The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Tis the Season

Sorry to flake out, but I have a cold and I feel crummy, so I am going to go back to bed until it’s time to pick up the kitten.  I will tally the ULTMATE WINGNUT nominations later.
But for now, here’s some interesting WOC (War on Christmas) news from WorldNetDaily:
Have yourself a politically incorrect holiday season 
Drive ACLU bananas with this Thanksgiving, Christmas
You know, that’s the reason that I personally celebrate these holidays: just to annoy and enrage other people.
Are you tired of the annual ritual of Christmas tree burnings and Nativity scene demolition?
Even though I see them hundreds of them each season, I NEVER get tired of the annual Christmas tree burnings and Nativity scene demolitions! In fact, it just wouldn’t be Christmas without the yearly Christmas tree burnings (we usually dress up in our white capes and hood for this fun family activity — this year we’re going after the White House Christmas tree, so watch for us on TV!) and the ceremonial crèche demolitions (we usually invite Dick Cheney to come along with us as we shoot up Nativity scenes and other sitting targets throughout the state).

In fact, next to the annual “Running, Killing and Skinning of the Christian Warriors,” these traditions are the best part of Christmas!
Are you sick of being on the defensive each year as the American Civil Liberties Union wars against God in the public square?
How would you like to go on the offensive this year by proclaiming openly your God-given right to celebrate Him whenever and wherever you please?
Or, how would you like to just be offensive, by whining to the world that the clerk at BestBuy is infringing on your God-given right to worship Jesus in the big-screen TV department by failing to wish you a “Merry Christmas”?
This year, you don’t have to wait for the first salvo to be fired by the ACLU.
Start complaining to the media NOW!  Come on, it will be fun.  Plus, maybe you’ll get your name in the paper, or garner an invitation to appear on “The O’Reilly Factor” or “Hannity and Jesus Hater.”
This year, it’s your turn to go on the offensive for a politically incorrect, but spiritually correct, Thanksgiving and Christmas season.
But there’s no time to lose.
Because the ACLU forces could capture and kill you at any minute! They are worthy adversaries, so you must buy lots of wrist bands, magnets, and pins if you hope to defeat them!

Yes, as you might have guessed, the WND plan to help you be offensive this season is to sell you their own crappy “It’s Christmas, Dammit!” line of merchandise.

As usual, our favorite is the “Operation: Just Say ‘Merry Christmas’ bracelets.” This “Defending Jesus from the Secularists at PetSmart” item sells for $2, even though one would think that you’d pay at least .50 for a rubber band of this quality. (As WND says, “They’re priced inexpensively so you can buy quantities and give them away to other likeminded friends or, for a real laugh, your local ACLU activist.” Ha ha, what a merry prank that would be!)

But there’s another reason to buy them!
The enemies of Christmas have succeeded in making Christians feel as if we are bad and intolerant to wish someone a Merry Christmas.This is political correctness run amok. We have reached an all time low point in our nation’s history when human sensibilities are elevated above offending Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is long past the time for Christians to stand firm in our faith.In an effort to help turn the tide, Dan and Jennifer Giroux have created this Christmas bracelet to help emphasize once again that the central focus of this season is the Birth of the Christ Child

We like the bracelets not only because they pioneered the way for “Wish Me A Merry Christmas or Go to Hell” stuff being sold by rival martyr groups this year, or because they were designed to make Christians feel better about being intolerant, but also because they were the invention of our good friend Jen Giroux, the women who said that the devastating tsunamis of 2004 were a result of “taking Christ out of Christmas.”

And, as you will recall, Jen is not only the woman whose main claim to fame is that she started a women’s action group to defend “The Passion of the Christ” from its detractors, she’s also the sister of perennial political candidate Jim Condit, Jr., the guy who said that you could be executed for celebrating Christmas unless we changed our laws, because “Congress now says America’s basic laws are the Noahide laws — laws invented by Jewish rabbis. Under the NOAHIDE laws, if anyone practices Christianity [such as celebrates Christmas], they will be tried by a court of Jewish rabbis and sentenced to death.”

And speaking of anti-Semitic nutcases, what has Jim been up to lately? Let’s see if this recent Chicago Tribune piece gives us a clue:
Airwaves shouldn’t be open to vile politics

The 60-second commercial that began airing last week on WLS-AM 890 is almost too toxic to quote. The basic thrust was that Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff is part of a traitorous Jewish conspiracy that engineered the 9/11 attacks.

Only in the quick tag line at the end–”Paid for by Jim Condit Jr. for Congress”–was there a clue why the station had apparently abandoned a long-standing tradition among mainstream broadcasters not to sell airtime to peddlers of paranoid, prejudicial poison.

