Winning Isn't Everything, But It Does Give You Imaginary Hoodie Points

Here are the answers to Sunday’s “WHO SAID IT?” contest, and the winners for this round. Sorry it’s taken me so long to get this posted, but I’ve experienced major technical problems each time I’ve tried to put this thing together.  I blame AOL, Word Press (which I really, REALLY hate), EMachines, and NSA).

There were some great answers, so I encourage everyone to read the comments for that post, because I am too frazzled to post all the funny ones.  But be advised that many more style points were earned than will be awarded this time.  Sorry.  

Also, if I mistakenly miscredited the wrong person for being the first to name the Mystery Guest, I am also sorry, but take comfort in knowing that after Armageddon, God will sort it all out. Now, let’s get started before something else goes wrong.

 1.  Peggy Noonan — Bill S.

And a style point to julia for the following:

When you consider that she thought Reagan’s organic brain dysfunction was a sign of zenlike deeper wisdom, 1 would pretty much have to be our girl Peg.

2. Bill O’Reilly- Zeno

Zeno also gets a style point for this:

#2 is Bill O’Reilly, fun-loving sexual predator and, in his own opinion, one of the smartest men on the planet. I await his attack on Noonan for her glorification of stupidity.

.3.  Pastor Swank – Bill S.
 

And a style point to Marq for:

J. Grant Swank, Jr., master of the mystic arts. His long sabbatical (to the Westboro Baptist Church) has finally paid off, and he knows who’s *really* behind everything bad–Doug Giles!

4.  Doug Giles – Christopher
 

And a style point to D. Sidhe for the following:

Should a guy who “repeatedly pees on the toilet seat” be trusted with guns? Someone needs to practice his aim before being handed live ammo.

A point also to Marq for:

And speaking of the “manly” Pastor Giles… Excuse me, smoking cigars in his wife’s closet?!? Somebody must be pleased when her lace teddy smells like an ashtray, but I bet it osn’t *her*. Maybe it makes Dougie feel more comfortable when he slips it on, who knows?

5.   Ann Coulter – Zeno

Style points to Marq for:

mAnn-hands Coulter, patiently awaiting the arrival of the cops to arrest her for that fake NY Times “mAnnthrax” letter like Karen Black at the end of Trilogy Of Terror…*chock* *chock* *chock*.

6.  Roger L. Simon – Zeno

Style points to Christopher for

Dr. Victor Frankenstein.

The tip-off was this: “… A literal living chronology of the ongoing Israel-Hezbollah War has been created…”

That’s right, this chronicle is a lving being. Apparently Dr. Frankenstein is spending his spare time tatooing the monster with a pictoral history of the middle east. This will only end in tears.

7.  Rush Limbaugh – Christopher

Style points to preznit giv me turkee for his answer:

Rush (fka BlowHard) Limbaugh- after realising he had been taken in by the Costa Rican “you gotta get the girl pregnant so we can the abort the fetus to provide you with stem cells to grow a new liver, kidneys etc” scammers.

8.  George W. Bush - Clif

Style points to Tara the anti-social social worker for her answer:

Thomas Sowell – he meant to say they are “now” spare parts.

Style points also to Marq for:

Chimpy McHitlerburton? Commander Coo-Coo Bananas? Dumbya? Incurious George? El Gringo Loco? The Littlest Preznit? Jeebus v2.0? Drunky McDrunkington? Shrubby Arbusto? Teh Cheerleader In Chief? Condi’s Husband? Spendy “It’s Only Credit” McDefecitington? I Spy (with my little NSA) Something Beginning With Dubya? Worst. Preznit. Evah? oh, yeah–It’s George W. Bush. Bleah!

First to get them all right in one post was Zeno, who may or may not have cheated, but since he did it with style, he is allowed to get away with it.
 

Congratulations to everyone!  Save your points, because some day you might be able to trade them for cool prizes, such as this hooded sweatshirt from American Life League:

Front: Abortion is homicide

Back: You will not silence my message / You will not mock my God / You will stop killing my generation.

“My generation”?  I guess it’s a little tiny sweatshirt for embryos to wear while they work out in the womb.  It’s probably all the rage among the Snowflakes.

Posted by s.z. on Wednesday, July 26th, 2006 at 4:18 am.

Hey, I got O’Reilly first. It wouldn’t bug me, but it was in the same sentence I mentioned Noonan. Oh well, if it means Zeno gets the sweatshirt instead of me, I can live with it.

