The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, January 7, 2011

March 16, 2004 by s.z.

Woo Hoo!  I'm A Quoted Critic!

Yes, at Hollywood, a section called THE REVIEWS, notes that:
Some SALON.COM blog: 'World O'Crap Bookclub Selection: Oscar Edition'
And my ringing endorsement appears along side those of such major media sources as The Wall Street Journal and the NY Post

Of course, I've never read the book, and I said less than flattering things about it and the people who wrote blurbs for it, but that's what makes being a critic so rewarding -- getting your comments taken out of context and used in ads.

If any other authors want the prestige that comes with having your book featured as a World O'Crap Bookclub selection, just let me know.  I can be bought.

9:03:52 AM    

It's Wacky "Malign the Left" Day at WO'C!

We'll start with Dennis Campbell, "a liberal ex-journalist living in New Mexico," who writes a regular column at Alan Keyes' web site for wingnuts, "Remew America."  This week's is calledThe bratty behavior of the inhabitants of the left. 

Dennis starts by claiming that:
A couple of recent items in the news prove ... the inhabitants of the left are just, well, self-centered, rude, disruptive and dominated by their emotions."
In other words, like your typical 2-year-old.
Dennis's first example is a piece by Alan Dershowitz, who writes about exiting Boston's Faneuil Hall after having given a speech, and being "accosted by a group of screaming, angry young men and women carrying virulently anti-Israel signs."  
Dershowitz's sin? He is pro-Israel, and thus a target of the rage of the left, which is saturated in anti-Semitism.
Unlike the right, which loves everybody.

Dennis says of Dershowitz's acount:
He rightly describes them as reminiscent of "young Nazis in the 1930s in Hitler's Germany" and as "a bunch of self-righteous thugs shouting ugly and bigoted epithets." Finally, someone from the left admitting what conservatives have known for so long: It is these virulently hateful leftists who are Nazi-like, not conservatives.
Yup, this one incident proves that it's the LEFTISTS who are the Nazis, not the Jew-loving, tolerant right.  And the leftists are also two-year-olds -- and as we all know, two-year-old Nazis are the worst kind.

Anyway, Dennis's second item
It comes from a story by Los Angeles Times writer David Shaw about rude people in restaurants.
How do I know they are liberals? Because they are from West Hollywood and Santa Monica, where conservatives are as scarce as hair on Michael Jordan's head.
Plus, the restaurants in West Hollywood and Santa Monica don't admit tourists, or anyone from out of town, and they require patrons to pass a liberal purity test before they show them to a table.  So, anything bad that happens in these eateries HAS to have been committed by liberals.
And what happens once these rude liberals are admitted inside the dining establishments?  Horrible things.  Awful, shameful, bratty things.  Yes, the liberals steal stuff.  Salt and pepper shakers, wine coasters, flashlights, vases, etc. 
So, you see, it is more than just your paycheck liberals are after!
Ha ha! Good one, Dennis!  But why should Dennis care if liberals steal junk from no-doubt liberal restaurants in liberal towns? It seems like he should just wash his hands of the whole things, like a mother whose bratty kid is complaining that his equally bratty brother is making faces at him. 
Self-centered, disruptive, abusive, angry, rude, eager to take what is yours, emotional — yes, indeed, those on the left are very much like your best friend's brat who raises hell every time you visit, as you force a smile and bite your tongue out of politeness.
But this does raise a very pertinent question: Do we want the family brat in control of the family? Everyone should consider that miserable prospect before entering the voting booth.
See, if some obnoxious pro-Palestine students scared Alan Dershowitz, and if some people in California stole stuff from restaurants, this proves that John Kerry is unfit to be President.  Say, that's the most compelling case for voting for Bush that I've heard so far this year.  And if you just extend Dennis's metaphor a bit, you can say that since liberals act like two-year olds, they aren't qualified to vote, and therefore should be disenfranchised.  Then Bush would win for sure!  I hope the Bush folks snap up Dennis to help with their faltering campaign, because he's got some new and original ideas that just might work for them. 

My next wacky left bashing comes from FrontPage Magazine, David Horowitz's site for intellectual wingnuts.  It's called The Face of Treason, and it's by Lowell Ponte, who hosts a right-wing radio show (naturally). 

Lowell's column is about the Susan Lindauer case.  He writes some of the same things you've heard before (the liberal press is trying to keep it from you, but Lindauer worked for DEMOCRATS!).  However, Lowell spicens things up with some fun new paranoid twists, like that there are "unanswered questions" about whether Lindauer passed information gained from her congressional jobs to Iraqi intelligence, and whether this information enabled Saddam to locate and assassinate Iraqi dissidents.  (I believe there are also unanswered questions about whether Lindauer is the real killer in the O.J. Simpson case; unanswered because I just asked them, and nobody has said that she isn't.)

Oh, and Lindauer lived in liberal Takoma Park, Maryland -- proof right there that she's a traitor, since all freedom-loving people in the D.C. area choose to live in suburban Virginia.
And all those signs that Lindauer is suffering from mental illness?  Well, since you'd have to be crazy to be a leftist, then they prove that she's a leftist, and therefore guilty of treason.
By the employers she has had, the company she kept and the community in which she chose to live, it seems irrefutable that Susan Lindauer is a far Leftist. But is she a nut whose potential treason is out of character for the Left?  It is fair to say that most Leftists are either insane or opportunistic. What sane or ethical person would embrace the socialist philosophy of Stalin and Hitler and Pol Pot? Yet that is precisely what the Left is – the belief by some that humankind can be perfected through dictatorship, slavery, and the genocide of undesirable peoples or ideas or values.
Yes, the American left is made up of Stalinists, Nazis, and the Khmer Rouge.  Everybody knows that.

