The World O' Crap Archive

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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

A Man of Brilliance Approaching to Genius

And speaking of people with mental disorders, Mona Charen wrote a piece proclaiming that President Bush has gotten his groove back (in that he gave a couple of speeches in which he didn’t talk about putting food on your children, but instead focused on his speciality: terra). 

She adds that if he can keep this up, he could raise his approval rating to a sum that could be expressed using positive numbers for a change:
There is every reason to suppose that if President Bush can hold on to the momentum he is currently establishing, his approval ratings should markedly improve. Here are just a few reasons: 1) Terror. The exposure and disruption of the London plot reminds Americans that our enemies are ceaselessly planning atrocities and that strong leadership in the war on terror remains the first priority for government.
Yup, terror is good for the President – not that you should thereby assume that this plot in London was over-hyped or anything. No siree!
2) The revelation that Richard Armitage leaked Valerie Plame’s name has blown to smithereens the Democrat/MSM fable about a White House conspiracy to “out” her in retaliation for her husband’s activism.
And that report about Karl Rove calling reporters to say that innocent CIA officer Valerie Plame was “fair game”? Well, that was blown to smithereens too, by osmosis.
Wilson stands revealed as a liar. There was no crime. Judith Miller spent weeks in jail, and Lewis Libby faces trial — all because the media hyped the false allegations of a publicity-seeking liar. The president should mention this in his next speech.
Yes, the President should say, “Judith Miller had no choice but to stonewall a criminal investigation, because that darned media hype made her do it. Lewis Libby was forced to lie to investigators because of the evils of media hype. They can not be faulted in any way for their actions, in that if the investigation hadn’t started, they wouldn’t have been guilty of these particular crimes. I’m pretty sure that media hype and/or federal investigations were also responsible for the crimes of Ken Lay, Tom Delay, and Warren Jeffs. So, if you are ever accused of anything, blame it on media hype – and if you get away with it, remember that your old friend George Bush, from the Party of Personal Responsiblity, is the one who tipped you off to this great defense.”
3) Gas prices are coming down […]
4) The economy is doing extremely well […]
6) The hurricane season was unexpectedly mild.
Personally, whenever I see that gas now costs me only $2.68 a gallon (instead of the $1.75 a gallon it was right before the invasion of Iraq); whenever I learn that only 4.8% of the population is out of work; and whenever fewer people than there might have been are devavasted by hurricanes and the resulting poor disaster management, I always start to think, “Say, that ol’ George Bush is a darned good President. And he’s kinda cute too.”
5) The homicide rate in Baghdad is declining. In July, the Los Angeles Times reports, 1,800 bodies were delivered to the morgue. In August, after 8,000 U.S. and 3,000 Iraqi forces swept through the city attempting to quell sectarian violence, only a quarter of that number were killed.
Wow, so George’s policies must be working!

But wait, here’s some info that may be of interest to Mona:
The NYT, WP, and LAT stuff word that the Baghdad’s morgue preliminary estimate of the violent deaths in August was off by almost 1,000 people. U.S. and Iraqi officials had cited the figure as evidence that their security operations were working. The preliminary number set the number of violent deaths in Baghdad at 550, but yesterday authorities said the number was actually 1,536.

However, Slate adds:
Regardless, the number is still less than the 1,855 deaths reported in July. The WP helpfully mentions that many of those who die violently in Baghdad do not end up in the morgue and are not included in the figure.
So, the President is indeed quelling a civil war (just not as well as was first claimed), meaning that he’s doing a great job of presidentin’. Just don’t look over here!
Military officials lie to keep Iraq body count low
U.S. officials, seeking a way to measure the results of a program aimed at decreasing violence in Baghdad, aren’t counting scores of dead killed in car bombings and mortar attacks as victims of the country’s sectarian violence.
In a distinction previously undisclosed, U.S. military spokesman Lt. Col. Barry Johnson said Friday that the United States is including in its tabulations of sectarian violence only deaths of individuals killed in drive-by shootings or by torture and execution.
That has allowed U.S. officials to boast that the number of deaths from sectarian violence in Baghdad declined by more than 52 percent in August over July.
But it eliminates from tabulation huge numbers of people whose deaths are certainly part of the ongoing conflict between Sunni and Shiite Muslims. Not included, for example, are scores of people who died in a highly coordinated bombing that leveled an entire apartment building in eastern Baghdad, a stronghold of rebel Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr.
But hey, what does the truth matter as long as Bush’s approval ratings go up?
7) The Democrats remain the party of weakness and appeasement. Harvard hosts the ex-president of Iran. Jimmy Carter hugs Hezbollah. Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean says of the Iraq War: “The idea that we’re going to win this war is an idea that, unfortunately, it’s just plain wrong.” Al Gore thinks global warming is a much more serious threat than al Qaeda. ABC is airing a mini-series that blasts the Clinton administration for malfeasance in pursuing Osama bin Laden. Things could be a whole lot worse for President Bush and the Republicans.
Yes, instead of Bush and the Republicans, we could be ruled by the current President of Iran and his party (which is probably even wackier than the GOP).  And we could have all been destroyed by global warming after CBS aired the mini-series which blasted Ronald Reagan for malfeasance in (not) pursuing a cure for AIDS.