Left by Bill S on July 26th, 2006

That’s a truly repulsive sweatshirt, isn’t it. WTF is with this “mocking God” thing? I’m reasonably certain the Bill of Rights says I can, and all you can do in return is A) mock my gods (feel free, btw) or B) hope you’re right enough that your god will get even with me later.
My gods aren’t even omnipotent and they don’t get all freaky about being mocked. Although, I suspect their god cares less than they do.
So maybe the shirt should really say, “You will not mock my beliefs.” Which I guess is not that defiant, really. Kind of petulant, actually.
The whole thing gives me that “You’re lucky my chick’s here” vibe for some reason.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 26th, 2006

I really hate it when some modern day punk-ass appropriates any lines from Who lyrics, which may just embody my god thing, so don’t fuck with me Snowflake.

Left by Heydave on July 26th, 2006

I woudda played if I’d known there were points. Because they are, you know, points!

Left by jpj on July 26th, 2006

Everybody! “Talkin’ ’bout killin’ my g-g-g-generation”

Left by FlipYrWhig on July 26th, 2006

That’s exactly what I first thought of, Heydave.
Talk ’bout k-k-k-illing . . . my generation!

Left by Mark S. on July 26th, 2006

Now *that’s* synchronicity.

Left by FlipYrWhig on July 26th, 2006

Say, when we shovel snow(flakes) in teh winter, does it mean we HATES TEH BABIEZ!!!1!?? Inquiring minds, and all that.

Left by Marq on July 26th, 2006

I woudda played if I’d known there were points. Because they are, you know, points!
And points mean prizes. What do points mean?
PRIZES!
(Even more points if anyone can name the source for this reference.)

Left by Auguste on July 26th, 2006

It’s too hot for a hoodie anyway. Do they have that saying printed on a speedo?

Left by Bill S on July 26th, 2006

I dunno if you’re allowed to hand out points on someone else’s blog, Auguste. And how is it I didn’t know you’d joined another blog? Now I have to start reading over there regularly, too. You people are the reason I don’t have a life.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 27th, 2006

And Bill S, you are a bad, bad man.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 27th, 2006

Ha Ha! Your God is funny looking and smells like butt.

Left by C.I. Dreyfus on July 27th, 2006

“You will stop killing my generation” obviously refers to an induced loss of sexual function. We are being accused of somehow causing them to lose their boners.
My campaign is succeeding.

Left by rat-terrier on July 27th, 2006

The Blastocyte Police will be knocking down my door any moment now. Conceivably I might have lost a fertilized, future American citizen this month. I’m afraid to put my used feminine-daintiness products–or even their wrappers!–in the trashcan for the Blastocyte Police to find, and it’s too d**n hot here in the District of Columbia to burn the evidence in the fireplace, much less wear one of those hoodies.
Farewell, dear friends!

Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on July 28th, 2006

Save yourself, Mrs. TBB!! Plant the evidence in your neighbors’ garbage can–frame them!!1!
Um, not the gay, make couple, though. Even Republicans aren’t st00pid enough to fall for that. ‘Course, they might very well turn them in to the Lambda Elimination Patrol….

Left by Marq on July 29th, 2006

Gah, typos. That was “[...]gay, male couple[...]“, of course.

Left by Marq on July 29th, 2006

Oh, but Marq, all our neighbors on both sides of the street are gay! I’d have to walk furtively down the alley into the next block to dump my personal items. Or maybe I’ll carry the detritus to the gas station, or Safeway, and put it in their trashcans. The mind boggles!

Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on July 31st, 2006

Happy Birthday, Heydave!

Where I live, it’s still the 24th, so Happy Birthday, HeyDave!

And where I live, today they had fireworks, parades, and pancake breakfasts, presumably all in your honor.  And it was a well-deserved tribute to an American patriot, I must say!

And on behalf of the blogosphere, allow me to continue the celebration by presenting you with a well-known photo stolen directly from http://www.hannity.com/.  You’re getting an image of TWO people you can be glad you’re not waking up with tomorrow morning – we must really like you! (Yeah, it was the least that we could do.)

P.S.  Here’s part of Debbie Schussel’s review of Clerks 2:

What is funny about losers who have no human decency? What is funny about drug dealers? What is funny about putting flies in someone’s cheeseburger and urine in someone’s drink at a fast-food joint?

If that’s funny to you, you’re a loser, much like Kevin Smith and his characters are. Sure, Smith–creator of the loseratti culture–is now a multi-millionaire from his movies, proving there’s no accounting for good taste in America. But he’s just a loser with money. He is subhuman, as evidenced by this sad, sick silver screen tale. He’ll never arise from the gutter.