Lowell gives us a lecture on Communism (which was BAD), and then explains why it's exactly what the Democratic Party believes in now:
Class warfare continues because some would rather steal than work for what they get. In their shortsightedness, they would rather get even than get ahead.
In America one of our two largest political parties is built entirely on this irrational, self-destructive philosophy. And envy is so strong an emotion that its voters seldom notice that they never get more than chickenfeed from the wealth government confiscates. It is enough for these conned fools to believe that the rich have lost their wealth – when in fact a new, less deserving class of the politically enriched has merely fattened on the stolen loot.
Lowell tells more about Lindauer's background, then writes:
Twisting ever more leftward, Susan Lindauer would soon move from being a liberal media ally of Leftist Democratic politicians to being a member of their staffs. And from serving these socialists, it probably to her seemed a short step to serving the Ba’athist socialist regime of Saddam Hussein, whose hatred for America sounded so much like what she was accustomed to hearing from liberal reporters, Leftist lawmakers, and her anti-war neighbors and fellow-travelers in Takoma Park.
You know, this sounds like the defense's argument in a bad "Law & Order" episode: "Sure, while working for Illinois congresswoman Carol Moseley-Braun in 1996, my client could have gained secret information about Iraqi dissidents which she might have passed, six-years later, to Saddam Hussein; and he could have had those exiles murdered, possibly.  I mean, the prosecution hasn't proven even one of these things, but they could have happened, which is why we're here in court today.

"But if any of this happened, it was Liberal Syndrome that made the defendant do it!  Every day at work she saw Carol killing security guards for not saluting her properly, sending men to rape rooms, and developing an atomic weapon program in the break room, so my client naturally got confused and thought that Saddam was just another Democratic congressman she was supposed to run errands for.  And this could have happened to any liberal.  Can we single out my client for punishment, when right at this moment, millions of Hitler-loving, Pol Pot following, Marxist/Stalinist Democrats are committing espionage and murdering thousands of innocent Jews, peasants, and intellectuals?  I think not."
Lindauer, after decades of feeding deeper and deeper at the trough of Leftist anti-American hatred, became willing to betray the United States to protect a socialist monster, Saddam Hussein, whose mass graves covered 300,000 tortured bodies and whose aim was to acquire weapons capable of killing tens of millions.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Saddam Hussein was a socialist (because all bad guys are), and therefore a Democrat, and so my client, who had worked for FOUR Democratic members of congress in the past, was so conditioned that she had no choice but to obey his bidding, and commit treason by writing a letter to Andrew Card.  I rest my case."  

7:57:48 AM    

The Legendary National Review Bermuda Triangle Cruise

Just added to the roster of speakers:

Perle will be joining such conservative luminaries as Rich Lowry, Bill Bennett, and William F. Buckley, Jr. 
In my telling of the tale, everyone on board picks up one of those GI tract infections that so are common on cruises, and dies.  But obviously heaven won't admit them, and Satan doesn't want them either (since the last thing that hell needs is more hot air), so the ship is doomed to sail the seas forever, having to listen to Buckley droning on and on without ever getting to a point, and Bennett lecturing everyone about virtue, morality, and loose slots.

And whenever a storm brews in the islands, if you look into the eye of the storm, you will be able to see the ship and it's hellish passenger - The Lying Neocon.  Don't look too carefully, for the legend claims that whoever sights the cursed Perle will die a terrible death, or will at least want to wage war on somebody.

4:06:09 AM 

March 15, 2004 by s.z.

Preznit Give Me Spam

Guess what I found in my inbox today?  Yes, "A Message From the President."  I thought it was pretty cool that George would take the time to personally email me, an average American, what with all the terrorism and world-leading stuff going on.  And when I read it, I was touched to note that he considers us friends, especially after everything I've said about him.  I can't recall us ever having actually met, but I did shake his father's hand a few years back, so maybe that's what he's thinking of.  Plus, we do have a psychic connection, probably a result of us both having been born on Krypton and sent to Earth as infants with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.

Anyway, while the letter did seem kind of, well, generic and boilerplate-ish, I can read between the lines and understand the personal message that George was really trying to send to me, his best buddy.

Dear World O'Crap,
The political season has arrived.  Finally, we know who my opponent will be.  I recently called Senator Kerry to congratulate him on winning his party's nomination.  I told him I'm looking forward to a spirited campaign.
"I told Kerry that I was glad, GLAD that the campaigning was getting nasty because I'd been waiting for months to make jokes about Max Cleland.  Isn't that Ann Coulter a stitch!"
This should be an interesting debate.  Senator Kerry has spent two decades in Congress; he's built up quite a record.  In fact, Senator Kerry has been in Washington long enough to take both sides on just about every issue.  He's been for the Patriot Act and against it; for NAFTA and against it; for the No Child Left Behind Act and against it; for the use of force in Iraq and against funding the liberation of Iraq.  My opponent clearly has strong beliefs -- they just don't last very long.
"My opponent seems to believe that if circumstance change, or if the hype turns out to not match the reality, he can change his mind about things.  I, however, am unable to change my mind about anything, because it might look like an admission that I was wrong.  And I am never wrong!  Because Mommy told me that if I wasn't perfect, I'd get kicked out of the family -- and now that I don't have alcohol to help me cope with my feelings of failure, I have to actually look I'm I'm perfect, no matter how much lying that takes.  Why doesn't my mother love me?"
And the choice is clear.  It's a choice between keeping the tax relief that is moving the economy forward, or stopping the recovery by putting the burden of higher taxes back on the American people.
"The choice is clear: keep the tax cuts which have lead to full employment in this country, or make widows and orphans work night and day in sweatshops to pay John Kerry's higher taxes.  I know which one I would pick."
It is a choice between an America that leads the world with strength and confidence or an America that is uncertain in the face of danger.
"It is a choice between an America that leads the world, whether they like it or not, into wars with countries that posed no danger to America; and a cowardly John Kerry, who would never have dared to secretly fly to Iraq and spend a couple of hours posing for photo ops.  That John Kerry doesn't know what it is to like to face DANGER!"
It's a choice that I will set squarely before the American people.

