Earlier today, when I glanced at the Site Meter, I saw that some questing soul had been dumped on our doorstep in response to the following search:
“Burt Prelutsky dickhead”
Now, this isn’t really a question, and not just because it lacks the requisite punctuation. In fact, I don’t even think you can phrase this as a question, which is probably why it’s never been a popular category onJeopardy! But it got me to wondering how Burt’s career as a professional coot was going; and as it turns out — not so good.
As you might recall, Burt was a “humor” columnist for the Los Angeles Times many years ago; and many years before that, he was a writer on M*A*S*H, before experiencing a conservative epiphany. Like Roger L. Simon of Pajamas Media, Burt was disowned by his so-called friends in Hollywood for this heresy, and found himself reduced to the Grandpa Simpson beat at Townhall, where he was tasked each week with finding new and interesting ways to tell you kids to get off his lawn. How the Mighty have Fallen, eh? Well, as it turns out, the Mighty have Fallen and they can’t get up, because Burt has now hung out his shingle at World Net Daily, where he writes a column whose title evokes the mingled fragrance of failure and hamster urine.
Judging by Burt’s current offering, it seems that just as his status as an internet pundit has slipped, so has his interest in masking his hatreds and phobias. In Liberalism is a cult, he begins by comparing progressives to the “flock of deranged sheep” who followed Jim Jones to Guyana and ultimately committed suicide en masse. But complaining about liberalism is too vague and unsatisfying, and with no Hugh Hewitt around to worry about maintaining plausible deniability, Burt can finally tell us what really bugs him:
Black people.
Another thing about which all liberals agree is that America is a racist nation. Up to a point, I happen to agree with them. But, unlike Henry Gates and the Obamas, I think it’s black America that’s racist.
That’s the dirty little secret that nobody is supposed to mention. White Americans are so terrified of being labeled bigots that even most conservatives are loath to speak honestly about something that the majority of us believe.
But once you’ve reached the point where your column appears between advertisements for colon cleansing and secret martial arts techniques, you can afford to be a bit more candid with your opinions.
Blacks have been riding the gravy train of racist politics for years now. For the sin of slavery, which ended over 140 years ago, long before the invention of the electric light, the automobile or even the basketball
Yeah, yeah, we get it, Burt. We get it.
they’ve received trillions of dollars in the form of welfare checks, small business loans, affirmative action, Operation Headstart and food stamps. In return, the community, as they like to call it, has given back to America a record number of illegitimate children, violent crime totally disproportionate to their numbers, an academic dropout rate that guarantees the cycle of ignorance and violence will continue unabated, and a constant clamor for more and more in the way of city, state and federal handouts.
Come on, Burt — tell us how you really feel.
If blacks aren’t demanding reparations for the evil done to their great-great-great-great-grandparents, they’re demanding that our presidents constantly apologize for past mistakes.
Maybe I don’t hang out in the right circles, but I’ve actually never had a conversation with a black person in which the subject of reparations even came up, let alone was a constant refrain. I did however work on a movie in Alabama, and had to spend an entire dinner break listening to a white A.D. insist that William Tecumseh Sherman should be tried posthumously for war crimes.
The fact that we now have a black president and that two of the last three secretaries of state were black doesn’t count for anything.
African-Americans, as it turns out, don’t have a quota system. Talk about irony…
They’re like those bratty little children we’ve all encountered in supermarkets who demand every piece of candy in the place and won’t stop screaming until they get it.
Struggling against four centuries of dehumanizing racism and social injustice = ill-mannered toddler on a sugar rush. You know what, Burt? I’m pretty sure your former Hollywood colleagues aren’t shunning you because of a mid-life political conversion; I’m don’t think they ever liked you. Because I don’t believe it’s even physically possible to write something like that unless you were born an asshole.
It’s not just white people and white cops they despise, either. Any black person who doesn’t have one hand out demanding a payoff and the other hand holding a club, comes in for their collective outrage.
Sorry black folks. Panhandler or mugger, those are your only two career options. On the bright side, you don’t have to agonize all sophomore year about picking a major.