I like the way Debbie doesn’t so much review movies as assassinate characters – she clearly believes in making art personal (in that it inspires her to personal attacks).  Of course, the only response to her taunt is the epigram, “It takes one to know one.”

However, I would like a response to one of the question she poses: “What is funny about losers who have no human decency?”

Debbie, Ann, Rush: any of you want to answer?

Posted by s.z. on Tuesday, July 25th, 2006 at 1:35 am.

I have to admit, flicks like Clerks seem like they’d have been really, really funny while I was still stoned most of the time. It’s a good thing I’m not a wingnut and therefore required to like or dislike culture based on who else likes or dislikes it and their political affiliations.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 25th, 2006

And, man, I continue to be creeped out by that shirt she’s wearing. Give me Ann in a minidress any day.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 25th, 2006

I guess I’m just old-fashioned, D. Sidhe, because I’d prefer to see her with a paper bag over her head.

Left by Bill S on July 25th, 2006

Oh, and a belated Happy Birthday to HeyDave! It be late ’cause I be slow.

Left by Bill S on July 25th, 2006

Deb’s got a problem with reality. I was listening to Howard Stern once when Jason Alexander was a guest. Deb called in to harangue Jason over the fact that he once attended an event sponsored by a group that (according to her) once said something vaguely positive about the PLO.
Anyway, she proceeded to call make fun of Jason for things his character George did on “Seinfeld.” When Jason tried to tell her that George is fiction, she just talked over him and kept acting as if everything stupid George Costanza ever did reflected badly on Jason.

Left by Bill on July 25th, 2006

Oh, wow, thanks! That photo managed to both creep me out and make me feel dirty, which was no doubt the intent.

Left by Heydave on July 25th, 2006

Hey s.z., you live in Utah? Or are there other states that celebrate the 24th for no particular reason?
TP in UT

Left by The Plebe on July 25th, 2006

Yeah, comedy is about upstanding people who never do anything wrong and have perfect lives.

Left by Hysterical Woman on July 25th, 2006

Jeebus, what a fucking moron! Man, doesn’t she understand that part of Smith’s schtick is making fun of the stoner culture? And in order to that, you have to depict it? What a troglodyte.

Left by JackGoff on July 25th, 2006

Regarding Debbie Slushbrain, the answer to any question about her that begins, “doesn’t she understand…” is always, “No, not at all, not even the slightest little bit.”

Left by Bill S on July 25th, 2006

I think my favorite line is:
“If that’s funny to you, you’re a loser, much like Kevin Smith and his characters are.”
How to critique like a wingnut! Perfect! Total intellectual vacuity while insulting all who disagree with you.
And Happy Birthday again, Heydave, even though I said it before over at that other place, one can never get enough Birthday!

Left by BeginningToWonder on July 25th, 2006

For some reason I have a feeling that Deb hasn’t laughed once in her life (except at poor\homless people.)

Left by Yaoi Huntress Earth on July 25th, 2006

Who’s the chick with the yabbos? Does she realize her face is kinda funny looking in a loser sort of way?

Left by actor212 on July 25th, 2006

was listening to Howard Stern once when Jason Alexander was a guest. Deb called in to harangue Jason
I learned something today. I learned that Debbie Schlussel was a regular on the Howard Stern show.
I also learned that anyone, anywhere who was a regular on Stern who also says something like “What is funny about losers who have no human decency? What is funny about drug dealers? What is funny about…” is officially a fucking idiot.

Left by Auguste on July 25th, 2006

I don’t know. My guess is that photo shows Hannity standing next to one of Jeff Koon’s sculptures.

Left by bidziliba on July 25th, 2006

What is funny about losers who have no human decency?
I don’t know, I find wingnuts fucking hilarious most of the time.

Left by Jack of None on July 25th, 2006

I’ll go with the bag if we can use a lawn refuse bag and put it over Hannity, too. Bet neither one of them could talk their way out of it, either.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 25th, 2006

How can you be mean to Debbie? Anyone who loves kittens enough to nest 20 of them under her shirt is fine by me…

Left by pastor maker on July 25th, 2006

That shirt, it’s like Thomas Kinkade vomited on her.

