The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Let the Games Begin!

Wow, a lot has happened over the past 24-hours! The Democrats now control the House, and may or may not control the Senate. Plus, North East Dakota voted not to secede and form the independent nation of Wombabyland.

Oh, and Don Rumsfeld “resigned,” presumably to spend more time with his family of gerbils, thus freeing the way for Robert “Not Bill Gates, the One Who Is a Personal Friend of the Bush Family” Gates to be nominated as Secretary of Terror. (As President Bush just said, “Don Rumsfeld’s a tough act to follow. That’s why I picked a man of Bob Gates’ caliber to succeed him.” Is it just me, or is that the most disturbing recommendation EVER?)

But anyway, even with all that going on, (plus Britney’s divorce!!!), the most exciting news is still clearly the nominations for Ultimate Wingnut of 2006.

This year the categories are:
A-List Wingnut Royale  (Will this be Rush’s year?)

Academic A**hole (Okay, Dr. Mike probably has this one sewn up already, but the category is still open for spirited challengers like David Horowitz, Glenn Reynolds, and, um, the rest.)

Hindrocket Chair of Blogging Fellow (Named in honor of  last year’s Ultimate Wingnut, the author of the quote about George W. Bush that will undoubtedly be the last word on Dubya’s presidency.  Of course, Hindrocket is still eligible for this award, although frankly, we think that, like Rocky, he got fat and complacent after last year’s award, and is due to be knocked out by a plucky Russian Cyborg or busty blogging bimbo.)

Best Religious Kook Commentator  

Conservative Welfare Queen (A chance to honor the hard working folks who write for Town Hall, National Review, the Heritage Foundation, and the various other right-wing “think” tanks.)

Little Nut of Valor (Nominate your favorite columnist from Renew America or its ilk.  Or, honor American icons like Pat Boone and Chuck Norris, who proved, via their columns, that they aren’t actually dead, but senile.)

NOTE: If you think you have a category that needs to be included, or have one that is better than the ones above, please add your suggestion.

So, the floor is now open for your nominations for ULTIMATE WINGNUT OF 2006.  The nominations made yesterday, before the contest officially started, will be counted, but you can post them again if you want.  And remember, if you don’t vote, you can’t complain about anything ever again.


