10. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale CarnegieSo, even the HEO editors believe that Mr. Bush is losing friends, both internationally and domestically, and alienating people right and left (and Right and Left). I guess they’re not as stupid as I thought.
9. Reagan in His Own Hand edited by Kiron Skinner, Annelise Anderson and Martin AndersonI think that what HEO is trying to say is that George Bush can’t communicate well because he doesn’t truly believe in the principles and policies that Dick Cheney is trying to get him to sell us. This is fairly astute analysis from the wingnut set.
President Reagan was known not just for his remarkable speeches, but also for his ability to write well. He was able to clearly communicate his conservative beliefs because he truly believed them—they were a part of him.
8. Men in Black by Mark R. LevinThe President probably would enjoy the story of Johnny Cash, Zorro, and Jean-Paul Sartre, and how they saved Christmas.
7. Godless: The Church of Liberalism by Ann CoulterWhen the President begins the War Against Moral Terror and Liberals, I bet Ann Coulter will be our new Secretary of Inquisition.
The greatest danger America faces is not the external Muslim threat but the internal moral terrorists destroying our culture and teaching people to blame the West for everything.
6. The Heritage Guide to the Constitutio edited by Edwin Meese, Matthew Spalding and David ForteUm, okay, but wouldn’t it have been a good idea for the President to read the Constitution during his first six years in office?
In order to better protect and defend the Constitution during the last two years of his presidency, Bush needs to fully understand what our Founding Fathers put in there.
5. The Big Ripoff by Timothy P. CarneyI hear it’s not as gripping as Clifford the Big, Red Dog or The Pet Goat.
4. The Politically Incorrect Guide to Islam (and the Crusades) by Robert SpencerYou know, any of the books from the “Politically Incorrect” series make great companion volumes to Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.
The President has learned a lot since his statements immediately after the 9-11 attacks that “Islam is peace.” Spencer’s book could teach him a few more things.
3. The Quotable Calvin Coolidge by Calvin Coolidge and Peter HannafordI’m guessing this is a really short book.
Everyone would profit from reading the words of this conservative President who opposed big government and signed the 1924 Immigration Act, limiting the number of immigrants per nation of origin.Like Silent Cal said (or mimed, or something), “America must be kept American.” Racism: It’s what’s for dinner.
2. On Classical Economics by Thomas SowellThis is probably the best book on the market about the economics of human organ sales, and the benefits they offer to both the desperate poor and the worthy rich.
1. State of Emergency by Patrick BuchananUnless the President heeds Pat’s advice, our country is doomed to extinction via multiculturalism onslaughts, which pose our most pressing national problem, next to moral terrorism.
If the U.S. does not enforce its borders and immigration law, we will not be able to withstand the onslaught of multiculturalism combined with mass immigration that is sure to come.
Anyway, that was the HEO list. But we think it omits the book that would be most valuable to President Bush: Better Living Through Bad Movies. This handy, timesaving book details the life-lessons contained in literally dozens of bad movies, making it perfect for an on-the-go, bike-riding, prezel-swallowing-and-then-choking kind of guy like the President. And in light of current events, we think that at least he should read the chapter on “Surviving the Apocalypse.”
The chapter on Weird Sex might also be of interest to him.
So, that was our idea of how the President could begin to recover from funtional illiteracy. Now, we want to know what books YOU think Mr. Bush should read during his next vacation. (For the duration of this exercise you must accept the premise that he actually reads actual books when not busy presidentin’.) Remember, reading is fundamental — and we all know how popular fundamentalism is with the Bush administration these days.
25 Responses to “The Presidential Book Club”The Bible
And not just skimming, either; he has to read every single page, including the ones about how big the tabernacle should be and what it should be made out of and where you can and can’t take a shit.
I’ve always been particularly affected by Abraham asking god, “Would you sweep away the just with the wicked?”, and call me crazy, I think that that passage might have some relevence to modern American policy.
The American Constitution. Not some fucking commentary that tells him what he wants to hear. He should read the primary source, and then meditate on it for a while before he starts getting into commentary.
Mister Terrific Comics Mister Terrific was a Superhero who loved fair play so much, he had the words stitched on his costume. You figure out why I think he’d be a good influence for the president.