If You Don't Know What's Wrong, I'm Not Going to Tell You

I was enjoying breakfast on the lanai shortly after dawn this morning, and in between sips of macadamia nut-flavored coffee and the repetitious thud of golfballs from the nearby links bouncing off the roof, I read Maureen Dowd’s column in the Honolulu Star-Bulletin.  (I know, I know, but it was either that, or Garfield.)  And while I’m not particularly a fan of MoDo–her bon mots are more often mal mots–I did enjoy this:

The more W. and his tough, by-any-means-necessary superbabe have tried to tame the Middle East, the more enflamed the Middle East has become.  Now the secretary of state is, reluctantly and belatedly, doing some shuttle diplomacy that entails little diplomacy and no shuttling.  It’s more like air-guitar diplomacy.

But this is the part that really struck me:

Condi doesn’t want to talk to Hezbollah or its sponsors, Syria and Iran — “Syria knows what it needs to do,” she says with asperity

This is a tactic well-known amongst high school girls and I freely admit that at a certain time in my life (9th through 11th grades inclusive) I was highly susceptible to it.  But while I don’t dispute its efficacy as a behavior modification tool, its use by the United States Government raises some potentially disturbing issues.  Chief among them:  How long has our Secretary of State been going steady with Syria?  And is this just like a summer fling, or has Syria pinned her, and she’s told all her friends on the pep squad?

 I don’t have the answers, but I would suggest that when the various delegates meet to negotiate the terms of a heightened U.N. peacekeeping presence in southern Lebanon, if Secretary Rice appears wearing Syria’s letterman jacket, it could signal an historic shift in U.S. foreign policy.  On the other hand, if President Assad begins each press conference sitting glumly beneath the statue of Rodin’s The Thinker like the opening of The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis, then he’s probably never going to nail Condeeza Rice (Tuesday Weld), and is going to have to make do with Zelda Gilroy (John Bolton).

Posted by scott on Monday, July 24th, 2006 at 11:41 pm.

Hilarious and wrong. Have I mentioned how delighted I am that you’re co-blogging here? You two are fab.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 25th, 2006

and here I was thinking “that sounds like a line from ‘Heathers’”

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 25th, 2006

So who’s Maynard?

Left by Comfort Goodpasture on July 25th, 2006

Captalize Secretary of State, Dowd!

Left by Hysterical Woman on July 25th, 2006

Well, thank god she’s at least moved beyond the patticake with W stage (I hope).

Left by arghous on July 25th, 2006

FYI, the real Zelda Gilroy (Sheila Kuehl) is currently a California State Senator and gay/lesbian activist. Go know!

Left by The Kenosha Kid on July 26th, 2006

Comfort Goodpasture writes: So who’s Maynard?
You rang?

Left by Chris Vosburg on July 27th, 2006

Ahhhhhh, gone are the days. Back home in Sundowntown Beach, Bob Denver appeared at the town fair at the peak of his fame as Gilligan, not as Maynard G. Krebs. Everyone else was so excited!

Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on July 28th, 2006

Condi Rice about Syria sounds more like PAris Hilton about Nicole Richie.

Left by Dr. Squid on July 28th, 2006