They will celebrate when O.J. Simpson gets off for butchering two white people and go into collective mourning when a freak like Michael Jackson dies of a drug overdose…
Fear of a…Actually, sort of Beige Planet
It seems that if you’re not a race hustler like Al Sharpton, Kweisi Mfume, Charles Rangel, Denny Davis, John Conyers, Barbara Lee, Maxine Waters, Henry Coates, Earl Ofari Hutchinson, Jesse Jackson, Jeremiah Wright, Louis Farrakhan or Henry Gates, out there getting rich by promoting black victimhood, you’re an Uncle Tom. For what these so-called leaders are doing to the black psyche, to ensuring that future generations of American blacks continue to grow up with a chip on their shoulder and nothing but a sense of perpetual grievance in their heart, these people should rot in hell.
Burt dreams of a day when people will be judged, not by the color of their skin, but by the perpetual sense of grievance in their heart.
I can hear a chorus of people saying, “But surely you’re not talking about all blacks.” Well, of course not. Unlike blacks, I would never generalize about an entire group of people that way. However, when 90 percent of black Americans trooped out and voted for Sen. Obama when he was running against a person with the liberal credentials of Sen. Clinton for no other reason than Obama’s race, it’s safe to assume I’m talking about 90 percent of them.When you get right down to it, the worst thing about cults is that, unlike the Jonestowners, they so rarely drink the right blend of Kool-Aid.
So to sum up, Burt proves that white people are free of racism by calling for the poisoning of every black American except Clarence Thomas. Oh, and I’ve also learned that as reasonably effective as my cocktail of painkillers is proving to be, it was never designed to handle something like this. Time for go to bed.
Posted by scott on Thursday, September 3rd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
27 Responses to “Ranting Homeless Guys Don’t Have Editors Either — It’s Very Freeing”
Well, of course not. Unlike blacks, I would never generalize about an entire group of people that way.This is so stupid that it has to be a particularly brilliant form of satire. Right?
My guess is he thinks it’s a particularly brilliant form of satire. I bet he was snickering when he typed that one in. Which, of course, just makes him a bigger dickhead, along the lines of the guy who insists on ending every argument with a woman with “Jane, you ignorant slut”.
Remember, kids, it’s not satire, irony, or even sarcasm when we all suspect you really believe it.
Remember, kids, it’s not satire, irony, or even sarcasm when we all suspect you really believe it.
You know, funnily enough one of the first hits on a google search for this guy is this evocative snippet
There are good lies and there are bad lies, and not just on a golf course. Good lies are those that make me laugh.
Kind of like a guy self-identifying with those eight episodes of MASH he wrote with Ring Lardner Jr and not, say, the eight episodes of Dragnet.
Friday: So, whoever we’ve brought in to take care of the exposition on the crime of the week, tell me about methamphetamines
Exposition tool: [Reads nut graf from Reader’s Digest article, recites relevant section of Los Angeles Penal Code]
[whichever sidekick Friday had that season]: shakes head ruefully
Friday: [sets jaw, silently rehearses the contemptuous speech about you young people and the false god of hipness he’s going to make when he catches the improbably clean young suspect]
[constant reader]: Suspects the cratering of Mr. Prelutzky’s career after the cancellation of Diagnosis, Murder might have to do with the market for his skill set.
There are good lies and there are bad lies, and not just on a golf course. Good lies are those that make me laugh.
Kind of like a guy self-identifying with those eight episodes of MASH he wrote with Ring Lardner Jr and not, say, the eight episodes of Dragnet.
Friday: So, whoever we’ve brought in to take care of the exposition on the crime of the week, tell me about methamphetamines
Exposition tool: [Reads nut graf from Reader’s Digest article, recites relevant section of Los Angeles Penal Code]
[whichever sidekick Friday had that season]: shakes head ruefully
Friday: [sets jaw, silently rehearses the contemptuous speech about you young people and the false god of hipness he’s going to make when he catches the improbably clean young suspect]
[constant reader]: Suspects the cratering of Mr. Prelutzky’s career after the cancellation of Diagnosis, Murder might have to do with the market for his skill set.
even most conservatives are loath to speak honestly…
Well, why should race be different than any other topic?
about something that the majority of us believe
Th’ fuck’s stopping you? Not you, personally, Burt, since the brain bubbles seem to’ve overcome what inhibition the Johnnie Walker couldn’t, but what about everybody else? Why is it that when they write this column it always begins “I’m not a racist, but…”? Who’re they trying to kid? It’s what the majority of youbelieve, and it’s what the rest of us already know about you. It’s because you’re afraid of the label? Sure.
