The World O' Crap Archive

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Monday, February 21, 2011

More Evil Bob News

Bob the kitten has turned out to be quite the little dictator. He demands food every hour or so by mewing loudly and commandingly. He’s already bossing around the big cats (and the dogs, who stay out of his way) — he even stood up to “Jumbo” Jet Jaguar, who outweighs him by about 18 pounds. Bob also engaged in a preemptive strike on my spider plant, totally destroying it, and also taught the little plastic ball a thing or two.

Next thing I know, he’ll be holding rallies in the kitchen, and invading Poland — so, I thought about naming him “Bob Hitler.” But then I decided that this was kind of insensitive (plus, right now he is curled up on my lap, and I don’t want to anger him). Therefore, I might have to go to my second choice name: “Bob O’Reilly.” (Okay, I said before that naming an innocent cat after Bill “Falafel” O’Reilly was cruel, but I’m pretty sure that this kitten will be flattered, rather than dismayed it all.) But I’ll just call him Bob for now, and see if something more appropriate comes up.

Bob’s little cage mate “Fluffy” (I’m still working on a better name for him) has eagerly tried some of the various victuals I’ve offered him — but then later, when he gets a stomach ache and diarrhea, won’t eat those foods again (and having gone through dry kitten food, canned kitten food, tuna, chicken breast, and yogurt, we’re running out of options here). So, I talked to the vet, and she said to give him an appropriate dose of the antibiotic that was prescribed for Kit’s digestive tract problems. Hopefully this will help, because the little thing is so sweet that I want him to be more comfortable, and to gain some weight soon.

Anyway, speaking of the other Evil Bob, I figured out why he was on MSNBC the other day: he’s starting his presidential campaign! Here’s the scoop (via Wonkette):
I just got off the phone with former congressman and talk show host Bob Dornan, who is considering. . . a run for President.
“I can’t stand the thought of my party having as its three front-runners three open adulterers, Newt Gingrich, Giuliani, and McCain,” Dornan said.
And this is wrong, because the GOP has always been the party of closeted adultery!

Anyway, Bob feels that Evangelicals, Orthodox Jews, and “practicing Catholics” would rather have a nut like him for President than one of the front-running sinners. Bob also wants to purge the GOP of homosexuality, which he called “a cancer within my Party.” I guess Bob considers racism, corruption, and demagoguery to be intrinsic to his Party, because apparently he’s not going to combat them as part of his contemplated campaign platform.

In any case, unless Pastor Swank happens to throw his hat into the ring, Bob Dornan will be our official WO’C Presidential Wingnut pick of 2008. I invite you all to don your Poopie Suits to show your support of Bob’s candidacy.