Left by Socraticsilence on July 26th, 2006

Happy Yesterday Birthday™, Heydave! May you live to see Shrub mad a stamp! (this, my SS friends, is called a “joke” [standard disclaimer]).
An excellent question, s.z.! And there are so many professional losers to choose from! Whether one wishes to use Grogan, Malkin, or ‘ Jon as an example, whether one chooses Savage or Limbaugh or Adams as the loseringest looser, they all have certain qualities in common.
For one thing, they can actually be the big winners and have it all, but still stubbornly *insist* on playing the victim card. Thus, they self-identify themselves as “losers” even having won. That’s sad comedy gold!
Conversely, one can be defeated and yet avoid the title, “loser.” This only works up to a certain point, though *ahem BaghdadBob ahem* You can only divorce yourself from reality for so long before people begin to do “crazy circles” behind your back.

Left by Marq on July 26th, 2006

Er, “made a stamp[...]“.

Left by Marq on July 26th, 2006

“What is funny about losers who have no human decency?”
I’m not sure, I better ask Homer Simpson (or nearly any other television father, for that matter)

Left by mdhatter on July 27th, 2006

Ah, losers — those who failed to win success in the popularity sweepstakes of high school, now revealed by Debbie as the best possible objects of contempt on earth. Not murderers, thieves, embezzlers, genocidal neocons, rapists — oh no! Why, even God hates losers. And the beauty of it is, you can call anybody you don’t like a loser, and then they are! Well, at least in what Debbie calls her mind….

Left by Temperance on July 27th, 2006

…and the rest of us call an empty, drafty, musty place, festering with layer upon layer of dust and mold.

Left by Bill S on July 28th, 2006

If You Don't Know What's Wrong, I'm Not Going to Tell You

I was enjoying breakfast on the lanai shortly after dawn this morning, and in between sips of macadamia nut-flavored coffee and the repetitious thud of golfballs from the nearby links bouncing off the roof, I read Maureen Dowd’s column in the Honolulu Star-Bulletin.  (I know, I know, but it was either that, or Garfield.)  And while I’m not particularly a fan of MoDo–her bon mots are more often mal mots–I did enjoy this:

The more W. and his tough, by-any-means-necessary superbabe have tried to tame the Middle East, the more enflamed the Middle East has become.  Now the secretary of state is, reluctantly and belatedly, doing some shuttle diplomacy that entails little diplomacy and no shuttling.  It’s more like air-guitar diplomacy.

But this is the part that really struck me:

Condi doesn’t want to talk to Hezbollah or its sponsors, Syria and Iran — “Syria knows what it needs to do,” she says with asperity

This is a tactic well-known amongst high school girls and I freely admit that at a certain time in my life (9th through 11th grades inclusive) I was highly susceptible to it.  But while I don’t dispute its efficacy as a behavior modification tool, its use by the United States Government raises some potentially disturbing issues.  Chief among them:  How long has our Secretary of State been going steady with Syria?  And is this just like a summer fling, or has Syria pinned her, and she’s told all her friends on the pep squad?

 I don’t have the answers, but I would suggest that when the various delegates meet to negotiate the terms of a heightened U.N. peacekeeping presence in southern Lebanon, if Secretary Rice appears wearing Syria’s letterman jacket, it could signal an historic shift in U.S. foreign policy.  On the other hand, if President Assad begins each press conference sitting glumly beneath the statue of Rodin’s The Thinker like the opening of The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis, then he’s probably never going to nail Condeeza Rice (Tuesday Weld), and is going to have to make do with Zelda Gilroy (John Bolton).

Posted by scott on Monday, July 24th, 2006 at 11:41 pm.

Hilarious and wrong. Have I mentioned how delighted I am that you’re co-blogging here? You two are fab.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 25th, 2006

and here I was thinking “that sounds like a line from ‘Heathers’”

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 25th, 2006

So who’s Maynard?

Left by Comfort Goodpasture on July 25th, 2006

Captalize Secretary of State, Dowd!

Left by Hysterical Woman on July 25th, 2006

Well, thank god she’s at least moved beyond the patticake with W stage (I hope).

Left by arghous on July 25th, 2006

FYI, the real Zelda Gilroy (Sheila Kuehl) is currently a California State Senator and gay/lesbian activist. Go know!

Left by The Kenosha Kid on July 26th, 2006

Comfort Goodpasture writes: So who’s Maynard?
You rang?

Left by Chris Vosburg on July 27th, 2006

Ahhhhhh, gone are the days. Back home in Sundowntown Beach, Bob Denver appeared at the town fair at the peak of his fame as Gilligan, not as Maynard G. Krebs. Everyone else was so excited!

Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on July 28th, 2006

Condi Rice about Syria sounds more like PAris Hilton about Nicole Richie.

Left by Dr. Squid on July 28th, 2006

News Flash: Beauty Pageant Infiltrated By Gays!