Federal Communications Commission regulations require that broadcasters sell airtime to legally qualified political candidates prior to elections. And at first, WLS general manager John Gallagher thought the station had no choice but to air Condit’s spots.

Even though he’s just a write-in candidate. Even though he’s running in an Ohio district more than 300 miles from Chicago. Even though, last time he ran, he received just 10 votes. Even though it’s obvious his candidacy is a pretext for violating the spirit and intent of the law.

WLS’ 50,000-watt, clear-channel signal usually comes in strong in Ohio after sundown. Therefore, a lawyer in the FCC office that deals with political broadcasting regulations told me, Condit is entitled to buy commercial time as long as his message isn’t obscene and he qualifies as a legal candidate in his district.

If WLS refuses, the FCC lawyer said, the station risks losing its license if the commission finds it in “willful or repeated” violation of the candidate-access rules.

WLS decided to refuse anyway. After airing Condit’s harangue “less than 10 times,” Gallagher said, and touching off objections from listeners and on-air hosts, the station decided to declare Condit’s district outside of its coverage area and pull the ads. The station’s secondary reason was that Condit is not a bona fide candidate, as the law requires, in that he does not appear to be engaged in any “activities commonly associated with political campaigning,” aside from hurling invective.

It’s outrageous that the station has to gamble its future so as not to facilitate the dissemination of such hate.

WLS afternoon drive host Roe Conn had a great response to discourage future opportunists: He said he will personally donate $6,500, the amount Condit paid WLS, to the Jewish United Fund and the World Trade Center Memorial Foundation.
Good for Roe Conn!

But from this item we can see that everything is just the same with Jim, and so we can go back to ignoring him, and start wondering about those ten people who voted for him.

But back to our central theme, which is that as you celebrate Christmas this year, try to do in an as offensive and belligerent manner as possible, so you can piss off everybody who doesn’t love Jesus as much as you do.

