The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

...And Mom Made Me Take Out the Trash, and Then Jonah Ate My Cheetos

Preview Image
The Corner’s John Podhoretz informs the world that the
Kos Kids Show True Colors:

According to a much-circulated Daily Kos post from Sunday, Israel is to blame for the provocations that began the war with Iraq: “They are not a country that, in my opinion, represents our values but rather one we generally oppose,” says the blogger Naufragus. If I were Joe Lieberman, I would get this circulated around Connecticut so the Jewish community there would get a sense of just who will be celebrating a Lamont victory.
And if I were Joe Lieberman, I’d have to be pretty stupid to take advice from J-Pod (but I would be Joe Lieberman, so I guess that goes with the territory).But anyway, a few minutes later, John explains why it’s not his fault that he’s wrong about everything.
I’m getting angry e-mail from people telling me I’m being unfair to the Daily Kos because anybody can post anything there and get promoted from subentry to diary if it gets 10 votes or something and blah blah blah and surely I know all this and therefore I am being unjust, besides which a lot of people on the site are criticizing the original anti-Israel posting. First of all, I am not familiar with the posting rules and systems on Daily Kos, because I have better things to do than know them. Second of all, I received five e-mails from various leftie lists linking specifically to that diary, which suggests it made a dent and is being widely circulated, as I said. And finally, is there anybody who will seriously offer a claim that left-wing activists in the United States tilt toward Israel and not toward the Palestinians? Anybody been to a college campus in the past 20 years?  [Posted at 2:58 PM]
To summarize JPod’s position: 
1.  Although the Kos kids didn’t really show their true colors, in that the item John posted was just a comment by one person that got turned into a diary entry, and many other Kossack disagreed with it, blah, blah, blah, John is much too important to worry his pretty little head with knowing what he’s talking about
2.  Since John was emailed  the post by five “lefties lists” (all of whom endorsed the comments completely, and presumably sent them to John in the belief that they could convert him to their way of thinking), John was indeed correct in his claim that Lamont supporters believe that Israel is an enemy of the United States.
(BTW, John, those guys who say that they’re the former Nigerian finance minister and they have $50 trillion that they want to share with you if you’ll just send them your bank account number, could be misrepresenting themselves.  Ditto the person who says she’s a hot cheerleader who heard that you’re a fun guy and so she wants to take her clothes off for you if you’ll just give her your Master Card number.)
3.  Besides, John met a liberal activist when he attended college, and that guy was sympathetic towards the Palestinians, thus proving John’s original claim that the non-Lieberman Democrats hate Israel.
Gentle readers, if you are ever caught making a misstatement, I think you’ll find that if you follow John’s ”I’m sorry that you’re such a doofus as to believe that I was wrong” approach, you’ll emerge with your credibility actually enhanced by the event.
Allow me to offer you a little example:  One day you happen to claim on your well-read blog that the neocons have shown their true colors, as it is widely reported in wingnut circles that John Podhoretz isn’t really Norman’s son, but actually the fruit of a union that Midge Decter had with Charles Manson (hey, it was the ’60′s, and Midge was doing a lot of acid back then).  You add that if you were Markos, you would widely circulate this fact, in order to let the voters know just whom prominent Republicans like Ronald Reagan and William Bennett had hired to work for them.  
But then you get some angry emails telling you that DNA testing, conducted at Norm’s request after John book was such a failure (as was John, who turned out to be quite a putz) confirmed that Norm was indeed John’s biological father.
Instead of apologizing or admitting any culpability, claim that you have better thing to do than familiarize yourself with all the men whom Midge slept with.  Add that five neocon newslists emailed you the rumor, so it was widely circulated, proving that there are doubts about the reliability of the DNA evidence.  And conclude by asking your critics if there is anyone who will seriously claim that John doesn’t look like he could be a serial killer, or at least the son of one.  (Hey, has anybody watched “C.S.I.” in the past 20 years?)
I think this approach will work just as well for you as it does for JPod.
 Oh, and that photo of John is from the Frontpage’s Summer Reading list, a feature wherein various conservative personalities reveal what they’re reading this summer, plan to be reading, would like you to believe that they’re reading, and would like you to believe that they actually can read.  In it, John reveals that “My major summer reading is I’m A Big Sister.”  (Hey, check it out of you don’t believe me!)

Manson had better taste.

Left by Gus on July 17th, 2006

Or, you know, you could be a “pro-life” blogger who breathlessly reveals that the pro-choice crowd (particularly those slutty feminist women) have shown their true colors by writing an editorial in a national leftist paper that says they think abortions are way fun. And then when half the English-speaking world points out that you’re a moron for not getting that the newspaper in question, what with its barrage of stories about our long national nightmare of prosperity and peace being over and how the DHS is stupid to tell people to shoot zombies in the torso when everybody *knows* you should aim for the head, is some kind of joke, you can explain that that’s just more liberal bias on display. Then, when they point out that yes, it really is a joke, and not just, you know, erroneous reporting of the sort FOX has trained you to accept as fact, you can say, “Okay, maybe that wasn’t real, but some person I talked to once said things that seemed sort of similar, so this really is their agenda!” And, hey, if that doesn’t work, you can always pretend your comments were a joke in the first place that no one else got because they, not you, are the stupid ones.

I’m actually kind of sensing a trend among supporters of President Infallible. Weird, huh. If I spot, say, Ben Shapiro doing something like this (and it’s pretty much a given he’s tried it in the last year or so) can I borrow someone’s blog to do a long ranty article about how the righties have shown their true colors?

