Have a Coke and a Heil

According to a piece in The Boston Herald, the first shot in the Annual War Against Christmas has been fired across the bows of Wal*Mart, and the brobdignagian general merchandiser has struck its colors like a Velveeta-eating surrender monkey:

Wal-Mart is rolling back its avoidance of all things “Christmas” to once again shout out the word some competitors have watered down to “holiday.”

“I think we learned a lesson last year,” Wal-Mart spokesman Steven Restivo said. “We listened to our customers. There’s a call to return to a core Merry Christmas message. We’re proud to say Christmas is back at Wal-Mart this year.”

A “core Merry Christmas message.”  Well, this either means that Karl Rove, despite having taken a shellacking in Tuesday’s election, has sold Wal*Mart on the genius of his base-focused marketing approach, or else the gigantic retailer has ditched it mission statement and big box locations, and will now operate exclusively out of abandoned storefronts in malls, selling Christmas decorations and thematically-related gimcrackery between November 1st and December 25th, before vanishing, Brigadoon-like, on New Years Eve.

The Arkansas-based retail giant with mom-and-pop-store appeal announced yesterday it has replaced its Holiday Shops with Christmas Shops. Wal-Mart will feature “Days ’Til Christmas” countdowns. The Salvation Army will be its charitable partner.

Emphasis mine.  For some reason, this phrase makes me think that the author of the article, Laurel J. Sweet, wrote it near deadline, with a can on Redbull on one side of her keyboard and a Wal*Mart press release on the other.

Wal-Mart needn’t fear it will receive a lump of coal in its stocking or see its 44 Bay State stores picketed by the Coalition to Save Christmas in Massachusetts.

Yes, when a bully has you down on the ground in a headlock and is punching you in the face, he’ll usually stop once you give up your lunch money, if only to conserve his strength for the impending War on Easter.

“It’s starting to feel like ‘Miracle on 34th Street,’ ” said Lynnfield developer Robert Marley, who started the coalition this week with his brother, Kevin, and friends.

With a name like Marley, you’d think it would be feeling more like A Christmas Carol.   However, if this is the kind of thing he and his brother do when they get together with their friends, all I can say is, somebody needs to buy this group some Dockers and a case of Lowenbrau.

Marley said he has received e-mails of support from as far away as California and the Middle East.

That’s nice.  Enjoy the warm glow of recognition while it lasts, Mr. Marley.  Because even as we speak, Bill O’Reilly and John Gibson are racing each other to the nearest camera to claim credit for Wal*Mart’s capitulation.

“You want our money? Then recognize why you’re taking it,” he said.

Because you’re rapacious, slave labor-enabling bastards who lay waste to American small businesses like the gigantic reaper in a Black Plague-era woodcut and whose collective social conscience makes Cornelius Vanderbilt look like Warren Buffet?
Or was that a rhetorical question?

“But, why does a bum like me have to stand up and get this done? Where are our religious leaders?”

They’re out getting a massage at the moment, Bob.  Any other scheduling issues I can help you with?

Posted by scott on Friday, November 10th, 2006 at 3:59 pm.

[...] World-O-Crap [...]

Left by sonitus.org » Blog Archive » Have a Coke and a Heil on November 10th, 2006

..Do these guys see [i]Scrooge[/i] and the lesson they take away is that he didn’t put up enough Merry Christmas banners? Or what?

Left by Sandals on November 10th, 2006

Nothing says “The Messiah is come” quite so well as buying overpackaged products built by undernourished teenage girls who are forced to live in conditions cows and asses wouldn’t put up with and who are beaten, raped, and then forced to have abortions to keep their indentured servitude. Hallelujah.
Hey, does this mean the Christmas Warriors can split up and half of them can start pounding soapboxes about the commercialization of a holy day?

Left by D. Sidhe on November 10th, 2006

“mom-and-pop store appeal”?? Gimme a break! While I throw up…

Left by Miss Cellania on November 10th, 2006

Coalition to Save Christmas in Massachusetts
Holy crap, we have a Coalition to Save Christmas? In Massachusetts, the Gay State?!! Wow, this is serious!
Robert Marley, who started the coalition this week with his brother, Kevin, and friends
Ah, nevermind.

Left by tigrismus on November 10th, 2006

They’re out getting a massage at the moment, Bob.
Now that’s funny, Scott.
And I share tigrismus’s surprise – you’d think Massachusetts would have a Coalition to Save Ramadan, or Kwanza, or Earth Day.

Left by Buffalo Gal on November 10th, 2006

Say, where do I nominate an Ultimate Wingnut around here? I got a good one… [dumps burlap sack on counter, out spills loopy wingnut]
“Let the Dems Bury the Dems
Regardless of what happens today, it shouldn’t greatly affect the spiritual equilibrium of the Superior Man, whose invisible combat will continue unabated. Indeed, this is what distinguishes us from the agitated multitude of horizontal men who locate their salvation in politics. To witness the fevered excitement of a crass and loudmouthed vulgarian such as Chris Matthews or the adamantine darkness visible of a Keith Olbermann and the kos-bags for whom he shrieks is to see the human pig in all its naked horizontal glory.”
Yeah, it’s all Doug Giles on mescaline like that.

Left by Auntie Occident on November 10th, 2006

Oh, and Academic A-Hole is definitely this guy’s category.