16 Responses to “More Evil Bob News”

Well, you could explain to Bob…your Bob, I mean…that he’s named after the Who song…
s.z. I posted on the earlier kitten thread about some feeding ideas for Fluffy. Hope that Fluffy (and you) will be feeling better soon.
Too bad we live so far apart (I’m in Missouri) or Big Bad Bob could romp with Ganesh Bengal Cat (nearly 20 pounds of muscle and zero ounces of brain), who rode roughshod over my brother’s Giant Poodle (close to 70 pounds) on a regular basis.
They loved to play together; my brother referred to Chloe the Giant Poodle as Ganesh’s girlfriend. I believe the more accurate term would be Ganesh’s Bitch, but my brother was being polite in mixed company.
Ganesh misses her terribly now that my brother lives across town instead of next door.
All of the dogs in my apartment building are terrified of him; when he walks out on his harness they cower, unfortunately, no matter how friendly he tries to be, and he has no canine buddies now. One of the dogs will not even allow her owner to walk her past my door; he has to use another staircase to take her outside.
However, a Bichon puppy, Henry (5 months old), has just taken up residence down the hall, and does not appear to fear him, so perhaps he will have a new playmate soon.
Um, how is Bob the kitten different from any other cat?
Bob also engaged in a preemptive strike on my spider plant, totally destroying it, and also taught the little plastic ball a thing or two.
That made my day. I sympathise, though. My older cat has apparently decided that crapping on the carpet once a day will bend me to her will. It is not unlike being owned by Ralph Reed. Or Tim Eyman.
Anyway, I’ve said it elsewhere and I’ll say it here: I completely want Bob Dornan on the 08 ticket. I wouldn’t put it past the GOP voters to elect some nutjob like George Allen, even now, but even they’d have to hesitate at Bob, though I admit I’d feel a lot safer making that call if they put Alan Keyes on as the VP nom.
Did something change in the template again? The background behind the Name/E-Mail/Website fields and the “Compose Message” field is now black with blue text. I’m finding it difficult to read (yes, my eye is teh suxxor). I can still see the text in the message compose box, though :)
I second D. Sidhe’s desore to see Dornan nominated on the Republican ticket. What a gift that would be to whomever we nominate! To quote Judge Doom in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” “It wil be… so… beautiful.” And, it would be great, like Sidhe said, if Alan Keyes was in the mix somewhere. Just picture it: Dornan & Keyes ’08. The “I hate your gay daughter”/”I hate my gay daughter, too!” ticket! Bwah-ha-ha-haaa!
Huh. When I hit “Submit,” the black background went white. Very odd. I guess gawd likes for me to “submit.” Consider it done!
“desire,” damnit, “desire.” Shit on a stick!!1!!one!!!
You know, WO’C and Sadly, No! not having “Preview” buttons is just killing me. Inch by inch (no entendre, single, double, or quadruple intended. mebbe triple).
There’s always Bob the Angry Flower.
Somebody beat me to the fuckin’ Bob The Angry Flower reference.
There’s always the Church Of The Sub…whatever. That Bob.
And Bobbing For Apples.
But please, PLEASE don’t name him after teh Bob in teh enzyte commercials!!!! Gack.
Even as a lark, it’d give me an aneurism. Personally, I’d rather just see Cyborg Cheney explode onstage, and then I could die a happy woman.
Back to the relentless blog-whoring…
We now return you to your regular programming…
There are fewer people to whom the label “Sub-Genius” applies better than Bob Dornan.
And ditto on those fucking commercials. How is it possible for the gender that’s ruling–and fucking up–the entire world to be so goddamned insecure?
My darling D.!
But of COURSE they’re all worried about their pee-pees… the pollution and genetic cluster-fucking of the food animals and the produce and the drugs and alcohol that they ingest hath rendered their very IDENTITIES null and void, so of COURSE they’ve got to go out and take that sexual frustration/inadequacy out on the rest of the fucking PLANET.
Y’think that Alexander The Great was the butt of too many jokes in the communal showers?
So to speak.
Look at Hitler, for fuck’s sake… Do ya think that she stuck by him for his charm, affection, and lovemakin’ gifts? Pfft. Just another Carmen Electra, pre-implants.
That’s what kills me about this generation of girls my nieces’ age — they have been trained by the Reagan-spawned commercial interests that the most important thing about THEM is if they can “GET” a man with MONEY, ’cause no man is worth anything unless he’s RICH.
So sad on so many levels. Granted, I think that my nieces are a little more highly-evolved than that, but even they have their moments of shallowness… Which are, unfortunately, balanced-out by their many moments of playing sugar-mamas to too many “pretty boys.”
Are ALL of the highly-evolved guys over 40 now? Aren’t there ANY decent, humane, open-hearted men (like the ones here) that I could fix my nieces up with, so that they might see what it’s like to be treated with RESPECT?!?!??!
Aw, crap, here I go on another tangent… Sorry, but when we get to talkin’ ’bout the short-dick sadists who wanna run the world, I can’t forget all of the really good, really decent men that we KNOW, and the millions more that we know are out there, but for some reason, the bimbettes of today, the chicks who think of feminism as a quaint antiquity, have no fucking concept of their worth or that they are the ones who really VALUE women.
Small wonder I’ve got so much grey & white hair, huh.
Annti, who’s worried about his own pee-pee? I’m too busy takin’ care of other guy’s. Heh. ;)
s.z. honey, have you tried baby food? I’ve found chicken, turkey or lamb Gerber’s (unfortunately they don’t make any fish-flavored) often works for a cat with digestive problems.
oh, and Bob isn’t a bad catname- we had one who we got just after we saw Lost in Translation, so we called him Bobboo (“Bobboo, Bobboo, Bobboo!!).
and Fluffy looks like a gremlin.
Fluffy does NOT look like a Gremlin, dammit!
A Mogwai, MAYBE, but they’re CUTE!!!
And Marq, princess, darling heart, much as I love you and am so glad that you are still here amongst family & friends, and OBVIOUSLY feeling better (and randier, as always) — that SO wasn’t the POINT.
And if you make a pun out of “point,” I’m going to sic the Mormons AND the Jeeehovers on yer perky little ass.

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