The World O' Crap Archive

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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The Presidential Book Club

Human Events Online in featuring a great little piece entitled “Top 10 Books President Bush Should Read on His Next Vacation.”  Let’s take a minute to go through their list, won’t we?
10. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
So, even the HEO editors believe that Mr. Bush is losing friends, both internationally and domestically, and alienating people right and left (and Right and Left).  I guess they’re not as stupid as I thought.
9. Reagan in His Own Hand edited by Kiron Skinner, Annelise Anderson and Martin Anderson
President Reagan was known not just for his remarkable speeches, but also for his ability to write well. He was able to clearly communicate his conservative beliefs because he truly believed them—they were a part of him.
I think that what HEO is trying to say is that George Bush can’t communicate well because he doesn’t truly believe in the principles and policies that Dick Cheney is trying to get him to sell us.  This is fairly astute analysis from the wingnut set.
8. Men in Black by Mark R. Levin
The President probably would enjoy the story of Johnny Cash, Zorro, and Jean-Paul Sartre, and how they saved Christmas.
7. Godless: The Church of Liberalism by Ann Coulter
The greatest danger America faces is not the external Muslim threat but the internal moral terrorists destroying our culture and teaching people to blame the West for everything. 
When the President begins the War Against Moral Terror and Liberals, I bet Ann Coulter will be our new Secretary of Inquisition.
6.  The Heritage Guide to the Constitutio edited by Edwin Meese, Matthew Spalding and David Forte
In order to better protect and defend the Constitution during the last two years of his presidency, Bush needs to fully understand what our Founding Fathers put in there.
Um, okay, but wouldn’t it have been a good idea for the President to read the Constitution during his first six years in office?
5. The Big Ripoff by Timothy P. Carney
I hear it’s not as gripping as Clifford the Big, Red Dog or The Pet Goat.
4. The Politically Incorrect Guide to Islam (and the Crusades) by Robert Spencer
The President has learned a lot since his statements immediately after the 9-11 attacks that “Islam is peace.” Spencer’s book could teach him a few more things.
You know, any of the books from the “Politically Incorrect” series make great companion volumes to Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.
3.  The Quotable Calvin Coolidge by Calvin Coolidge and Peter Hannaford
I’m guessing this is a really short book.
Everyone would profit from reading the words of this conservative President who opposed big government and signed the 1924 Immigration Act, limiting the number of immigrants per nation of origin.
Like Silent Cal said (or mimed, or something), “America must be kept American.”  Racism: It’s what’s for dinner.
2. On Classical Economics by Thomas Sowell
This is probably the best book on the market about the economics of human organ sales, and the benefits they offer to both the desperate poor and the worthy rich. 
1. State of Emergency by Patrick Buchanan
If the U.S. does not enforce its borders and immigration law, we will not be able to withstand the onslaught of multiculturalism combined with mass immigration that is sure to come.
Unless the President heeds Pat’s advice, our country is doomed to extinction via multiculturalism onslaughts, which pose our most pressing national problem, next to moral terrorism.

Anyway, that was the HEO list. But we think it omits the book that would be most valuable to President Bush: Better Living Through Bad Movies. This handy, timesaving book details the life-lessons contained in literally dozens of bad movies, making it perfect for an on-the-go, bike-riding, prezel-swallowing-and-then-choking kind of guy like the President. And in light of current events, we think that at least he should read the chapter on “Surviving the Apocalypse.”

The chapter on Weird Sex might also be of interest to him.

So, that was our idea of how the President could begin to recover from funtional illiteracy. Now, we want to know what books YOU think Mr. Bush should read during his next vacation. (For the duration of this exercise you must accept the premise that he actually reads actual books when not busy presidentin’.) Remember, reading is fundamental — and we all know how popular fundamentalism is with the Bush administration these days.

