Marthas in Cages!
At Sadly, No!, Peanut shares the shocking story of middle-aged perfectionists behind bars! How will they shower, use the toilet, deal with hard-faced prison matrons? As Peanut points out, we're lucky to have a media that asks these kinds of questions instead of ones about the loss of jobs under Bush, and stuff like that. And from TV journalism we also learn that Martha went astray when she started hanging with the wrong crowd: yes, it seems that those wealthy Connecticut society-types are nothing but trouble! That's why Bill O'Reilly sticks with his homeys from the mean streets of Westbury Township -- and you'll note that HE hasn't been convicted of lying to the feds! Of course, it's just a matter of time ...
I also posted today's TownHall wrap-up over there. Ben, Jonah, Kathleen, Thomas Sowell, Brent Bozo -- all your favorites. So, check it out, if you feel like it.
Culture Wars University: We Make John Ashcrofts
Thanks to David for pointing us to the story about Patrick Henry College, the school where kids like Kyle Williams become warriors in the fight against culture.
The PHC plan, as Ezra pointed out at Pandagon, is to get extremely conservative evangelical kids into the policial system, so they can become elected officials and Supreme Court Judges, and set the culture straight (in both senses of the word).
But the great thing about the school is the way it exposes these home-schooled young people to the outside world:
Like David said, a school for Kyle!
I can see these students as leaders in twenty years: "Hey, I met a black person once! You know what their problem is? They're quitters!"
Because 20-year-olds might learn about S-E-X if they were allowed to roam the Web freely. So, Covenant Eyes are watching you, they see your every move.
Because if a couple holds hands while standing still, the woman might get pregnant.
Okay, now you know more about it, think now scary it is that seven percent of the current White House interns come from PHC, and that a former Patrick Henry intern is working for Karl Rove. No wonder we're having a Culture War.
Culture Wars Election: Vote For Bush Or Go to Hell
Remember when God told Pat Robertson that George Bush was going to win the presidency by a blowout, even if he made mistakes, liking having sex with an intern, or killing his mother?
Well, apparently Pat doesn't have a lot of faith in God's ability to fix an election, because Pat is now warning Christians that they must vote for Bush or we're all doomed; per Pat, re-electing George is the only way to curtail the power of the judicial branch, which has have taken the side of the godless left in the culture war. A vote for Kerry, even if it might means jobs, prosperity, and a better financial future for your children, is a vote for moral decay and the end of America.
So, vote for George Bush, a guy who will appoint reactionary judges and rein in judicial activism -- unlike the current president.
Your choice is simple: Bush, God, and the Constitution; or Kerry, atheism, and the end of America. It's up to you.
We're Here, We're Not Queer, and We Don't Want Any More Bears!
Judson Cox weighs in on the Culture War, which he recommends we fight solely on the gay marriage front until the evil liberals are beaten into submission. Once they are, we can ban abortion, put religion back in the public square, and get rid of multiculturalism. That's the only way to avoid the possibility of "entire generation of John Walker Lindhs, children so scarred by the homosexuality and moral relativism of their parents" that they will all join al Qaeda just to find some moral clarity and some nice virgins to date once they're martyred. So, this is not just a Culture War issue, it's a War on Terrorism Issue! In fact, those gays are nearly as big a threat to civilization as cloned pandas of Mass Destruction!
Yes, liberals get everybody all confused with their vague notions of equal rights for gays. But if only the conservatives would plainly state, "It's not about rights, it's about the fact that gay sex is icky, and I'm gonna put a stop to it," then they would win every office in the land, and then could establish the theocracy we've all been longing for.
Hey, if failing to address things too perverse to be alluded to in civil discourse was good enough for the Founding Fathers, then it's good enough for the silent majority, Judson.
When Did This Culture War Begin, and Who Started It?
As we saw yesterday, Otto von Bismarck invented culture wars back in the 1870's, as a way to distract the German people from war and economic issues. But when did the particular Culture War we are currently fighting begin, and who started it?
Pat Buchanan points out that Robin Toner in the NY Times gives him credit for announcing in 1992, while speaking about the presidential race, that there was a cultural war going on, and that the enemy was Clinton, with his agenda of "radical feminism," "abortion on demand" and 'homosexual rights."
But while Clinton won that battle, he didn't win the war, which has flared up again, per Toner and Pat. And although Pat declared war on Clinton and his agenda of evil back then, this time the forces of darkness struck first.
They are, per Pat:
1. Janet's booby
2. Mel Gibson being "scourged near to death as an anti-Semite."
3. The Massachusetts supreme court announcing that the state constitution requires MA to issue same-sex marriage licenses, starting in May.
4. Mayor Newsom giving out marriage licenses to same-sex couples in San Francisco. "Rosie O'Donnell arrives with female paramour in tow, gets hitched, and cusses out President Bush for saying he is troubled by this and will try to maintain traditional marriage in America even if it requires a constitutional amendment."
Yup, MTV, in connection with the MA supreme court, Mayor Newsom, Rosie O'Donell, and the Jews, has declared war on Christianity and its morals. And this time it's personal!
Pat claims that the Middle America (which is Christian, and therefore loves football and Mel Gibson) has been shocked, SHOCKED by the recent assaults committed by the far left secularists -- especially that Janet Jackson breast, but also the fact that "the Hollywood elite" (who are Jewish, you know) said mean things behind Mel Gibson's back. The moral majority will take out their disgust on Kerry, because he's Hollywood's candidate -- so, when he loses in November, he will owe it all to Stephen Spielberg and the mocha titty.
So, I guess the two groups will just have to live seperate lives. I recommend the Amish model to Pat and the others who don't want to live in a moral universe where gays are issued marriage licenses and people are mean to Mel Gibson movies.
But actually, Pat is calling for President Bush to get off his duff and show some cultural leadership by making recess judicial appointments, and by ignoring the Supreme Court if they say stuff he doesn't find moral. A "strong president" would gang up with Congress and kick the crap out of that third branch!
And Pat wants Congress to impeach some federal judges, restrict the jurisdiction of all federal courts (including the U.S. Supreme Court), and maybe abolish the MA supreme court.
And if they don't do what Pat tells them, they are no longer welcome in his moral universe!
And once the judges are taken care of, then Congress and the President can make it illegal to criticize Mel Gibson movies, and can execute Janet Jackson. THAT will teach the leftists to start a culture war!