The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, January 7, 2011

March 14, 2004 by s.z.


 How sinful is this blog?  It's sooo sinful!  At least according to commenter Caleb, who warns us that "images of Satan should never be displayed," and asks, "Why do you worship the darkness?"  

Because it's fun, Caleb. 

[Disclaimer: all claims of darkness-worshipping are just to shock naive, self-righteous homeschooled kids.]

Anyway, we wouldn't pick on young Caleb except that he's just started a blog, Joshua's Own, and we want to help his hit count. 

It seems that young Caleb is "A Member of the Joshua Generation: Taking Back America in His Name."  
(Apparently not the name of Joshua, Caleb's dad, but Joshua, the alias of Jesus.)

We first learned about the Joshua Generation from our other favorite home schooled know-it-all, Kyle Williams, whose column for this week is about how conservative home schooled kids are going to RULE THE WORLD!

Kyle says:
A new political force is rising up that will prove to be extremely powerful. The "vast right-wing conspiracy" is indeed growing and becoming more organized, as an unlikely group of political activists arise. Homeschoolers are a group that will soon be a force the left will have to contend with.
So, kill them now, before it's too late! 

[Disclaimer: that was just a joke!  We really don't advocate violence as a response to pesky kids.  Unless you're sure you have a foolproof way to dispose of the bodies.]

Kyle talks about TeenPact, which gives home schooled kids a chance to hang out at the state capitol and "interact with lobbyists, representatives, senators."  But in a completely non-sexual way, of course. 
Kyle then tells us about Caleb's group, Generation Joshua:
Another group is the highly organized Generation Joshua, which is headed by Ned Ryun, former presidential speechwriter and the son of Rep. Jim Ryun. One of the objectives of this organization is to educate homeschoolers on the way government should work. They will be sponsoring a teen camp on the campus of Patrick Henry College this coming summer and has available courses of civic study on the member website.
You remember Patrick Henry College.  It's the school designed to mold supreme court judges by teaching students that "democracy rests on biblical principles, traditional sex roles, limited government and private property rights,and then getting them White House internships.  It's also the school where, if you get her father's permission, you can hold hands with a girl (but only while you both are walking).  Yes, it's the one we'd like to see Kyle attend someday (not that we want to push him into handholding before he's ready, of course.) 

But back to Kyle's report on Generation Josuah:
The second objective of Generation Joshua is about activism. The new organization will be putting together "Student Action Teams" that, funded by the Homeschool Legal Defense Association's PAC, will travel to key races across the country, working on campaigns. In 2002, such groups were put to together and helped six of seven conservative leaders take office, including Sen. Jim Talent, R-Mo.
Yes, Generation Joshua is another one of those outfits that's trying to use home-schooled evangelical kids to legislate us back to an idealized 18th century, where men were men, women knew their place, there were no gays, and disobedient children were sentenced to death, as per the Bible.  Here's part of the "Purpose Statement" from their web site:
Joshua Generation's purpose is to 'develop leaders to transform society'. Our vision of the future is to see leaders who are followers of Jesus Christ and committed to transformation inhabiting every sector of society whether in family, health, education, law and order, business, media, arts or politics.
But mostly politics, since legislating change is the the fastest way to make people shape up.

Let's look at a few posts from the blog of our new friend (and future leader to transform society), Caleb:
Hi to anyone out there in Blogland! My name is Caleb [D.], and this is my first try at blogging.
I picked the name of my blog for two cool reasons: I belong to the Joshua Generation, and my father's name is Joshua! Wow!
I wanted to do this because of the discrimination and bias I see on the internet toward Christians.
I'd say that my discriminating against Christians by posting the image of a DVD box with a picture of a nerdy Satan on it helped to inspire Caleb to start his blog, but he started the blog on Tuesday, and the Satan's Cheerleaders post was done on Saturday.
Anyway, young (well, almost 18) Caleb can't see why anyone would not vote for President Bush, who makes us safe ("As we all know, we owe our freedom and liberty to President Bush and his administration.")  And since the Bible "is pretty clear on" gay marriage, he doesn't know why there is even a discussion of it.  He gets all het up about the persecution of Christians, as represented by a judge ordering a 10 Commandments Plaque be covered during the penalty phase of a murder trial.  He's thrilled that Ohio voted to include some "intelligent design" in the 10th grade biology lesson plans, to counter all the "Darwinisn." 
Caleb links to a WorldNetDaily story about a kid who wasn't allowed to wear an "abortion is murder" t-shirt to school, and says, "When we get back control of the court we'll take care of this kind of stuff."  He links to a Cybercast News Service story about Newsom being ordered to stop issuing same-sex marriage licenses, and writes, "homosexual marriage, the biggest sin against God and His Word facing America today, is going to be stopped" (things like murder, child abuse, and rape apparently not being nearly as big of sins against God as gay marriage).  Caleb's father says (and Caleb agrees) that they're "only going to change things for the good by taking back the government"; while Dad "mostly means Congress," Caleb thinks they "need the judgeships, because that's where all the bad stuff is happening.  Presumably, Caleb will use his participation in Generation Joshua to get into the corridors of power, so he can become a Supreme Court Judge and make the world safe for Christians.  You know, after he takes the SATs and stuff.  
But let's get back to Kyle, who is ready to inform us of the threat that Caleb and his ilk represent to Civilization as We Know It:
All these groups are unprecedented in their organization and their approach in affecting the future of America. As the tool of homeschooling activism is refined and grows in effectiveness, it will begin to change the political landscape of America.
Liberals everywhere should be scared of such as prospect.
Thus, the growing political role of homeschoolers is the hope and future of the conservative movement. A new generation of young people is rising, and the energy and strength of conservatism will rise with it.
Ooh, we liberals should be shaking in our boots at the threat that young people like Caleb offer to our way of life.  But strangely enough, I'm not.  It appears that Caleb gets all of his news from sources like WorldNet and CNS, and all of his opinions from his father.    Sure, he seems really sincere and highly motivated, but he's not ready to live in the outside world, let alone conquer it.  And while I don't want to disparage my first Generation Joshuah troll, I know Kyle Williams, and you, sir, are no Kyle Williams.  But hey, best of luck next year at Liberty University, Bob Jones University, or Patrick Henry College.
2:23:36 AM

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