Left by Auntie Occident on November 10th, 2006

“Because you’re rapacious, slave labor-enabling bastards who lay waste to American small businesses like the gigantic reaper in a Black Plague-era woodcut and whose collective social conscience makes Cornelius Vanderbilt look like Warren Buffet?”
As unreliable and flake-off as I’ve been lately (okay, for the past YEAR), please never forget that I absofuckinglutely adore the way that you write, Scott. And that I’m deeply jealous of the above line and would steal it if I thought that I had a chance of getting away with it.
~~~
BLOG-WHORING ALERT:
I’m doing another blog telethon.
One of the best people that I know has a brain tumor that’s going to kill her in a matter of weeks. We’ve lined-up surgeons who will donate their services, but still need an assload of money for the hospital, the rehab, you name it.
And don’t worry, those of you who tried to help me get a front tooth, I won’t be managing the money or fucking it up. Hopefully, the same generosity that so many of you shared with the Katrina evacuees will kick in, and we will be able to help save this young woman’s life.
No shit.
At least give it a look. Please.
We don’t have her bank account or PayPal account set up yet (soon!), but please at least go read what we’ve got thus far.
Sorry to take up your comment space with this, Sheri & Scott, but as you know, this is a very pressing issue.
And I wanted to get the word out before the Xmas Shopping Orgy/Debtus Maximus commercial materialism fits kick-in, so if you’ve got ten or twenty bucks to spare, please think about my friend Lee.
Thank you all. For everything. If it weren’t for my blog family, I don’t know where I’d be by now, but it wouldn’t be good.
(Especially Sheri, Scott, and D.Sidhe, who sent the most amazing get-well present that I’ve ever seen in my life.)
http://forleola.blogspot.com/

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on November 10th, 2006

To Anntichrist s. Coulter; I’ve bookmarked your site, and will send you some money when the Paypal account is set up.

Left by Kathy on November 11th, 2006

Jeebus. Lynfield? MA? Oy. That’s much, much too close for comfort. How embarassing. And here I was feeling so smug about living in the bluest state of all… Maybe not so much.

Left by rafe b on November 11th, 2006

” ‘It’s starting to feel like ‘Miracle on 34th Street,’ ” said Lynnfield developer Robert Marley’
Wait, I thought that “Marley was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that.”
Can’t these bozos keep their cliche-ridden Christmas stories straight. Oh wait, maybe they meant Bob Marley. Still “Marley was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that.”

Left by tomg on November 11th, 2006

Nothin’ beats the smell of cynical faux-capitulation to an artificial groundswell of manufactured opinion first thing in the morning, does it?

Left by Doghouse Riley on November 11th, 2006

Rafe, I was worried until I saw it was some guy, his brother, and probably a couple drinking buddies. I’m guessing they started it just after the Pats-Colts game, while drinking deeply the cheap-ass beer of regret. Plus, it’s Walmart. If they get Whole Foods, Costco or, theological construct forbid, BJ’s, then I’ll worry.

Left by tigrismus on November 11th, 2006

Maybe they can whittle Santa some teeth.

Left by RJ on November 11th, 2006

Wait, wait, wait. There are 44 Wally World Mega Super Gianormo Warehouse locations in MA‽ Jeebus! Is there a single inch of that fairly tiny state that isn’t occupied by one of those monstrosities? Are all you chowdah-swilling Red Sox fans out there actually living in Wally World, or in a RV out in the parking lot? Cripes, talk about a weapon of Mass. destruction!

Left by Marq on November 12th, 2006

to tigismus ur an idiot these men are my uncles you idiot they have quit drinking a long time ago get some facts straight before you run your idiot mouth all around the web your a real ignorent person

Left by Matt on November 19th, 2006

no dude i’m just kidding i just thought your name was weird so i wanted to make you feel bad no offense though

Left by Matt on November 19th, 2006

well anyway i live in california and a group like this tried to do the same thing but they failed horribly maybe these people will do the same who knows

Left by Matt on November 19th, 2006

To all you cool-aid drinking secular progressives, I can understand your disappointment, you fought so long and so hard, notwithstanding, we have unraveled in weeks what it has taken years for you to achieve. When we are finished with the stores, the schools are next.
To all a good night and Merry Christmas

Left by Bob Marley on November 28th, 2006

One more thing, we will be on the Fox News Network tomorrow asking all Christians to crusade with us and knock the seculars’ back into corn-“flake” land where they came from.
Again, Merry Christmas to all

Left by Bob Marley on November 28th, 2006

There is strength in numbers, oh some 85% of this population is Christian. 95% of the population celebrates Christmas and the last poll I checked, 78% of the people said they would not shop in stores that don’t use the words Merry Christmas, that is a countrywide poll by the way. After all, it is Christmas and not the holidayssss.
Merry Christmas to you and yours

Left by Bob Marley on November 28th, 2006

Oh! He’ SO CUTE! He actually BELIEVES there is a war on Christmas, and he’s talking about the schools, next.
Hey, Bob–check out my public school–we do Secret Service Santa (the Secret Service and local law enforcement band together to bring yuletide greetings and fun–and defeat the Grinch–at our school every year!) and be sure to enjoy our Holiday Program where CHRISTMAS CAROLS are sung with joy and a reenactment of the traditional La Posada is performed every year.
War On Christmas? In Liberal Los Angeles?! I don’t THINK so.
Buh Bye. Now. Happy 27 shopping days till Christmas!

Left by maryc on November 29th, 2006

Bobby,
Whaddaya say to a REAL war on Christmas? How about you and your buddies put your families into the red by filling your Lynnfield manse with plastic junk, and everyone on the left never shops a big box or a fast food joint again? We will crash this economy, and you’ll be wishing you hadn’t run up those credit cards, eh?
-WOX (Wakefield, MA)
http://www.stopxmas.com

Left by WOX on November 29th, 2006

Bobby, should you be here spreading your genius? When Namco is selling holiday trees and Kohl’s is seeling SATANTIC holiday trees? What kind of general of stupidity are you, anyway? There’s a war on, soldier! Happy Holidays!

Left by Carpathian on December 1st, 2006

What It All Means

We’ll give you all another day for Ultimate Wingnut nominations, but in the mean time, I thought it would be enlightening to discover the message the wingnuts say we should be taking from the election results.

And basically, the message boils down to this: “The damned politicians let us down by not being conservative enough, and so we wash our hands of them!” This response not only allows the wingnuts to remain on the winning team (since their team would have won the election if it had been allowed to play), it also permits them to remain martyrs, since they were betrayed by infiltrators and saboteurs who betrayed the cause.

So, for a change of pace, we go to a trio of Renew Americans who have a different perspective on things.

First, it’s the lovely Marie JonApostrophe, who’s mad as hell at the American public, since we idiots voted wrong and thus made things difficult for the heroic George Bush.

Our thoughtlessness has put President Bush in an even more precarious position than that which he previously occupied. We have undermined him as well as our own country. Overnight, we have lost all the gains we have made since 9/11. The opposition party will begin to dismantle all the security safe guards, one by one.

Voting for the opposition party in time of war should certainly be defined as treason.

We have dishonored ourselves by showing our lack of support for the President of the United States. Iraq is lost as of November 7, as may be the War on Terror.

Yeah! And it’s all your fault for not supporting a totalitarian system of government!

Now, here’s loveable ol’ coot Carey Roberts, who explains that the President’s problem was all those Clinton-era feminazis are still around, ruining things for decent, hard-working men when the bitches should be home darning socks — or in the jungle.