24 Responses to “Let the Games Begin!”

Um, that’s South Dakota.
Sure, Gus. Like we care.
First, I want to nominate The Anchoress for religious commentary. I’d like to think she could just win by acclamation, but that would take the fun out of it.
Second, two proposed categories: “I Used to Be a Liberal But After 9/11 I’m Outraged by Chappaquiddick”, which may be copyrighted by M. Bérubé, and “You Broke It, You Bought It”, which I envision as a way to work late war-repenters like Sully and Hitchens into the game.
I’d like to nominate Dr. Mike for every award he’s eligible for. Pretty much a given, I know, but his run-in with PZ Myers has given him the boost he needed to escape the ranks of vanilla wingnuttery and reach the stratosphere.
Lessee…that’s Wingnut Royale, Academic A-Hole, Chair of Blogging, Welfare Queen and (arguably) Religious Kook.
I’d also like to second Riley’s call for an award spotlighting the best “ex-Democrats” and sensible centrists. They’ve been exceptionally dumb this year, and need to be recognized.
Here are a couple I would like to nominate for the following categories:
A-List Wingnut Royale: Does Tony Snow count? That guy makes me long for Ari Fleisher, and I never would have believed I would say that.
Academic A**hole: Ann Althouse.
Hindrocket Chair of Blogging Fellow: Confederate Yankee.
Best Religious Kook Commentator: What’s the point? Swank rules this division like Joe Louis used to rule the heavyweight division.
Little Nut of Valor: Carey Roberts and Coach Dave.
A-List: Glenn Reynolds, because he’s so obviously a dolt, and yet, whenever the Regular Media quotes bloggers, there’s our little Glennie, drivelling and snivelling!
Academic: Come on. Ann Althouse has shone like a twinkly little star this year. As the elections approached, she became more and more incoherent, fluttery, and dithering. By the end of the year, I predict she will be completelimad and believing that she’s Heidi Klum. And posting in that persona. I can’t wait.
Fellow: This is where I would put Dr. Mike. The dustup with PZ has really made him a contender. The beauty part is, if you play it right, you could probably get him to list it in his bio. I’m totally serious about this. And it might help him make full Professor! Or get him fired. Hmm.
Religious: Doghouse is on the money about The Anchoress. Her recent deconstruction of passionate religious sexuality was personal, detailed and enough to put you off sex for the rest of your life. Alicublog has been following her descent into madness so we don’t have to.
Welfare Queen: Jonah. No contest. Even though he’s double-dipping by having a ‘real job’ ‘writing’ for the LA Times. Can’t wait for the book, Jonah! Is there anything we could do to like, help you out? Look stuff up for you, or anything? Just ask!
Little Nut: Marie Jon’. It’s not fair, I know, to call her a nut because she is obviously not terribly bright. But at least she has figured out (or someone has told her) that it’s best not to try to respond to the mockery of her latest idiocy in the comments section of Sadly, No!. If that was really she. I think it might have been. Someone has clued her in, I think, because she doesn’t seem to comment there any more.
Little Nut: Coach Dave. Don’t be a spaghetti pusher!
We cannot ignore this year’s contribution to wingnuttery by little Christian Wanksock, Virgin Ben and all the rest at Reagan’s Tots. I propose a new award category, to be called “Choking the chicken for Jesus” award.
How about a category for “I Used To Have Power But Now I’m Just A Wingnut”?
“Don Rumsfeld’s a tough act to follow.”
I am at a loss for words.
I’m voting for Pammykins to go the distance. I guess she goes in the Hinderaker Fellow slot, unless you want to make a Chickenhawk/101st Keyboarder award…
Academic has to be Althouse, she’s a law prof. and was able to come up with this, “we ought to wonder why a court gets to decide what the law is and not the president.”
That is cutting edge stuff!
How about a “With logic like that…” Honorary Rightwinger award for a left-wingnut so out there that they make your brain hurt? The right-wingnuts are easier to find, to be sure, but we shouldn’t discriminate based on orientation. Or an “If X then not-X” or “If X then not-X, except when it’s X,” category. There’s been some really choice examples of that lately, between Rush saying that MJ Fox had to be “off his meds,” until it was pointed out that he had it backwards, which somehow “proved” his point. The analysis of the election results is providing a lot of top-notch material for this type of hilarity.
Also, I’m not sure that Pastor Mark would meet my personal definition of a wingnut. I tend to think of those as people completely lacking in basic logic or reason, who make no sense whatsoever. Wanting all the personal advantages of both worlds makes perfect sense. While they quite obviously aren’t mutually exclusive categories, it’s more the sign of an asshole than a wingnut.
Can we have a group award for most genocidal blog commenters? I mean, the folks at LGF and have been working really, really hard at it. They deserve recognition.
I’d like to call it the “Acres of Glass” award, but I’m easy.
A-List: Bill O’Reilly.
Falafel jammin’ fucktwit who probably still sleeps in a 50′s era bomb shelter and probably inhaled too much radon down there.
Academic Asshole: Ann Althorse.
-An idiot and still managing to pass as a working academic.
Hindrocket Chair of Blogging Fellow: Confederate Yankee.
-I’m with Mark S. on this one. C.Y. must start every morning by eating a shit sandwich.
Best Religious Kook Commentator: Pastor Swank.
-By a mile. He’s like a homeless Jerry Falwell only the smell is even worse.
Conservative Welfare Queen : Mary Katherine Ham. – On the Heritage teat for a good spell and she is just dumb. It’s hard to say even that without insulting the word “dumb”. When it comes to writing about stuff you have no knowledge of and doing it often, Mary is a regular teleprompter.
