The Meaning of Mel

Ever since I saw Bill O’Reilly’s take on the Mel Gibson affair (my recap: ”Yes, Dennis Prager, Mel said some horrible things about Jews, but like I said at the time, he wasn’t an anti-Semite when he made The Passion of the Christ. Actually, it was the Jews who made him an anti-Semite by picking on his movie. Now, Dennis, do you want my girl Sugar Tits to get you some more coffee?”), I wondered what the wingnut spin on the affair would be. Now I need wonder no more, thanks to Townhall and Renew America.

As a convenience to you, here’s a handy summary of the major trends in Gibson talking points:First, from Townhall, here’s Cal Thomas with “Mel’s night out.”

Summary: Sure, what Mel said was horrible, but what’s even horribler is that all of Hollywood is prejudiced against Jews – and by Jews, I mean Christians.

Excerpt:

Also absent from the discussion about Gibson is his membership in a profession that has a long history of bigotry against certain faiths, political persuasions and individuals who go against the political tide of most in the Hollywood film community. Jewish writers like Michael Medved and Donald Feder have chronicled numerous instances of anti-Christian bias and bigotry in Hollywood. “The Da Vinci Code,” “Saved” and “Priest” are only three contemporary examples.

Priest, the only movie Cal discusses in this column, came out in 1994, which could only be considered “contemporary” to a guy like Cal, who is about 200 years old.  And the film was made in England, not Hollywood. But that doesn’t negate Cal’s point, which is that Hollywood is constantly making movies that question Catholicism – and so it’s no wonder that Mel accused the Jews of starting all the world’s wars.

Now, here’s Mona Charen’s effort, “Mad Mel?“

Summary: Sure, what Mel said was awful, but what’s awfuler is that Hollywood is full of liberals – and liberals are all anti-Semites.  In fact, the Jewish ones are the worst of all!

Excerpt:

Consider one of the nominees for an Academy Award last year: “Paradise Now.” I didn’t see it but understand from reviews that it treats with sympathy the grooming of two Palestinian suicide bombers who blow themselves up killing innocent Israelis. I did see Steven Spielberg’s “Munich.” With Jews like this, who needs Mel Gibson? [...]

The fact that many Jews work in Hollywood is irrelevant. No, it’s worse than that. Jewish influence in Hollywood is bad for the Jews.

Jews should be blackballed from Hollywood – for the sake of the Jews!  Then maybe film makers will produce some movies that Mona can watch before she talks about them.

Also from Townhall, it’s “The new anti-Semitism” by Linda Chavez.

Summary: Sure, what Mel said was bad and stuff, but if you object to the Bush administration’s war policies, then you are a worse anti-Semite than Hitler.

Excerpt:

Gibson’s claim that Jews have caused all the world’s wars is only a less subtle and more grandiose version of the current mantra that “neoconservatives” have led us into war in Iraq. Make no mistake, most critics on both the left and right who inveigh against “neoconservatives” really mean “the Jews” or “Jewish influence” has caused this war. Old-fashioned anti-Semitism used to blame “Jewish bankers” for controlling the world, now, apparently, it’s Jewish intellectuals who pull the strings. The Rothschilds have been replaced as villains by Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Perle, William Kristol and Charles Krauthammer.

And make no mistake: if you call neoconservative Douglas Feith “the f—ing stupidest guy on the face of the earth,” you must be a member of the KKK.

(BTW, I find it hard to believe that anyone has accused Jewish “intellectuals” and Fox News regulars Kristol and Krauthammer of controlling the world. It would be like claiming that the silly and light weight Linda Chavez is qualified to be Secretary of Labor for the United States of America!)

Now, from RenewAmerica, it’s “Where is the passion of compassion?” by Jonathan Flora, an “award-winning producer” who also makes commercials.

Summary: Sure, Mel’s actions are inexcusable, but we should excuse them anyway, because like the Good Book says, we are all sinners, drunk drivers, and anti-Semites. Anyway, we owe Mel big time for making The Passion of the Christ, so we should forgive him of anything, up to and including sacrificing babies to Ba’al.

Excerpt:

There is no excuse for Mel Gibson’s actions this past weekend. But, where is the compassion to understand how this man got to the place in his battle with the ugly disease of alcoholism that a situation like this could occur? Where did we lose the knowledge that ALL men are not without sin, even those prideful and self-declared “sinless” stone-throwers that have so quickly stepped out from the dark shadows to once again attack. As angry as they make me, their colors have been known and shown for years.
One of the first to throw a stone that has been in his arsenal bag locked and loaded since The Passion Of The Christ is Abraham Foxman, the head of the Anti-Defamation League

Yeah! Mel just said what he did because he’s a helpless victim of demon rum. The people we should really be angry at are the bastards at the ADL who act like there’s something wrong with being an anti-Semite!

Now, here’s Catholic lawyer Michael J. Gaynor, with “Abe Foxman did not miss the second opportunity.”

Summary:  What Mel said wasn’t all that bad. Anyway, even if he did make some intemperate remarks, it was the Jews’ fault for killing our Lord.

Excerpt:

Abraham Foxman, the National Director of the Anti-Defamation League, not only missed an opportunity to take the high road when Mel Gibson initially apologized for his drunken behavior, but misused it to attack the integrity of “The Passion of the Christ” (a magnificent film Mr. Gibson made and Mr. Foxman hated and erroneously predicted would have dire anti-Semitic consequences).
To be sure, Mr. Foxman was not alone in meanly magnifying the unfortunate outburst, attributing to it significance it did not merit and assailing a contrite, obviously alcohol-plagued Mr. Gibson. [For the record, Mr. Foxman was not present when Jesus said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, so the adulteress was not stoned to death in accordance with Jewish law.]

That’s another strike against Foxman: skipping class when Jesus taught that lesson about not throwing the first stone!

Then Michael cites the words of chaplains, women with broken shift keys, and message board loonies to prove that Foxman is the one who should have apologized to Gibson.

At theconservativevoice.com forum, [a post discussing the deficiencies in Mel’s first apology] elicited these criticisms:
[…] “The fact is that anything Mel would have done would not be good enough in the Jewish community because he chose to do a movie that ACCURATELY portrays the death of Christ and antagonizes the Jewish leaders of His day. Well the Truth hurts sometimes. DEAL WITH IT!!”

And then there’s the fact that the Jews were terrible to Mel while he was making the movie, thus forcing him to make threats against the liver of Frank Rich, and also the liver of Frank Rich’s dog.

