According to Bill (Old Blood ‘n’ Gutless) O’Reilly in a piece on Townhall.com, Joe Lieberman was killed in Iraq (I’m guessing by his own troops). Still, he went down guns a’blazin’, just like you always knew Vic Morrow would in the last episode of Combat!, and in the tradition of other martyred American military heroes (“Stonewall” Jackson, “Tailgunner Joe” McCarthy) Bill bestows a salty sobriquet on the luckless dogface. And thus, will he ever be linked in name and fame with the foreign fields in which he fell; let us never forget the legend of “Baghdad Joe” Lieberman.
By the way, judging by Bill’s lede, they’ve rebranded the war again – Iraq is now “Saddamville.” Either they’re hoping to confuse potential voters who were just trying to Tivo Smallville, or Bill can’t shake that hip Sixties lingo that defined his youth, and we should just be grateful that he isn’t calling Iraq “kooksville,” and prancing around the room in a diaphanous peignoir, proclaiming the war “soooo creamy!”
Of course, none of this may be about the war at all. As Bill notes, Lieberman lost the Connecticut primary to “a rich guy” and you know how Bill hates the rich and famous with their fancy airs and landau roofs and indoor plumbing. Regardless, Bill does have a solution to our quagmire in the Middle East:
The United States needs a new strategy to deal with this ominous threat. Slugging it out in Iraq may be necessary, but there might be another way. President Bush needs to level with the American people and begin putting this country on a war footing. That means a limited draft and a major commitment to defense.Bill doesn’t doesn’t go into specifics, but presumably a “limited draft” would be limited to those poor, duskier hunks of cannon fodder who would just be stealing our hubcaps if they weren’t on the banks of the Euphrates defending our right to stereotype them as petty criminals. Additionally, such a conscription would make sensible exceptions for healthy, age-appropriate males from Long Island who preferred to play college football in Poughkeepsie rather than expose their pale, rage-mottled flesh to the harsh direct sunlight of Southeast Asia.
You may have difficulty grasping just how the addition of countless ill-trained, poorly motivated conscripts to the tinderbox of Iraq will stop the slaughter of our well-trained professional troops, but Bill, to his credit, understands this, and forgives you:
I don’t believe Ned Lamont and those who voted for him understand any of this. Geo-politics is complicated, it requires a sophisticated knowledge of how the world worksThe point is, with Joe Lieberman now lying dead beneath the sun-baked wastes of Mesopotamia, the spot where he fell marked only by his inverted rifle and a helmet that teeters on the stock in the dusty, moaning wind, there is no one left to stand in the breech.
Ned Lamont does not frighten the Iranians.This has been scientifically proven! On the other hand, photos of Bill’s dewlap have been shown to cause measurable discomfort in Uzbeks.
He and his fellow travelers will not defend you and your family effectively.Unlike Joe Lieberman, who died for you on the field of honor, his last words, “Kiss me, Bush,” still echoing like cannonshot.