The Passion 2: The Savior's Revenge
The Orlando Sentinel follows the money and then pops the question:
Well, David already asked that, and came up with some ideas; and you guys provided even more in the comments to this post. But apparently the Sentinel doesn't read this blog, so they instead reported evangelical rumors about what Mel might do next: The Patriot, 100 A.D, and Braveheart Does Jerusalem.
Hmm, while a movie about the Maccabees could be good, I wonder if there would be much of a market for a Mel Gibson production of it. I doubt that the evangelical Christian groups who are flocking to and promoting The Passion would be interested in a non-Biblical, Jewish story; and everybody is already tired of the "ancient languages with English subtitles" bit. But I like how peasants not being big fashionistas could allow Mel to reuse costumes.
But let's hear about Heldishhart:
Oooh, flaying! Then maybe Mel will want to make this one. But it appears that Jewish groups aren't begging Mel to film their sacred stories:
So, if Mel doesn't take a story from Jewish history, what are some other possible Passion follow-ups? Here's "dyed in the wool conservative" Bruce Walker (writing at the site that out nuts WorldNutDaily, The American Daily); he explains how The Passion is defeating the liberal hordes, then provides some interesting ideas for sequels:
"On its way to becoming the greatest film in history." Presumably, by challenging films like Citizen Kane to duels, and then killing them.
And I like how Mel, whom even his fans consider a bit loony, is now a flag carrier for "normal people" -- along with friendless fat boy Rush, and Captain Flight Suit. You'd think normal people could get one of their own to carry their flag.
But will the crimes he committed while in the thrall of drug addiction do what the barbarian Leftist hordes couldn't? Only time will tell.
Because there can be no middle ground: either Bush is destroyed, or the Leftist Visigoths, Vandals, and Mongols are defeated for all time. That's how politics work in this country -- just like a Tolkien plot.
Yes, Venona and Hollywood would be the bold, bold, bold action hit of the decade! It could tell the story of a typical Hollywood commie, a scriptwriter who tries to slip pro-Communist messages into scripts, despite the eagle eyes of the studio and the Hayes office. In a parallell with the scenes of Christ being scourged for what seems like hours, we will watch the scriptwriter agonizing struggle with writer's block until we just can't bear the pain anymore, and have to look away in sympathy.
The writer will eventually come to see the error of his ways (maybe, in a bit reminiscent of The Patriot, the Communist talent agent Robert Weber will kill the writer's 18-year-old son by taking a 20% commission from his first pay check, and the writer will vow revenge). So, the writer becomes a fierce foe of communism, is shunned and then persecuted by his former friends, and finally, as an old man in the year 2005, takes a machine gun to the Academy Awards ceremony and mows down the Communist Jews who complained about the anti-Semitism in The Passion. (Yes, it is remarkably similar to the ending Homer Simpson wrote for Mel's remake of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington -- but Venona and Hollywood will be different, because Mel won't rip off the President's head this time. But it will still have a dog with shifty eyes being the main villain -- only this time he's a COMMIE dog. Oh, and Venona is the writer's wife, who is killed by the evil commies when she refuses to pay her CPUSA dues.)
Bruce pitches a couple of other scripts to Mel (Tibet! Amernia!), but they're kind of downers. So, let's move on to Gertrude Himmelfarb. She's not so much proposing sequels to Gibson asking him how he and everybody else would feel if Hollywood made the followiing movies -- but I think the movies she mentions sound a lot more exciting (and more like something Mel would make) than Venona and Hollywood:
Of course, Auto-Da-Fé could feature the Spanish Inquisition. Bet you weren't expecting that!
And Lethal Crusade could have some scary, hairy vikings going flips and twirls and raping and killing. Mel has said that he always wanted to make a Viking movie.
If none of these ideas appeal to Mel, there are still many to choose from in the comments section mentioned at the beginning of this piece.
And there's always a remake of 1962's Sodom and Gomorrah, with Mel himself playing Lot, the leader of the Hebrews who finds that the culture war with the secularist Sodomites ends with the city being destroyed because of gay marriage. The climax will be when his wife (Jessica Simpson) is turned into a pillar of salt (Mel told her not to turn back and look at the city, but she thought he said not to look at MTV). There will be a really long, violent scene where a bunch of Sodomites want to rape a visiting angel, and Mel scourges them all, and then a crow pecks out their eyes. Janet Jackson could play the evil but seductive queen Hillastaroth, a lesbian who is always suffering wardrobe malfunctions. With Tim Robbins as Clenis, the debauched king whose sexual perversion results in the end of civilization as they know it.
I think Sodom and Gomorrah would be another big hit with the "normal" people who love The Passion so much -- and nobody could call this one anti-Semitic. Anti-gay, sure, but it's not like there's any of them in Hollywood.
The Hamster Ate My Blogging
We'll get to those Passion sequels in just a minute -- sorry it took so long, but I got distracted by something as incredible as the shroud of Turin. Yes, reader Bill S. discovered that if, in the comments section, you type the name Gandhi inside quotes, you get .
I had to try a bunch of names to see if I could get their photos to magically appear, but alas, I couldn't.
But eventually reader "poop ruiz" revealed the secret master plan: a Glossary of RadioUserland shortcuts that work not only in blogs, but also in comments. So, the next time you want to add zip to your comments, try these shortcuts. It's a great way to waste a work day. I know there must be a way to work this into the blog: .
Note: for other fine timewasting fun, see Sadly, No! for my post about Doug Giles' identification of a threat just as important as terrorism: teens. The piece also features .
And Peanut has an excellent post about the Governator's plan to serve the people of California by editing muscle magazines. Apparently, they need that more than a balanced budget or an investigation of their Governor's sexual misdeeds. Do the cool shortcuts work in the comments section there? Sadly, I don't think so.