A California chaplain appreciated my analysis and articulated some extenuating circumstances that Mr. Gibson did not invoke (and I did not invoke on his behalf):
“I can understand Mel’s outburst while under the influence….the Jews were terrible to him when he was making The Passion…slandering him, attacking him and lying about him. […]

A respected female commentator likewise called my attention to extenuating circumstances: “AFTER SEEING THE OVERT AND COVERT TRIES AT DESTROYING GIBSON BY SOME JEWS, MAYBE IT IS TOO MUCH TO EXPECT HIM TO BE ALL FORGIVING. OBVIOUSLY, FOXMAN IS NOT. IF HE WANTS TO SEE PREJUDICE UP CLOSE HE SHOULD LOOK IN THE NEAREST MIRROR.”

Yeah, even Jesus would have made anti-Jewish slurs after getting arrested for drunk driving if the Jews had criticized Jesus’ movie about Jesus.

Lastly, here’s “Love letters from the left,” by young Christian Hartsock.

Summary:  Forget Mel Gibson – the REAL Christian martyr around here is Christian, who received some uncomplimentary email about his goofy columns.

Since the birth of my website, www.ChristianHartsock.com, scores of indignant liberal snobs desperate for attention have been expressing their disapproval in vicious, hateful e-mails replete with name-calling and ad hominem attacks (in other words: manifestations of liberal ingenuity).
Liberals think that they are showing true decency and class despite the filthy, vile things they say to people they disagree with on the basis that they are saying them in the interest of gracing misled conservatives with the truth. This makes about as much sense as a sewer rat claiming to have decency and class on the basis of the fact that it won’t show its belly button on national television.

The modest sewer rat is probably one of the ones that escaped from the oven that you threw it in, after it invaded the apartment you shared with a liberal roommate.  (Yeah, Christian seems to have a thing for sewer rats.  And also lesbian fisting.)

But now let’s allow Christian to discuss the two kinds of liberals: the stupid, lazy, flaky ones, and the spastic, lesbian fisting, fetal underdog-murdering ones.

Of course, I have been accused in the past of lumping all “liberals” together and making sweeping blanket statements about them. But here is where I’d like to take an opportunity to make it clear that I believe there are two totally separate breeds of “liberals.” There are, for instance, what I like to call the Barbara Streisand liberals [...] These are harmless liberals who just want to live in trees, eat granola, read poems by the Bubble Lady on Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley and be left alone.

But then there are the spastic, malevolent demagogues with the Great Wall of China bulging out of their foreheads and blood dripping from their teeth, shaking in their seats with a demonic urgency to commit mass murder against the fetal underdogs, ban God from the public square, destroy traditional institutions to accommodate to male-on-male sodomy and lesbian fisting and condemn brain-damaged hospital patients to long days of thirst, hunger, seizures and nosebleeds all in the name of “progress.” These are the liberals who are liberals out of contempt for everything good, holy and pure in life. These are liberals who want to destroy society rather than make it “better” as the good liberals intend to do. To name a few: Michael Newdow, DNC Chairman Howard Dean, ACLU executive director Anthony Romero, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards, Florida Circuit Judge George Greer, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom and Senator Ted Kennedy, just to name a few.

You’d think that Ted and the rest of the devil worshipping mass murders would have better things to do than to write nasty emails to Christian.

I did, however, receive one e-mail from someone whom I will not label, who noted that “the level of hatred” I spew in my columns is “appalling” and “far from biblical.” […]
It is biblical to call homosexuality a perversion and an abomination. It is fair to say that stoning abortion doctors to death would be lenient. It is practical to say that modern feminism encourages women to become God-spiting, hedonistic, infanticidal whores.

Yet again with the whores?  Poor Christian – I guess he got turned down again for a date to the sock hop.  You know, maybe he should get some tips on talking to women from Mel Gibson.

Posted by s.z. on Thursday, August 3rd, 2006 at 5:12 am.

Perhaps Christian can find comfort in the fact that anybody with the time and energy to write angry e-mails to a brainless, clueless loser like him is probably a bigger loser.
I mean, I certainly wouldn’t waste my time writing to him, would you?

Left by Bill S on August 3rd, 2006

Oh, and I had no idea that only liberals ate granola. That explains a lot. All this time I thought Christian had a pole up his ass-turns out he’s just not getting enough roughage.

Left by Bill S on August 3rd, 2006

Well then, Bill, technically, Chrissy DOES have a pole up his ass. He just snaps off a piece when it grows too long, and voila, he has a new article in his hands!

Left by Happenstance on August 3rd, 2006

“It is biblical to call homosexuality a perversion and an abomination.”
It’s also biblical to advocate death by stoning for unruly children, but I never hear anyone making that point. Not to mention the blase attitude it has toward abortion. These folks are awfully choosey about which biblical rules to follow…

Left by JoeBuddha on August 3rd, 2006

I think that anybody with the Great Wall of China coming out of his or her forehead should be banned from public service and probably put in a museum somewhere, along with a cuspidor to spit all that blood into.

Left by Kip W on August 3rd, 2006

do any of these guys have any real social influence? or are they just small time operators wanking with their readers?
are there any radical conservatives like these that are the equivalent of kos or atrios?

Left by tony on August 3rd, 2006

Lastly, here’s “Love letters from the left,” by young Christian Hartsock.

EEeeeeeEEeeeEEeeeEeeeEEEEee!!11!!!
[composes himself]
Alrighty, then. What’s Chrissy got to say for himself?

But then there are the spastic, malevolent demagogues with the Great Wall of China bulging out of their foreheads and blood dripping from their teeth, shaking in their seats with a demonic urgency to commit mass murder against the fetal underdogs, ban God from the public square, destroy traditional institutions to accommodate to male-on-male sodomy and lesbian fisting and condemn brain-damaged hospital patients to long days of thirst, hunger, seizures and nosebleeds all in the name of “progress.”

Wow! That describes me to a fucking “T!” Plus, my uncontrollable tendency to call Chrissy filthy, repugnant names, like “twerp.” Or, you know, not. Though the “twerp” stands. Wot a pissy little… oh, wait, name-calling again. I only ever am tempted into that when the object of my affliction is as vacuous and hateful as young Chrissy. And, as JoeBuddha sez above, awfully selective as to what he shows approbation for. To him, homos = abomination, but what about the shellfish?!? Just once I’d like to see a group of these wackjobs out in front of of a R3d L0bster, protesting the shrimp and king crab legs. Oh, and the gay waiters, I guess.

Left by Marq on August 3rd, 2006

Oh, swell. Here I was all set to catch up on the anti-Catholic films of 1994 and Cal Thomas ruins Priest for me without so much as a spoiler alert.

