The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Happy Birthday, Heydave!

Where I live, it’s still the 24th, so Happy Birthday, HeyDave!

And where I live, today they had fireworks, parades, and pancake breakfasts, presumably all in your honor.  And it was a well-deserved tribute to an American patriot, I must say!

And on behalf of the blogosphere, allow me to continue the celebration by presenting you with a well-known photo stolen directly from  You’re getting an image of TWO people you can be glad you’re not waking up with tomorrow morning – we must really like you! (Yeah, it was the least that we could do.)

P.S.  Here’s part of Debbie Schussel’s review of Clerks 2:
What is funny about losers who have no human decency? What is funny about drug dealers? What is funny about putting flies in someone’s cheeseburger and urine in someone’s drink at a fast-food joint?

If that’s funny to you, you’re a loser, much like Kevin Smith and his characters are. Sure, Smith–creator of the loseratti culture–is now a multi-millionaire from his movies, proving there’s no accounting for good taste in America. But he’s just a loser with money. He is subhuman, as evidenced by this sad, sick silver screen tale. He’ll never arise from the gutter.
I like the way Debbie doesn’t so much review movies as assassinate characters – she clearly believes in making art personal (in that it inspires her to personal attacks).  Of course, the only response to her taunt is the epigram, “It takes one to know one.”

However, I would like a response to one of the question she poses: “What is funny about losers who have no human decency?”

Debbie, Ann, Rush: any of you want to answer?

24 Responses to “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HEYDAVE!”

I have to admit, flicks like Clerks seem like they’d have been really, really funny while I was still stoned most of the time. It’s a good thing I’m not a wingnut and therefore required to like or dislike culture based on who else likes or dislikes it and their political affiliations.
And, man, I continue to be creeped out by that shirt she’s wearing. Give me Ann in a minidress any day.
I guess I’m just old-fashioned, D. Sidhe, because I’d prefer to see her with a paper bag over her head.
Oh, and a belated Happy Birthday to HeyDave! It be late ’cause I be slow.
Deb’s got a problem with reality. I was listening to Howard Stern once when Jason Alexander was a guest. Deb called in to harangue Jason over the fact that he once attended an event sponsored by a group that (according to her) once said something vaguely positive about the PLO.
Anyway, she proceeded to call make fun of Jason for things his character George did on “Seinfeld.” When Jason tried to tell her that George is fiction, she just talked over him and kept acting as if everything stupid George Costanza ever did reflected badly on Jason.
Oh, wow, thanks! That photo managed to both creep me out and make me feel dirty, which was no doubt the intent.
Hey s.z., you live in Utah? Or are there other states that celebrate the 24th for no particular reason?
TP in UT
Yeah, comedy is about upstanding people who never do anything wrong and have perfect lives.
Jeebus, what a fucking moron! Man, doesn’t she understand that part of Smith’s schtick is making fun of the stoner culture? And in order to that, you have to depict it? What a troglodyte.
Regarding Debbie Slushbrain, the answer to any question about her that begins, “doesn’t she understand…” is always, “No, not at all, not even the slightest little bit.”
I think my favorite line is:
“If that’s funny to you, you’re a loser, much like Kevin Smith and his characters are.”
How to critique like a wingnut! Perfect! Total intellectual vacuity while insulting all who disagree with you.
And Happy Birthday again, Heydave, even though I said it before over at that other place, one can never get enough Birthday!
For some reason I have a feeling that Deb hasn’t laughed once in her life (except at poor\homless people.)
Who’s the chick with the yabbos? Does she realize her face is kinda funny looking in a loser sort of way?
was listening to Howard Stern once when Jason Alexander was a guest. Deb called in to harangue Jason
I learned something today. I learned that Debbie Schlussel was a regular on the Howard Stern show.
I also learned that anyone, anywhere who was a regular on Stern who also says something like “What is funny about losers who have no human decency? What is funny about drug dealers? What is funny about…” is officially a fucking idiot.
I don’t know. My guess is that photo shows Hannity standing next to one of Jeff Koon’s sculptures.
What is funny about losers who have no human decency?
I don’t know, I find wingnuts fucking hilarious most of the time.
I’ll go with the bag if we can use a lawn refuse bag and put it over Hannity, too. Bet neither one of them could talk their way out of it, either.
How can you be mean to Debbie? Anyone who loves kittens enough to nest 20 of them under her shirt is fine by me…
That shirt, it’s like Thomas Kinkade vomited on her.
Happy Yesterday Birthday™, Heydave! May you live to see Shrub mad a stamp! (this, my SS friends, is called a “joke” [standard disclaimer]).
An excellent question, s.z.! And there are so many professional losers to choose from! Whether one wishes to use Grogan, Malkin, or ‘ Jon as an example, whether one chooses Savage or Limbaugh or Adams as the loseringest looser, they all have certain qualities in common.
For one thing, they can actually be the big winners and have it all, but still stubbornly *insist* on playing the victim card. Thus, they self-identify themselves as “losers” even having won. That’s sad comedy gold!
Conversely, one can be defeated and yet avoid the title, “loser.” This only works up to a certain point, though *ahem BaghdadBob ahem* You can only divorce yourself from reality for so long before people begin to do “crazy circles” behind your back.
Er, “made a stamp[...]“.
“What is funny about losers who have no human decency?”
I’m not sure, I better ask Homer Simpson (or nearly any other television father, for that matter)
Ah, losers — those who failed to win success in the popularity sweepstakes of high school, now revealed by Debbie as the best possible objects of contempt on earth. Not murderers, thieves, embezzlers, genocidal neocons, rapists — oh no! Why, even God hates losers. And the beauty of it is, you can call anybody you don’t like a loser, and then they are! Well, at least in what Debbie calls her mind….
…and the rest of us call an empty, drafty, musty place, festering with layer upon layer of dust and mold.

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