If you should happen to telephone Ambassador John Bolton’s office at the United Nations, chances are good the person who answers your call will be one Peggy Kerry. Does that name ring a bell?

No.

Perhaps it should.

And perhaps you should bite me, Carey, since I have enough other things to worry about without trying to keep track of who answers Bolton’s phone. (If Pam of Atlas Shrugged was his receptionist, I would probably remember, but otherwise, it’s just not a priority with me.)

And in any case, since Bolton is toast, I doubt that I am ever going to telephone his office at the U.N. – but, per Carey, it’s still of vital importance to know that Peggy is John Kerry’s sister, and, even worse than that, once gave a speech at an event sponsored by NOW.

I’m certain that Miss Kerry is well-qualified to work as a press aide. But really, how can the State Department be so clueless as to allow an avowed political and ideological foe of President Bush to hold such a sensitive position? Why not assign her to an understaffed consulate in, say, Mozambique?

Yes, how can the State Department be so stupid as to allow Democrats to possibly answer Republican phones? Damn it, they should have all been shipped off to Africa right after the 2004 election! Now look what happened to the GOP!

Tuesday night, President Bush’s Republican party hemorrhaged blood all over the TV screen. The Dems took control of the House of Representative and registered solid gains in the Senate. But the electoral losses certainly weren’t for Bush failing to appease the rad-fems.

Bush should have known that appeasing the rad-fems is just as bad as coddling the Chi-Coms!

To his credit, President Bush did manage to shoehorn $150 million into last year’s welfare reform law to promote marriage and fatherhood. But that money will do little to stem the destructive effects of Clinton time-bomb programs like the Violence Against Women Act.

So, it’s Clinton’s fault that Don “Mistress Strangler” Sherwood didn’t get re-elected? Gad, when will the man stop ruining this country!

These laws allow any half-witted welfare queen to game the system.

You know, I’m starting to think that Carey might have some issues with women! So, speaking of half-wits, let’s go to Kaye Grogan. She explains that it’s the Jews’ fault the Republicans lost the House and Senate.

According to one report: many of the Jewish persuasion helped to “send in the clowns” apparently in both the House and Senate by a whopping 87%.
When I went to the polls to cast my vote, I had to ask myself: “how would Jesus vote?” I know for certain Jesus would not be in favor of a party that embraces radical positions specifically linking themselves to abortion on-demand — nor would He be favorable to same-sex marriages.

Sadly, the Jews didn’t ask their selves “how would Jesus vote?” and so they voted sinfully. And now the rest of us have to suffer because of their failure to be Christian.

There is not any doubt that many conservatives who tried to stay the course with a party slipping away from their voters, have pie in their faces, but pie washes off — while deception is branded in the souls of deceivers until doomsday.

Kaye is right! For, like another great American said, “While Republicans can’t find their wind, Democrats let go with wind in flourishing gusts that mean nothing but a foul fog in the night.”
I think that about sums things up.

Posted by s.z. on Friday, November 10th, 2006 at 6:06 am.

Carey opposes the Viloence Against Women Act? Does that mean he’s PRO domestic violence?
Somebody get his wife an iron skillet.

Left by Bill S on November 10th, 2006

My favorite Carey comment was this little gem:
In most states, domestic violence is defined so broadly that sending mental telepathic messages is now considered be a form of harassment and worthy of state intervention

Left by Realist on November 10th, 2006

I gather the voices in Carey’s head are less annoying than the ones in mine. And yes, Bill, he’s pro-domestic violence just as the anti-tolerance brigades are pro-bullying and hate crime.
Man, these people are scary. The funny thing is, I don’t mind having small-c-conservatives around. I think it’s probably a good idea if, whenever liberals propose some idealistic thing, someone is there to say, “Now let’s think about this for a moment”. I don’t agree with much of anything that small-c-conservatives say, but it can be useful to get a little dissent just so we can make sure we know something is going to work.
(It’s the guys like Grover Norquist I could do without–people who view government as a perfect path to self-enrichment. There are, I believe, small-c conservatives who think government can improve peoples’ lives, even if they believe government can best improve peoples’ lives by getting the hell out of the way.)
The GOP, on the other hand, would very much like to see liberals wiped from the face of the earth and the democratic party whipped into silence, if not outright outlawed, but certainly not allowed to vote, to speak in public, to hold government jobs. They do not see any value in opposition at all. You are with them, or you are a traitor.
And then I got to watch people on Sadly, No! explaining that at least, unlike those sore loser democrats, conservatives are “classy” in defeat. It’s quite a surreal experience, and you wouldn’t believe the migraine I have from it.
However, I do believe that the consolation for losing is getting to feel oppressed, so they can go ahead and whine. Though I think it should be acceptable to subtract “oppression points” based on which parts of government and society they still control (Hint: It’s a lot.), and how much they’ve been feeling oppressed on advance. They can then feel oppressed to make up any balance.

Left by D. Sidhe on November 10th, 2006

Also ‘hemorrhaged blood’ is a tautology.

Left by dc on November 10th, 2006

Somehow, I get the feeling that ol’ Kaye there, being a Republican, is fairly familiar with pin in her face…wonder if she hangs out with Lynne Cheney?

Left by actor212 on November 10th, 2006

You are going to have young Ms. Pammy in the contest, now aren’t you?
W.D.

Left by Weird Dave on November 10th, 2006

I’ve actually figure out why the vote went the way it did: Hallo’een candy, tainted with the spirit of Satan, infected the minds of all the “values” voters that stole a little from their kids bags, coupled with the propensity of “many of the Jewish persuasion” to vote Democratic caused this disastrous landslide.
Next year, schedule the election before “Devil’s Christmas”, preferably on Rosh Hashanna, and keep Americah Red!
I, myself, felt the devlish aftereffects of a satanically possessed Butterfinger or two when I was pulling the le, er, pushing the screen on Tuesday.

Left by dbati on November 10th, 2006

You are with them, or you are a traitor.
Isn’t it interesting that when the Dems are in power, there’s a place for Rethugs, but when THEY’re in power, there’s no place for US. I suppose it’s necessary and a “good thing” that we take the high road, but it’s infuriating none-the-less.

Left by JoeBuddha on November 10th, 2006

Okay, okay, you got me. I admit I put a spell on the candy to make six year olds vote for democrats.
And JoeBuddha, there’s no place at the table for the corrupt and the criminal and the power-crazed and the un-small-d-democratic. So even I have my limits. There’s room for conservatives with principles. There’s room for conservatives who feel you have no fundamental right to an abortion (though I think they’re wrong). There’s no room for conservatives who feel you have no fundamental right to vote.
There’s room for conservatives who want welfare reform. There’s no room for conservatives who want to privatize it to this company they incidentally happen to be on the board of.
There’s room for conservatives who want lower taxes. There’s no room for conservatives who want to exile the opposition party.
There’s room for conservatives who support the death penalty. There’s no room for conservatives who support war crimes.
You can have a different and even an objectively wrong opinion (“Illegal immigrants are bleeding our government dry”, “More prisons are more cost-effective than better schools”, “Universal health care would be more expensive than our current system”). What you can’t do is declare you have the *only* opinion. That is profoundly undemocratic, small-d.