Left by Doghouse Riley on August 3rd, 2006

“These folks are awfully choosey about which biblical rules to follow…”
Oh, but Joe, that would imply that they actually READ the whole thing, and the book is SO long with ALL those big words…

Left by Johnny M on August 3rd, 2006

Also, “Saved” is not a Hollywood film. Unless a micro-budgeted, no-A-list-star, independently-released film is considered “Hollywood” now.

Left by Johnny M on August 3rd, 2006

Question for you, Scott:
How much Dexedrine do you have to take to stop from falling asleep, dulled mind and all, when reading this shit?

Left by actor212 on August 3rd, 2006

Hartsock has a point. If we commit mass murder against the fetal underdogs, there will never be fully-grown underdogs, depriving the world of the pleasure of inspiring sports movies like “Hoosiers,” “Breaking Away” and “Over the Top.”

Left by FlipYrWhig on August 3rd, 2006

The fact that many Jews work in Hollywood is irrelevant. No, it’s worse than that. Jewish influence in Hollywood is bad for the Jews.
You know, I had to go check the original on ClownHall to make sure this wasn’t another blockquote glitch. I just couldn’t believe anyone would be stupid enough to write something this dumb. Guess that’ll teach me.

Left by Realist on August 3rd, 2006

Shorter Christian Hartsock:
“Some liberals are out-of-touch flakes who don’t know what they’re talking about, like that tree-hugging hippie Barbra Streisand!”

Left by Bill S on August 3rd, 2006

Question for you, Scott:
How much Dexedrine do you have to take to stop from falling asleep, dulled mind and all, when reading this shit?
There’s not enough amphetamines in the world to get me through an issue of Townhall. It was s.z. who fearlessly descended Orpheus-like, into the Underworld. It was she alone who had sufficient Bennies, Dexies (and moxie) to drop a coin in the bony hand of the Ferryman, MonaCharon, and demand to be rowed across the River Styx (or the River Rush…or maybe it was the River Loverboy…I’m bad on Hadean geography).

Left by scott on August 3rd, 2006

I’m getting on in years so I can remember when complaining, or even just talking about Jewish influence in Hollywood was evidence of anti-Semitism. Now, not so much.
I wonder what Cal would have thought of another “Hollywood” movie, The Magdalene Sisters. William Donohue condemned its anti-Catholicism without having watched it.
*** SPOILER ALERT FOR DOGHOUSE ***
Irish priests are randy buggers.

Left by R.Porrofatto on August 3rd, 2006

I don’t think I’ve ever heard the pharse “having the Great Wall of China bulging out of ones forehead” and I have no idea what it’s suppose to mean. I think Hartsock should win something for that.

Left by Hysterical Woman on August 3rd, 2006

I’m with Hysterical Woman: this boy is a big, BIG talent. There’s the metaphorical bravado, the vast sweep of fact-free generalization, the rushing accusatory torrent like somebody had opened the sluices of the Grand Coulee Dam… but he needs discipline. Who will be the Maxwell Perkins to his seething Thomas Wolfe?

Left by Li'l Innocent on August 3rd, 2006

I think it’s a “bulging veins” metaphor. It’s not aided by the fact that Christian has the IQ and writing style of a ten year old.
Really, admit it, Christian. The letters that get you all steamed up aren’t the ones where liberals use bad language. It’s the ones where they make fun of your name.
And, someone get John Stossel to weigh in on this. Ten years ago, Stossel would have been on the side of the angels on this one. I want to see how far he’s fallen into the reflexive “Politically Incorrect is an automatic defend” trap. It’ll help when they adjust his meds.

Left by D. Sidhe on August 3rd, 2006

I concur, that Great Wall of China bulging from the forehead deserves some kind of award. Perhaps the Wanton, Merciless Destruction of the English Metaphor Scholarship, through which dear Christian can obtain an internship at Doug Giles’s manly manly masculine church, so he can learn at the feet of the master. Tell him to bring his weapon for those extremely manly hunting weekends!

Left by sophronia on August 4th, 2006

There is simply nothing wrong with sacrificing to Ba’al. But I prefer blastocysts, they are like popcorn.
Such a pleasing aroma.

Left by Ba'al on August 4th, 2006

Poor Christian. I think the Spartans would have thrown him off a cliff shortly after birth.

Left by Ba'al on August 4th, 2006

I think Chrissy’s “Great Wall of China” bit is a pretty obvious attempt (though unsuccessful, naturally) to conflate liberals and commies… again! Do you suppose that young Chrissy is unaware of from whom we are borrowing the vast majority of our ever-upward-spiraling national debt from? The boy’s as dumb as a post.

Left by Marq on August 4th, 2006

Don’t insult posts, Marq.

Left by Bill S on August 4th, 2006

I agree that Christian deserves a special shcolarship for his outstanding metaphor, mong other things. I think we should send him off for one-on-one study with Ward Churchill, and maybe Noam Chomsky and Gore Vidal ought to be the other two members of his thesis committee.

Left by Invigilator on August 4th, 2006

It’s bad enough the Jews are responsible for all the wars, but do they also have to make it so damn hot?

Left by Sharon on August 4th, 2006

But then there are the spastic, malevolent demagogues with the Great Wall of China bulging out of their foreheads and blood dripping from their teeth
Well, I know what I’m gonna be for Halloween this year! Wheeeeeeeeeee!
I hope they don’t sell those cheap commercial knockoff Spastic, Malevolent Demogogues WTGWOCBOOTFABDFTT costumes at the mall. I hate it when someone else has the same costume as I do.

Left by Gentlewoman on August 4th, 2006

From now on, my lowest assessment will no longer be “dumber than a post”.
It will be “dumber than a Christian Hartsock blog post.”

Left by John M. Burt on August 6th, 2006

[...] …for any of you who give a shit.  [...]

Left by Beware The Man » Funny Mel Gibson Defenses… on August 7th, 2006

Congrats to Christian Hartsock. Insolent and man-hating women should be stoned in accordance with Levitical law.

Left by Neal Horsley on August 9th, 2006

Christian Wanksock is my lover. I do him up the ass Every Morning. Tha’s why his face look so surprised.

Left by thirteeninchesoflurve on August 31st, 2006

For those interested, Mr. Hartsocks bank checks actually read as “Christian Lee Hartscock”
Best typo ever. And yeah, I know the guy.

Left by Matt on June 14th, 2009

Mel Gibson: An Appreciation

In vino veritas, they say.  This week, admirers of auteur Mel Gibson were granted a rare glimpse inside the soul of this national treasure, when Gibson was arrested in Malibu for driving under the influence.  Longtime students of the Gibsonian oeuvre are aware that his unique brand of ultra orthodox splinter Catholicism informs every aspect of his work and life, so it comes as little surprise that upon meeting someone for the first time, even a deputy Sheriff busily applying handcuffs, the saintly director’s instinct would be to inquire after the man’s spiritual condition by asking the arresting officer if he was a Jew.

