TownHall Talent Show
Today's theme: the liberals get to do anything they want, but if the conservatives are just five minutes late getting home, they get grounded for a month!
Women who call themselves feminists shouldn't be allowed to claim they were sexually harassed, because they're supposed to be against women being victims.
No, feminists should just sleep with every nice old man who fondles them, so they won't hurt his feelings.
The fact that Bloom's boneless hand prompted Wolf to regurgitate her dinner inarguably put an immediate and explicit end to this would-be tale of sexual harassment, with no harm to any except perhaps to poor Bloom's withered self-esteem.
Harold Bloom put his hand between Wolfe's legs. Naomi Wolfe was so upset by it that she threw up. So, they're even. In fact, she should have apologized to him, for being so rude in the way she rejected his advances.
The liberals got to amend the constitution to let African-Americans and women vote, but now they won't let conservatives amend it to prohibit gay marriage! Their claim that the Constitution should guarantee equal rights to blacks, women, and homosexuals shows just how inconsistent and hypocritical they are!
Did I simply miss the DNC press release reporting that the Democratic Party officially opposes all of the amendments since the Bill of Rights?
The latest outrage committed by the liberal media is using unfair quotation marks in crawls!
"Gay marriage" in quotes ought to be required, since a majority of Americans resent that terminology as an assault on the dictionary.
It's just not fair! The liberals get to break the law all the time and nothing happens to them, but when we conservatives do it, we lose our state job, get lots of attention and money, and have to run for President.
Saboteurs in three-piece suits have been making mincemeat of the rule of law on a daily basis without so much as a shrug from the anti-Roy Moore watchdogs.
The idea of marrying livestock exerts an unholy hold on conservative minds.
Suppose a woman and a horse appeared before San Francisco County Clerk Nancy Alfaro applying for a marriage license, or it might be a man and a sheep. What argument might the County Clerk have for not issuing them a marriage license?
Ralph Nader made his name by claiming that the Corvair was unsafe, but the Corvair is actually a lot safer than eating arsenic, going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, or playing Russian Roulette. You have to look at all the information, not just what Nader wants you to focus on.
Let's do something that slick lawyers hope we never do -- stop and think. Death and injuries are caused by many things: electricity, boats, knives, matches, vaccinations, etc., etc.
Next week: Thomas explains why "consumer activists" who warn the public of the risks of selling their one good kidney, are just power-seeking egotists.
While the real purpose of Mel Gibson's movie is to "confront believers with their unworthiness," those who aren't spiritually attuned may see it as a warning to keep their mouths shut about the Bush plan to have the U.S. military kidnap Gavin Newsom, force him to resign, and then dump him in the Central African Republic; others may see the film as reminder of what happens to those who oppose Dick Cheney.
They may see a story of a dissenter who paid for his dissent with his life. The unjust mistreatment of Jesus will bring home the cost of nonconformity and daring to speak truth to power. Many may emerge from the film with their courage weakened and with second thoughts about the wisdom of questioning authority.
The public airwaves are so polluted that Linda can no longer give freebie transistor radios to her granddaughter, and so will have to actually buy the kid presents from now on. Linda blames the culture wars. Oh, and won't somebody please think of the children being corrupted by hearing rap or Rush Limbaugh while stopped at red lights?
Even when parents try to protect their children, they can't do so 24 hours a day. What happens when the kids are at school or playing at friends' houses? What happens when they're in the back seat of the family station wagon stopped at a red light and the guy in the next car is blaring Fifty Cent or the Greaseman.
Ben read the winning entries in TBOGG's Happy, Nice, Bush Slogan Contest (which was based on Ben's last column), and realized that he's been wasting his life. He is currently in Cancun, drinking shots off the breasts of drunken sororiety girls.
At least, that's my theory.
More later today, to include a shocking expose about Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, and Rebecca Hagelin -- Matt Drudge says that I am investigating the possible rumor that the three pundits had group sex with some barnyard animals, and now want a marriage license. Developing . . .after I get some sleep.
UPDATE: Be sure to read Alex's comment on Walter E. Williams post about "what if a man wanted to marry his cow" column, about how a farmer or pet owner's rights in regard to his cow or dog outstrip those provided upfront to a homosexual and his same-sex mate. See also the Pandagon post responding to Walter's claim that if we just cut employer-offered insurance for everyone and give them $200, the gays can't complain about being denied any rights.
And when I went to bed in the early A.M., Ben Shapiro's Townhall piece hadn't been posted yet, leading to my speculation that Ben was off on spring break, engaging in some wild hedonism. But from TBOGG we learn that actually Ben is just out getting coeds to talk dirty to him in the guise of conducting research for the column.
Other than the parts TBOGG cited, my favorite bit is where Ben explains that while his slut friend "Janie" may SEEM to be okay despite having had 5 sexual partners since the age of 15, she's actually experiencing severe mental problems, as demonstrated by the fact that she doesn't believe in God's law:
While she believes in God, she doesn't believe in God-given rules for living. Her agnosticism often borders on depression.
Hey, I think some electro-shock therapy might be just what Janie needs to help her with her illness.