We've achieved great things.  The last three years have brought serious challenges, and we have given serious answers.  I look forward to telling the American people that. 
"I look forward to telling the American people how I've done everything right for the past three years, and the American people will no doubt love hearing about it, because they enjoy tall tales, like those of Paul Bunyon and Pecos Bill."
Most importantly, we have a positive vision for winning the war against terror and for extending peace and freedom throughout our world; a positive vision for creating jobs and promoting opportunity and compassion here at home.  We'll leave no doubt where we stand.  And come November, we'll be reelected.
"A POSITIVE vision, as opposed to Kerry's negative vision.   I mean, doesn't he just look negative -- hey, John, why the long face?  Anyway, I have a positive vision for lots of cool stuff.  I can't tell you the details, but I can say that it involves winning the war against terror through permament tax cuts, faith-based initiatives, and abstinence programs.  If you want to know more, you'll have to re-elect me."
The stakes are high, and I need your help.   Could you contribute and make a difference in what could be a close election?
Everything you send will help our TV buy -- on national cable and in 18 battleground states on local stations. The ads are strong.  They remind people of this Administration's accomplishments, and will lay out our positive agenda and contrast it with John Kerry's wrong votes and out-of-the-mainstream philosophy.
"The ads remind people of how 9/11 occurred on this Administration's watch, which is one of our proudest achievements.  They also lay out our positive agenda for adding to the national deficit while never really fixing what was wrong with Medicare; not exporting illegal aliens; increasing funding for the National Endowment for the Perverted Arts; and for sending men to Mars.  No, wait, the ads don't cover that part of the agenda -- nobody liked that stuff, so we'll pretend it never happened.  In any case, Kerry is out of the mainstream, and since I am the mainstream, you know it's true."
The other side has several attack groups, funded by large unregulated "soft money" contributions from wealthy liberals, so I need your help today with a gift of $1,000, $500, $250, $100 or even $50 or $25 to keep ratcheting our TV effort up.  Federal law allows gifts of up to $2,000 a person.
"Those damned Democrats -- I have a $100 million advantage over Kerry, but HE has's George Soros-donated $1 million.  Did you know that Soros was BORN IN ANOTHER COUNTRY?  That must mean something sinister, right?

"So, if you're one of the many businesses or rich people whom my tax cuts have helped to save thousands, please donate $2000 in your name, your wife's name, the names of each of your children, and the names of your maids and gardeners."
For all Americans, these years in our history will always stand apart.  There are quiet times in the life of a nation when little is expected of the leaders.  This isn't one of those times.  You and I are living a period where the stakes are high, the challenges are difficult, and the choices are clear -- a time when resolve is needed.
"Yes, it's a time when Resolve carpet cleaner is needed, it order to deal with those spots I blamed on Buddy.  And Kerry doesn't have any resolve -- he's never did anything with his life, unlike me, who grew up to be President."
I hope you will help today.  Thank you for your friendship and may God continue to bless America. 
Well, I hadn't planned to donate anything to, but if George thinks we're friends and he really needs my help ... well, I still don't think so.  But thanks for thinking of me, George.  And write again if you get work.

6:27:43 PM    

World O'Crap Book Club: When Women's Magazines Attack

Today's selection comes recommended by TownHall, The Wall Street Journal, and Dr. Laura, and we saw the author plugging the book on "The O'Reilly Factor" last week (and she's going to be on "Fox and Friends" this week).  So, based on that alone, we can encourage you not to read it.

But let's look at it anyway:

Spin Sisters : How the Women of the Media Sell Unhappiness --- and Liberalism --- to the Women of Americaby Myrna Blyth (Author)

Book DescriptionBlowing the whistle on a job she herself did for over ten years at Ladies Home Journal as editor-in-chief, Blyth reveals the almost institutionalized selling of a liberal/do-gooders message to women through chararacterizing women themselves as victims. Playing on women's compassion and ability to be hooked into "uplifting" stories with a moral or happy ending, American media has convinced the most well-educated, rich and healthy audience in history that they are miserable. She dissects why:

--liberal celebrities' messages aren't scrutinized and in fact presented with a halo of approval
--middle class American women have been sold stress as the new scourge of modern life
--magazines rarely tell stories about the majority of women whose conservative views don't mesh with their own.
Okay, if you've ever read a woman's magazine, you probably figured out that it was trying to sell you something: $35 tubes of lipstick, a new wardrobe every season, and Chanel No. 5.  And you might have felt that it was trying to make you feel inadequate and in need of improving your toenails, your home decor, and your entire personality.  But I bet you didn't know that everything from Cosmo's "Ten Hooker Secrets to Make Him Fall in Love With You (Or Pay You $50 For Sex)" to Good Housekeeping's "Vacumn Cleaners That Make Housework Fun, Fun, Fun!" are all part of a liberal plot to make you want a bigger goverment.  Well, they are. 