This interest is natural, when one considers that Pope John Paul II, the most beloved pontiff in living memory, was deeply concerned with reconciling Christianity and Judaism, and referred to the Jewish people as “our elder brothers in faith.”  That Gibson should echo the Holy Father’s encomium is all the more touching when one recalls that Gibson belongs to a breakaway sect of Catholicism run by his dad which rejects the legitimacy of every Pope chosen since Vatican II.  But armed with this new insight  — Gibson’s previously unknown concern with Jewish penetration of the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department — many previously arcane elements of the gifted actor-director’s body of work may be illuminated, exposed as tesselae, so to speak, of a gorgeous spiritual mosaic.  Let us consider the following films, and see what we may glean from them regarding the influence of faith upon art.

Braveheart (1995)

The Man Without A Face (1993)

We Were Soldiers (2002)

The Patriot (2000)


Signs (2002)

In reviewing the oeuvre of Mel Gibson, it becomes clear that his work as both actor and director is thoroughly infused with his Christian faith.  That he is, as pundit Dennis Prager might say*, a “Judeo-Christian Soldier/Marching as to war.”

And that he really, really doesn’t like Jews.

*just not to Mel’s face.

Posted by scott on Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006 at 12:25 am.

What can we deduce from his two best movies:
“Gallipoli” (in which he does frontal nudity while swimming with a bunch of other guys)
“The Year of Living Dangerously” (in which he’s upstaged by a woman in drag)

Left by Bill S on August 2nd, 2006

[...] At beskylde en fin mand som Mel Gibson for anti-semitisme er selvfølgelig helt hen i vejret (selvom det ikke ligefrem ville være første gang), men hvad betyder Gibsons åbenlyse interesse for jødedommen for en revurdering af hans filmiske oeuvre? Det har Scott C. kigget nærmere på ovre hos World o’ Crap, i vanlig overbevisende stil. [...]

Left by The Bistro bleargh! » Blog Archive » Nunc est bibendum* on August 2nd, 2006

Seriously. Please. Is he going to, I dunno, acknowledge that he was an asshole in a sexist manner as well? Because apparently he was, not that this is any sort of huge revelation.
I’m not insisting that he go to NOW and grovel for the forgiveness of womankind. (Well, not for this anyway. “What Women Want”, on the other hand…) But maybe a brief moment to suggest that “sugar tits” is not how fathers and husbands or anyone else should be addressing women.

Left by D. Sidhe on August 2nd, 2006

[...] World O’ Crap [...]

Left by sonitus.org » Blog Archive » Mel Gibson: An Appreciation on August 2nd, 2006

I think Bistro bleargh has a point, though I’m not sure what it is, but sonitus put it much more succinctly.

Left by BeginningToWonder on August 2nd, 2006

You forgot that in “The Patriot” the super-evil British villain was played by Jason Isaacs. You guessed – Jewish!

Left by Tak, the Hideous New Girl on August 2nd, 2006

Thank you kindly, BTWonder, it is a rare day indeed when I’m accused of being pointy. Much appreciated.
(You’re not really missing out on that much, actually. It’s just an annotated link, with a plug for the book thrown in for good measure. Sonitus I gather is a Norwegian site that excerpts all sorts of blog posts and news articles with a link back to the original.)

Left by Bistroist on August 2nd, 2006

He didn’t say “Jew” or “Jewish”…he said “shoe” and “chew it”…

Left by actor212 on August 2nd, 2006

I thought he was saying “Juice!” (First one to the Simpsons joke wins.)

Left by D. Sidhe on August 2nd, 2006

Sure he wasn’t saying “D’you eat?” I may not be up on the Simpsons, but I’ve got “Annie Hall” down pat! Oh and say, Bistroist, that wasn’t an “accusation” – it was a compliment!

Left by BeginningToWonder on August 2nd, 2006

Personally, considering how long & fervently that I have loathed Mel Gibson (“Braveheart” being the one exception; despite its historical inaccuracies and “poetic license,” I still enjoy the mooning), I can’t find this shit anything but hysterically funny.
Would that we could send him to Lebanon and let this self-appointed “expert” on all things Hebrew help to “broker some peace,” or, at the very least, serve as body armor for some of the children who keep getting in the way of Israeli hegemony…

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on August 2nd, 2006

To tell you the truth, I’m sorry for the poor bastard.
He’s an extreme case of arrested development. Growing up means you have to face the fact that your parents are wrong–usually this happens in your teens. But Mel can’t do it. And the spectacle of a 50-plus guy still dominated by an 88-year-old looney is pathetic as well as vaguely disgusting.
I find it sad because Mel *is* a very talented person, and whatever is bolloxed up inside him stifles his talent, rather than freeing it. He can’t mature; instead of growing, he retreated. Thus the string of lousy, hackneyed movies.

Left by Ivytree on August 2nd, 2006

“Mad Max,” that’s a pretty Jewish name itself. Maybe he’s one of those self-loathing Jews the wingnuts are always going on about.

Left by Dr. BDH on August 2nd, 2006

It’s hard to tell by looking at him, but I think the evil bondage dude with the hockey mask from Road Warrior was jewish, or maybe gay.

Left by C.I. Dreyfus on August 2nd, 2006

In gibson’s drunken rant he blamed the Jews for starting every war in history. Does that include WW II, which was a really big war and tough to overlook?
The only group I know of who have always blamed Jews for starting WW II are… uh…. ummm… what’s the word, again?
Had to do with an old Seinfeld episode, something about soup…
Oh yeah, doesn’t that catholic “splinter group” claim that the last True Pope was Pius XII? The one some historians call “Hitler’s Pope?”

Left by trashfire on August 2nd, 2006

Y’know, when Mel made “The Man Without A Face”, he made a couple changes from the book. For one thing, in the book, the character he played was gay, and the kid was questioning his sexual orientation and had a crush on the older man.
No surprise that he de-gayed the main characters.
But this is my favorite change: In the book, the auto crash that left his face scarred was the result of a DRUNK-DRIVING ACCIDENT. In the movie, he loses control of the car because he’s shock that the young man he’s with makes a pass at him. (Of course the teen is killed-punished for those homo urges, I guess.)

Left by Bill S on August 2nd, 2006

…and of course in “Braveheart”, Edward II is a sniveling queen, his father kills one of his lovers (Edward I never killed or even harmed his son’s lovers), and his future wife has the hots for Wallace because he’s a “real man”, when in fact they not only never met, but she was actually nine at the time of the events in the movie.
So Sideshow Mel hates the queers as much as he does the Jews. Hmmm…wonder if he’s a misogynist too?

