The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, January 7, 2011

March 10, 2004 by s.z.

Marthas in Cages!

At Sadly, No!Peanut shares the shocking story of middle-aged perfectionists behind bars!  How will they shower, use the toilet, deal with hard-faced prison matrons?  As Peanut points out, we're lucky to have a media that asks these kinds of questions instead of ones about the loss of jobs under Bush, and stuff like that.  And from TV journalism we also learn that Martha went astray when she started hanging with the wrong crowd: yes, it seems that those wealthy Connecticut society-types are nothing but trouble!  That's why Bill O'Reilly sticks with his homeys from the mean streets of Westbury Township -- and you'll note that HE hasn't been convicted of lying to the feds!  Of course, it's just a matter of time ... 

I also posted today's TownHall wrap-up over there.  Ben, Jonah, Kathleen, Thomas Sowell, Brent Bozo -- all your favorites.  So, check it out, if you feel like it.

6:50:51 AM    

Culture Wars University: We Make John Ashcrofts

Thanks to David for pointing us to the story about Patrick Henry College, the school where kids like Kyle Williams become warriors in the fight against culture.
Patrick Henry College is the centerpiece of an effort to extend the home-schooling movement's influence beyond education to a broad range of conservative Christian issues like opposition to abortion, same-sex marriage and obscenity in the media. The legal defense association, located on the Patrick Henry campus, established the college as a forward base camp in the culture war, with the stated goal of training home-schooled Christian men and women "who will lead our nation and shape our culture with timeless biblical values."
The PHC plan, as Ezra pointed out at Pandagon, is to get extremely conservative evangelical kids into the policial system, so they can become elected officials and Supreme Court Judges, and set the culture straight (in both senses of the word).

But the great thing about the school is the way it exposes these home-schooled young people to the outside world: 
Patrick Henry College in Purcellville, Va., does more than train home-schooled students. College administrators say that it also provides evangelical Christian home-schooling parents with a campus culture uniquely suited to their values — where the core curriculum includes a semester of "biblical reasoning" and students are expected to graduate with their chastity intact.
Like David said, a school for Kyle!
In its application form, the college does not ask prospective students their race, but the student body is nearly entirely white. One black student attended briefly but soon dropped out, several students said.
I can see these students as leaders in twenty years: "Hey, I met a black person once!  You know what their problem is?  They're quitters!"
Campus televisions block MTV and VH1 because the college considers their programming to be racy, and students' computers come equipped with a software program called "Covenant Eyes" that monitors the Web sites they visit.
Because 20-year-olds might learn about S-E-X if they were allowed to roam the Web freely.  So, Covenant Eyes are watching you, they see your every move.
But the most popular rule among parents, administrators say, is also the most controversial among students: the "courtship policy."
Before spending much time alone with a female student, a male student must ask her father or guardian for permission to court. Even then, displays of affection on campus are limited to holding hands while walking. If a couple stop moving, they must step apart.
Because if a couple holds hands while standing still, the woman might get pregnant.
Every student takes a course called "Foundations of Liberty," which teaches that democracy rests on biblical principles, traditional sex roles, limited government and private property rights.
Okay, now you know more about it, think now scary it is that seven percent of the current White House interns come from PHC, and that a former Patrick Henry intern  is working for Karl Rove.  No wonder we're having a Culture War.

4:40:15 AM    

Culture Wars Election: Vote For Bush Or Go to Hell

Remember when God told Pat Robertson that George Bush was going to win the presidency by a blowout, even if he made mistakes, liking having sex with an intern, or killing his mother?

Well, apparently Pat doesn't have a lot of faith in God's ability to fix an election, because Pat is now warning Christians that they must vote for Bush or we're all doomed; per Pat, re-electing George is the only way to curtail the power of the judicial branch, which has have taken the side of the godless left in the culture war.  A vote for Kerry, even if it might means jobs, prosperity, and a better financial future for your children, is a vote for moral decay and the end of America.
Christian Broadcasting Network founder Pat Robertson says Christians need to vote their convictions, not their pocketbooks, when they head to the polls later this year.
Dr. Robertson, who himself was once a presidential candidate, says the upcoming election could be the last chance for the nation to reverse it moral slide.
"If the Supreme Court isn't changed and the radical left has its way, this country is basically doomed," the televangelist says, "because the Supreme Court, according to Justice Scalia, has taken sides in the culture war. It has come down on the side of the irreligious left."
Robertson, who also founded the Christian Coalition, adds that voters will have a clear choice in the presidential election. President Bush, he says, will help rein in judicial activism.
"We need a president who will appoint judges who will uphold the Constitution and are what you'd call 'strict constructionists," he says. "If we have somebody with a different mindset in there, we'll be in serious trouble. "
So, vote for George Bush, a guy who will appoint reactionary judges and rein in judicial activism -- unlike the current president. 

Your choice is simple: Bush, God, and the Constitution; or Kerry, atheism, and the end of America.  It's up to you.  

4:04:55 AM    

We're Here, We're Not Queer, and We Don't Want Any More Bears!

Judson Cox weighs in on the Culture War, which he recommends we fight solely on the gay marriage front until the evil liberals are beaten into submission.  Once they are, we can ban abortion, put religion back in the public square, and get rid of multiculturalism.  That's the only way to avoid the possibility of "entire generation of John Walker Lindhs, children so scarred by the homosexuality and moral relativism of their parents" that they will all join al Qaeda just to find some moral clarity and some nice virgins to date once they're martyred.  So, this is not just a Culture War issue, it's a War on Terrorism Issue!  In fact, those gays are nearly as big a threat to civilization as cloned pandas of Mass Destruction! 