Yes, not content to infiltrate the Mennonites, as reported by Pastor Swank (yeah, that was him in Saturday’s “Who Said It?” contest – I’ll post the rest of the answers, as well as the winners, tomorrow), it seems that homosexuals have surreptitiously made their way into the Miss Universe Pageant.WorldNetDaily has the exclusive report:

NBC struts ‘gay’ jokes all over Miss Universe
With some of the world’s most beautiful women on display at tonight’s Miss Universe Pageant in Los Angeles, viewers of the NBC broadcast were exposed to a celebration of homosexuality with continuous “gay” jokes and innuendo.

And by “continuous ‘gay’ jokes and innuendo,” WND means there were five “gayish” remarks during the two-hour program, since that’s all that they cite in their report.  But when you’re as senstivie to gay cooties as WorldNetDaily is, that counts as “continuous.”.

Providing commentary for the program were Carson Kressley, a homosexual who stars on the Bravo network’s “Queer Eye,” and 2004 Miss USA Shandi Finnessey.

Whose sexual orientation is not relevant to this report, because we assume that she’s straight.

At one point in the program, when Finnessey was promoting a beauty guide viewers could order, Kressley said, “It’ll tell you how to be a true queen. A beauty queen.”

I can’t believe NBC allowed him to strut a homosexual joke and/or innuendo like that on the public airways!  Indirect allusions to gay stuff are not at all appropriate at events which display beautiful women!

During analysis of the finalists, Kressley noted, “I also loved Miss Puerto Rico. Again I have to confess I was looking at her dress, I was kind of mesmerized.”
“You want to borrow it, is what you want to do,” Finnessey responded.

So, it was Finnessey who strutted the homosexual joke that time. She’s been corrupted by the gays — clearly a big part of their agenda is to get all the hot women on their side!

Regarding some of the contestants’ ability to speak more than one language, Kressley also clowned he was ready to become “bi-,” but then jokingly clarified he meant “bi-lingual.”

Which is in itself suspect, since real red-blooded Americans don’t believe in that speaking other languages crap!

In the end, Miss Puerto Rico, 18-year-old Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza, won the competition and was crowned Miss Universe 2006, while Miss USA Tara Conner was fourth runner-up.
“I’m ready to switch teams for [Miss] Puerto Rico,” Kressley swooned.

The bastard! How dare he swoon all over our fine, straight women!  No wonder WND is up in arms about this assault on scantily-clad, women-as-products, family values.

Anyway, while all of this may not seem like much to you, it’s obviously part of a big, strutting gay plot, the seriousness of which can be deduced from some of the WND links at the end of the piece.

The Gay Agenda
How the homosexual agenda affects your family
Homosexual Easter at the White House?
Heath Ledger: From ‘Patriot’ to explicit ‘gay’ sex?
Minute Maid: Popeye not ‘gay’ in O.J. ad

(Suuuuure, he’s not. When will Popeye just come out of the closet already?)

But anyway, this leads us to today’s  WorldNetDaily: Daily Poll question, “What do you think of NBC’s ‘gay’ commentary during Miss Universe broadcast?”

The polls only opened an hour or so ago, but here are the top four responses so far:

It’s time to boycott all things NBC again
I didn’t see or hear the comments on the air, so I can’t really comment
What’s next? NBC showing ‘gay’ GUYS in a similar competition?
This is nuts! What the heck is NBC thinking?

I had to vote “other,” because the answer I would have chosen, “It’s time to boycott all things on Earth that could have been contaminated with ‘gay’ cooties” wasn’t listed. But hey, don’t let me influence you — you should vote your conscience.

Oh, and speaking of the gayification of the Miss Universe pageant,it’s time to visit Powerline for John Hindrocket’s obligatory report on the event, “Delayed-Blogging Miss Universe.” Sadly, it’s not as exciting as it sounds, so let’s just hit the highlights:

No live-blogging this year, as we have house guests–my youngest brother, the Rocket Prof, and his family. But, through the miracle of Tivo, we preserved the pageant finale to watch after dinner.
The initial impression is that this was an evening of upsets. A number of the betting favorites didn’t make the top twenty, while several underdogs broke through. The big shocker was that Miss Australia, the betting favorite just twenty-four hours ago and the contestant who accompanied Donald Trump on the David Letterman Show, didn’t make the cut.

Wow, that was indeed shocking! I don’t know if my heart can stand much more of this kind of thing!