Left by Bill S on August 2nd, 2006

wonder if he’s a misogynist too?
I don’t.

Left by Kathleen on August 2nd, 2006

I’m still convinced most homophobic males are. And, c’mon, “Sugar tits”? To address a woman who’s doing a job that puts him in authority over her? When he’s been caught in the wrong?
Misogynist. Kathleen is right. What’s to wonder.
And, you know, I agree he’s pathetic. But I can’t feel sorry for him. It’s the drunk driving, above all else. Someone easily could have been killed. And he’s done it before.
Drunk driving goes on my list with arson, pimping, and rape, of crimes I find it almost impossible to forgive under any circumstances. There’s no question of him absolutely having to, say, get to the hospital to meet his sick kid and having no one to drive him and no way to find a cab. There’s no justification clause for drunk driving.
So, you know, fuck him. Even if he wasn’t an incredibly unpleasant personality to begin with, fuck him. How much apologizing do you suppose he would have to have done if he’d plowed into someone’s car and killed them?

Left by D. Sidhe on August 2nd, 2006

For the record, Bill, I know you were being sarcastic, and Kathleen was joining in. But I also know that K-Lo is somewhere going “Of course not! He was in that movie!”

Left by D. Sidhe on August 2nd, 2006

:::nudges Bill and tries to start “The Wave” for D.Sidhe:::
:::sniff-sniff:::
Oh, I’m just so proud. To see a little nut grow up into such a strong, powerful, ass-whuppin’ tree… I’m so proud. Now I know that I really never do have to breed, I’ve done my mothering…
:::sniff-sniff:::

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on August 2nd, 2006

“Give me back my son, sugar tits!”

Left by Auguste on August 3rd, 2006

Your proud has nothing on mine. Annti praise! Man, I’m gonna be insufferable for days. Hah!

Left by D. Sidhe on August 3rd, 2006

Battle of the Flag-Wrapped Men!

While perusing the latest Townhall opinion columns, I was struck by the fact that both Professor Dr. Mike Adams, Ph.D. and Christian DJ Kevin McCullough (who doesn’t have any advanced degrees, but who has an acting career, as he was an extra in both My Best Friend’s Wedding and Logan’s Run) had their photos taken in front of American flags. (Mike got the stars, while Kevin had to make do with the stripes.)

And as we all know, there can be only one – so, today, we are voting for the ULTMATE flag-wrapped Townhall columnist whose pieces appear on Mondays.  Now, let’s meet our contestants.

 First up is Dr. Mike with “Life and How to Live it, Part VI.”  It was sparked by a college student who voiced pessimism about defeating “these people,” and it’s what Dr. Mike would have told the lad, if only Dr. Mike had thought of it in time. Instead, he’s thinking it now, and what he’s thinking is full of true-life incidents. Of course, like most of the stories Dr. Mike recounts, they don’t sound like they could have taken place in our reality, which presumably makes them all the more true.

But anyway, here’s Dr. Mike thinking about just a few of his monumental triumphs over leftists, feminists, baby-eating Satanists, and vaginas.

I am thinking about the hippies at the University of Oregon who came out to heckle and disrupt my speech about free speech in May. I am thinking about how they started to laugh, smile, and applaud in agreement before the speech was halfway over.

If Dr. Mike has this uncanny ability to convert hippies to right thinking, how come his power didn’t work on that hippie from the skiing trip to Sugar Mountain?

I am thinking about the night I walked into a packed auditorium at the University of New Hampshire with an armed police entourage. I am thinking about how the audience applauded at the end of the speech and how most of the dissenters became supporters within the hour.

I am thinking about the law students at the University of Wisconsin who, after one of my speeches, said “we came to protest your appearance tonight but, actually, we agreed with everything you said.”

So, to merely hear Dr. Mike is to be converted to wingnuttery. You know, Dr, Mike should do some rallies.  He could use his flag as a backdrop.  I bet he could get the whole country behind him.

I am also thinking about the time I advised students to post 1000 pictures of a man sodomizing another man all over campus – with the words “celebrate diversity” superimposed above their heads – just two hours before parents’ weekend. I am thinking about how they should have taken pictures of the university employees frantically ripping the pictures down before the parents saw them. I am thinking that they could have mailed them to gay rights groups and started a war between the university and the homosexual community.

And I am thinking of the time I advised the President to use the Death Star to defeat all the terrorists in the world. And I am thinking about how this could have started World War IV, which would have resulted in turmoil, destruction, and the death of millions, which would have been pretty cool.  But, alas, he apparently didn’t hear me through the TV, because he never followed my course of action.  But if he had, it would have been so sweet!

I am thinking about a kid who flunked English four years in a row in high school and later gave speeches around the nation – speeches televised during prime time on CSPAN, and occasionally introduced by United States Congressmen. I am thinking it was Winston Churchill who said something about never, never, never, never, never, never giving up.

Is this a great country, or what? (But I think that Churchill’s advice to Dr. Mike would have been “Never, never, never bother me again! And shut the f#*& up.”

I am thinking about all the guns I have bought with money I earned making fun of feminists.

And what Dr. Mike thinks about while he polishes his guns is better left unsaid.
Anyway, Here’s the stirring conclusion to Dr. Mike’s piece:

I am thinking that the kid who was saying “You can’t beat these people” needs to read about a man named Ronald Reagan.

A man who beat “these people” (Democrats, hippies, feminists, Commies, gays, welfare queens, scientists, poor little kids, etc.), and then died. Let him be an example to all other college students who don’t want to help Dr. Mike put up posters of a man sodomizing another man.

Next, you must give consideration to the song stylings of Kevin McCullough and his column, “Why gays are losing on marriage,” the gist of which is “Only Chumps Support Homo Nups.” We will now join it already in progress.

No gene, no cell, no DNA has ever been proven to cause one man to engage in all varieties of sexual acts with another man.

Yes, scientists have spent decades watching that one man engage in all varieties of sexual acts, and they haven’t been able to prove that his prowess was caused by DNA.  But they’re going to keep watching him just the same, because they find his antics rather arousing.

Presently the reason homosexual activists are losing on the battle to redefine marriage is simple – it’s just plain wrong.
I know, it’s not a popular position to take. Neither is telling the uncle who is always drunk how alcohol might kill him someday. But if you really loved you’re uncle – wouldn’t you at least try? And you certainly let him get behind the wheel.