25 Responses to “The Presidential Book Club”

I don’t know what I’d recommend, but I can tell you that he should probably not try to finish “My Pet Goat.”
So, even the HEO editors believe that Mr. Bush is losing friends, both internationally and domestically, and alienating people right and left (and Right and Left). I guess they’re not as stupid as I thought.
No, but they are all a bunch of assholes. Where the hell do they get off making fun of the man they voted for twice and would vote for again? We’re stuck with him. It’s HEO’s fault as much as anyone else’s. The least they can fucking do is take some responsibility for it before leaping straight into criticizing him. And don’t give me this “We were fooled” crap. You weren’t. You voted for him ’cause he wasn’t a scary liberal. And you’d fucking do it again. And based on your little reading list, you’re *still* hoping he’ll kill a bunch more people you don’t like, and you’re still on his side as long as he’s foursquare against the liberals. So fuck off.
As far as books go, let’s send him the entire Serendipity series. Maybe he can learn something. And let’s send it to HEO, too.
Damn. When’d I get so angry? Oh, yeah, when people started dying in massive numbers and the people responsible decided that not enough people were. Billy, I think he should finish “My Pet Goat”. Fewer people die when he’s not doing his job, on the whole.
Incidentally, it’s my birthday, and I see a new neurologist today, and the vet and I will be discussing the kitty again, so wish us all luck.
[...] World o’Crap [...]
Now, we want to know what books YOU think Mr. Bush should read during his next vacation.
Any of the early Hardy Boys books. One can learn a lot from Frank and Joe.
Oh look, Iron Eagle is on! gotta go.
Wow, what a colossally mediocre list. I had to check back to see if it was the result of a reader poll, though I should have known that would have resulted in ten Coulter screeds.

Which, I suppose, is as good a place to start as any. What do these bozos imagine Bush is going to get from reading Coulter that he doesn’t already know? That he hasn’t heard for 60 years from that mother of his? Is there some blinding insight in Men in Black that can’t be fitted on a bumper sticker? And hasn’t already?

How is it that this is always the sort of thing you get from modern-day “conservatives”–long shopping lists of books designed specifically to regurgitate that zeitgeist? Think Bushie needs to bone up on the Constitution? Why not Jack N. Rakove’s Original Meanings? That won a Pulitzer, as opposed to that Ed Meese/Heritage Foundation doorstop, which was named “Best Compost Starter of 2005″. I’m sure Hating Muslims: Your Key to Improved Self-Esteem did wonders for HEO’s editors, but something like David Fromkin’s A Peace To End All Peace offers actual sanity along with its historical insight, just as a refreshing change. And Coolidge? Funny guy–really–the book might be an excellent sourcebook for budding standup comedians, but I do believe Bush has already absorbed what political value it might offer. How about Garry Wills’ book about the Gettysburg Address? Would it kill those people to get anywhere near a book that might contain a thought they hadn’t pre-agreed with?

(And I’m not proposing to snatch away the one-hand-typing tribute to St. Ronnie–abrupt withdrawal of a totemic item can cause permanent psychic damage, and they don’t need any more of that.

As to my recommendations: none. I don’t mean I don’t have any, I mean Bush shouldn’t read books on the same grounds that you do not suddenly add a fuel additive or knock the rust of the radiator of a neglected sixty-year-old engine. And Happy Birthday, D. Hang in.
Left by Doghouse Riley on September 5th, 2006
Better Living Through Lousy Movies
is that the forthcoming smash sequel to “Better Living Through Bad Movies?”
I can hardly wait

I’d like Bush to read.
Happy birthday D. Sidhe, and best of luck to you & your wee fuzzy ones. Your comments here and on other blogs give me hope for the future.
If there’s any book out there written to help children deal with the death of a parent or loved one in Iraq, I suggest Bush reads it. A lot.
I would say that Dubya should probably raid the Beverly Clearly archives…if he’s feeling adventurous. Sure, they’re light on the fart jokes, but they’ll provide a nice challenge for him. When he’s done, he’ll get a gold star and maybe a personal pan pizza.
Of course, he could move up to The Babysitters’ Club if he wants a true challenge to his reading ability.
Happy birthday, D., and stay angry. It works.
As for books, I’m immediately inclined toward anything with laminated pages, just so Georgie is less tempted to eat them or wipe his ass with them.
Overcoming that hurdle, I’d suggest Canticle for Leibowitz on the odd chance that a fervent expectation for the End Times (and war) is shown as just another big fucking bump in nature’s inevitable evolution.
Happy B’Day, D. Sidhe. Hope all goes well.
I can’t think of any suitable reading suggestions, but I do find it scary that anyone would put Pat Buchanan at the top of anybody’s reading list, except as some kind of sick practical joke.