Left by D. Sidhe on July 17th, 2006

If I spot, say, Ben Shapiro doing something like this (and it’s pretty much a given he’s tried it in the last year or so) can I borrow someone’s blog to do a long ranty article about how the righties have shown their true colors?

Long and ranty? Sign us up, D!

Left by scott on July 17th, 2006

Have I said how much I love World O’Crap? I love you guys! – in a strictly non-Midge Dector/Charles Manson kind of way, of course.

Left by BeginningToWonder on July 18th, 2006

Jeez, just look at this. Instead of admitting he was wrong, which would have–what? Forced him to renounce a lifetime of making shit up?–the Pod Man invents five lefty newsletters which he apparently reads observantly, if not religiously, even though we’re supposed to believe he’s too busy to have heard of Marcos Moulitsas. This is the sort of thing that happens to you when the only exercise you get–mental or physical–is shooting fish in your privately stocked, extremely small barrel.

What, really, is to be done about the Cornerites? Apart from Derb and KLo–unless I’m forgetting somebody–they’re probably all something less than certifiable, but I’ll be goddamed if there’s a one of them who, were he my roommate, wouldn’t cause me to hide all the medicines and cutlery.

And D., you know you’re always welcome at my joint, assuming you want to rant without fear of anybody reading it.

Left by Doghouse Riley on July 18th, 2006

By the way, John’s picture?


Left by actor212 on July 18th, 2006

“I am far to busy and important to do any research into the things I write about for a living”

Left by Kathy on July 18th, 2006

Can we hear more about that cheerleader. It was just getting interesting….

Left by tbogg on July 18th, 2006

Well, if JPod is reading “I’m a Big Sister,” it must mean that he and the missus are spawning again. As Casa Biscuitbarrel’s looooooooooong experience with Washington writers already has shown, JPod will embark on a series of Gurdonific Miracle of Life-type chats. If there’s a boy, there will be a religious brit milah (instead of an anonynmous, in-hospital circumcision). Then JPod will muse about Completing the Circle of Life, the experience of one day teaching the Podnik to pee standing up, and will discurse upon the quality and freshness of the whitefish at the breakfast following the brit milah, including whether any of the guests got queasy.

(At one A-List Washington Journalists’ Celebrity Brit Milah at which I was in attendance, there definitely were some queasy guests. I quipped to one greenish gent standing uncomfortably close to me, “Next we hand out the shrunken heads!” Alas, he believed me.)

If JPod gets a second daughter, he will try to take it like a man. Very likely, he will quote from Proverbs: “A woman of valor, who can find? For her value is more than rubies…” even though he’s already sick unto death of stepping on Barbie shoes. He will wonder if Mrs. and Mr. Liz Cheney Perry got discouraged by having three daughters before their son arrived. He will wonder if Mrs. Pod can be sweet-talked into “trying for a boy” even as her stitches still hurt. Only she gets the Percodet; both will sulk.

Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on July 18th, 2006


I can introduce you. Call me at 1-900-SUCK-HER…she might even answer the call!

Left by actor212 on July 18th, 2006

I think Jonah might bethis man’s direct decendent.

Left by BeginningToWonder on July 18th, 2006

If John Podhoretz wants to give Lieberman advice he should just go post it on Joe’s blog:

Left by Henri on July 19th, 2006

yeah, yeah, yeah – I mean to say “John” not “Jonah”. But I think you knew that.

Left by BeginningToWonder on July 19th, 2006

BtW, it’s okay. It’s hard to tell them apart, what with the near-indistinguishable lack of personality and aura of martyred “self-chosen” virginhood.

Long and ranty? Sign us up, D!

And D., you know you’re always welcome at my joint, assuming you want to rant without fear of anybody reading it.

Hah! Considering my inclination to long and ranty in your comments anyway, I wouldn’t encourage that. I am insufferably flattered nonetheless. *curtsey*

Left by D. Sidhe on July 19th, 2006

Are we to conclude that he deliberately posed his hands like that for a publicity photo? Or was he caught unawares while saying “and I would have gotten away with it too, if not for you meddling kids!”

Left by melior on July 19th, 2006

JPod’s reason that “I am not familiar with the posting rules and systems on Daily Kos, because I have better things to do than know them.” is kind of the basic black of the right-wing. You can use it on any occasion.

For example, look at how useful it is to George Bush:

“I am not familiar with the United States Constitution, because I have better things to do than know it.”

“I am not familiar with modern science, because I have better things to do than know it.”

Oh, and I have to agree with Gus regarding Mr. Manson’s taste.

Left by tomg on July 20th, 2006

Still, though: who wouldn’t fuck J-Pod. Am I right? I mean, check out that gloriously shiny pate. Mmm, J-pod. Dude. Call me.

Honestly, I have no idea what I’m talking about. I just so want to tag that (for real).

Left by matt on July 20th, 2006

Ha ha, J-pod is a “Big Sister”! Ha ha, I… oooh.

Did I just pull a John Aravosis/”Big Girl” faux pas here? No offense intended, ladies! Please, put down the torches and pitchforks! Hey, what is that, tar and feathers?



Left by Marq on July 20th, 2006

Marq, you know we love you. In a gay way.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 20th, 2006

Pointing out that Israel made a mistake: “You hate the Jews!” Even if you are Jewish, they just call you “self-hating” then. Makes me wish there wasn’t a Jewish state (quote that, will you?).

Left by Hysterical Woman on July 21st, 2006

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