Well, why should race be different than any other topic?
about something that the majority of us believe
Th’ fuck’s stopping you? Not you, personally, Burt, since the brain bubbles seem to’ve overcome what inhibition the Johnnie Walker couldn’t, but what about everybody else? Why is it that when they write this column it always begins “I’m not a racist, but…”? Who’re they trying to kid? It’s what the majority of youbelieve, and it’s what the rest of us already know about you. It’s because you’re afraid of the label? Sure.
Amen, Doghouse. It’s as inevitable as death and taxes: whenever somebody makes a point of trying to deny he’s a racist, he winds up proving he is one.
Same thing with misogyny and homophobia.
Same thing with misogyny and homophobia.
Wow. So many places to begin to reveal the true Burt. In the end, I’ll just point out that I read one of Scott’s early lines regarding Burt’s work thusly, and it fits better: between advertisements for colon cleansing and secret marital arts techniques.
Holy Toledo. I thought M*A*S*H was a pretty smart TV show. How could a writer for that show be so stupid? I’m sorry. Please don’t answer that.
There appears to be an awfully large cesspool of angry white crackers in our country that are really working themselves toward a point of no return.
There appears to be an awfully large cesspool of angry white crackers in our country that are really working themselves toward a point of no return.
It’s just a little slavery we inflicted on African-Americans. It’s only slavery which African-Americans are complaining about. Jim Crow, voting discrimination, lynching, pogroms like the Tulsa “race riots”, minstrel shows, and everything else since the end of the Reconstitution never happened.
Prelutsky missed the boat moving over to WND, if more reasonable conservatives are starting to take notice.
The fact that we now have a black president and that two of the last three secretaries of state were black doesn’t count for anything.
Did Burt really think that having a black president would suddenly make race issues go away?
Well, you know, it might have…IF ASSHOLES LIKE BURT WOULD JUST SHUT UP ABOUT RACE AND HIS FELLOW TRAVELLERS STOPPED TALKING ABOUT THE “HOUSE NIGGER”!!!!!!!!
Did Burt really think that having a black president would suddenly make race issues go away?
Well, you know, it might have…IF ASSHOLES LIKE BURT WOULD JUST SHUT UP ABOUT RACE AND HIS FELLOW TRAVELLERS STOPPED TALKING ABOUT THE “HOUSE NIGGER”!!!!!!!!
The hamster association was very clever, but now I can’t get that smell out of my nose.
AnnPW- “M*A*S*H*” aired for 11 seasons and had 256 episaodes. Burt is the credited writer of 8 episodes that aired between 1975 and 1977. Every episode he’s credited with writing has 2 or more uncredited writers.
I thought M*A*S*H was a pretty smart TV show. How could a writer for that show be so stupid?
Undoubtedly, Prelutsky wrote Frank Burns’ dumber dialogue
Undoubtedly, Prelutsky wrote Frank Burns’ dumber dialogue
“Burt proves that white people are free of racism by calling for the poisoning of every black American except Clarence Thomas.” — unfair characterization.
Burt clearly states that he only wants 90 percent of Americans of color to die…”it’s safe to assume I’m talking about 90 percent of them.”
Sheesh! Is it any wonder that liebruhls are held in such disdain, when they exaggerate so–just to smear an old (white) man?
Burt clearly states that he only wants 90 percent of Americans of color to die…”it’s safe to assume I’m talking about 90 percent of them.”
Sheesh! Is it any wonder that liebruhls are held in such disdain, when they exaggerate so–just to smear an old (white) man?
This clown proposes to know the minds of people he has never met.
I work with a Black woman who voted for Obama solely because she believed he would keep her daughter from going back to Iraq. She is super-pissed at him now. (This woman is smart and incisive but also kinda stupid because she’s a major Christian and resultingly believes a lot of weird things.)
I work with a conservative Black man who changed his mind from McCain to Obama as the race heated up. He dissembled as to reasons–I’m sure ethnic affinity played a part (as it did when so many Irish Dems went for Obama! let’s be real here)–but he certainly wasn’t looking for the most liberal candidate. If not for Sarah Palin & the fact that Obama proved much more moderate than perhaps he had feared, he might have at least wavered a lot longer.
(Also, 90%? 90% of DC voters went for Kerry in 2004!)