Here's Judson: 
If a politician of either major party had the guts to say, “I oppose gay marriage because it is illegal, immoral, unnatural and unhealthy. If you elect me, I will do everything in my power to prevent the legal sanction of such unions in our state. My opponent either approves of gay marriage or lacks the courage and conviction to prevent it,” that politician would win election even in California! If conservatives were to focus every local, state-wide and congressional election in the country on the issue of gay marriage, conservatives would sweep the nation – that is what the polls show. By lacking the courage to state strongly their opposition to gay marriage, conservatives enable liberals to blur the issue into vague notions of civil rights and legislative minutia. Once the issue is obfuscated, the gay agenda advances, and the vast majority of Americans remain frustrated by our continual defeat in every battle of the culture war.
Yes, liberals get everybody all confused with their vague notions of equal rights for gays.  But if only the conservatives would plainly state, "It's not about rights, it's about the fact that gay sex is icky, and I'm gonna put a stop to it," then they would win every office in the land, and then could establish the theocracy we've all been longing for.
Consider why our Founding Fathers never addressed the issue of gay marriage – the very concept of homosexuality was considered too perverse to even be alluded to in civil discourse.  Now, our culture is saturated by homosexuality and nearly every other perversion imaginable. We have already banned religion from the public square, and legalized the murder of the unborn. We have disvalued western culture and degraded nearly every value that has enabled America to rise to its place as the pinnacle of civilization. Our complacency and timidity has made even the most innocent among us complicit in the moral sewer our nation has become. Will we have the courage to make a stand on this issue, or will we give rise to entire generations of John Walker Lindhs, children so scarred by the homosexuality and moral relativism of their parents that they reject America and ally with our enemy? The silent majority must be silent no more.
Hey, if failing to address things too perverse to be alluded to in civil discourse was good enough for the Founding Fathers, then it's good enough for the silent majority, Judson.

3:37:30 AM    

When Did This Culture War Begin, and Who Started It?

As we saw yesterday, Otto von Bismarck invented culture wars back in the 1870's, as a way to distract the German people from war and economic issues.  But when did the particular Culture War we are currently fighting begin, and who started it?

Pat Buchanan points out that Robin Toner in the NY Times gives him credit for announcing in 1992, while speaking about the presidential race, that there was a cultural war going on, and that the enemy was Clinton, with his agenda of "radical feminism," "abortion on demand" and 'homosexual rights." 

But while Clinton won that battle, he didn't win the war, which has flared up again, per Toner and Pat.  And although Pat declared war on Clinton and his agenda of evil back then, this time the forces of darkness struck first.
There is no doubt who initiated this round of hostilities. There is no question who the aggressors are in "Culture Wars, Part II." There is no doubt who pushed the "wedge issues onto the docket."
Consider the subjects that have roiled America since New Year's Eve.
They are, per Pat:

1.  Janet's booby

2.  Mel Gibson being "scourged near to death as an anti-Semite."

3.  The Massachusetts supreme court announcing that the state constitution requires MA to issue same-sex marriage licenses, starting in May. 

4.  Mayor Newsom giving out marriage licenses to same-sex couples in San Francisco.  "Rosie O'Donnell arrives with female paramour in tow, gets hitched, and cusses out President Bush for saying he is troubled by this and will try to maintain traditional marriage in America even if it requires a constitutional amendment."
Who is in your face here? Who started this? Who is on the offensive? Who is pushing the envelope?  The answer is obvious.  A radical Left aided by a cultural elite that detests Christianity and finds Christian moral tenets reactionary and repressive is hell-bent on pushing its amoral values and imposing its ideology on our nation.
Yup, MTV, in connection with the MA supreme court, Mayor Newsom, Rosie O'Donell, and the Jews, has declared war on Christianity and its morals.  And this time it's personal!

Pat claims that the Middle America (which is Christian, and therefore loves football and Mel Gibson) has been shocked, SHOCKED by the recent assaults committed by the far left secularists -- especially that Janet Jackson breast, but also the fact that "the Hollywood elite" (who are Jewish, you know) said mean things behind Mel Gibson's back.  The moral majority will take out their disgust on Kerry, because he's Hollywood's candidate -- so, when he loses in November, he will owe it all to Stephen Spielberg and the mocha titty.
Truly, these nine weeks since New Year's Eve reveal that we are a "house divided" in ways deeper than the shallow rich-and-poor divide of John Edwards' campaign rhetoric.  We no longer inhabit the same moral universe.  We are no longer a moral community.  We are two countries.  One part of America has seceded, and the other has no interest in re-establishing the Union.
So, I guess the two groups will just have to live seperate lives.  I recommend the Amish model to Pat and the others who don't want to live in a moral universe where gays are issued marriage licenses and people are mean to Mel Gibson movies.

But actually, Pat is calling for President Bush to get off his duff and show some cultural leadership by making recess judicial appointments, and by ignoring the Supreme Court if they say stuff he doesn't find moral.  A "strong president" would gang up with Congress and kick the crap out of that third branch!

And Pat wants Congress to impeach some federal judges, restrict the jurisdiction of all federal courts (including the U.S. Supreme Court), and maybe abolish the MA supreme court.  
Time for Congress, in this culture war, to lead, follow or get out of the way.
And if they don't do what Pat tells them, they are no longer welcome in his moral universe!
And once the judges are taken care of, then Congress and the President can make it illegal to criticize Mel Gibson movies, and can execute Janet Jackson.  THAT will teach the leftists to start a culture war!

2:32:53 AM 

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