You can argue with the opposition, but you can’t shut them up. And once you start commiting crimes, you belong in a courtroom, not government.

Left by D. Sidhe on November 10th, 2006

The Jewish persuasion? Like they have to be talked into it? And if she thinks Jesus would vote for the Grand Old Pharisees instead, she’s smoking crack.

Left by tigrismus on November 10th, 2006

I managed to misspell “Violence”. Me so genius am.
actor 212′s typo, however, conjures up a rather amusing image-well, amusing to me. I think if you DID stick a pin in Kaye’s face, all the air would leak out of her head.

Left by Bill S on November 10th, 2006

WhoWhatWhereWhyWhen‽‽‽
We’re supposed to nominate the Ultimate Wingnut this year? Keeeeeee-ripes, I’m having a panic attack! Um, OK, gotta read the thread below… hey, what’s this? Marie’? Kaye? Carey “Older Than Teh Hills” Roberts? Wingnutty goodness, with a creamy nougat filling! Huzzah!
Let’s take a look at this crap these nuts-du-wing are spraying about like incontinent hippopotami–sorry, hippos, but nothing hurls shit like you do. Well, nothing, except these three. Man, they’re a veritable hurricane o’ poo!

We have dishonored ourselves by showing our lack of support for the President of the United States. Iraq is lost as of November 7, as may be the War on Terror.

Man, Marie’ is a dolt! Oh, and incidentally, Marie’, Fuck You! Not that I want to, BTW, and not that I wish that awful fate on any breeder boy here. But, Fuck You, you st00pid right-wing cow. Could anyone possibly be st00pider than Marie’?

When I went to the polls to cast my vote, I had to ask myself: “how would Jesus vote?” I know for certain Jesus would not be in favor of a party that embraces radical positions specifically linking themselves to abortion on-demand — nor would He be favorable to same-sex marriages.

No, He’d favor the party responsible for the deaths of well over 600, 000 people… on this watch alone! Yep. That’s who Jeebus would prefer. Y’see, it’s all OK, ‘cos they were mostly brown-skinned Islamomuslims, and that makes all the difference in the world. Kaye? You’re a pro-genocide fascist. Oh, yeah–you’re also even st00pider than Marie’ Jon’. That’s almost… impressive. But, not really. Go slather yourself in delicious, delicious mesquite bbq sauce and go camping in Grizzly country for a couple of weeks. The bears are soooooooooo cute! If you see any, approach them and give them a good scratching under their chin. They just love that!
Oh, look, it’s Carey Roberts, dishin’ it out “Old School” in favor of violence against women, evidently. OK, make that Old, Old, Old School. Or maybe, “Oldest School.”
Were you aware that Carey had his name legally changes in 1279 from “Methuselah?” It’s true, I tells ya!
The senility set in around 1600 or so, so Carey’s forgotten a lot of things. But, he remembers one thing loud and clear: women and sea men don’t mix. Or was that… Um, in any event, all you skanky hussies out there are most definitely not welcome on Carey’s boat, the Good Ship Lollipop, which is crewed exclusively by butch, manly men. Ahem.

Left by Marq on November 13th, 2006

Oh, look! A semi-fukt-up tag! It must be a post from Marq!
Huzzah! It is!!1!

Left by Marq on November 13th, 2006

Except for killing people, beating wives, lynching black men for looking at their soon to be beaten wives, bombing people, standing up for insanely rich people when you can’t afford to buy a tooth, watching cars go around a circle on TV for 4 straight hours painted to look like laundry detergent and candy bars, getting really fat, polishing machine guns and old Nazi Waffen SS death head insignia with loving style and grace and just generally hating everyone, I’m at a loss for what Republicans of today stand for. Oh. That’s right. Destroying the planet by destroying the entire concept of science and science education. Answered by own question.

Left by Douglas Watts on November 17th, 2006

I do like how the GOP wife beating Congress is marching in synch with their wife beating base, incl. Mr. Carey. Who uttered this gem:
“These laws allow any half-witted welfare queen to game the system. All she has to do is utter this phrase: “Judge, I’m feeling afraid for my safety.” No proof of injury or physical violence is needed.”
First, he should stop talking about female NASCAR fans in such a deleterious way. Second, Mr. Carey apparently supports the “one punch in the face is okay” approach to domestic bliss. Apparently his daily lead paint consumption is not enough so he is going into the sporting goods aisle at Small-Brainmart and just eating lead sinkers right out of the bag. Sort of like capers.

Left by Douglas Watts on November 17th, 2006

Let the Games Begin!

Wow, a lot has happened over the past 24-hours! The Democrats now control the House, and may or may not control the Senate. Plus, North East Dakota voted not to secede and form the independent nation of Wombabyland.

Oh, and Don Rumsfeld “resigned,” presumably to spend more time with his family of gerbils, thus freeing the way for Robert “Not Bill Gates, the One Who Is a Personal Friend of the Bush Family” Gates to be nominated as Secretary of Terror. (As President Bush just said, “Don Rumsfeld’s a tough act to follow. That’s why I picked a man of Bob Gates’ caliber to succeed him.” Is it just me, or is that the most disturbing recommendation EVER?)

But anyway, even with all that going on, (plus Britney’s divorce!!!), the most exciting news is still clearly the nominations for Ultimate Wingnut of 2006.

This year the categories are:

 

A-List Wingnut Royale  (Will this be Rush’s year?)

Academic A**hole (Okay, Dr. Mike probably has this one sewn up already, but the category is still open for spirited challengers like David Horowitz, Glenn Reynolds, and, um, the rest.)

Hindrocket Chair of Blogging Fellow (Named in honor of  last year’s Ultimate Wingnut, the author of the quote about George W. Bush that will undoubtedly be the last word on Dubya’s presidency.  Of course, Hindrocket is still eligible for this award, although frankly, we think that, like Rocky, he got fat and complacent after last year’s award, and is due to be knocked out by a plucky Russian Cyborg or busty blogging bimbo.)

Best Religious Kook Commentator  

Conservative Welfare Queen (A chance to honor the hard working folks who write for Town Hall, National Review, the Heritage Foundation, and the various other right-wing “think” tanks.)

Little Nut of Valor (Nominate your favorite columnist from Renew America or its ilk.  Or, honor American icons like Pat Boone and Chuck Norris, who proved, via their columns, that they aren’t actually dead, but senile.)

NOTE: If you think you have a category that needs to be included, or have one that is better than the ones above, please add your suggestion.

So, the floor is now open for your nominations for ULTIMATE WINGNUT OF 2006.  The nominations made yesterday, before the contest officially started, will be counted, but you can post them again if you want.  And remember, if you don’t vote, you can’t complain about anything ever again.

Posted by s.z. on Wednesday, November 8th, 2006 at 6:44 pm.

Um, that’s South Dakota.

Left by Gus on November 8th, 2006

Sure, Gus. Like we care.

Left by Doghouse Riley on November 8th, 2006

First, I want to nominate The Anchoress for religious commentary. I’d like to think she could just win by acclamation, but that would take the fun out of it.
Second, two proposed categories: “I Used to Be a Liberal But After 9/11 I’m Outraged by Chappaquiddick”, which may be copyrighted by M. Bérubé, and “You Broke It, You Bought It”, which I envision as a way to work late war-repenters like Sully and Hitchens into the game.

Left by Doghouse Riley on November 8th, 2006

I’d like to nominate Dr. Mike for every award he’s eligible for. Pretty much a given, I know, but his run-in with PZ Myers has given him the boost he needed to escape the ranks of vanilla wingnuttery and reach the stratosphere.
Lessee…that’s Wingnut Royale, Academic A-Hole, Chair of Blogging, Welfare Queen and (arguably) Religious Kook.
I’d also like to second Riley’s call for an award spotlighting the best “ex-Democrats” and sensible centrists. They’ve been exceptionally dumb this year, and need to be recognized.