So yeah, we should all just thank our lucky stars that we merely have an incompetent megomaniac like Bush in charge, instead of a holocaust-denying meglomaniac like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  And we should be glad, GLAD that the Republicans remain the party of self-interest, graft, and stupidity, because change is always scary. If you keep these things in mind, the President’s ratings are sure to rise, just like Mona said.

28 Responses to “A Man of Brilliance Approaching to Genius”

6) The hurricane season was unexpectedly mild.
Hurricane Season isn\’t OVER YET you TWAT!  GEEZ, Charon is stupider than a bag full of hammers.
Damn it, one freaking comment, and maryc beats me to it!!1! OK, fine, I’ll just provide the geeky followup. Hurricane season lasts from June thru November, so we’ve only just passed the halfway point. Mona is a fact-free bint. Oh, and Shrub’e approval ratings will inevitably rise? So, nothing else can possibly go wrong, and nothing that already has gone wrong can possibly worsen?
My head hurts.
Like my brain, after perusing this ignorectum’s ideas about what Dumbya’s done “right”, has decided that it can no longer cohabitate in the same body as my eyes, and it’s trying to escape through my right eyebrow.
How is a cunt THIS fucking stupid able to even DRAW BREATH on her own, let alone get a “job” where anybody actually PAYS her to “write”?!?!??! Where is the justice, Murika??!?! How is this shit even VAGUELY realistic??!?!
The universe is taunting us. As if Paris Hilton wasn’t bad enough, we have to be constantly bombarded by mongoloid fucktards like Mona, who flaunt in our faces the fact that, despite SEVERE LEARNING DISABILITIES AND COGNITIVE DEFICITS, can actually OBTAIN and KEEP employment. Granted, her daddy probably had to bribe and fellate several people to get her this gig, but still.
It’s just not right. It’s just not fucking right.
We’ve got “Corky” from “Life Goes On” as the “president,” and mouth-breathing inbred illiterate ignoranuses like Mona as our “writers” in this country.
This ignorant, panting-in-heat-for-a-preznit-who’s-gayer-than-Harvey-Fierstein, useless-as-tits-at-Southern-Decadence bitch not only doesn’t deserve her job, she’s WASTING MY OXYGEN.
I say that we terminate with extreme predjudice, as a moral stance against further polluting the universe with stupidity.
Damn it, I wanted to talk about the hurricane part.
Oh well, this entire column is so stupid, but oddly, it sounds really familiar. It sounds like Gary Ruppert. Could Mona actually be Gary? Stranger theories exist.
I dunno. It’s not like Gary or Mona devote a lot of time to fact-checking themselves, or, you know, reality-checking themselves. So they definitely would have time to be each other.
This theory fascinates me. But which one is the “real” one? In other words, is it a boy or a girl? Or is (s)he one of those boy-ladies with a Lee Press-On Dick™?
Is she actually saying that chickengeorge prevented a hurricane or something? Damn, I wish I was that high.
Small point; not a criticism, but unemploymnet is a percentage of the work force, not of the population. And the work force is defined as those civilian people actively working or looking for work. So if you have given up, or are in the military, you are not in the work force.
Or if you washed someone’s car for ten bucks the other day, or if you’ve been looking for work but are sick the day they call, or if you finally cracked and you’ve taken that fast food job but now you have to figure out how to get food stamps because minimum wage isn’t going to cut it, or if you were laid off ten weeks ago and are coming to the end of the savings but by God, you have a computer and a copy of “Online Trading for Dummies”, and dammit, you’re not unemployed, you’re *self-employed*! Even if you’re not making money, because, hey, that will change, you can feel it.
It’s a weaselly fucking system. Unemployment numbers mean absolutely dick. Debt load tells you a lot more about unemployment and underemployment.
Mona, of course, is *overemployed*.
Oh, sorry. Too early in the morning, I’m not paying attention.
I should note that my examples don’t all remove you from the workforce, which is what Bullwinkle was specifically commenting on. But the ones that don’t, do make you “employed”, even if it’s just pity babysitting the teenage nephews because your sister hates to see you broke and depressed.
However it happens, these are things that make the unemployment statistics look far better than they are. But caring about that isn’t very cool, because, hell, they’re probably all just lazy, stupid, addicts, or crazy anyway. Otherwise, they ought to be able to get a job *at least* as good as Mona’s, right?
I’m sure Bush’s private name for Bin Laden is “Osama Bin Beryberygoodtome.” He’s a gift that keeps on giving, despite the fatuous statement I read from one of those Bush blondes today (was it Kathy? Our paper has just started carrying her) that the terrorists don’t care who wins. Ha. And again, Ha.
Hey, they’re saying that any crime committed during an investigation of a crime which has afterward been found to be *not exactly* the one people thought it was, isn’t a crime at all. Therefore, Clinton didn’t really have sex with that woman. That means the moral disapproval factor is null, and we got more votes in 2000 than mere juggling in Florida could have overcome. Get those creeps out of the White House, and make sure they don’t steal the “W” from any typewriters.