Now the top ten. Several favorites survive: T & T, Puerto Rico, USA.; also Switzerland, whom I still don’t buy.

Wait, Hindrocket buys these women? Is that legal?

Miss Japan is in; she looks a whole lot better in real life than in pre-pageant photos.

By “real life,” John means, “on TV, which is the realest kind of life, since I would never get this close to beautiful women in the other kind.

Miss Mexico is in; the strange thing about her is that English seems clearly to be her native tongue. Or else she is a heck of a linguist.

But since it seems really improbable that a woman from Mexico could speak accentless English unless something funny was going on (which it clearly was, as we know from the WND report), she’s most likely a terrorist.  Somebody alert Michelle Malkin!

The evening gown competition. Yawn. Miss Japan is my new favorite. Well, except for Puerto Rico. “I’m ready to switch teams for Puerto Rico,” says the gay host, an odd concept in itself.

Joking about switching teams in order to snag hot beautifies queens is indeed an odd concept.  See, John would only turn gay for somebody like George Bush, a man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, who is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time. 

And the winner is: Miss PR! We know from Miss U. gossip sites that she arrived in Los Angeles with two young men whom she described as “personal travel assistants,” and her bearing was described by other competitors as “regal.”

Yes, we all know that, because we check out Miss U. gossip sites several times a day. Everyone does.  However, Carson Kressley is the only gay man who has ever been associated with the noble sport of beauty pageanting.  Damn his “gay” joke strutting — he almost ruined it for the rest of us!

Posted by s.z. on Monday, July 24th, 2006 at 2:17 am.

So making gay jokes all night is somehow… supporting us? WTF?! And, jeeze, Carson is teh kweeniest kween, teh most swishiful pooftah there is–not really someone I’d choose to represent us as a whole. Especially if he’s gonna say something like:

I’m ready to switch teams for Puerto Rico

That was gay-supportive?!? Huh??!!?? Me so confus-ed! Now, I personally would say, “I’m willing to stay on the same team I’ve been on all along for Puerto Rico,” ’cause those ‘Rican boiz art teh s3xx-aay! Yum!
And Assmissile asks:

Miss Mexico is in; the strange thing about her is that English seems clearly to be her native tongue.

Well, obviously she was taught by some gay anglos, interfering once again with the natural order of things. Meddlesome kweerz!!1one!!
It’s amusing that Bottlerocket watched this thing–I thought only nancy-boy kweerz did that anymore, thus the Carson Kressley hosting and all. Damnit, he better not have “switched teams” to my team, or I’ll abduct him and drop him off at one of those “ex-gay” clinics. It might actually work with him–for real! He’s certainly shown that he’s easily swayed with nonsensical bullshit often enough in the past….

Left by Marq on July 24th, 2006

And, woo-hoo—I got at least one “Who Said It?” question right. Swanktastic!

Left by Marq on July 24th, 2006

Fuckwits. Would anyone like at this point to dispute the premise that homophobia in men is at least partly tied to misogyny?
Personally, I’m amazed it’s possible to make the Miss Universe Pageant more offensive. And I say that as someone who finds “Queer Eye” pretty damned offensive, too, especially that WTF-esque wedding season.
I didn’t see or hear the comments on the air, so I can’t really comment
Honest to God, is this the sort of thing any WND reader would ever say about anything? I don’t know what happened so I can’t judge? I’m overwhelmed by the coherence.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 24th, 2006

D.Sidhe: Good point about the homophobia\misogyny connection. IT probably has to do with the fact that
sterotypical flambouant ones are acting like the women the homophobes secretly dispise. While the non-sterotypes are just too different for their tastes.

Left by Yaoi Huntress Earth on July 24th, 2006

“Let’s boycott NBC again! For real this time and not just for five minutes during a commerical break!”

Left by Hysterical Woman on July 24th, 2006

Wow. Carson Kressley did gay schtick? Bet NBC never saw that one comin’.
And I’m not sure whether to laugh or, well, laugh even louder at the revelation that WorldNetDaily wasn’t aware until last night that beauty pageants are just musical theater without the professional talent.

Left by Doghouse Riley on July 24th, 2006

On the news from my local progressive radio station, I only heard that Miss PR fainted in the heat while wearing a gown made of many metal chains.
Not a word about her swing, just an OD of bling. And I’m so out of touch I didn’t even know they did these things on television anymore at all. Miss Universe, huh? How did Miss Mars and Miss Pluto do?
As far as the outrage at the gayness of it all, I don’t see why the Right fusses so. I thought they’d be more tolerant after the news came out about Laura Bush and Condi being lovers, and the video of the love triangle between the recent Hindu converts, John Bolten, Negroponte and Karl Rove.

