The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Monday, February 21, 2011

Speak of Evil Bobs...

. . . I just saw Bob Dornan on MSNBC (apparently Chris Matthews invited him on to speak about the changes in the House, or something). Anyway, at the point I tuned in, Bob was taking about his efforts to protect the House pages from homosexuals. He said something like, “The Republicans didn’t send us to Washington to let homosexuals be in leadership over the pages.” When Chris asked him if he was saying that all homosexual House members had problems “controlling themselves” around young men, Bob said (as best as I can recall), “Having gays around the pages is like mixing nitro with glycerin.”

You should know you’ve gone too far when Chris Matthews accuses you of being irresponsible, but Bob was unrepentant — so, I imagine he’ll be invited back to MSNBC soon, because they find him such a credible, authentic voice of the GOP.

But if they don’t have him back, at least Bob has his movie career to fall back on . . .
Interestingly enough, while doing a search for images of The Starfighters, I came across this Orange County Weekly story which indicates that despite the image he cultivates of being a war hero, Bob actually avoided combat in Korea because he chose to instead attend acting school.  Cinemaphiles will be eternally grateful for his sacrifice

7 Responses to “Speaking of Evil Bobs …”

One of the best MST3Ks ever !
“the scintilatting re-fueling scene !”
“You see, Timmy, when a boy plane loves a girl plane very much….”
“You’re lookin’ pretty chipper. Somebody get refueled this weekend…?”
You know, SZ, I was *just* getting over my chest cold….OW! Hurt. Must. Stop. Laughing!
Now, the superior power of teh Gheyness is a little-known fact, outside the Circuit scene. For the sake of me avoiding a vicious multi-person slap-fight (and don’t think the Gay Mafia won’t order one done to me), please don’t let anyone at a Circuit party know that it was I who revealed these long-secret superpowers to you.
A good examole is last night. I was cruising the line of straight boys waiting for midnight and the disappointment on not getting a Playstation 3. Here’s how the dialogue went:
Marq; “Hey, d00ds, any of you want some nice head while you’re waiting for your PS3, in front of God and everyone?”
Boys (and twenty-something men. OK, some thirty and forty-somethings, too): “No way!” “Fag!” “Dude, that’d be gay!” “Fuck you!” (was that an offer? hm, probably not) “Eat shit and die, faggot!” “In front of… GggGggawd‽‽‽” [faints] Etc., etc.
Then I applied the magic words o’ gayness (note: these words don’t work for straight men, and will only get you beat-up if you are straight):
M: “But it’d be a faaaaabulous blow job!”
Boys, etc.: [zzzziiippp] [unbutton] [zzziiipppp] one boy, “In front of God? PS3? Uuuh, crowds… hardons.. aaahhhh ssshhhhhiiiiitttttt!!1!!” yeah, he came in his pants. At this point, with so many tumescent boys on display, rioting breaks out (my actual goal!), but being one to never miss out on an opportunity, I stuff my car full of excited boys.
M: “We’re going for a ride, boiz. I’ll get you back by midnight!”
I was lying, but what the hey, everyone had a good time. And, from where they were standing in line, they never would have gotten a PS3 anyway. I gave a couple away as prizes for the boys that were the most flexible and could do the most amazing things to themselves and to others. All in all, a pleasant evening.
Other words that work are “super” “righteous” (yeah, I know, but it works) “aawwwwwsome” and, of course, “jizztastic.” That’s not all of ‘em, but a sample.
The Wii release was pretty subdued by comparison. Sure, a fair number of people, but plenty o’ game consoles. Still, I can never resist screwing an 18-year-old boy dressed-up as Mario–there’s just something about the fake, plastic mustache that gets to me every time! Workin’ them out of those coveralls is fun, too… but, I make them keep the gloves on.
After a pair of comments like those, I notice that few dare follow. Where the hell is Annti to spank me?

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