Remember Hollywood Interrupted, the celebrity tell-all which told us all something we already knew (that celebrities are poor role models), and then somehow made that an indictment of liberals?  Well, Spin Sistersapparently tells us something we already knew (that women's magazines try to make readers insecure, so they'll feel a need to buy the products advertised within), and blames THAT on liberals.  But somehow, this time it's all about Ann Coulter.

From the NY Times review:
"There is a big difference between creating change and creating a stir," said Ellen Levine, editor in chief of Good Housekeeping, which like Cosmopolitan is owned by Hearst Magazines. Speaking of the conservative columnist, she said, "I think that Myrna has serious Ann Coulter envy, and this is her attempt to create some kind of second act for herself as a conservative commentator."
Newsweek also quoted editors who felt that Blyth trying to create a new role for herself as an old Michelle Malkin or a female Bill O'Reilly.  Or a female Ann Coulter, for that matter:
Others say it's Blyth's bid to return to the media spotlight, this time as a right-wing pundit. "This is someone over 6o," says Cosmo editor Kate White, "who wants to create a big-enough stir to get on TV." Bookers, take note.
But now let's hear from Human Events Online:
In the September 2003 issue of Elle magazine, there was a lengthy article on HUMAN EVENTS columnist Ann Coulter and her campus activism. Not surprisingly, the author of the article gave an inaccurate picture of the demand by students for Coulter to lecture on campuses across the nation.
As program director of the Luce Policy Institute, I get dozens of requests each semester from students anxious to bring Coulter to their campus. The one student Elle mentioned said Coulter is "too extreme to be persuasive." Yet Ann Coulter is by far our most requested speaker. Even though the Luce Policy Institute is the leading organization sending her to campuses, the Elle reporter never asked our point of view. Elle also didn't publish our letter to the editor correcting its misleading article.
One could argue that the reporter at Elle just wasn't aware of the Luce Policy Institute. However, if you search for "Ann Coulter" and "college speakers" on Google, the Institute's website comes right up, followed by links to various campus newspapers that covered Ann Coulter's Luce-sponsored lectures.
The more obvious explanation is that Elle wasn't looking to publish a balanced article on Ann Coulter, but instead a one-sided harangue that questions her credibility and popularity. After reading Myrna Blyth's new book, Spin Sisters: How the Women of the Media Sell Unhappiness and Liberalism to the Women of America, I concluded that not only did Elle purposefully ignore the positive opinions on Coulter, but they probably discussed how to do so over Cobb salads at the trendy Michael's restaurant in New York City.
Yup, because Elle didn't find any students who said that Ann's reasoned arguments, impecable research, and gracious manner persuaded many young liberals of the wisdom of the conservative cause, it means that women's magazines are liberal propaganda machines.

Let's hear from Human Events Online how the magazines are trying to scare women into becoming liberal:
At the heart of their game are the scare tactics the media uses to grab its audience. Blyth even indicts herself as a willing participant in promoting "The Female Fear Factor." Whether it's "The Poison That Hid in Our Home," (Redbook), mattresses akin to kerosene (Good Morning America), "killer celery,"(Good Housekeeping) or "5 Down-There Diseases You Don't Know About" (Glamour) women are led to believe that the world is a stressful and frightening place.
Blyth writes, "Often, a hint of conspiracy is added ('100 Urgent Health Risks Doctors Don't Tell You About') to ratchet up the fear factor and make victims--sometimes just being a woman makes you a victim--even more appealing to readers."
Sound familiar? At every chance, the Feminist Majority, NOW and other feminist groups tell women they are oppressed victims of a patriarchal society with their "rights" at risk with every stroke of George W. Bush's pen. Women in the media parrot these leftist views with relentless determination.
In tandem with the left, the media invokes fear and ignorance of the facts in order to paint corporations as the enemy and big government as the remedy--from government-run health care initiatives to FDA task forces to save you from "killer celery."
So, the magazines are trying to turn women into scaredy-cat liberals so they'll want big government to save them from big business and celery.  Why are the magazines doing it?  Presumably because liberals have more money and can buy more consumer goods.  Or maybe they're getting funding from the DNC -- I guess we have to read the book to find out for sure.

Or maybe Myrna just knew that nobody would buy her book unless she came up with an angle,  and the "evil liberals are trying to make you care about immoral celebrities and cellulite" one seems to have gotten her some attention so far.  (It's also worked for Hollywood Interrupted, which is #15 on the NY Times Best Seller list, per NewsMax and Glenn Reynolds).

Now, here's  Liz Smith:
Myrna gives us a gossipy blast against such media luminaries as Barbara Walters, Diane Sawyer, Katie Couric, Tina Brown, Good Housekeeping's Ellen Levine - oh, I won't go on. But, suffice it to say, I am right there among them in what Myrna conceives as a "liberal cabal" out to turn America's women into miserable left-wingers who believe every word dished out to them about health, weight, looks, sex, love, romance and family values.
The women's magazines, on air and in print, do a lot of coverage that perhaps sometimes create anxiety (mostly about health), but they also offer a good mix in my view - self-help, medical information, cautionary tales, etc. But is the way to sell books these days an attack on the politics of half the nation, since we do seem to be all but literally divided?
Well, it's apparently a way to sell books these days if your book can't stand on its own merits.  Here's Human Events Online again:
Judging by the insults lobbed at Bernie Goldberg, Ann Coulter and other media critics, there is one definitive statement that can be made for Myrna Blyth's Spin Sisters--every word must be true.
Yup.  If people criticize Myrna's book, it must all be true!  So, go out and buy a copy today!  If you don't, you'll be out of style, unpopular, and have ring around the collar.

5:25:17 AM

March 14, 2004 by s.z.