Left by Kevin Hayden on July 24th, 2006

Isn’t “strutting” what the Texans call “walking?”

Left by Kip W on July 24th, 2006

Is it just me or does Tivo’ing the Miss Universe contest lead to the inevitable conclusion that one will watch it later… alone… if you know what I mean, and I think you do. And AM I that childish enough to be the only one to realize that AssRocket was so strongly suggesting that Miss Mexico is… one cunning linguist? What the hell, this was all good birthday reading for me today anyway!

Left by Heydave on July 24th, 2006

A round of applause for WO’C for bravely highlighting the decades-long femme-butch relationship between Popeye and Bluto. As any WND reader would confirm, anyone (even a cartoon character) who insists that he owes his strength to a leafy green vegetable simply has to have a tenuous sexual orientation!

Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on July 24th, 2006

Hilarious. Yes, Wingnut Daily, Miss Universe has become our #1 recruiting tool as part of our Homosexual Agenda. So many straight men love to watch beauty pageants, it’s a mystery to me why they don’t run them versus the Super Bowl.
the only straight man watching was Hindrocket (and any male family member of the contestants invovled.) Makes you wonder.
Also, Wingnut Daily may want to start a petition drive to get Miss U.S.A.’s title stripped. She was wearing a gown designed by Project Runway competitior Kayne, who is clearly gay. How dare she. I am sure that’s why she placed 4th.

Left by Marco on July 24th, 2006

Miss Pluto’s performance was erratic, and Miss Mars struck the judges as a bit cold.
Happy birthday, HeyDave. I hope today’s not the day Bush tries to find out what that big red button does. At least not before you get your presents.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 24th, 2006

Minute Maid: Popeye not ‘gay’ in O.J. ad
It’s nice to see that OJ is back making commercials after his long exile looking for his wife’s killer, and that in order to deflect public opinion, he’s taken to making ads with same sex partners.
But….I dunno…a sailor?

Left by actor212 on July 24th, 2006

Thinking of HeyDave’s comment, Field Marshal von Moltke was an extremely learned and discreet fellow and it was thus said “He could be silent in seven languages.”
So, if Hindrocket could lust for Miss Mexico and tape the beauty pageant, could he be “Unlucky with both genders”?

Left by Rich on July 24th, 2006

Trust me, Rich, he already is. I’m bi and I wouldn’t touch him.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 24th, 2006

HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA:
-X- 1. Destroy the institutions of “marriage” and “family” in America.
-X- 2. Kill Terri Schiavo.
-X- 3. Hide Iraq’s WMD in Syria.
-X- 4. Complete Operation “War on Christmas” – mop up the Deadenders.
— 5. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN for Best Picture.
-X- 6. Force Tom DeLay (suspected Christian) out of office using false charges.
-X- 7. Spoil Easter by forcing The Bush Administration into letting our kids pick up hard-boiled, pastel colored eggs placed artistically on the White House lawn.
-X- 8. Give Rick Santorum WMD story and then thoroughly humiliate him by debunking it.
And as always – Recruit, Recruit, Recruit!
cc: Ken Mehlman

Left by David Robinson on July 24th, 2006

I don’t understand why WND was upset about the “switching teams” remark. I thought that was what every gay both could and should do according to their way of thinking.

Left by sj on July 24th, 2006

happy BD, Heydave, I think we might still have some cake left a couple threads down. if not I’ll send you a mAnn Coulter pic

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 24th, 2006

We know from Miss U. gossip sites that she arrived in Los Angeles with two young men whom she described as “personal travel assistants,” and her bearing was described by other competitors as “regal.”
Does Hinderaker even have a job anymore? Or does he blow off clients to check up on Miss Universe gossip?

Left by Brad R. on July 25th, 2006

ok that article is really paranoid and idiotic. wow does the smart clean man over there really plotting to take over america? come on! its just miss universe… a parade of beautifully surgically altered women ahem*ms.puerto rico* gays will be gays but they are still people nonetheless…. they represent themselves, not the general gay community. plus whatever carson said that night (i watched MS. U)was not offensive at all. you would only find offense in it if youre an ignoramus from up plutos ass. see this is why they call us yankees (derived from dutch for hicks), we get the rep that were homophobes and narrow minded. take it as it is, dont berrate NBC for carson. if you asked me he did a good job. this is just a nutty homophobic conspiracy theory. YOUR JUST PARANOID.