40 Responses to “Tis the Season”

The church that I grew up going to always had a prayer service to burn Christmas trees after the season. Clearly they should have been renamed St. ALCU’s, it does have a ring to it.
OK, I’m just baffled now. Jesus is the reason for Thanksgiving now? I thought it was corn or something.
And where has New Year’s Day gone off to in their approved “holiday season”? And is it about Jesus, or not? Maybe it’s the commemoration of the night he got really plastered with Dick Clark and dropped a giant sparkly ball on a city just to see what would happen. (Oh, like Dick wasn’t around then.)
As a secular-Christmas lover (sparkly things! Whee!), I’m not generally offended when people wish me a Merry Christmas. But man, the last few years, those who dare to defy the “Holidays” juggernaut and say it have often done so with a tone that says, “Yeah, I said it, bitch. What are YOU gonna do about it?” And if that doesn’t take the Jesus out of the season, I don’t know what does.
Buy a magnetic bumper sticker? Or purchase a bracelet?
I find this crass commercialization of the “War Against Christmas” to be rather depressing.
When will these people put the CHRIST back into the “War On Christmas”?
What will Jen do when the ACLU steps in to support her brother’s hate speech commercials?
And, no, Jen, the ACLU *never* “fires the first salvos”. At this point I think we all know what triggers ACLU complaints (And don’t imagine they’re sitting there in their offices weeping gently because someone put up a Christmas tree without an accompanying Menorah on the courtyhouse lawn–It’s entirely a technical issue. They’re not angry or upset about it, they’re just doing paperwork. That’s what the ACLU does. They don’t seem to take any issues personally, or they sure wouldn’t have defended Rush Limbaugh.), and doing those things in order to piss them off removes your right to bitch that they filed complaints, as well as being pointless on the pissing-them-off front.
If you want to put up your decalogues and your Christmas trees and your large, seasonally appropriate notices that everyone who says “happy holidays” is going to roast in hell, do it in your own yard. Your homeowners association may bitch, but the ACLU doesn’t give a rat’s ass.
Seriously, isn’t this the time of year when you could be using your organization’s budget to help the poor and homeless who are dying of exposure in the streets? Somehow it’s more appropriate to spend it on a massive campaign to go out of your way to make people angry and get people to boycott Best Buy.
How very Christian. I’m sure it’s exactly what Jesus would do.
New York composts Christmas trees. Government pays for it with taxes.
Imagine. Sodom on the Hudson, tool of the ecoterrorists.
Wish I was as eloquent as D. Sidhe. Oh, and happy holidays to all.
Haven’t you heard? The real worry is the war on Cephalopodmas.
PZ!!1! My hero!1! [swoon]
***** * * * awhuh? Where am I? What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, teh “War” On Christmas. Feh. When I get wished “Merry Christmas!”, how I react depends mostly upon who it is smiting me with that wish, and a little on where I am being wished that. Family, friends, people I know at least fairly well–these are people who I know are just wishing me well, and are not trying to convert me to Christianity. So, I’ll likely respond along the lines of, “And you, too.” Nice and simple.
From perfect strangers, it depends a lot on where I run into them. In a gay bar, I’ll probably figure that they’re not Christianists, especially if they’ve got a hand on my ass, their tongue down my throat, or other, more intimate things going on. But, even there, if they have that typical glassy-eyed fundie stare, look out!
Out in the unfriendly expanse of the world, I would generally reply to “Merry Christmas!” (especially if it’s said in that weird, confrontational tone some fundies take) with, “I’m sorry, but I don’t celebrate that holiday” and try to leave it at that. The expressions on their faces are guaranteed to be hilarious! note, however, that this method can generate loud, confrontational arguments, and even violence, so use it at your own risk.
Come to think of it, my “proof” of non-funnymentalism is probably a non-starter in these post-Reverand Haggard days. Just because I have sex with some dude doesn’t mean he’s not a prominent Christian pastor, priest, or Cardinal. Or Imam or Rabbi, for that matter*.
*The wiccans probably don’t give a crap.
It was that “rat’s ass” thing that gave me away, wasn’t it.
Rest assured, I already have an octopus hand puppet that will top my tree this year. If I can find some green tinsel, it’ll all have that nice seaweed look to go with the various fishy ornaments, including the little octopus in a Santa hat someone sent me.
And if people don’t wish me a Merry Cephalopodmas, and do it *right*, I’m soaking them with my squirtee rubber vampire squid. Consider yourselves warned.
Bill O’Reilly would approve.
And the page for Annti’s friend Lee is up and apparently working fine.
Where do they come up with this persecution shit? (Other than their asses.)
“How would you like to go on the offensive this year by proclaiming openly your God-given right to celebrate Him whenever and wherever you please.”
So these nitwits have a God-given right to celebrate Christmas whenever and wherever they please. Can someone familiarize me with the part of the constitution that says Fundamentalist Christians can show up at, say, 3 in the afternoon on a Tuesday in July to sing “O Little Town of Bethlehem” at the mosque or synagogue of their choice.
he does not appear to be engaged in any “activities commonly associated with political campaigning,” aside from hurling invective
There’s some other activity besides hurling invective that’s commonly associated with political campaigning? Who’da suspected?
I had one of those noahide-covered couches once.
These people just will not rest until they make every American as filled with impotent, pointless rage as they are. Seriously, how empty and sad must your life be if you are driven to hate by the Christmas season? When did Christianity become all about pissing people off in the name of Jesus while you buy you overpriced crap?
tomg: it isn’t in the Constitution because it’s a “God-given” right.
Comrades, is it OK for this here atheist (and ACLU card-carrying member) to have already set up his fake Xmas tree up in the living-room? We even put up the lights in the tree. No ornaments yet, except for the one I got with the videotape of Matt Groening Olive a few years back. No Nativity Scene because the family’s puppy might try to run away with one of the Three Wise Men.
Thanks Constitution Guy. Of course it wouldn’t be in the Constitution. All mention of God, the Creator, Christmas and Bill O’Reilly were ripped out the original wersion by the ACLU. In fact, though, I did find it in the Declaration of Independence:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, the pursuit of Happiness and the right to show up at, say, 3 in the afternoon on a Tuesday in July to sing “O Little Town of Bethlehem” at the mosque or synagogue of one’s choice.”
It always makes me proud to see soemthing good going on in sweet home Chicago, even if it takes a bit for the ability to ditinguish right from wrong to sink in.
And I can only imagine two reactions of those around me for whom I purchase such lovely gifts as rubber wristbands: 1)you cheap bastard, and 2) are you fuckin’ stupid?
I do invite everyone to join this year in the Third Annual Informal Audit of Church Nativity Scenes, which tallies occurances of the sacred relic which is so goddam crucial to proper observance of the holiest day on the Christian calendar they can demand tax monies be spent to rub other peoples’ noses in it, but don’t bother actually putting the damn things up ourselves.
Last year, if memory serves, I counted three creches in my survey of fifty churches, and two of those were on private property I passed along the way.
Survey takers should note the presence of light-up Magi, signifying textual illiteracy over and above the couldn’t-possibly-have-happened-that-way Nativity tale, and (I’m assuming this applies only to private displays) the presence of Santy, red-bulb-nosed reindeer, or other concurrent Christmas kitsch in the same display.
The whole concept of Christmas is vulgar and repulsive to the faithful.
I just realized I screwed-up the link on my other posting {my apologies}.Try following the links for this instead ;
Are you tired of the annual ritual of Christmas tree burnings
I think the Jews call ‘em “menorahs”…
No true believer in Christ celebrates christmas anyway,It’s simply a pagan/passover hybrid.Not to mention the fact that we are supposed to reject capitalism in all it’s insidious forms !
Explains all;
Are you sick of being on the defensive each year as the American Civil Liberties Union wars against God in the public square?
SUNDAY! Sunday! Sunday! One day only, in the Public Square Arena!
God versus The ACLU!
Grudge Match!
Only one can survive!
The Mashiach cult is Jewish, not Christian. That would be like the Pentecostals explaining why the dreidel is a form of gambling.
Too good. I’m reminded to ask, where does a Bible tell me how to celebrate Christmas?
It was done a bit differently in my day:
Interview studio; interviewer in the middle. There is a monsignor in full clerical garb with skull-cap, and opposite him a tweed-suite, old Don figure.
Interviewer Good evening, and welcome once again to the Epilogue. On the programme this evening we have Monsignor Edward Gay, visiting Pastoral Emissary of the Somerset Theological College and author of a number of books about belief, the most recent of which is the best seller ‘My God’. And opposite him we have Dr Tom Jack: humanist, broadcaster, lecturer and author of the book ‘Hello Sailor’. Tonight, instead of discussing the existence or non-existence of God, they have decided to fight for it. The existence, or non-existence, to be determined by two falls, two submissions, or a knockout. All right boys, let’s get to it. Your master of ceremonies for this evening – Mr Arthur Waring.
The participants move into a wrestling ring
MC Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to a three-round contest of the Epilogue. Introducing on my right in the blue corner, appearing for Jehovah – the ever popular Monsignor Eddie Gay. (there are boos from the crowd) And on my left in the red corner – author of the books ‘The Problems of Kierkegaard’ and ‘Hello Sailor’ and visiting Professor of Modern Theological Philosophy at the University of East Anglia – from Wigan – Dr Tom Jack! (cheers; gong goes for the start)
I know what you mean, Elizabeth. Some woman snarled Merry Christmas at me in mid November last year. I gently reminded her that it was not Christmas. I always do that unless it is December 24th or 25th. I will Merry Christmas you to death on those days. But no others.
If Jesus gets offended when Laqueesha at the local Best Buy wishes me a happy holidays instead of a merry Christmas, then he’s a little pansy god.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Give Christians a real reason to feel persecuted.
Worship Ba’al.
Can any of these poor persecuted victims point out just one case where someone was harrassed for saying Merry Christmas?
I swear, it’s like they want to change the US motto from “E Pluribus Unum” to “My Way Or The Highway.”
Can any of these poor persecuted victims point out just one case where someone was harrassed for saying Merry Christmas?
Left by Realist