 How sinful is this blog?  It's sooo sinful!  At least according to commenter Caleb, who warns us that "images of Satan should never be displayed," and asks, "Why do you worship the darkness?"  

Because it's fun, Caleb. 

[Disclaimer: all claims of darkness-worshipping are just to shock naive, self-righteous homeschooled kids.]

Anyway, we wouldn't pick on young Caleb except that he's just started a blog, Joshua's Own, and we want to help his hit count. 

It seems that young Caleb is "A Member of the Joshua Generation: Taking Back America in His Name."  
(Apparently not the name of Joshua, Caleb's dad, but Joshua, the alias of Jesus.)

We first learned about the Joshua Generation from our other favorite home schooled know-it-all, Kyle Williams, whose column for this week is about how conservative home schooled kids are going to RULE THE WORLD!

Kyle says:
A new political force is rising up that will prove to be extremely powerful. The "vast right-wing conspiracy" is indeed growing and becoming more organized, as an unlikely group of political activists arise. Homeschoolers are a group that will soon be a force the left will have to contend with.
So, kill them now, before it's too late! 

[Disclaimer: that was just a joke!  We really don't advocate violence as a response to pesky kids.  Unless you're sure you have a foolproof way to dispose of the bodies.]

Kyle talks about TeenPact, which gives home schooled kids a chance to hang out at the state capitol and "interact with lobbyists, representatives, senators."  But in a completely non-sexual way, of course. 
Kyle then tells us about Caleb's group, Generation Joshua:
Another group is the highly organized Generation Joshua, which is headed by Ned Ryun, former presidential speechwriter and the son of Rep. Jim Ryun. One of the objectives of this organization is to educate homeschoolers on the way government should work. They will be sponsoring a teen camp on the campus of Patrick Henry College this coming summer and has available courses of civic study on the member website.
You remember Patrick Henry College.  It's the school designed to mold supreme court judges by teaching students that "democracy rests on biblical principles, traditional sex roles, limited government and private property rights,and then getting them White House internships.  It's also the school where, if you get her father's permission, you can hold hands with a girl (but only while you both are walking).  Yes, it's the one we'd like to see Kyle attend someday (not that we want to push him into handholding before he's ready, of course.) 

But back to Kyle's report on Generation Josuah:
The second objective of Generation Joshua is about activism. The new organization will be putting together "Student Action Teams" that, funded by the Homeschool Legal Defense Association's PAC, will travel to key races across the country, working on campaigns. In 2002, such groups were put to together and helped six of seven conservative leaders take office, including Sen. Jim Talent, R-Mo.
Yes, Generation Joshua is another one of those outfits that's trying to use home-schooled evangelical kids to legislate us back to an idealized 18th century, where men were men, women knew their place, there were no gays, and disobedient children were sentenced to death, as per the Bible.  Here's part of the "Purpose Statement" from their web site:
Joshua Generation's purpose is to 'develop leaders to transform society'. Our vision of the future is to see leaders who are followers of Jesus Christ and committed to transformation inhabiting every sector of society whether in family, health, education, law and order, business, media, arts or politics.
But mostly politics, since legislating change is the the fastest way to make people shape up.

Let's look at a few posts from the blog of our new friend (and future leader to transform society), Caleb:
Hi to anyone out there in Blogland! My name is Caleb [D.], and this is my first try at blogging.
I picked the name of my blog for two cool reasons: I belong to the Joshua Generation, and my father's name is Joshua! Wow!
I wanted to do this because of the discrimination and bias I see on the internet toward Christians.
I'd say that my discriminating against Christians by posting the image of a DVD box with a picture of a nerdy Satan on it helped to inspire Caleb to start his blog, but he started the blog on Tuesday, and the Satan's Cheerleaders post was done on Saturday.
Anyway, young (well, almost 18) Caleb can't see why anyone would not vote for President Bush, who makes us safe ("As we all know, we owe our freedom and liberty to President Bush and his administration.")  And since the Bible "is pretty clear on" gay marriage, he doesn't know why there is even a discussion of it.  He gets all het up about the persecution of Christians, as represented by a judge ordering a 10 Commandments Plaque be covered during the penalty phase of a murder trial.  He's thrilled that Ohio voted to include some "intelligent design" in the 10th grade biology lesson plans, to counter all the "Darwinisn." 
Caleb links to a WorldNetDaily story about a kid who wasn't allowed to wear an "abortion is murder" t-shirt to school, and says, "When we get back control of the court we'll take care of this kind of stuff."  He links to a Cybercast News Service story about Newsom being ordered to stop issuing same-sex marriage licenses, and writes, "homosexual marriage, the biggest sin against God and His Word facing America today, is going to be stopped" (things like murder, child abuse, and rape apparently not being nearly as big of sins against God as gay marriage).  Caleb's father says (and Caleb agrees) that they're "only going to change things for the good by taking back the government"; while Dad "mostly means Congress," Caleb thinks they "need the judgeships, because that's where all the bad stuff is happening.  Presumably, Caleb will use his participation in Generation Joshua to get into the corridors of power, so he can become a Supreme Court Judge and make the world safe for Christians.  You know, after he takes the SATs and stuff.  
But let's get back to Kyle, who is ready to inform us of the threat that Caleb and his ilk represent to Civilization as We Know It:
All these groups are unprecedented in their organization and their approach in affecting the future of America. As the tool of homeschooling activism is refined and grows in effectiveness, it will begin to change the political landscape of America.
Liberals everywhere should be scared of such as prospect.
Thus, the growing political role of homeschoolers is the hope and future of the conservative movement. A new generation of young people is rising, and the energy and strength of conservatism will rise with it.
Ooh, we liberals should be shaking in our boots at the threat that young people like Caleb offer to our way of life.  But strangely enough, I'm not.  It appears that Caleb gets all of his news from sources like WorldNet and CNS, and all of his opinions from his father.    Sure, he seems really sincere and highly motivated, but he's not ready to live in the outside world, let alone conquer it.  And while I don't want to disparage my first Generation Joshuah troll, I know Kyle Williams, and you, sir, are no Kyle Williams.  But hey, best of luck next year at Liberty University, Bob Jones University, or Patrick Henry College.
2:23:36 AM

March 13, 2004 by s.z.