Left by Drew Johnston on November 8th, 2006

Here are a couple I would like to nominate for the following categories:
A-List Wingnut Royale: Does Tony Snow count? That guy makes me long for Ari Fleisher, and I never would have believed I would say that.
Academic A**hole: Ann Althouse.
Hindrocket Chair of Blogging Fellow: Confederate Yankee.
Best Religious Kook Commentator: What’s the point? Swank rules this division like Joe Louis used to rule the heavyweight division.
Little Nut of Valor: Carey Roberts and Coach Dave.

Left by Mark S. on November 9th, 2006

A-List: Glenn Reynolds, because he’s so obviously a dolt, and yet, whenever the Regular Media quotes bloggers, there’s our little Glennie, drivelling and snivelling!
Academic: Come on. Ann Althouse has shone like a twinkly little star this year. As the elections approached, she became more and more incoherent, fluttery, and dithering. By the end of the year, I predict she will be completelimad and believing that she’s Heidi Klum. And posting in that persona. I can’t wait.
Fellow: This is where I would put Dr. Mike. The dustup with PZ has really made him a contender. The beauty part is, if you play it right, you could probably get him to list it in his bio. I’m totally serious about this. And it might help him make full Professor! Or get him fired. Hmm.
Religious: Doghouse is on the money about The Anchoress. Her recent deconstruction of passionate religious sexuality was personal, detailed and enough to put you off sex for the rest of your life. Alicublog has been following her descent into madness so we don’t have to.
Welfare Queen: Jonah. No contest. Even though he’s double-dipping by having a ‘real job’ ‘writing’ for the LA Times. Can’t wait for the book, Jonah! Is there anything we could do to like, help you out? Look stuff up for you, or anything? Just ask!
Little Nut: Marie Jon’. It’s not fair, I know, to call her a nut because she is obviously not terribly bright. But at least she has figured out (or someone has told her) that it’s best not to try to respond to the mockery of her latest idiocy in the comments section of Sadly, No!. If that was really she. I think it might have been. Someone has clued her in, I think, because she doesn’t seem to comment there any more.

Left by Gentlewoman on November 9th, 2006

Little Nut: Coach Dave. Don’t be a spaghetti pusher!

Left by Red and Black on November 9th, 2006

We cannot ignore this year’s contribution to wingnuttery by little Christian Wanksock, Virgin Ben and all the rest at Reagan’s Tots. I propose a new award category, to be called “Choking the chicken for Jesus” award.

Left by Henry Crun on November 9th, 2006

How about a category for “I Used To Have Power But Now I’m Just A Wingnut”?

Left by BeginningToWonder on November 9th, 2006

“Don Rumsfeld’s a tough act to follow.”
I am at a loss for words.

Left by Serge on November 9th, 2006

I’m voting for Pammykins to go the distance. I guess she goes in the Hinderaker Fellow slot, unless you want to make a Chickenhawk/101st Keyboarder award…

Left by David E. on November 9th, 2006

Academic has to be Althouse, she’s a law prof. and was able to come up with this, “we ought to wonder why a court gets to decide what the law is and not the president.”
That is cutting edge stuff!

Left by TomMil on November 9th, 2006

How about a “With logic like that…” Honorary Rightwinger award for a left-wingnut so out there that they make your brain hurt? The right-wingnuts are easier to find, to be sure, but we shouldn’t discriminate based on orientation. Or an “If X then not-X” or “If X then not-X, except when it’s X,” category. There’s been some really choice examples of that lately, between Rush saying that MJ Fox had to be “off his meds,” until it was pointed out that he had it backwards, which somehow “proved” his point. The analysis of the election results is providing a lot of top-notch material for this type of hilarity.
Also, I’m not sure that Pastor Mark would meet my personal definition of a wingnut. I tend to think of those as people completely lacking in basic logic or reason, who make no sense whatsoever. Wanting all the personal advantages of both worlds makes perfect sense. While they quite obviously aren’t mutually exclusive categories, it’s more the sign of an asshole than a wingnut.

Left by Djinna on November 9th, 2006

Can we have a group award for most genocidal blog commenters? I mean, the folks at LGF and Lucienne.com have been working really, really hard at it. They deserve recognition.
I’d like to call it the “Acres of Glass” award, but I’m easy.

Left by D. Sidhe on November 9th, 2006

A-List: Bill O’Reilly.
Falafel jammin’ fucktwit who probably still sleeps in a 50′s era bomb shelter and probably inhaled too much radon down there.
Academic Asshole: Ann Althorse.
-An idiot and still managing to pass as a working academic.
Hindrocket Chair of Blogging Fellow: Confederate Yankee.
-I’m with Mark S. on this one. C.Y. must start every morning by eating a shit sandwich.
Best Religious Kook Commentator: Pastor Swank.
-By a mile. He’s like a homeless Jerry Falwell only the smell is even worse.
Conservative Welfare Queen : Mary Katherine Ham. – On the Heritage teat for a good spell and she is just dumb. It’s hard to say even that without insulting the word “dumb”. When it comes to writing about stuff you have no knowledge of and doing it often, Mary is a regular teleprompter.
Little Nut of Valor: Jeff Goldstein.
This is perhaps the only moment in history that the words “Valor” and “Jeff Goldstein” will be this close together. Based on his charismatic debut on the Hot Air video log, he should perhaps take a career in radio- for the deaf.
Unfunny, unglued academic failiure bereft of talent. Able to bench 300 but unable to carry an M-16 in a hot zone. Actually serving in his favored war of choice, Pasty has far to promising a career in finding a full time job -sooner or later.
Special Mention: The Wizbang Blog – Wear a lead suit if you plan to visit, it’s bordering on a China syndrome for the amount of stupidity that abounds there.

Left by DUDACKATTACK!!! on November 9th, 2006

Oh please, I have now heard as much as I want to hear by, about and from Jeff Goldstein for the rest of my existence. Thank you.
I almost hate to put Swank in the religious loonies category, because he’d win it in a walk, and there are so many other worthy contenders. Maybe we should give him the lifetime achievement award.
Anybody been keeping up with Resa LaRue Kirkland? She certainly seems to have the requisite amount of hostile maladjusted personality to make a run for the title.

Left by sophronia on November 9th, 2006

I tend to think of those as people completely lacking in basic logic or reason
See, I consider that to be a mere trend in wingnuttery. “Right Wing Nut” long predates Reagan’s emptying our nation’s mental wards, thus paving the way, intentional or no, for Renew America. Your classic wingnut was not a person incapable of stringing words together to form thoughts, but someone like Russell Kirk or Bill Buckley, men of fine intellect and occasionally commanding insight who, nevertheless, unmistakably conveyed the fact that they’d rather explode than have to use a toilet stall previously occupied by a stevedore or commit hari-kari before giving free candy to a trick-or-treater. Someone who is capable of seeing distinctions and yet refuses to do so is a much bigger wingnut than, say, Pastor Swank, who is really just a photoreceptor cell of right wing lunacy.
You know if push came to shove it would be The World’s Greatest Blogging Team which would poison the Twin Cities water supply on the off chance it could be blamed on Arab terrorists or American liberals. Swank would be wading into the Atlantic in a full pack because he thought he saw something sparkly.
In the spirit of which I want to nominate David Brooks, if for nothing else than his recent “If you people fail to reelect a moderate like Rick Santorum then all hope is lost” column.

Left by Doghouse Riley on November 9th, 2006

I also would like to propose a special election year award: the Flying Cars Award, to be given to the person who has made absolutely the worst predictions about the election. (You don’t necessarily have to limit it to the election. That “SCOTUS Santorum” thing was almost sublime.)
