The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Meredith Lisa Stossel and John Bubba Stossel

Meredith Lisa Stossel, the daughter of Bridget and Harold Stossel of Dogpatch, New Jersey was married Saturday, July 15, 2006 to John Bubba Stossel, the son of Sharon and Phillip Stossel of West Dogpatch, New Jersey.  Pastor A. Rand officiated at Our Lady of Perpetual Chromosonal Damage in East Dogpatch, New Jersey.

The hillbilly-themed wedding and reception took place at the Hoot-n-Holler Garden of Love in South Dogpatch.  The Best Man was the groom’s brother and son, the Maid of Honor was the bride’s mother, aunt, and second cousin twice removed.  The flower girls and ringbearer were human-animal hybrids.
The Stossel/Stossel Wedding Party.  From L to R on groom’s side:  Groom John Stossel.  Cousin Clem Stossel.  Cousin Lum Stossel.  Brother/Father Cletus Stossel.  Second cousin Abner Stossel.  Third Cousin Jebediah Stossel and his conjoined twin, Chang Stossel.  Brother and possible uncle Rip Stossel.  From L to R on Bride’s side:  Second Cousin Rose of Sharon Stossel, first Cousin and probable half-sister Rebecca Stossel, some transvestite from a local barber shop quartet, aunt Jane Darwell Stossel-McCoy, sister/sister-in-law Cissy Stossel-Stossel, Lorna Hayduke, who isn’t related to the rest of the family, but she’s her own mother, and the Bride.

Oh god. You had me at “Chang.”
D. Sidhe is gonna be so very disappointed that someone else got the mustache o’ doom first, and all that that implies. Or, you know, not.
I finally learned – through bitter experience – not to even click on the link to this site without having a roll of paper towels in hand with which to wipe clean the keyboard, screen, cat, and whatever else is in immediate range of nose/mouth spray…..Sweet jesus this one is funny – the picture alone nearly did me in!
Absolutely. Think of the fun we could have had together, me, Johnny, a pair of tweezers…
In lieu of flowers, the guests were asked to leave organs behind.
Well, D. Sidhe, it depends on what hair you’ll be yanking out with the tweezers. And how HARD you pull on it. (More detail than that might cause you dear readers to cringe in horror. Until you imagine the shreiks of pain John would be emitting. Then the laughter begins.)
Who caught the bouquet? Who sang, for the bride and groom’s first dance, “I’m My Own Granpaw”?

No comments:

Post a Comment