Most Black people I know were quite skeptical of Obama until they really got to know him in the summer and fall. Clinton had a lot of Black support initially. But is she super liberal? Hardly. She’s barely “liberal” at all, except on some women’s issues. (She isn’t a randroid, so I guess to some that makes her a liberal, not to mention a socialist. Actually, she’s a statist.)
Are most Blacks super liberal? That’s a factor of geography and education. In the Bible Belt you’ll find plenty of Black “values” voters (generally the undereducated type whose only education consists of studying the Bible)… however, they aren’t crazy enough (usually) to vote against their wallet and wellbeing. When Blacks accuse white people of being crazy, they have a point.
In a recent local election, some friends at work, who are all Black, told me to vote for the white candidate over the Black candidate, because they had known them both for a long time and felt the Black candidate was “a jerk” and “always had been”, whereas the white candidate, a woman, had always shown exceptional integrity and perseverance and also knew how to talk to people. I don’t think this is a case of internalized racism either, which I believe I have seen here–they simply knew both people really well and felt there was a strong difference in their relative merits. The white candidate won and has done an excellent job.
If Blacks are so racist, why did so many of my Black coworkers support me when I came up for a promotion, and why are so many of them trying to convince me to run for Union president? Yeah, there are a few Black racists at work and there are some white racists, too. What goes around comes around. Even some of the racists have come around a bit. Some people’s racism isn’t anything thought out, it’s just prejudice, and if you have a mind to prove them wrong about you, eventually, you may persevere.
But go on, Burt Numbnuts. Confirm our prejudices against you.
I work with a Black woman who voted for Obama solely because she believed he would keep her daughter from going back to Iraq. She is super-pissed at him now. (This woman is smart and incisive but also kinda stupid because she’s a major Christian and resultingly believes a lot of weird things.)
I work with a conservative Black man who changed his mind from McCain to Obama as the race heated up. He dissembled as to reasons–I’m sure ethnic affinity played a part (as it did when so many Irish Dems went for Obama! let’s be real here)–but he certainly wasn’t looking for the most liberal candidate. If not for Sarah Palin & the fact that Obama proved much more moderate than perhaps he had feared, he might have at least wavered a lot longer.
(Also, 90%? 90% of DC voters went for Kerry in 2004!)
Most Black people I know were quite skeptical of Obama until they really got to know him in the summer and fall. Clinton had a lot of Black support initially. But is she super liberal? Hardly. She’s barely “liberal” at all, except on some women’s issues. (She isn’t a randroid, so I guess to some that makes her a liberal, not to mention a socialist. Actually, she’s a statist.)
Are most Blacks super liberal? That’s a factor of geography and education. In the Bible Belt you’ll find plenty of Black “values” voters (generally the undereducated type whose only education consists of studying the Bible)… however, they aren’t crazy enough (usually) to vote against their wallet and wellbeing. When Blacks accuse white people of being crazy, they have a point.
In a recent local election, some friends at work, who are all Black, told me to vote for the white candidate over the Black candidate, because they had known them both for a long time and felt the Black candidate was “a jerk” and “always had been”, whereas the white candidate, a woman, had always shown exceptional integrity and perseverance and also knew how to talk to people. I don’t think this is a case of internalized racism either, which I believe I have seen here–they simply knew both people really well and felt there was a strong difference in their relative merits. The white candidate won and has done an excellent job.
If Blacks are so racist, why did so many of my Black coworkers support me when I came up for a promotion, and why are so many of them trying to convince me to run for Union president? Yeah, there are a few Black racists at work and there are some white racists, too. What goes around comes around. Even some of the racists have come around a bit. Some people’s racism isn’t anything thought out, it’s just prejudice, and if you have a mind to prove them wrong about you, eventually, you may persevere.
But go on, Burt Numbnuts. Confirm our prejudices against you.
“If blacks aren’t demanding reparations for the evil done to their great-great-great-great-grandparents, they’re demanding that our presidents constantly apologize for past mistakes.” [There’s no point in getting upset about ‘who lynched whom’ !]
On the “bratty little children we’ve all encountered in supermarkets”, there was a story about a 60-something guy [Burt?] who told a mother to shut her baby up and then went over and slapped the kid when the crying continued !
On the “bratty little children we’ve all encountered in supermarkets”, there was a story about a 60-something guy [Burt?] who told a mother to shut her baby up and then went over and slapped the kid when the crying continued !