And can we automatically rename anything Bill O’Reilly wins to somehow include the word “Olbermann”, just to piss Bill-O off?

Left by D. Sidhe on November 9th, 2006

For Your Consideration for Little Nut of Valor:
Dan Riehl, arguably the stoopidest person on the planet.
ex: If we negotiate with Syria and Iran so we can exit Iraq, Bush is going to be played like a fiddle and the GWOT gets set back a decade.
If that is his direction, he should just turn the whole damned thing over to Harriet Miers and be done with it. Go hunting with Cheney, or something a little more safe than negotiating with regimes that want only your destruction.

Left by actor212 on November 9th, 2006

“the GWOT gets set back a decade.”
If only there were any reason to believe Riehl knew what he was talking about, I think there’d be a large chunk of the population that would jump at the chance to “set it back a decade.” The good ole days, when only abortion clinics/gay clubs/Olympic squares got bombed. Give him a little leeway on “a decade” and Ann Coulter could even get the budding McVeighs to bomb the right building this time!

Left by Djinna on November 9th, 2006

A-List: Pammycakes, Atlas Shrugged. The video blogs put her over the top.
Academic A–hole: Hugh Hewitt. Can this guy really be a professor? Seriously? Has anyone actually seen a diploma? I want some hard evidence…
Conservative Welfare Queen: Virgin Ben. Employed solely because of his nerdy undersexed moral outrage.
Chair of Blogging Fellow: John Stossel, the stealth wingnut
Religious Kook: Pastor Swank is the only possible nominee. This category should be retired in his honor, like how they retire old basketball jerseys.

Left by Lons on November 10th, 2006

Sorry to keep dribblin’ these in, but my short-term memory has endured a lot, y’know.
Pat Robertson had a pretty good year.
Ramesh Ponnuru, for writing a book calling Democrats baby snuffers, then whining about being taken wrong.
Frank Gaffney for calling the Dubai ports deal a “Harriet Miers moment”, thus crystalizing the two really big issues the Right had with the Bush administration (prior to losing the election, when Bush became “not conservative enough”), and for calling Rick Santorum “an American Churchill” and meaning Winston, not Randolph.
Dennis Miller, for explaining to the Daily Show audience that he’s a libertarian fucktard, not a conservative fucktard.

Left by Doghouse Riley on November 10th, 2006

RAT OVERBOARD!
you need a bertie wooster award for British Idiot on Whom Oxbridge Education Was Most Obviously Wasted.
this year we have a tie between andrew sullivan and christopher hitchens. ‘this president really has lost it. it’s unhinged. in my view this man has lost his mind. … this isn’t an election any more, it’s an intervention.’ — sullivan
all it took was six years, 2.5 trillion in debt, a wholly unnecessary major war, and abu graib, and they figured it right out. them brits is quick, huh?
most amusing to see the rats going over the side in real time on msnbc here: http://movies.crooksandliars.com/TSR-SullivanHitchens.wmv
for British Idiot Most Obviously Wasted, it’s hitchens hands down.

Left by milhous451 on November 11th, 2006

Normally I’d cause not, but idiotic and statements. Encouraging just makes themselves even on second thought, vitriolic them more and make even.
See, the above is what happens to your brain when you even try to make a nomination by actually reading their bilge.

Left by Douglas Watts on November 17th, 2006

The Rick Santorum of C-Listers

Sure, the big news today is the elections, but the REAL contest you should be contemplating is the Ultimate Wingnut of 2006.

Okay, we haven’t contemplated it like we should this year — and with less than two months remaining in 2006, it’s going to have to be an abbreviated battle. Maybe we’ll get you to help us select wingnuttery’s Top Twenty of the year, representing 4 of 5 categories, and then we can all whittle them down (so to speak), until only one is remaining.

Tomorrow we will open the floor to nominations.

I have a feeling that some people from last year won’t make the short list this time. Ann Coulter, for instance. Sure, she’s still evil and stuff, but she’s also old, tired, and stale (like that Twinkie that you found when you finally cleaned under the fridge), and frankly, nobody cares about her anymore. (Well, her mother still cares, possibly — and maybe her local cigarette wholesaler — but that’s about it.)

But hey, we will let YOU, the folks, decide — and if you decide wrong, that’s why we rigged all those electronic poll machines.

Somebody else who probably won’t make the Top 20 cut is Lil’ Debbie Schlussel, mostly because she just wants it too much. Here’s part of a Wall Street Journal article that provides some information about Debbie’s misguided campaign to be somebody. (The piece is from a couple of weeks ago, so you may have already read it, but I hadn’t, and that’s all that counts.)

America’s Next Top Pundit
What does it take to be a talking head?

A head, for starters.

Whenever news breaks — on the fall campaign trail, in North Korea, in the most trivial corners of Hollywood — thousands of pundits have something to say. What most of them don’t have is somewhere to say it.

Every morning, Tammy Haddad, executive producer of MSNBC’s “Hardball with Chris Matthews,” hears from more than 100 aspiring commentators. They each explain why they’d be the perfect guest to spout off on the issues of the day. “We call them ‘street meat,’ ” says Ms. Haddad. “They’re always available, walking the streets, waiting for your call on their cellphones.”

You know, with over 100 street meats to chose from each day, you’d think they could find somebody better than Matthews.

They are the minor-league pundits — political consultants, professors, activists, actors, journalists, bloggers and opinionated civilians — and they’re using 21st-century stunts to troll for airtime.

And speaking of trolls . . .

Debbie Schlussel, 37 years old, supports her pundit habit by practicing commercial law in suburban Detroit. She is among the most proactive B-list pundits. Almost daily, she emails her appearance

Uh oh! Bad move, Debbie!  That will scare them all away for sure!

. . . schedule, availability or sharp-elbowed conservative commentaries to 5,000 people in media and politics.

And almost daily, 5,000 spam filters keep Debbie’s emails from annoying the intended recipients.

In the wake of North Korea’s recent nuclear test, a hawkish Ms. Schlussel hit the radio circuit, saying U.S. officials responded too mildly in calling the test “a provocative act.” “A Paris Hilton video is a provocative act,” she said. “What North Korea did was an act of war.” To get noticed, Ms. Schlussel says, “I’ve become the master of the confrontational sound bite.”

And to get noticed, Glenn Close’s character boiled a bunny. Neither method of attaining recognition is something to be proud of, IMHO.

“She’s fearless,” says Ms. Haddad, “and we need provocateurs willing to poke other people.”

Haddad apparently moonlights as a producer of those Bum Fight videos.

Still, with 1,765 pundits on the producer’s list of contacts, Ms. Schlussel has lots of competition for air time.

The proliferation of pundits in the last half-decade has been fueled by 24-hour cable news networks, which are built in part on the relatively cheap framework of heated discussions.

Maybe we’d all be better off if CNN et. al. just aired the bum fights

At the top of the pundit pecking order are those with hit TV or radio shows, such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly.

Okay, if that’s the top tier of punditry, who in their right mind would aspire to rise up in the ranks? (Other than Debbie, of course).

Next are the top-tiered right- and left-wing spinmeisters who’ve won big book deals, like Ann Coulter and Al Franken. A few steps below them are the reliable sound-bite artists — Arianna Huffington, Ed Rollins, James Carville, Donna Brazile, Bob Shrum and Bay Buchanan.

Minor leaguers, meanwhile, are most likely to get a call from the Bigs when A-listers are too busy or lazy to go on TV. Holiday weekends, for instance, are times when up-and-comers get to show up and shine.