Left by christia on August 28th, 2006

Happy Birthday, Preznit Giv Me Turkee!

Dear PGMT,Thanks for your support over the years, and for your unfailing supply of witty bon mots and devastating ripostes to the ungodly. We wish you the very happiest of birthdays, and hope this coming year brings you all the good things you deserve (love, fame, fortune, world peace, a Bush impeachment, etc.)
And, as is our custom, we’d like to award you the ceremonial birthday photo of someone whom you can you be happy you won’t wake up with tomorrow morning. So, here’s a fresh, new shot of Ann Coulter denying plagiarism charges that really shows off her sexy Adam’s apple.
Enjoy!

Posted by s.z. on Saturday, July 22nd, 2006 at 10:00 pm.

She’s Teh mAnn!

Left by Marq on July 22nd, 2006

oh, and happy birfday to Teh Pretzledent gifs Me Turkish Army Invading Northern Iraq. Huzzah!

Left by Marq on July 22nd, 2006

Hey! Why was “Who said it?” story #99, and this happy birthday to preznit give me turkee story #101? *What* happened to story #100?!? Don’t tell me it had to be redacted like that one that prominently mentioned a brand name stiffy-pill! Oh, woe and lamentation!

Left by Marq on July 23rd, 2006

I didn’t get one of those for my birthday. And I happen to know that PGMT IS Mann Coulter. In disguise as it were.
And where in the fuck is story 100?

Left by merlallen on July 23rd, 2006

You know, she almost looks human in that shot. I’d–
No, never mind. I still couldn’t get that drunk.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 23rd, 2006

Although I almost hate to defend her in any way, I’ve long suspected that Coulter has a goiter resulting from Graves’ disease. I used to sport a nice one myself and I’m pretty sure I’m still a woman. Irrational anger and severe weight loss are also symptoms. Being a fucking bitch isn’t though, so we can still nail her for that.

Left by Taube on July 23rd, 2006

Happy B’Day, PGMT! How many years have you walked this planet?

Left by Bill S on July 23rd, 2006

It’s not the adam’s apple, and I suspect you’re right about that, Taube. It’s the overall preying mantis look, coupled with the vicious expression she seems to habitually wear.
As for irrational anger… A) the world is full of emotionally unbalanced people who manage not to be quite so goddamned *hateful*, and B) the right wing pundit corps, on the other hand, *is* crawling with this sort of world-class hatefulness. So either being a wingnut makes you insane, being insane makes you a wingnut, or the wingnuts as a group are either permissive or encouraging toward this kind of extreme nastiness as a stance.
I find it hard to believe, myself, that they’re all crazy. It seems a partially-calculated offensive, with a large degree of simply believing that any excess is acceptable in dealing with “the enemy”, be they liberals, immigrants, the press, or terrorists.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 23rd, 2006

Happy birthday, dear preznitgivemeturkee, happy birthday to you! And here’s one of my light-as-a-feather, ever-so-tender cybercakes to you…. ummmm, geschmack!

Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on July 23rd, 2006

thanks for the BD wishes and for keeping the picture under the fold.
I’d hate to think that my natal celebration would cause someone to want to scrape their eyes out

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 23rd, 2006

# Bill S Says:
July 23rd, 2006 at 4:00 am
Happy B’Day, PGMT! How many years have you walked this planet?

does stumbling count?
as a friend of mine from college would put it, “I’m closer to 40 than I am to 30″ and I intend to keep using it as long as I can

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 23rd, 2006

You should have said, “I’m closer to 25 than I am to 100.” That would have been just as accurate, I’m sure.

Left by Bill S on July 23rd, 2006

awh screw it. I’m between 1 and a million

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 23rd, 2006

This just in: PGMT is one-in-a-million! But, we all knew that already.

Left by Marq on July 24th, 2006

Happy Birthday, PG! Sorry to be late to the party, darnit! Is there any cake left??

Left by BeginningToWonder on July 24th, 2006

not much, but you could also scour the cable line for some crumbs and icing since it was really good

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 24th, 2006

BTW, when’s your birthday? I have to plan ahead…

Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on July 24th, 2006

(cough, cough) well, Mrs. TBB, MY birthday is Sept. 3. That should be plenty of time……

Left by BeginningToWonder on July 24th, 2006

BTW, we might have to share a cake. Mine’s Sept 5. And I think Bradrocket’s is shortly after that.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 26th, 2006

That’s going to be a mighty big cake! But if anyone can handle the World O’ Crap Birthday Cake Challenge, it is I.

Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on July 26th, 2006