So, homosexuality is like alcoholism, while same-sex marriage is like drunk driving.  And just like you would lecture drunken Uncle Otis on how drinking is bad for him, you must tell gay Cousin Floyd that he is going to hell unless he changes his sexual orientation — and if you really loved both of them, you would take away Uncle Otis’s keys and Cousin Floyd’s penis, to keep them from getting into trouble.

My book which comes out August 1st (MuscleHead Revolution – Overturning Liberalism with Commonsense Thinking, Harvest House Publishers) will soon/is now available right here on TownHall.com, in it I will give you 10 principles to assist you in clarifying your thinking so that you can take positive action in not just winning the debate of the issue, but even win the hearts of those you engage with.

I suspect that Dr. Mike was Kevin’s high school English tutor.

But I think it’s great that Kevin has a book about defeating liberalism that soon/is now available. Since Scott and I are hoping to get a real publisher to issue a reprint of our humble book, we will have to send a copy of it to Harvest Home Publishers, since it would seem to be perfect for their purposes. After all, Better Living Through Bad Movies gives you way more than ten principles to assist you in clarifying your thinking (in fact, just the “Weird Sex” chapter gives you the Humanoids from the Deep principle, the Mars Needs Women principle, the “making lovers from dead body parts” principle, and MANY MORE)!  Our book will also help you win the bodies of those you engage with.

However, since Harvest was willing to publish Kevin’s book, it probably isn’t any realer a publishing house than I-Universe. Oh, well.

And now, the moral to the story:

Marriage is winning, and the activists are losing.
In doing so we commonsense types are helping the radicals by simply pointing out some really old fashioned ideas – like right and wrong.

I’m sure the radicals will thank you for your help some day, Kevin, just like drunken Uncle Otis will be glad you broke his arms and legs and put him in a coma to keep him from possibly buying some beer at the grocery store.

And those are our two flag-wrapped patriots. So, who will be the winner of this red, white, and blue competition?

But wait, we have an important announcement from Hair-Mousse-Wrapped Guy!

ClashRadio.com has been upgraded! We have added several new features to our show such as: Skunk Boy’s “Evolution’s Holdover”, Dr. Full’s “You can be a Loser”. In addition, Giles has a new :60 spot called “Hey, Monkey Butt”, a ten minute “Growth Stimulant” session for personal oomph and he has a excellent interview with Wayne Bosowicz, “The Black Bear Hunting Expert”. 

I don’t know about you, but I can hardly wait until Wayne Bosowicz, the Ross Allen of our generation, captures Skunk Boy and Monkey Butt, throws them in a canvas bag, and then sells them to a zoo.

Okay, now you vote for either Dr. Mike or Kevin.

 

Posted by s.z. on Monday, July 31st, 2006 at 4:37 am.

“win the hearts of those yuou engage with”?
Ooh, this I gotta see. He thinks he’s clever enough, and persuasive enough talk ME into agreeing with him?
Well, I haven’t come across a homobigot who could, so he must be some kinda genius. Which explains why he’s writing for Townhall.
As for Mikey…well, he used to really irritate the hell out of me, but now that I see how deluded he is…well, that’s just sad. So very, very sad. Does he have any idea at all what he sounds like when he writes that shit?

Left by Bill S on July 31st, 2006

“No gene, no cell, no DNA has ever been proven to cause one man to engage in all varieties of sexual acts with another man.”
Interesting he seizes this image since women can be gay too of course.

Left by blandroid on July 31st, 2006

I suspect that Dr. Mike was Kevin’s high school English tutor.
Okay, that’s me for the day. I’ll be over here in the corner laughing hysterically if anyone needs me.
As to voting, it’s pretty clear they’re both standing in front of the same flag. Is it possible there’s a little hand-holding going on out of camera range? Choosing one over the other would serve only to break up what looks like it might be a beautiful relationship. Well, either that or Dr Mike’s just trying to make Doug jealous after he stopped inviting Dr Mike along on the hunting trips.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 31st, 2006

The only man who really looks good wrapped in a flag is Stephen Colbert. Mmmmm.

Left by Sniper on July 31st, 2006

Interesting he seizes this image since women can be gay too of course.
Yeah, but when women do it, it’s HOT! When guys do it, it’s icky, and therefore un-American.

Left by BeginningToWonder on July 31st, 2006

but what will the winner get to shove down the throat of the loser? that’s what I want to know

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 31st, 2006

I sense a lot of fear and anger from these guys.
Maybe the flag is a way for them to distract themselves from masturbation. You know, how like some wives put up a picture of Jesus in the bedroom, with the eyes that follow you around?

Left by actor212 on July 31st, 2006

Kevin McCollough, film extra? For now, but I predict that if anyone ever greenlights The Justin Darr Story he’s movin’ up to leading man.
Still, it’s not fair to ask anyone to compete with “Dr.” Mike, is it? Even on a level playing field–they’re both backtracking (“Please, just listen to us for a few minutes! We know you’ll like us!”)–”Dr.” Mike runs circles around the competition. Why, he’s got documented proof of his mind-altering abilities, where Pin Shot McCollough isn’t even off the presses yet.
Oh, and “Dr.” Mike? I know it took every bit of self control you possess to type “armed police entourage”, but a) an “entourage” is a group of hangers-on; what you had, if it extended beyond your dreams, was an escort of university cops and b) they come armed, if you’ll pardon the expression. It’s damned near impossible to get them to disarm, even when the assignment is “guard insane guy from the murderous lesbian hippies he sees everywhere.”

Left by Doghouse Riley on July 31st, 2006

I don’t know about you, but I can hardly wait until Wayne Bosowicz, the Ross Allen of our generation, captures Skunk Boy and Monkey Butt, throws them in a canvas bag, and then sells them to a zoo.Okay, now you vote for either Dr. Mike or Kevin.
Was that supposed to be part of the block quote at the bottom or separate? Cause I was having difficulty figuring out that paragraph.
Sadly, it still made more sense than Dr. Prof. Mike, PhD. Okay, DPMPhD, so you’re “thinking about” all these events. As my speech teacher to say, “SO WHAT?” What about them? (Jeez, I can’t believe they let this man teach.)
As for Kevin, if you ask him “Why is homosexuality wrong?”, I’m sure you get the argument-ending, “Because I said so.”

Left by Dorothy on July 31st, 2006

Did y’all click on Mike’s Cafe Press link?
It’s got this “brown slug for president” fixation that’s kind of Freudian if you can stomach that thought. And all those things that Mike is thinking about? He thinks about them every day, over and over.
Regarding the commenters to Kevin McCullough’s drivel—there seems to be a direct correlation between their anti-gay rabidity and an aversion to learning the definition and function of “spell checker.”
But I vote Mike if for no other reason than his striking resemblance to Heinrich Himmler. (Yes, I know it’s a cheap shot, but so’s Mikey.)