Yeah, we all remember James Taranto’s announcement on his WSJ blog a couple of years ago, which informed all TV and radio bookers that he was available for anything, anything at all! on Thanksgiving Day. Sad, really.
But hey, here’s a tip we can use:

Media advisers also have tips to help bloggers get noticed by bookers running online searches. Mr. Crowther tells bloggers to find two- and three-word combinations and to use them repeatedly in their copy. Ambitious bloggers take those targeted key words — “patriotic Republicans,” for instance, or “Bush administration mistakes” — and include them in comments posted on other people’s blogs, with links to their own pages.

Readers: Please help this blog by thinking of some targeted key words with which we can spam the Internet, and thus get noticed by the junior high students who do research for Sean Hannnity, and then get booked on his show. (I was thinking of something like “conservative martyr” or “brain dead Christian victim.”)

To raise her profile, Ms. Schlussel blogs all day long, and works every other angle, too.

And yet, she’s still best known for this photo.  Let me repeat it: ”sad, really.”

So far this year, Ms. Schlussel has appeared on more than 600 radio shows and 35 TV programs, she says. But while Ms. Coulter, America’s most-famous blonde pundit, earns millions, the also-blonde Ms. Schlussel has earned well under $10,000 this year from her punditry, she says.

And what lesson should we take from this? (Other than that Debbie came by her blondeness as honestly has Ann came by her millions.)

Last year, Jason Alexander was on Howard Stern’s show pitching a children’s book he’d written. Ms. Schlussel called in and berated the “Seinfeld” actor for supporting OneVoice, a group that advocates nonviolent conflict resolution in the Middle East. Ms. Schlussel charged that the organization has ties to Hamas. Mr. Stern got laughs saying he’d like to create a “Six Degrees of Separation” game based on her ability to connect any person to terrorists in six links or less.

After much arguing, and repeated impersonations of a raving Ms. Schlussel by Mr. Stern’s sidekicks, Mr. Alexander lamented on air that he “came in to talk about a children’s book and ended up being branded a terrorist.”

Ms. Schlussel thought the segment made great theater.

Here’s an idea for her next Stern appearance: Debbie finds a little girl who read Alexander’s book, and publicly accuses the tot of being a terrorist.  Then Debbie could call the FBI, and while the feds take away the moppet and she cries for her mommy, Debbie could sneer at the kid for being a wuss, just like all member of CAIR. It will be even greater theater!

Ask her to survey the punditry landscape, from the A-list on down, and she gets contemplative. “Who is good who does what I do?” she says out loud as she thinks. Soon enough, the answer comes to her. “Me!”

Well, while Debbie might not be the best at what she does (we think that honor goes to Satan), we hope her delusions of grandeur comfort her on those long, lonely nights.

Posted by s.z. on Tuesday, November 7th, 2006 at 4:06 am.

They forgot to mention she also walks the streets with a sign that says “Will be confrontational for food”.
Isn’t it great when the need for attention becomes a virtue.

Left by darkell on November 7th, 2006

I honestly don’t know whether to pity her or hate her.
Is it okay if I do both?
As for “Ultimate Wingnut”, how about Mark Driscoll, the Pastor who blamed Ted Haggard’s visits to a male prostitute for sex and crystal meth on his wife letting herself go? Or does that make him more of an asshole than a wingnut? There’s so much overlap between the two it’s hard to tell. In any case, Marky seems to be a Doug Giles wannabe, which is even sadder than being an Ann Coulter wannabe.
http://www.pandagon.net/2006/11/06/hip-fundamentalism-means-double-your-misogynist-pleasure/

Left by Bill S on November 7th, 2006

And how about Patricia Heaton, the spokesmodel for Feminists For Life, an organization that has as much credibility to actual feminists as the Log Cabin Republicans do to GLBT folk.

Left by Bill S on November 7th, 2006

Less so, Bill. I mean, gay people can want tax cuts and be hide-under-the-bed scared of terrorists too. I have no idea what “Feminists for Life” has that would appeal to actual feminists. Birthday cards suitable for the Red Hat ladies, maybe.*
And, does Mel Gibson count as a wingnut?
* Was that too obscure? I have to ask, because I made a fabulous Iron John joke over at NMMNB last week and everybody completely ignored it. I was heartbroken.

Left by D. Sidhe on November 7th, 2006

Okay, they walk the streets and are ready any time, anywhere. They do it to support a habit and are known as street meat.
“Debbie Schlussel, 37 years old, supports her pundit habit by practicing commercial law in suburban Detroit.”
So what’s the difference between a crack whore and Little Debbie? There are some things that even a crack whore won’t do. Oh, and a crack whore wouldn’t be seen with Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly.
Hey, gotta go clean the House. It smells like shit in there. Vote early. Vote often.

Left by tomg on November 7th, 2006

Yes, D. Sidhe, Melvin counts.

Left by Bill S on November 7th, 2006

Not to blog-whore… much, I’ve been studying Debbie Schlussel for awhile now and I cannot think of a better candidate for Wingnut of the Year. In fact when I want to describe something or someone that is equal parts crazy and stupid I say it’s / they’re schlussel.
For those unfamiliar with her please see here for why when it comes to wingnuts no one is more schlussel than Debbie.
Or just check our her review of V for Vendetta. That sort of says it all.

Left by salvage on November 7th, 2006

Wow. Debbie is fucking pathetic. Does anyone have a link to that Howard Stern segment?
2006 has been a great year for wingnuttery. It seems like every time I’d say to myself, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever read,” I’d read something even stupider five minutes later. It will be difficult to choose just one.

Left by Mark S. on November 7th, 2006

To quote Flounder in Animal House….Ooooooooooooooo, this is going to be GREAT!

Left by actor212 on November 7th, 2006

Poor Debbie: merely an aspiring protitute, not like those whores!

Left by heydave on November 7th, 2006

and I’d correct my spelling if only I could…

Left by heydave on November 7th, 2006

I find the fact that Lil’ Debbie could live within fifty miles of me to be frightening!
As for nominations for this year’s UW, I’d like to suggest James Dobson for the following reasons:
1. His “I don’t know Ted Haggard” routine
2. His stumping here in Michigan for Dick “The Quitter” DeVos.
http://devos.wordpress.com/2006/11/06/dickiewood-squares-good-fellas-edition/

Left by Jennifer on November 7th, 2006

For Ultimate Wingnut I’m torn between Rush mocking Parkinson’s victims and Bush insisting Cheney and Rumsfeld “are doing fantastic jobs,” although the latter is more damaging to the country.

Left by Boo on November 7th, 2006

Oh, come on. If you are going to name someone “Ultimate Wingnut” there is really only one choice:
http://www.ultimatewarrior.com/
After all, “queering doesn’t make the world work”, you know.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2392306821800666246
At the very least, he should be the official mascot of the Utlimate Wingnut competition.

Left by General Woundwort on November 7th, 2006

Does anyone ever think about entering George W. Bush in these contests? Stupid? Check. Evil dressed up as religious? Check. Head up ass? Check. I think he pretty much qualifies, especially given the effect that he, personally, has had on this year’s elections.

Left by BeginningToWonder on November 7th, 2006

Nah, BTW, it’s always been my impression that you’re only a wingnut if you have no real power whatsoever. If we’re allowed to nominate politicians, then the roster would just be the list of Congressional Republicans.

Left by Drew Johnston on November 7th, 2006

So it begins…jammed phones, broken machines, long lines, intimidation… Why does everyone think this year will be different? They already stole 2 presidential elections (wide scale fraud). You really think they cannot steal House/Senate/Governor elections (small scale fraud)? This is the same group that managed to legalize warrantless wiretaps, suspend habeas corpus, ban books like “America Deceived” from Amazon, detain demonstrators and start 2 illegal wars based on lies. The Republicans will probably lose a few seats today to make it look good but maintain a majority. Then they’ll invade Iran on behalf of Israel.