Little Nut of Valor: Jeff Goldstein.
This is perhaps the only moment in history that the words “Valor” and “Jeff Goldstein” will be this close together. Based on his charismatic debut on the Hot Air video log, he should perhaps take a career in radio- for the deaf.
Unfunny, unglued academic failiure bereft of talent. Able to bench 300 but unable to carry an M-16 in a hot zone. Actually serving in his favored war of choice, Pasty has far to promising a career in finding a full time job -sooner or later.
Special Mention: The Wizbang Blog – Wear a lead suit if you plan to visit, it’s bordering on a China syndrome for the amount of stupidity that abounds there.
Oh please, I have now heard as much as I want to hear by, about and from Jeff Goldstein for the rest of my existence. Thank you.
I almost hate to put Swank in the religious loonies category, because he’d win it in a walk, and there are so many other worthy contenders. Maybe we should give him the lifetime achievement award.
Anybody been keeping up with Resa LaRue Kirkland? She certainly seems to have the requisite amount of hostile maladjusted personality to make a run for the title.
I tend to think of those as people completely lacking in basic logic or reason
See, I consider that to be a mere trend in wingnuttery. “Right Wing Nut” long predates Reagan’s emptying our nation’s mental wards, thus paving the way, intentional or no, for Renew America. Your classic wingnut was not a person incapable of stringing words together to form thoughts, but someone like Russell Kirk or Bill Buckley, men of fine intellect and occasionally commanding insight who, nevertheless, unmistakably conveyed the fact that they’d rather explode than have to use a toilet stall previously occupied by a stevedore or commit hari-kari before giving free candy to a trick-or-treater. Someone who is capable of seeing distinctions and yet refuses to do so is a much bigger wingnut than, say, Pastor Swank, who is really just a photoreceptor cell of right wing lunacy.
You know if push came to shove it would be The World’s Greatest Blogging Team which would poison the Twin Cities water supply on the off chance it could be blamed on Arab terrorists or American liberals. Swank would be wading into the Atlantic in a full pack because he thought he saw something sparkly.
In the spirit of which I want to nominate David Brooks, if for nothing else than his recent “If you people fail to reelect a moderate like Rick Santorum then all hope is lost” column.
I also would like to propose a special election year award: the Flying Cars Award, to be given to the person who has made absolutely the worst predictions about the election. (You don’t necessarily have to limit it to the election. That “SCOTUS Santorum” thing was almost sublime.)
And can we automatically rename anything Bill O’Reilly wins to somehow include the word “Olbermann”, just to piss Bill-O off?
For Your Consideration for Little Nut of Valor:
Dan Riehl, arguably the stoopidest person on the planet.
ex: If we negotiate with Syria and Iran so we can exit Iraq, Bush is going to be played like a fiddle and the GWOT gets set back a decade.
If that is his direction, he should just turn the whole damned thing over to Harriet Miers and be done with it. Go hunting with Cheney, or something a little more safe than negotiating with regimes that want only your destruction.
“the GWOT gets set back a decade.”
If only there were any reason to believe Riehl knew what he was talking about, I think there’d be a large chunk of the population that would jump at the chance to “set it back a decade.” The good ole days, when only abortion clinics/gay clubs/Olympic squares got bombed. Give him a little leeway on “a decade” and Ann Coulter could even get the budding McVeighs to bomb the right building this time!
A-List: Pammycakes, Atlas Shrugged. The video blogs put her over the top.
Academic A–hole: Hugh Hewitt. Can this guy really be a professor? Seriously? Has anyone actually seen a diploma? I want some hard evidence…
Conservative Welfare Queen: Virgin Ben. Employed solely because of his nerdy undersexed moral outrage.
Chair of Blogging Fellow: John Stossel, the stealth wingnut
Religious Kook: Pastor Swank is the only possible nominee. This category should be retired in his honor, like how they retire old basketball jerseys.
Sorry to keep dribblin’ these in, but my short-term memory has endured a lot, y’know.
Pat Robertson had a pretty good year.
Ramesh Ponnuru, for writing a book calling Democrats baby snuffers, then whining about being taken wrong.
Frank Gaffney for calling the Dubai ports deal a “Harriet Miers moment”, thus crystalizing the two really big issues the Right had with the Bush administration (prior to losing the election, when Bush became “not conservative enough”), and for calling Rick Santorum “an American Churchill” and meaning Winston, not Randolph.
Dennis Miller, for explaining to the Daily Show audience that he’s a libertarian fucktard, not a conservative fucktard.
you need a bertie wooster award for British Idiot on Whom Oxbridge Education Was Most Obviously Wasted.
this year we have a tie between andrew sullivan and christopher hitchens. ‘this president really has lost it. it’s unhinged. in my view this man has lost his mind. … this isn’t an election any more, it’s an intervention.’ — sullivan
all it took was six years, 2.5 trillion in debt, a wholly unnecessary major war, and abu graib, and they figured it right out. them brits is quick, huh?
most amusing to see the rats going over the side in real time on msnbc here:
for British Idiot Most Obviously Wasted, it’s hitchens hands down.
Normally I’d cause not, but idiotic and statements. Encouraging just makes themselves even on second thought, vitriolic them more and make even.
See, the above is what happens to your brain when you even try to make a nomination by actually reading their bilge.

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