From the Department of "It's Just Not Fair!"

For a sad media story, here's this one from the the NewxMax Insider Report (which is only available to us insiders who signed up to get it, and at least 20 spam emails, weekly):
1. White House Keeps Washington Times ‘Out In Siberia’
A top editor at the Washington Times recently complained to us, "The White House treats us like we're in Siberia."
The editor complained that hoped for exclusives from the Republican administration to the nation's leading conservative-leaning newspaper have never materialized.
"When they have a story, they still run to the Washington Post," the editor said with some frustration.
The editor noted that during the Iraq war, the cold shoulder treatment hurt even more because then Pentagon spokeswomen Torie Clark "treated us like the enemy," our source said.
With the upcoming election little is changing.
Some media pundits were surprised to find out that Bush insider Karen Hughes gave her exclusive TV interview for her soon-to-be released book "Ten Minutes from Normal" to CNN.
Just how lame is the "nation's leading conservative-leaning newspaper" when even the Bush administration snubs it?

And how pathetic do you have to be to whine to NewsMax about being snubbed?

And Karen has a soon-to-be released book while I have no publishers beating down my door?  Who can I whine to about that?

11:38:24 PM    

So Typical

Oh, NewsMax -- nobody really thinks of you as a news source, but could you at least TRY to make your misinformation a little less obvious?

Case in point: one of today's headlines on the NewsMax home page
Media Censor Spy Suspect's Democrat Ties So typical: The media establishment doesn't want you to know that Saddam spy suspect Susan Lindauer worked for four congressional Democrats.
Well, if they don't want me to know, why do they they tell me about it?  Because every story I've read about the case included the information.  But let's click on the link and learn about that censoring by the media:
Accused Iraq spy Susan Lindauer worked exclusively for some of the most left-wing Democrats in Congress, but Americans who get their news from the mainstream press aren't likely to learn about her political predelictions.
Of the 120 main press reports so far on Lindauer's arrest yesterday, only 12 expressly identified her former employers as Democrats.
First of all, she's not an "accused Iraq spy" -- anybody who read 120 press reports should have picked up on the fact that she's actually accused of "conspiring to act as an unregistered agent of the Iraqi government" and violating restrictions on travel and financial dealings with Iraq.  Not espionage.  She traveled to Iraq.  She got money from Iraqi intelligence.  She sent her second (not distant) cousin, Andrew Card, a letter asking him to urge the Bush administration to delay military action against Iraq.  That seems to be it. 

If NewsMax thinks that's a "spy," then we'd like to tell them about the exciting espionage adventures of this guy who made a deal to get $2 million in stock from a semiconductor firm whose main investors include the son of the former President of China.  The guy said it's for doing occasional consulting work about the semiconductor industry, but he admits he has no training or background in semiconductors.  That's it, but we can fill in the rest with a background in sleaziness and hot-and-cold running babes.  I think we'll call our story Fiery Balls.

Anyway, we don't have time to look up 120 main press stories to prove that NewsMax is wrong, so let's just took at some of the known "liberal" papers from that mainstream media and see what they said about Lindauer's Democratic former employers:

First, the LA Times:
A cousin of White House chief of staff Andrew H. Card Jr., Lindauer also worked on the staffs of four congressional Democrats, including Rep. Zoe Lofgren (D-San Jose).
Now, the NY Times
After stints as a journalist in the 1980's and early 90's, Ms. Lindauer worked as press secretary for a number of Democrats on Capitol Hill, including, in 1996, Senator Carol Moseley Braun of Illinois, who ran unsuccessfully for her party's presidential nomination this year.
In 2002, starting just four days after the period in which the indictment said she had traveled to Baghdad, she worked as a press secretary to Representative Zoe Lofgren, Democrat of California. Ms. Lofgren said in a statement that Ms. Lindauer left her staff after eight weeks. "To my knowledge, this employee had no access to sensitive information," Ms. Lofgren said.
How about the first Washington Post story on the case?
She worked for Rep. Peter DeFazio, D-Ore., in 1993 and Rep. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., in 1994. She joined the office of Sen. Carol Moseley Braun, D-Ill., as press secretary in 1996. In 2002, she worked for Rep. Zoe Lofgren, D-Calif.   
So, if the media establishment is trying to censor this information, they aren't doing a very good job of it.  Or, as is more likely, NewsMax just did a faulty Lexis-Nexis search.  Hey, it can happen to anyone.  Well, to Ann Coulter.  

Oh, and how did NewsMax learn of Lindauer's Democratic employment?  Did they pound the pavement, digging up this info that the media establishment wouldn't cover?  Um, no.  It seems they found out by reading the A.P story.  Damn that censorious media establishment!

11:05:49 PM    

An Alternative

Okay, The Passion of the Christ.  It caused Ann Coulter to defend Jesus from the liberals who would try to make his religion into something wimpy about loving your neighbor, instead of about extreme crucifiction.  It made Bill O'Reilly defend Mel Gibson from the evil Frank Rich who has the nerve to not appear on Bill's show because he thinks Bill is humorless! (More about that later.)  The smarty-pants reviewers of the film showed this woman that George Bush was going to win the presidency in 2004 ("I feel a mounting army of Christian people all over this country who are sick and tired of the Hollywood critics telling us what to go see, and the political pundits telling us how to vote.")