Support indy media.
Final link (before Google Books bends to gov’t will and drops the title):
http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?&isbn=0-595-38523-0

Left by Henry T on November 7th, 2006

Realizing that The Debbie would do ANYTHING just for 5 minutes on cable television brings to mind my favorite line from THE STING.
It is the night before Redford and Newman are going to make the big play on Robert Shaw. Redford is twitchy and nervous, he can’t relax. Newman is calm and collected and points out that Shaw is going to play himself out of a million dollars, that Shaw is so desperate to prove himself that the Sting will run itself: “Relax, kid. You got him 20 years ago when he decided to be a big shot.”

Left by jpj on November 7th, 2006

So sad. The national debate is being framed by ratings-obsessed middle managers at TV and radio networks (who are far more evil than any group of devil worshippers or used car salesmen you’ll ever meet) desperately trying to book a master of the art of the cheap shot for the next talking-head cockfight. Liberal, conservative, same sickness.
BTW, loved Bill S.’s link to the article on how ministers can steer clear of temptation. (Headline: “Haggard’s Wife Trashes Thigh-Master, Dems Retake House & Senate!”) Do you think the assistant who intercepted the topless photo attachment had to replace his keyboard before everyone got back from lunch? (“uh, yeah, the keys were–what’s the word?–Sticking. Stuck.”)

Left by trashfire on November 7th, 2006

I’m sure he was shocked, shocked, I tell you! And deleted it as soon is the printup completed.

Left by Bill S on November 7th, 2006

Definitely include Mark Driscoll. He’s like Doug Giles doing an imitation of that asshole from Creed.
Another suggestion: I’ve really been goggling at the inspired lunacy of The Anchoress lately. Perhaps she could be placed with Peggy Noonan in a special Over the Cliffs of Insanity bracket.
Also, I know David Frum’s been a nonstarter much of the year, but his recent defenses of hypocrisy as a moral virtue are addled enough to be worth considering.

Left by sophronia on November 8th, 2006

Jonah Goldberg’s been in fine form this year… or does he have too much power with his newspaper gig? I also must mention perennial nominees John Stossel and Mike Adams, the mac n’ cheese & mashed potatoes comfort food combo of wingnuttia.

Left by Charlotte Smith on November 8th, 2006

Do borderline retarderd election predictions like those of Dean Barnett count? I only ask because right now some of them–especially Barnett’s with its tortured reasoning, read much like Hinderaker’s “Man of Genius” opus in ’05.

Left by Socraticsilence on November 8th, 2006

Hinderaker’s “misunderstood genius” comment is going to be hard to beat. But Powerline’s not been too good this year.
However, as Wolcott’s been saying today, K’Lo’s a contender. We haven’t heard much out of Dr. Mike this year but I bet he’ll have some good stuff to offer in the wake of the election, now that Nancy Pelosi’s going to force him to get gay-married.

Left by David E. on November 8th, 2006

Wait a minute. How could I forget?
There is a rising force in Wingnut land, a reigning queen of the Island of Lost Pundits. One who will, I feel confident, end as the year’s ultimate wingnut. Combining all the frothing spume of Swank with the mainstream accessibility of the Powerliners, strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark, I nominate…
Pamela “Atlas Jiggled” Geller Oshry

Left by David E. on November 8th, 2006

Nah, BTW, it’s always been my impression that you’re only a wingnut if you have no real power whatsoever.
heh, heh. Okay, in that case, let me second my nomination for George W. Bush…..

Left by BeginningToWonder on November 8th, 2006

General Woundwort
I think letting a professional wrestler be a contestant is unfair to the other pundits. He starts out with a distinct advantage.
My nomination is Dan Riehl, arguably the STOOPIDEST person on the planet

Left by actor212 on November 8th, 2006

David E,
Pam’s official nickname is “Shrieking Harpy”…

Left by actor212 on November 8th, 2006

We haven’t heard much out of Dr. Mike this year but I bet he’ll have some good stuff to offer in the wake of the election, now that Nancy Pelosi’s going to force him to get gay-married
Holy God, I’m glad I’m not male. I’d hate to draw *that* short straw.

Left by D. Sidhe on November 8th, 2006

With Mike Adams, it’s not quantity that counts, but quality (or lack thereof)-he acheives such an extraordinary level of pure assholery that if he put out columns with the frequency of Pastor Swank, somebody would hav killed him in his sleep.
He’s always a contender.

Left by Bill S on November 8th, 2006

And how about Patricia Heaton
She also appeared in the anti-Michael Fox ad featuring various other C-list ‘celebrities’ that the MO wingnuts hammered together in about an hour (and it showed). One older fellow in my apartment building was watching the World Series, saying, “Who are these people? Am I supposed to recognize them?” Except for the baseball players, he couldn’t name a one of them. Obviously, I can’t even name the baseball players, so he was one up on me.
And Dr. Mike has been in rare form, people! He was invited to speak at PZ Myers’ University, and has been conducting a feud (in his own mind, of course) with PZ ever since. Apparently, Dr. Mike had girded his mighty loins for a Battle of the Titans, and PZ wasn’t interested enough to even ask him any questions. Hilarity ensued, via blogposts.
Dr. Mike is the man. Although Dan Riehl has been on fire, lately, too. It’s amazing that anyone that moronic manages to turn on a computer, much less blog. So I’m torn. Can I nominate them both?

Left by Gentlewoman on November 9th, 2006

“Although Dan Riehl has been on fire, lately, too.”
IF ONLY.
Forgot about Danno. He definiately belongs on the list.

Left by Bill S on November 9th, 2006

“definitely”
See, he’s so irritating, I forgot how to spell correctly. Yeah. That’s it.

Left by Bill S on November 9th, 2006

All those categories make this nomination process too complex for my current mental state (Michigan!), so I’ll just toss a few out of a speeding car. Pammycakes, NY’s very own shrieking harpy has got to be in the running, somewhere.
As well as Coach Dave, the expert on raising Christian child molesters (fake quote, “Well, at least he’s straight!!11!!) as well as spaghetti pushing. Pulling, too, I understand. Perhaps he should change religions.
Lessee… “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue…” Hmm. Well, Carey Roberts is something old… real, real old. And he has the advantage of not having been in last year’s contest. But, he’s not
the something new. he’s never something new. The last time Carey was something “new,” the majority of the world’s fishes were armored.
No, the “new” must be young Christian Hartsock, for two reasons. One, he has a really stupid name. Of course, it’d be a lot funnier if he converted to Islam. Or, Judaism. Or Cthulhuism. Or something. And two, I’d fuck him. Yeah, I know, how could I? Well, he is kinda physically attractive. The “virgin-by-choice” thing is pretty funny, once you realize that unlike the vBen, Chrissy actually could get laid if he wanted to. I bet a year’s supply of belly-button lint that he’s one of those Christians who thinks that it just isn’t sex if it isn’t “penis-into-vagina.” Stuff like BJs, handjobs, etc.=NOT SEX, so I bet lil’ Chrissy is gettin ‘em right and left. Then he feels guilty, even though it’s NOT SEX, and writes another mean-spirited column. Typical.
And we gotta include someone who should have done better last year. How about Kaye “G”rogan? She seems especially insane this year, particularly now!
As far as Swank goes, he should be barred from the religious category, ‘cos it isn’t fair if he’s in the house. So lets give him a WO’C Medal of Freedom a cardboard “Numbah won paster” medal. a handful of earwax, and a good, swift kick in the ass. If you want to let him compete in any of the categories besides religion, bring him on!

Left by Marq on November 14th, 2006