OMG, I didn’t think righties would say, right out loud in front of God and everyone, that a mind hurricane season was needed to hide the fact that Bush is an incompetent douche, but Charon pretty much did. Think about it. Did Clinton ever get undone by a hurricane? No, because even when they showed up, the gummit agency in charge was run by competent people. As for gas prices, even people PASSING ON THE STREET (not committed lefties) think it’s an election ploy. Mona’s gonna get carpal tunnel syndrome from grasping at straws.
So if you have given up, or are in the military, you are not in the work force.
I believe that they stop counting even those receiving benefits after six months. Unemployment statistics have never been accurate. At any given time the true figure is about double the official rate, if not higher.
This just in…Any bad news about Iraq, no matter how true, is actually a Dem/MSM plot to undermine Bush, Hand Iraq to Bin Laden and Destroy America…(snicker)
…Charen’s just spouting almost the same crap we’ve been hearing from the cons for months and years now. And I still can’t decide if these right wing morons actually believe their own crap or they think everyone else is stupid enough to believe if they just repeat it often enough…
It makes you wonder what is it with Neo-Cons and hiring the worst examples of human beings as their role models\spokesmen?
It rained all weekend where I live. Just goes to prove that Bushie continues to suck ass.
I have another suggestion for a movie for Scott and S.Z. to review: Path to 9/11. I think it will be good MST material.
“Al Gore thinks global warming is a much more serious threat than al Qaeda.”
Hmm… Well, Global Warming could concievably cause mass extinctions, destroy the entire planet’s economy, plunging billions of people into starvation and poverty, and make many of our most important coastal cities uninhabitable.
Al Qaeda could, I suppose, also bring about the end of human civilisation as we know it, but it would be REALLY FUCKING HARD.
They don’t even have the capacity to render a single city completely uninhabitable, let alone destroy EVERY PORT ON THE ENTIRE PLANET.
Every single person opposing them would have to be astonishingly incompetant for a local radical group to actually harm every single person on the planet.
Here in AZ, the ads showing the republican incumbents hanging with the Prez aren’t coming from said incumbents; they are part of democrat challengers’ “attack ads” that point out how often the guys voted with the White House, calling them “rubber stamps” and other mean things.
This in a state where people still drive around with those little white oval “W 04″ stickers on their pickup trucks, amazingly UNFADED BY THE SUN. (Do they put new ones on every 3000 miles or are the stickers made of better material than my little oval ‘WTF?’ sticker from Maybe some secret organization calls them up and says, “Hey, your sticker’s fading, time to replace…”)
If pols in both parties in this redneck backwater of a state are distancing themselves from the prez, a few points better approval rating for W–even if it materializes–ain’t gonna do squat this close to November. Too little, too late as they say.
PS–A slight inaccuracy in antichrist s. coulter’s analysis–since the ’00 campaign it hasn’t been about who you fellate; it’s who you aren’t fellated by that counts. Moral indignation — better than sex.
Even though this has already been brought up:
6) The hurricane season was unexpectedly mild.
I had no idea the President of the United States controlled the weather, which is the only way this could be a point in his favor. Does he control the weather for the entire world, or just the US? Also, if he’s responsible for the (so far) mild season this year, does that mean he also sent Katrina into New Orleans? Or does the weather control itself when he’s on vaction?
A tad OT, but the nazi/dominionist asshole troll(s) that were stinking up this joint have cropped up over at Sadly, No! Now that I’ve actually gotten to read some of their troll droppings (the S,N! boiz aren’t as quick on the delete button as you folk here-though, in this case, you’re right), I gotta say it: they’re ugly, and they’re stupid, and nobody likes them. Plus they have that lovely septic tank stench about them. St00pid nazis.
Hey, today (Sept. 12) is s.z.’s birthday.
Don’t know what she’s planning for the day, but I e-mailed her a happy birthday wish. (Don’t know whether she got it or not)

Happy Birthday, S.Z. Hope you’ve got something fun to do today, and that the critters behave themselves.
This seems like another good occasion to pass around the box of truffles again.
Oh HAPPY BIRTHDAY S.Z.!!!! I want to know what the pets got you – I hope it was an extra hour of sleep! You have the Most Fun Blog On The Internet and I’m not kidding! Now, where are Mrs. BiscuitBarrel’s cupcakes?
Happy Birthday s.z. And many happy more!
Happy Birthday! Did you just turn 21?
Happy happy indeed.
When will you announce the movie you will suffer through on our behalf, all Mel Gibson-y Christ-like? Suspense is killing me.

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