And frankly, I'm getting tired of it.  So, here's another religious movie that I suggest the public take to its bosom.  It has a guy getting beat to a pulp for Ann.  It has somebody nice, clean Superbowl half-time shows for Bill.  It has another charismatic leader for that Bush supporter.  And it has breasts for everybody else.
So, from our book-in-progress Subliminal Cinema, here's the first part of chapter 5, and Scott C.'s recap of Satan's Cheerleaders.


In the age-old battle between Good and Evil, there comes a time when every soul must ask of himself one burning question: Why is Evil doing so much better in Hollywood, despite a spotty record at the box office? One need only skim the history of cinema to see that for every Greatest Story Ever Told or Ben-Hur, there are a dozen End of Days or The Devil’s Rain. Is there a conspiracy afoot to promote an unholy, demonic agenda at the expense of the Gospels? Or is this vast disparity in screen time simply due to the fact that Satan is less choosy about his projects? We believe the latter is more likely the case, and also helps to account for why Dolph Lundgren has made three times as many movies as Daniel Day Lewis.

But this trend has increased wildly of late, with the recent re-release of The Exorcist, as well as pictures such as Stigmata, Lost Souls, and Bedazzled. Why this sudden explosion of interest in the Father of Lies? Perhaps it’s because over the years, Beelzebub, like Drew Barrymore, has matured and developed right before our very eyes on film. To paraphrase Bobby Goldsborough, the movie-going public has been "sittin’ here, smiling, watching Satan grow."

Let’s take a look at three films spanning the Devil’s most fecund period, the 1970s through the millennium, and see how Satan has handled his transition from the low budget teen flicks to overblown summer blockbusters. James Van Der Beek, take note.

Satan’s Cheerleaders (1977)
Satan's Cheerleaders (1977)
Directed by: Greydon Clark
Written by: Greydon Clark and Alvin L. Fast
Our movie opens with John Ireland leading a Take Back the Night March in his bathrobe. Then we cut to the beach, where a group of bikini-clad pom-pom girls from the local high school are performing cheers for the female P.E. teacher. Horrified by the frank sexuality of their routine, she urges the girls to replace the offending choreography with moves stolen from a minstrel show.
Suddenly, the movie delivers a shock: One of the cheerleaders--blonde and bland teen goddess Patti--is spotted sitting alone on the sand, staring out to sea. Fearing that she’s not feeling fresh, her friends rush to her aid, only to learn that Patti has been "thinking."
"About what?" they ask, flabbergasted.
"I don’t know," she replies.
Meanwhile, the high school custodian (Wilfred Brimley Lite) is attending John Ireland’s al fresco pajama party and satanic kegger. Wilfred pledges his soul to Satan, so those darn kids will finally quit annoying him and stop TP-ing the chain-link fence around the school.
The next day, Wilfred is pulling toilet paper off the chain-link fence and having second thoughts about that chalice of goat’s blood he drank last night (was it really the right thing to do?) On the bright side, the Lord of Darkness did apparently come through with a Ronco Rhinestone and Stud Setter, since Wilfred’s highly ornamented janitor’s uniform would likely be dismissed as wretched excess by Liberace.
Realizing he’s failed to give any of the characters a shred of distinguishing personality, director Greydon has the girls change into tight white t-shirts with their names emblazoned on the chest in block letters—exactly like the Mickey Mouse Club, except for the visible nipples. (And now that you’re picturing Cubby’s highbeams, we should probably point out this movie does contain a shower scene, and you do see breasts. But since they’re the sort of breasts you usually see only on very young girls, or very old men, it left us feeling kind of queasy.)
The cheerleaders pile into the PE teacher’s car and head off to an away game, followed by Wilfred, who has been cursed with a leisure suit the color of tomato bisque. Furiously rubbing his talisman (probably not what you’re thinking) he curses the PE coach’s Country Squire, causing it to come to a safe and complete stop. Wilfred picks up the stranded pep squad in his camper, and laughs maniacally as he reveals that they are now helpless, and completely in his power! Then he loses control of the pickup and stalls in a vacant lot. Fortunately for him, it’s a satanic vacant lot. As the girls emerge from the truck, Patti is suddenly overcome by an unnatural passion, and exposes her boobs to Albert Finney’s doorknocker from Scrooge. Then she lies down on a barbecue and has an orgasm, while Wilfred has a heart attack.
Teach and the cheerleaders get in Wilfred’s truck and drive until they see John Carradine, who is dressed in rags and wandering the roadside with a burlap sack, picking up discarded cans, bottles, and cameos in Jerry Warren movies. Now the filmmakers deliver another big shock, as we learn that John’s not actually in this film. Apparently, it was some sort of clerical error, or maybe the camera crew just caught him puttering around on his day off.
Teach and the cheerleaders seek out the local sheriff (John Ireland), who goes by the name "B.L. Bubb" (get it?). The guileless girls don’t yet realize the full significance of this strange name, but they’re pretty sure it means he used to be on "The Dukes of Hazzard."
While Sheriff John goes to check on their story about a dead satanic custodian near a giant doorknocker, the unspeakably sinister Yvonne De Carlo shows up dressed like Howdy Doody. When the Sheriff finds Wilfred napping on the barbecue, he beats his oddly spangled disciple to a pulp, then gives him a piggyback ride. Unsure how to react to this, Wilfred decides to die again.
Back at the Sheriff’s house, the girls sense that Something Is Not Right. They try thinking, but once again, it makes them feel unfresh. Then they overhear Sheriff John’s plan to sacrifice a "pure maiden" (yeah, right) and they run away.
Meanwhile, Patti is muttering mumbo-jumbo in the living room and going all satanic on Yvonne’s ass (apparently, flashing her knockers at a knocker has endowed her with the ability to browbeat washed-up contract players).
The girls are recaptured, then promptly escape again, giving us yet another chance to enjoy long scenes of them jiggling over hill and dale. Gathering a posse of demonic hicks and bumpkins, Sheriff John puts on his pajamas and hunts down the fleeing pep squad. Yvonne helps by pulling out the Satan Home Game and saying a prayer for her Audi. (Well, that’s what it sounded like--I suppose she could have been facing a satanic altar and saying "Howdy," but that would seem to undercut the moment.)
Catching up to the Semi-Naked Prey, Sheriff John dresses them in graduation gowns and brings them to the consecrated barbecue. But it turns out that Patti is now going steady with Lucifer. As she shouts some more nonsense, Wilfred rises from the dead again and stabs Sheriff John in the bladder with a trowel. The demonic "Hee Haw" extras bow down and worship Patti as the Devil’s intern.
Cut to a football game. The cheerleaders, now sponsored by Satan, are hopping around and shaking their pom-poms, when one of the players is felled by an injury. But Beelzebub has endowed his Bride with the power to repair groin pulls, and she commands the player to rise, and the team to win! So, for those of you dreading the coming of the Anti-Christ, you can relax. The Horned Beast probably doesn’t have time to engulf the world in darkness, since he’s busy fixing high school football games.

