada; it’s right here in what used to be known as the “land of the free.”
First they came for the Mark Steyns, and I did not speak up because I wasn’t a hobbit with a yen for show tunes and frequent panic attacks about race suicide…
A week from today I’m flying to Denver and attending a press conference with Colorado pastors and state leaders to … break the law.
…I’m going to call Tom Brady “queer-bait.”
We are handing out my book, “The Criminalization of Christianity,” and waiting for arrest.
Oh come on, your book blows, but it’s not that bad.
It may be that next week’s column will be written from a jail cell.
It’ll be just like Martin Luther King’s “A Letter from Birmingham Jail,” except it’ll make you want to stick your head in a bait chopper.
Forget my book.
Done!  Glad I could help…
Another far more important book just got banned in Colorado: the Bible. Don’t believe me?
Not really, no.
Take a look at Leviticus 18, Romans 1, 1 Corinthians 6 and 1 Timothy 1. There’s a bunch more verses, and they all just became illegal.
[Shortly after this column appeared, Ms. Folger was arrested upon arrival at Denver International Airport, then rushed to an area hospital, where it was determined that shortly before boarding her flight she had swallowed a copy of the Vulgate in a condom.]
Posted by scott on June 25th, 2008