The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Know Your Wingnuts

Some of you have wondered if Mark Noonan of “Blogs for Bush” is the son of Peggy Noonan.  He isn’t.  He is, however, a highly respected wingnut in his own right, even though none of us has apparently heard of him before.

From SourceWatch we learn that when he’s not blogging for Bush, Mark is a 40-year-old credit underwriter who lives in Las Vegas.  (Hey, it’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it.)
Now, here are more of Mark’s insights into the character of George Bush, taken from his review of Fred Barnes bio of George W:
The primary theme of Mr. Barnes’ book is that President Bush is the ultimate outsider come to Washington. This might seem strange given President Bush’s manifest connections to the elite in the United States, but President Bush disconnected himself from that elite quite a long time ago and picked up entirely the ethos of middle America – especially that Texan variety of middle America.
Yes, George disconnected him from the patrician noblesse oblige ethos of his father, and picked up in their stead the typically Texan principles of sports, drinking, and blowing up frogs.
President Bush is, indeed, a rebel – and his cause is peace. His critics don’t understand it, but President Bush figured out that the only sure path to peace in the world is to make the largest number of free people possible. The elite believes that peace is made by negotiations and supra-national organizations…but peace is really made by free people too busy getting on with their own lives to bother about attacking other free people doing ditto. This isn’t rocket science, but it is something that the overly nuanced and intellectualoid elite could not grasp – mostly because a peace created by free people is a peace which doesn’t need elitists to gather at swank places around the world to negotiate grand settlements of outstanding problems.
Bush plan:
1.  Invade Iraq
2.  ???
3.  Create lots of free people
4.  Peace!
Like Mark said, it isn’t rocket science.
As Mr. Barnes points out, Reagan likely would have done the things that President Bush has done had he lived in President Bush’s circumstances – but President Bush carries things that extra step further, and opens up new vistas for America.
“New vistas” apparently being code for “vast, radioactive tracts of wilderness where cities once stood.
But speaking of Ronnie, and how George is the apotheosis of all things Reagan, let’s check in with Peggy, who was last seen commenting on the meaning of the Lamont victory:
He was standing there with confetti glittering distractedly on his hair, and on the shoulders of his dark suit–he and his people are new enough in politics that there’s no one around him yet to brush the confetti off and say, “It looks like dandruff.”
They shoulda hired Peggy as a consultant: SHE knows about stuff like that. 
And the Lieberman campaign coulda profited from Peggy’s political acumen — she would have explained to them that Joe was seen as too grown up and competent to appeal to the voters, who are all whiny, stupid, teenaged Kos-readers.
Everyone in public life gets tagged. But this is one of the first times in a long time that somebody’s base got tagged. The Kos crowd is viewed by most people outside that crowd as hate-fueled, bitter and stupid–the devil’s flying monkeys making their “Eeek! Eeek!” sounds.
And if you want to get the vote of the flying monkeys making their “Eeek! Eeek!” sounds, you’ve got to give them the head of Glinda the Good.  Or something.

Anyway, that’s our report for today on the Noonans.  Next time we report on Peter Noonan, because we think that he might have the best take on politics of them all.  Plus, we hear that his gang of monkees don’t make that “Eeek! Eeek!” sound much any more.

13 Responses to “Know Your Wingnuts”

Eeek! Eeek!
(Throws confetti.)
If all we wanted was an outsider and rebel, we could have elected an orphan rhino.
Funny how I was under the impression we wanted, I dunno, a leader, a diplomat, a policy-maker, competence… You know, that boring crap that doesn’t make Mark all tingly.
Meanwhile, Peggy is horrified anyone would elect an outsider. I can’t help thinking their arguments should cancel each other out and leave us with blessed silence.
I’m an intellectualoid! And proud of it!
I can’t get through a paragragh of Peggy without my head exploding. It’s like reading some freaked out New Ager, except instead of crystals or mescaline, she’s high on Reagen.
…confetti glittering distractedly…
Does this imply that the confetti was somehow not focused enough on glittering? It was just half assed glittering while it watched the telly or read a book? Ned Lamont’s team needs to get on the ball and get some confetti that will do the job. Political wannabes.
Does anyone (aside from Peg, obviously) look at confetti and think “That guy needs some Head and Shoulders.”? Whaaaaa?
Peggy was probably pretty used to turning to Ronnie and wiping things off his shoulders, shirtfront and chin. What a trooper he was! Didn’t know his kids’ names, but when that red light lit up, he was on. The man could read anything you put up in front of him cold, unless it had a new word in it like “paradigm.”
(“Para-dig-em!” Bad speechwriter!)
For anyone who didn’t see it the first time, Mark Noonan is the author of this little bit of infamy in defense of Tom Delay:
This is not the actions of a political Party engaged in seeking a majority – it is the action of a Party determined to destroy its opponents entirely and seize all power for itself…it is, in short, the stuff from which civil wars are made…
I really do urge our Democrats to step back from the edge – you are sitting in a lake of gasoline and you are playing with fire. We on our side will only put up with so much before we start to pay back with usury what we have received. If you can’t defeat Tom Delay in the electoral field, then you will simply have to accept him as Majority Leader of the United States House of Representatives – and you’d better start accepting political reality before things get really bad.
Mark Noonan has been an idiot for years, and not afraid to blog about it.
The Kos crowd is viewed by most people outside that crowd as hate-fueled, bitter and stupid
Actually, I’d say the “Kos crowd” is viewed by most people outside that crowd as “Who?”
Ewe, Ned Lamont has dandruff?
My dear God, what has Connecticut DONE???
GAME OVER MAAAAAAAAAAN!!! It’s a bug-hunt, a bug-hunt!!!!!!111!!!
S.Z., I think it goes like:
1. Invade Iraq
1a. Think of reasons to tell people when they ask why we did that. Have at least three on hand.
2. Get tasty donuts. Mmm, donuts.
3. Create lots of free people
3a. Go on vacation while all hell breaks loose as these “Nouveau-libré” try to bomb you out of their newly-liberated back yards, hoping you’d take a hint.
4. Peace!*
4a. Promote this new peace by quickly taking one side, placing blame on the other and declaring them the LOOOOSER!!!
*Well, only if it’s going to be a lasting peace. No use in wasting a good wargasm until you sure you HAVE TO stop shooting…
Sorry for the cluster-comments… Bored at work…
Bush’s manifest connections to the elite in the United States, but President Bush disconnected himself from that elite quite a long time ago and picked up entirely the ethos of middle America – especially that Texan variety of middle America.
“Texan variety of middle America”?!?! Wot the hell? Texas has on two of its sides an ocean and an international border. But it’s “middle America.” Yeah, right. And Alabama was a member of the Union during the Civil War.
he (Lamont) and his people are new enough in politics that there’s no one around him yet to brush the confetti off and say, “It looks like dandruff.”
Glittery, multi-colored dandruff.

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