Here’s another birthday greeting going out to D. Sidhe, best wishes, you are one of my e-heroes. The book I’d most like Bush to read right now is Mad In America by Robert Whitaker, just cause that’s what I wish all Americans would read, but he is the one who gave us the constitution-shredding New Freedom Commission on Mental Health. That is all.
#7 I’d like Bush to be able to read AND think. However, I believe that would be akin to patting his head and rubbing his tummy simultaneously….I doubt he’s mastered that either.
Happy Birthday, D. Sidhe! We might be cosmic sisters – my birthday was Sunday. And your anger seems quite normal to me. Love to you and the kitty, may you both be well.
I think Bush should read “Conservatives Without Conscience” by John Dean. Maybe his head would explode.
i suggest he read ‘bin Laden determined to strike w/i the US.’
oh wait. like 5 years too late. never mind.
ps, happy b-day D Sidhe and good luck w/your kitty and everything else.
Now that George has absorbed The Stranger, he’s probably ready for something a bit deeper and more complex by Camus, perhaps The Plague, The Rebel, or The Myth of Sysyphus.
To feed his inner nature he should read Junkie by William Burroughs (perhaps Queer would be a good one as well) and I Claudius by Robert Graves. He’s really going to love that “Little Boots” character, but should probably remain alert to the inevitable and know when to abandon the book.
Then to feed his medieval mind, he could take a look at A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous 14th Century, by Barbara Tuchman,just to clue him in to where his bosses are steering the country.
Finally to teach him life lessons not previously learned he should read his metaphorical biography, People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by M.Scott Peck and The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster.
On the offchance that he might actually learn something, I’d suggest Cosmopolitanism by Kwame Anthony Appiah.
Meese wrote a book about the constitution? Maybe Michael Jackson’s writing a book about child care. Or Brownie, about emergency manangement.
Oh yeah, books for W to read… Any compilation of Flannery O’Connor’s short stories, all of which feature protagonists doomed by their blind adherence to various ideologies. All are pretty short (the stories, not the protagonists), are set in the South, and feature occasional racial epithets, so the Prez will probably like them. The fact that many of the protagonists end up dead, upsetting to most readers, probably wouldn’t bother him a bit. It’d be like Sesame Street, so much fun he wouldn’t even realize he was learning.
What an absolutely intellectually bankrupt reading list from Inhuman Intents Online. Actually, I thought it was a goof at first. Dale Carnegie and Calvin Coolidge, jeeezus.
As to George’s reading list, I have to agree with trashfire that Flannery O’Connor’s work would be great. In particular, the last line of “A Good Man is Hard to Find” spoken about the grandmother might be appropriate to George. Or Maybe not. At the very least, though, it would be fun watching him trying to make some sort of sense of it all.
They kill me. No, really.

s.z. writes: The President probably would enjoy the story of Johnny Cash, Zorro, and Jean-Paul Sartre, and how they saved Christmas.
Nobly aided by Adam Cartwright…
Tom Swift And His Diving Seacopter. The first book I ever read in one day. I think he’s ready for the challenge!
bidziliba: ‘Now that George has absorbed The Stranger, he’s probably ready for something a bit deeper and more complex by Camus, perhaps The Plague, The Rebel, or The Myth of Sysyphus.
‘To feed his inner nature he should read Junkie by William Burroughs (perhaps Queer would be a good one as well) and I Claudius by Robert Graves…’
LOL, puh-leeeze! coffee just spurted out my noise. don’t stop.
People, people, very few of you are taking Shrub’s actual reading proficiency into account as opposed to his purported skillz. Thus, I would suggest “The Lorax,” by Dr. Seuss, ‘cos if he can absorb the message in that one (and I am not confident he can), we win!
The Bible
And not just skimming, either; he has to read every single page, including the ones about how big the tabernacle should be and what it should be made out of and where you can and can’t take a shit.
I’ve always been particularly affected by Abraham asking god, “Would you sweep away the just with the wicked?”, and call me crazy, I think that that passage might have some relevence to modern American policy.
The American Constitution. Not some fucking commentary that tells him what he wants to hear. He should read the primary source, and then meditate on it for a while before he starts getting into commentary.
Mister Terrific Comics Mister Terrific was a Superhero who loved fair play so much, he had the words stitched on his costume. You figure out why I think he’d be a good influence for the president.

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