Well, George Bailey DID get some strange looks when he ran down Main Street in Bedford….especially from that “Bert” guy, and we all know how close he is to Osama
I thought it was Ernie who was really tight with Osama.
We have reached an all time low point in our nation’s history when human sensibilities are elevated above offending Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
You heard it here first, folks. Not saying “Merry Christmas” to every Tom, Dick and Harry that walks by is officially worse than slavery.
Please support the War On Christmas at
Also, I think there are far more interesting fictional characters that deserve to have holidays in their honor. Christmas should be canceled in favor of Dorian Gray Day
To bad the whole story about Jesus in the manger, three wise men etc. is latter day fake and fluff up. The gospels make no mention of it. Even the Christian guy who wrote the fairly interesting historical book Jesus: the Evidence says this is probably the weakest and most unsupported aspect of Jesus being a real, living guy. The truth is much more interesting anyways, being that Christmas was a non-Christian holiday for probly thousands of years that then got grafted into a Christian holiday as various parts of pagan Celtic and Gallic Europe became Christianized.
Respect your Pagan heritage!!! Hey, it outfits me with new socks once a year. I can’t complain, nor do my feet. Kool.
OK, I’m just baffled now. Jesus is the reason for Thanksgiving now? I thought it was corn or something.
Tell me about it. The War on Christmas seems to start earlier every year. Why,this year it was only late October and the store was already displaying the holiday tree decorated with cute little metallic ACLU logos. Also displayed were the ubiquitous miniture holiday villages (creche-free,of course, although you could purchase an optional miniature mosque).
All this while we were still rushing to finish the satanic rituals around Halloween!
Thanks for keeping the spirit of Christmas alive. I’ve been fighting on the Best Buy front on the war on Christmas with an original song that seems to be generating lots of interest.
As you may know, Best Buy banned the use of “Merry Christmas” in their ads this year. It caused me to wonder what kind of an Inn Best Buy would be if it were an Inn, and not a department store, back in Bethlehem when Jesus was born. That thought gave birth to this song:
Best Buy Inn
words and music by Dr. BLT (c)2006
Well, it… kinda… WOULDN’T MATTER since there was no Christmas back then so who cares?

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