The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Thursday, February 3, 2011

This 'an That

1.  So that we don’t all get jaded and cynical, we should take time to talk about GOOD news.  So, we bring you this headline from WorldNetDaily:
The good news about nuclear destruction
It’s not the end of the world – you can survive!–WND
The bad news is that I can’t get the link to work, and so I guess I won’t be surviving. 

2. Harvard Law student  Ben Shapiro has read the Foley IMs and then summarized the racy stuff.  He then asks:
Why repeat these perverse details?
We’ll let you, the reader, decide why Ben “Porn Generation” Shapiro might have repeated the perversion.

UPDATE:  And here’s the shorter version of Ben’s column: “What Foley did was reprehensible, and it’s the fault of the Democrats, who ruined our morality with all their teen sex and their homosexuality.” 

3.  And speaking of sex, that’s exactly what Renew America’s Downtown Judie Brown is going to tell us NOT to do:
In an online column, [Planned Parenthood's medical affairs director, Vanessa] Cullins answered a question about when the “right time” would be for parents to begin talking about sex with their children. In response, she tells the reader that “understanding sexuality is a lifelong process.” She also explains that Planned Parenthood experts suggest that by the age of five children should be taught the “basics” including the names of all their body parts and that their bodies belong to themselves. She continues by suggesting that somewhere between the ages of 9 and 13 children should be taught that “sex is a natural, pleasurable part of life. They should be familiar with birth control methods and sexually transmitted infections, and of course the dangers of sexual abuse.” In other words, a five year-old is not too young to begin the indoctrination process which leads to heightened curiosity, which leads to the practice of sexual behavior that leads to sexually transmitted infections — and abortion
Yes, parents, you set your kids on the path to STDs and abortion when you teach them the names of their body parts.  So, unless you want them to grow up to be sluts, keep them in the dark about such matters.  And by all means, NEVER tell about the dangers of sexual abuse, because otherwise they might complain about creepy emails and thus bring about the downfall of the Republican House majority.

13 Responses to “This ‘n That”

I’m sure Judie Brown would just lie down and die to see a mother name body parts upon request with a medical atlas full of lifesize color pictures that the kids called “Mama’s Big Book of Guts.” (My oldest made up a list of “things that rhyme with ‘epididymus.’”) This book still comes in handy. A visiting nine-year-old wanted me to define “foreskin,” and when I did, she was certain that her father still had one, and since we’re all Jewish, I explained that it was none of MY business, but that he probably didn’t, and why. I told her father about this conversation and he chuckled and said, “Good job. Better you than me.”
Or tell a toddler who’s absently twiddling his genitalia that that’s something we all should do in private?
Or tell a precocious three-year-old how people DON’T have babies if they don’t want to? (A handy way to describe the function of an IUD is to liken it to the Doggy-B-Gone repellent that Henry Huggins’ neighbor Mr. Grumbie sprays on his shrubbery to keep Ribsy the dog off, FYI.)
My oldest was traumatized at three by an airport shuttle bus full of anti-abortion protesters carrying those red stop signs reading ABORTION KILLS CHILDREN. Already a fluent reader, he cringed into my armpit and asked for weeks and months afterwards if those smiling church ladies were going to come to our house and kill him.
Your link went to an upbeat page about nuclear war survival that included such gems as: “The sound Civil Defense strategies of the ’60s have been derided as being largely ineffective, or at worst a cruel joke.” I remember that duck & cover stuff–it went kinda like this:
1. Hide under desk.
2. Place head between knees.
3. Kiss your ass goodbye.
So we’ve been making fun of all those people who build apocalypse-proof compounds in remote areas (David Koresh, Warren Jeffs, Elizabeth Clare Prophet, Aum Supreme Truth, Malcolm in the Middle, etc.) when really they’re the only ones thinking clearly.
Tactics abound on the Net for making Armageddon not only survivable but fun. Here’s my favorite:
But the Judie Brown piece got me thinking–people who believe it’s better not to tell a child about sex, probably also believe that it’s better not to tell a child President about an impending terrorist attack. And see how tragic it is when the unprepared child President finally sees what’s going on: he just wants to continue hearing the story about the little goat. Heartbreaking.
Wash, rehense, repeat.
ot, but did you get the e-mail I sent about the terrorist puppies up for adoption? I sent it to your old account since the new one isn’t listed on the updated site (as far as I can tell)
Were Mark Foley a liberal Democrat from San Francisco, liberals would be hard-pressed to spot a problem with his behavior.
Ben must be lighting up Harvard with his brilliant powers of deduction and razor sharp wit. He’s a national treasure.
If he’s a treasure, is there any chance he’ll be carried off by pirates?
Or discovered by Nicolas Cage?(badaa-bump)
Sheesh, Rapidly Aging but still Virginal Ben: 1) pronounces Foley guilty of sexual harassment; 2) pronounces him guilty of child molestation; 3) calls a 16-year-old “underage”, apparently without bothering to check or much caring about the distinction between sexual intercourse and talking about masturbation. Plus he makes a distinction between “negligence” and “malfeasance” which is meaningless in context and moot in theory since he can’t be bothered to even suggest a law Hastert has broken. I ask again: are we sure this kid’s in law school? In fact, considering all the times he seems confused about what decade it is, are we sure he’s not imaginary?
This is no joke, in the US Navy we were told to bend over and brace against a bulkhead in case of nuclear attack!! After showing us movies of aircraft carriers flying through the air after a sub-surface nuclear burst. HAHAHA we all laughed our asses off.
During a general quarters alert some asshole told us to brace against a bulkhead, we told him to fuck off. When he reported us, the chief petty officer told him to fuck off.
a five year-old is not too young to begin the indoctrination process which leads to heightened curiosity
Post Office, Doctor; not natural childhood games but part of the liberal plot to indoctrinate kids who otherwise have zero curiosity about their own or others’ bodies.
Call me a liberal deviant freak and all, but I wish like fuck there’d been someone standing there explaining that my body belonged only to me when *I* was five. The “sex education” I got at that age, courtesy the Catholic church and its lay clergy, was heavy on the practical and light on the theory, so to speak.
Judie can go to hell.
Happy happy joy joy! Happy happy joy joy!
I KNEW there was good news about nukular destruction! I just knew it! Mmmmm…thats some good radiation! Can I have more?
BTW, one of the effects of ionizing radiation is the induction of giant cells formation. I think, with the right tweaking, this could be spun as a “Nuclear Destruction Has Penis Enlargment Benefit”.
My heartfelt sympathies to you, dear D. Sidhe. When I was five, I learned from my vehemently religion-averse parents that nothing belonged to me, not even my own body crevices. However, I did learn who Sarah Bernhardt was, because I was called that whenever I hesitantly reported some really heinous invasion of my personal space.
After looking up Bernhardt in the encyclopedia, it took awhile longer to find out how the great lady of the stage might have related to my own mortifying situations. Especially why she was called “the divine Sarah,” since the last thing I felt was “divine” rather than ashamed and irate. This remained for some time just one of life’s unnecessary mysteries…
Allow me to join you in wishing Judie Brown a slow and toasty trip to hell. (I don’t believe in hell, but evidently she does.) On her trip, may she be denied a battery-operated fan, water bottles, or the Super Moisture-Wicking Nightgown for women suffering from hot flashes and/or night sweats that I just saw in the Vermont Country Store catalogue. Heh.

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