Left by R.Porrofatto on July 31st, 2006

No, he’d say, “Because teh B1bl3 sez so!” :::sigh::: These twits can’t come up with a reason other than that, yet they think it Wins Teh Argument Every Time™!!1!
[rolls eyes]
Can anyone explain why Dr. Mike needs so goddamned many guns? I mean, realistically speaking, he can only use a maximum of two at a time, one if it’s a rifle/shotgun-type gun. Allowing for a backup, any more than three is fairly redundant. Or does he just not know about reloading them when the ammo runs out? That would explain a lot.
And while Doug isn’t crazier than the other two, he takes the prize for being the biggest dipstick, an award he’d probably be proud of. What an utter knob! “Skunk Boy”?!? “Hey, Monkey Butt”?!? WTF, d00d–yer an unmitigated arse. Boy am I glad I’m not that “hot Italian chick” you’re married to, ‘cos if I caught you smokin’ stinky cigars in my closet or peeing all over the toilet seat, I’d conclude you were suffering from testosterone poisoning, and take steps to remedy it. You’d do fine with just one nut, baby!
In the end, I gotta vote for Doctor Perfesser Mikey, ‘cos his column combines the “best” aspects of the other two–it’s both amazingly st00pid and it’s Arkham Asylum-crazy. A t00fer!

Left by Marq on July 31st, 2006

Dr Mike is/will the winner, in my opinion. He’s just so good at gloating about every damn thing and is so convinced he’s a Big-Time Winner that I can’t resist him. I’ve heard he can bestride the earth and gently hold 100 (full-term, not Snowflake) baby wingnuts in the palm of one of his massive, horny hands. His laugh is said to be so manly that women fall pregnant at the very sound, and upon hearing it, lesbians die by their own hands en masse at the thought of their wasted lives. Men envy him but grudgingly admit they bear him no malice, for how can they? Dr Mike is a force of Nature. His brave exhortation to plaster the campus with handbills depicting male-on-male sodomy is rendered no less admirable by the fact that he added the codicil, “And by the way, be sure please to send me 50 copies.” He only wanted them for target practice, after all. *sigh*! Just consider me another Feminist for Mike.

Left by Lucy on July 31st, 2006

I am thinking about all the guns I have bought with money I earned making fun of feminists
Is it just me, or does Doctor Professor Mike seem a wee bit . . . well, obsessed with making sure we know about his gun collection? It’s almost like he’s trying to compensate for something, isn’t it?

Left by Realist on July 31st, 2006

It just occurred to me that Dr. Adams has probably invented a cunning device that allows him to shoot guns using his toes, so he could potentially use four at once! He probably wishes he had a prehensile tail, too, so he could fire five guns simultaneously. Too bad evolution is a big lie, eh, Mikey?

Left by Marq on July 31st, 2006

He probably wishes he had a prehensile something to shoot that fifth gun.

Left by Lucy on July 31st, 2006

Oh, and one final note regarding Dr. Mike: is it just me, or does the unfortunate lighting of his portrait make it look as though streams of snots are flowing from his frankly cavernous nose holes?
What?
Oh… I see. Well, that is a darned unfortunate state of affairs to be in. And really repulsive, ew!
[ponders for a moment]
‘Scuse me for a minute. I gotta buy some stock in the company that makes kl33n3x!

Left by Marq on July 31st, 2006

Was that supposed to be part of the block quote at the bottom or separate?
Seperate. It seems that a little formatting glitch crept into my copy. Have I ever mentioned that I hate the new version of Word Press — hate it with the heat of a millions suns?

Left by s.z. on July 31st, 2006

Hooray for MST3K references!

Left by Shelby Tse on July 31st, 2006

Is Ross Allen the hunter guy from MST?

Left by Lucy on July 31st, 2006

I was wondering if you bothed McCollough’s screed right. Surely, if you really cared about your drunk uncle, you’d certainly not let him get behind the wheel. How wrong I was.
And Dr. Mike? Just think how many feminists he could convert if he just posted his awe-inspiring words on his office door? (Sorry, I guess that would dry up his arms funding source.)
Anyway, I vote for McCollough. After reading his entry, I’m now all a-twitter about his new book coming out tomorrow (‘MuscleHead Revolution‘). Sorry S.Z./Scott, your book will have to wait.
Oops. My Lifeclock has just started blinking red/black. Gotta go.

Left by arghous on July 31st, 2006

Oh, and a word of advice for Dr. Mike Adams, Ph. D.I.C.K.-if you want to look at gay pornography, you don’t have to involve your students in some stupid, juvenile prank. Just do what Pete Lebarbera does-get a subscription, and tell everybody it’s for “reasearch purposes”.
I can’t help but notice that Mikey and Kevin both seem preoccupied with man on man action, but are oblivious to lesbian sex. I’m sure there’s a perfectly manly, hetereosexual reason for that.

Left by Bill S on July 31st, 2006

“research”. Stupid typo. Me so genius am.

Left by Bill S on July 31st, 2006

I am also thinking about the time I advised students to post 1000 pictures of a man sodomizing another man all over campus – with the words “celebrate diversity” superimposed above their heads – just two hours before parents’ weekend. I am thinking about how they should have taken pictures of the university employees frantically ripping the pictures down before the parents saw them.
Oh, what an original idea.
Perhaps we should go to the College Rethug convention and paste up 1000 pictures of hardcore male-female porn with the words “Celebrate traditional marriage” and take pictures of staff ripping them down. And that would prove SO MUCH.
Of course, if you posted them by the US military recruiting booth no-one would see them, since you could hear crickets chirping and see spiderwebs being spun in that area.

Left by tech98 on July 31st, 2006

I am thinking that the kid who was saying “You can’t beat these people” needs to read about a man named Ronald Reagan.
Yeah, you remember when Reagan sent the 82nd Airborne into Moscow to win the Cold War. No, wait, he negotiatied arms reductions with Gorbachev, to the horrified screams of conservatives about “never negotiate with eeeeevul commies”, then the Soviet Union ran out of money and resources and imploded a couple years after he left office.
You could give Reagan credit for funding the Osama bin Laden’s Mujahedin which bled the Soviet Army dry in Afghanistan, but that didn’t turn out so well in the long run, did it?
But hey, Reagan swaggered and postured and talked a lot of tough shit like John Wayne inbetween his bouts of Alzheimer’s, and blew hundreds of billions on unworkable war toys rusting in the desert, and in ConservativeFantasyland that’s what scared the commies into surrendering. It’s so much happier and simpler to repeat simple slogans and authority-worship the Big Strong Man than to do any of that fancy-pants book-learnin’ or opening your mind to deal with reality.