Satan’s Cheerleaders: not just a shocking expose of how football imperils innocent groins, but also a Betty Frieden-inspired call for female empowerment through Satanism and shower scenes.

Our director, Greydon Clark, is also responsible for Angel’s Revenge, another movie about skimpily dressed women who jiggle and giggle their way through a battle with the forces of evil (represented by cast members Arthur Godfrey and Alan Hale, Jr.). So, we might consider Graydon the John Milton of ‘70s cinema, showing the armies of God battling the legions of Lucifer (with sexy results). It’s just that his heavenly hosts have Farrah hair and wear skin-tight t-shirts, while his hellish battalions are composed of inept janitors, John Ireland, and Lily Munster. In fact, the Satan of these films would most likely have the motto "Better to reign in hell than to serve lunch specials at TGI Fridays."

And speaking of rain, Anton LaVey, founder of The Church of Satan, was a technical advisor on The Devil’s Rain (which is why those melting sherbet scenes seemed so authentic). However, he was touring with Bread when it came time to film Satan’s Cheerleaders, so the moviemakers had to rely on a copy of The Devil’s Cliff Notes and the instruction manual from a Weber grill for their info about Satanism. And while a cursory knowledge of the occult leads us to believe that real devil worshippers don’t actually wear rhinestone-studded leisure suits (except to the Academy Awards), what about the rest of the film’s demonic theology? Do Satanists really sacrifice virgins, pray to doorknockers, and impersonate Howdy Doody?

To find out, we interviewed Anton LaVey (via Ouija board, since he’s passed over and is with Satan now). At least we think it was Anton LaVey we were talking to—it may have been Anton Chekhov, or possibly Lyndon LaRoucheAnyway, it was somebody with a funny name. Here is a transcript of our interview (send $29 to Dateline if you want a transcript of our séance with Dick Cheney):
Q: Mr. LaVey, when we tried researching Satanism on the Internet, we read that Satanists kidnap children for rituals, and eat at least 3000 babies a year. Is this true?

A: No, of course not! In fact, the ninth of my "Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth" is "Do not harm little children." Modern Satanists are not like the ones you see in horror movies, always sacrificing goats and terrorizing Mia Farrows. Besides, babies are too fatty for today’s active Satanist. After a busy night of reading from the Satanic Bible, ritual magick, and a nice orgy, we usually have something light, like a salad, followed by some baby-flavored Jell-O.

Q: Is it also untrue that there’s a massive ritual network, which kidnaps virgins and makes them participate in weird sexual ceremonies—all headed up by the British royal family?
A: Well, that’s true, but it has nothing to do with us!
Q: Many coaches and players thank God for their sports victories; shouldn’t they be blaming Satan for their losses?
  1. Yes. Because the stadium, gym, or arena is the real playing field of the ultimate battle of good or evil. When one of God’s teams (which coincidentally happen to be the ones you root for) wins a game, the Almighty gains power over evil. However, when these teams lose (due to the evil machinations of the devil), then Satan comes that much closer to ruling over the Earth. And, while Lucifer doesn’t have any influence over the players on your favorite teams, (since the players are too pious, humble, and moral to be tempted by him), Satan does own the league officials, the refs, and, as you saw in the movie, the cheerleaders.
Q: Wow, we never realized that sporting events were so cosmically important!
  1. Why else would men spend so many Sundays watching them? I’ll let you in on a little secret: the Battle of Armageddon, the combat that decides the ultimate fate of the planet, will be Super Bowl XXXVI. Buy your commercial spots now!
Q. One last question, Mr. LaVey: some Christians believe that Harry Potter is the Pied Piper of the Antichrist, leading kids to Satan, so they can be eaten. And that having a Harry Potter book in the house gives Satan "legal authority" over it, so he can, say, eat all the Frusen Gladje or hide the TV remote with impunity. Is this true?
A. Hey, I’m heading back to Hell, where I don’t have to put up with this kind of nonsense. May I just say that this is why the first of my "Nine Satanic Sins" is "stupidity."

3:29:13 AM