That’s the dirty little secret that nobody is supposed to mention.
For those interested in deciphering wingnut-speak, the above phrase is always used in conjunction with something that is in fact mentioned constantly and very loudly by quite a lot of people. It’s a cousin to “I know it’s not PC to say this, but…”.
It’s their way of awarding themselves a badge of courage for saying something stupid that they know multitudes of other idiots agree with wholeheartedly, and greet with thunderous applause.
For those interested in deciphering wingnut-speak, the above phrase is always used in conjunction with something that is in fact mentioned constantly and very loudly by quite a lot of people. It’s a cousin to “I know it’s not PC to say this, but…”.
It’s their way of awarding themselves a badge of courage for saying something stupid that they know multitudes of other idiots agree with wholeheartedly, and greet with thunderous applause.
Are most Blacks super liberal?
This is precisely why Proposition 8 failed in California: the wild-eyed liberal black vote.
The measure didn’t go far enough for them. It didn’t include goat-humping.
This is precisely why Proposition 8 failed in California: the wild-eyed liberal black vote.
The measure didn’t go far enough for them. It didn’t include goat-humping.
Actor212 and BillS, yeah I know - it was a really stupid question, and I meant it mostly rhetorically. Mostly.
I assumed that 90% number was a bit of McArdling, since fewer than 90% of african americans are over 18, and of those who are eligible to vote, 65% voted in 2008. Of those, astonishingly, 95% voted for the guy whose party was not actively trying to get rid of the Voting Rights Act and putting all the working machines in suburban white districts.
I believe what our friend Burt is telling us is that “all” black people voted for Obama, by his somewhat personal definition of the word “all” (which is to say, that subset of americans of african heritage more recent than that of the rest of us humans who voted to disoblige me.
By voting.
I believe what our friend Burt is telling us is that “all” black people voted for Obama, by his somewhat personal definition of the word “all” (which is to say, that subset of americans of african heritage more recent than that of the rest of us humans who voted to disoblige me.
By voting.
ack. Please to pretend that open paren was an emdash.
“they’ve received trillions of dollars in the form of welfare checks, small business loans, affirmative action, Operation Headstart and food stamps. In return, the community, as they like to call it, has given back to America a record number of illegitimate children, violent crime totally disproportionate to their numbers, an academic dropout rate that guarantees the cycle of ignorance and violence will continue unabated, and a constant clamor for more and more in the way of city, state and federal handouts.”
This mother fucker is talking about Sarah Palin and her followers. He must be colorblind.
Asshole.
This mother fucker is talking about Sarah Palin and her followers. He must be colorblind.
Asshole.
Scott, once again, well-written and I laughed at the “martial arts / colon cleansing” line among others. But I laughed hardest at the line Tankard cited:
“Unlike blacks, I would never generalize about an entire group of people that way.”
This is just… elegant. Perfect.
“Unlike blacks, I would never generalize about an entire group of people that way.”
This is just… elegant. Perfect.
I just like the ads-ones for the survival garden, the solar power generator for civil unrest and storms, and then there’s an AT&T cell ad that says “Relax.” Who are you supposed to believe?
White people voting for McCain = SHUT UP THAT’S WHY.
I didn`t know Prelutsky was still alive. He`s right though. Michael Jackson WAS a freak. I hate it when I agree with these guys.
“that subset of americans of african heritage more recent than that of the rest of us humans”
Heresy! Don’t you know every mutation creates a new species? Creotards told me so. Europeans are descended from Neanderthals–I heard it at the Beast Feast from a red-headed gent who also informed me that red hair is a Neanderthal trait. Only alpine skull type are “real” Europeans… mediterranean skull type are hairy monkey men. Kinda like Messicans, but smellier.President Wilson’s biggest mistake was to let them immigrate. Even worse than raising taxes and causing the great depression.
Don’t mix race! Heather Locklear is a Negro!
Heresy! Don’t you know every mutation creates a new species? Creotards told me so. Europeans are descended from Neanderthals–I heard it at the Beast Feast from a red-headed gent who also informed me that red hair is a Neanderthal trait. Only alpine skull type are “real” Europeans… mediterranean skull type are hairy monkey men. Kinda like Messicans, but smellier.President Wilson’s biggest mistake was to let them immigrate. Even worse than raising taxes and causing the great depression.
Don’t mix race! Heather Locklear is a Negro!
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