Left by MikeG on July 31st, 2006

I am thinking about the time I told Dr Mike, “I came to protest you, but now I agree with everything you said.” then I threw my arms around him and promised to renounce lesbianism forever.
Do you think he’s noticed the “kick me” sign yet?

Left by Tara the anti-social social worker on July 31st, 2006

you remember when Reagan sent the 82nd Airborne into Moscow to win the Cold War. No, wait
He’d have sent the 82nd Chairborne if only they’d existed back then.

Left by Realist on July 31st, 2006

I am thinking about the time I photoshopped a picture of Dr. Mike sucking off a dog and captioned it “Celebrate Diversity” and posted the pictures at all the local elementary schools. I am thinking about how traumatized all of those kids were by the picture. I am thinking about how the judge at my sentencing hearing said that he wished he could sentence me to death.

Left by Mark S. on July 31st, 2006

Funny, Mark S, but I think the photo s.z. has posted here would be traumatizing enough.

Left by Bill S on July 31st, 2006

Tara, if you really did that, I would dedicate my life to you.
And, uh, Beginning To Wonder, I think lesbianism is anything but hot for Dr Mike. Remember, this is a man driven to paralytic fear by the word “vagina”. I hate to imagine how he’d react if he ever tried to think about two of them… together.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 31st, 2006

KNOCK KNOCK1
Mike A: Who’s there?
VAGINA.
Mike A: Vagina who?
VAGINA VAGINA.
KNOCK KNOCK?
Mike A: Who’s there?
VAGINA.
Mike A: Vagina who?
VAGINA! VAGINA!
KNOCK KNOCK?
Mike A: Who’s there?
VAGINA.
Mike A: Vagina who?
VAGINA! VAGINA!
KNOCK KNOCK!
Mike A: Who’s there?
ORANGE.
Mike A: Orange who?
ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY ‘VAGINA’ AGAIN?

Left by Bill S on July 31st, 2006

No gene, no cell, no DNA has ever been proven to cause one man to engage in all varieties of sexual acts with another man.
You could insert (hehe, insert) any pharse in place of “engage in…”. No gene, no cell, no DNA has ever been proven to cause one man to win a blueberry pie contest at the Kanasas State Fair! Stop the pies!

Left by Hysterical Woman on July 31st, 2006

I guess no one took my suggestion and found the Malkin bikini pix. Or maybe it’s old news.

Left by Lucy on July 31st, 2006

I was too creeped out by the notion, Lucy. I’ve got a migraine plus nausea. I don’t think that’s gonna help.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 31st, 2006

Did you feel that way before or after the mention of Malkin bikini pix?

Left by Bill S on July 31st, 2006

Dr. Mike gets my vote! He’s so butch…
Heh, indeed!

Left by Sixpak Chopra on July 31st, 2006

I am also thinking about the time I advised students to post 1000 pictures of a man sodomizing another man all over campus – with the words “celebrate diversity” superimposed above their heads
I tried rewrapping that one:
I am also thinking about the time I advised students to post 1000 pictures of a man doing a woman doggy-style all over campus – with the words “celebrate heterosexuality” superimposed above their heads.
My conclusion: that man is to logic what Columbus was to the steam engine.

Left by Mentis Fugit on August 1st, 2006

and if you really loved both of them, you would take away Uncle Otis’s keys and Cousin Floyd’s penis, to keep them from getting into trouble.
OK, I LOL’d.
Seriously, “it’s gross” is never a valid reason to object to someone ELSE doing something. Yeah, stitching up someone’s horrible table-saw wound, and so is shoving a baby out of your vagina, and so is ripping into the scorched muscle tissue of a bird. But, if you think it’s gross, DON’T DO IT. Christ, why is this so hard?

Left by Jack of None on August 1st, 2006

That Kevin McCullough gives new meaning to the term “word salad.” He should not have quit his day job, umm, extra-ing, or whatever they call it.
Hate to say it, but Dr. Mike, Ph.D., O.M.G.W.T.F.B.B.Q., wins this round, even with that tepid little wish fulfillment fantasy. The world’s worst asshole appears to have been tamed! I guess he needed that felony charge against him to keep the blood boiling. Someone sue him, quick!
You know, you wouldn’t think that a person listening to Dougie’s radio show would actually need advice on how to be a loser, would you?

Left by sophronia on August 1st, 2006

Oh, and I don’t care how many times Doctor Professor Mike says “I am thinking” in his column – I ain’t buying it.

Left by Realist on August 1st, 2006

sophornia, what did those initials stand for? I could guess part of it but got lost halfway through.

Left by Bill S on August 1st, 2006

“when i hold you
in my arms…
and i feel my finger
on your trigger…
i know nobody can do me no harm…”
–John Lennon

Left by trashfire on August 1st, 2006

Bill S. — It’s just a term used on message boards to poke fun at the people who use internet-speak like OMG!!!!11!!LOL!!! So it doesn’t really stand for anything.

Left by sophronia on August 1st, 2006

I vote for Dr Mike because he´s so delusional. I believe he meant to say “I´m dreaming of the time…”
As for McCullough, he needs to try a different method of writing. Taking magnetic words and tossing them into the air in front of his fridge isn´t working.

Left by Cynthia on August 1st, 2006

I am thinking about the time I told Dr Mike, “I came to protest you, but now I agree with everything you said.” then I threw my arms around him and promised to renounce lesbianism forever.
Do you think he’s noticed the “kick me” sign yet?
Excellent idea, but I suspect Dr Mike would wink out of existence if he ever came into contact with a creature possessing a vagina.

Left by Jack of None on August 1st, 2006

I dunno. Apparently he’s married to a former teaching assistant of his. So he’s survived contact with at least one female. Which is amazing, because I would think any woman living with him for an extended length of time* would have smothered him in his sleep.
*longer than two days.

Left by Bill S on August 1st, 2006

Thank you, trashfire. I’m guessing John would be horrified.
Look up Scott McCaughey’s group The Minus Five. Their latest, The Gun Album, thows guys like Dr Mike into high relief. And is also nice to listen to.

Left by D. Sidhe on August 1st, 2006

I am thinking that Dr. Mike wisely used the search-and-replace function to put “I am thinking about” in place of “I’m masturbating over.”
I am thinking that Dr. Mike has to keep buying bigger butt plugs so the queers won’t rape him in his sleep.
I am thinking of a number between one and ten that describes Dr. Mike. No, wait, I mean between zero and ten.

Left by Kip W on August 3rd, 2006