The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Monday, January 31, 2011

News Flash: Beauty Pageant Infiltrated By Gays!

Yes, not content to infiltrate the Mennonites, as reported by Pastor Swank (yeah, that was him in Saturday’s “Who Said It?” contest – I’ll post the rest of the answers, as well as the winners, tomorrow), it seems that homosexuals have surreptitiously made their way into the Miss Universe Pageant.WorldNetDaily has the exclusive report:
NBC struts ‘gay’ jokes all over Miss Universe
With some of the world’s most beautiful women on display at tonight’s Miss Universe Pageant in Los Angeles, viewers of the NBC broadcast were exposed to a celebration of homosexuality with continuous “gay” jokes and innuendo.
And by “continuous ‘gay’ jokes and innuendo,” WND means there were five “gayish” remarks during the two-hour program, since that’s all that they cite in their report.  But when you’re as senstivie to gay cooties as WorldNetDaily is, that counts as “continuous.”.
Providing commentary for the program were Carson Kressley, a homosexual who stars on the Bravo network’s “Queer Eye,” and 2004 Miss USA Shandi Finnessey.
Whose sexual orientation is not relevant to this report, because we assume that she’s straight.
At one point in the program, when Finnessey was promoting a beauty guide viewers could order, Kressley said, “It’ll tell you how to be a true queen. A beauty queen.”
I can’t believe NBC allowed him to strut a homosexual joke and/or innuendo like that on the public airways!  Indirect allusions to gay stuff are not at all appropriate at events which display beautiful women!
During analysis of the finalists, Kressley noted, “I also loved Miss Puerto Rico. Again I have to confess I was looking at her dress, I was kind of mesmerized.”
“You want to borrow it, is what you want to do,” Finnessey responded.
So, it was Finnessey who strutted the homosexual joke that time. She’s been corrupted by the gays — clearly a big part of their agenda is to get all the hot women on their side!
Regarding some of the contestants’ ability to speak more than one language, Kressley also clowned he was ready to become “bi-,” but then jokingly clarified he meant “bi-lingual.”
Which is in itself suspect, since real red-blooded Americans don’t believe in that speaking other languages crap!
In the end, Miss Puerto Rico, 18-year-old Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza, won the competition and was crowned Miss Universe 2006, while Miss USA Tara Conner was fourth runner-up.
“I’m ready to switch teams for [Miss] Puerto Rico,” Kressley swooned.
The bastard! How dare he swoon all over our fine, straight women!  No wonder WND is up in arms about this assault on scantily-clad, women-as-products, family values.

Anyway, while all of this may not seem like much to you, it’s obviously part of a big, strutting gay plot, the seriousness of which can be deduced from some of the WND links at the end of the piece.
The Gay Agenda
How the homosexual agenda affects your family
Homosexual Easter at the White House?
Heath Ledger: From ‘Patriot’ to explicit ‘gay’ sex?
Minute Maid: Popeye not ‘gay’ in O.J. ad
(Suuuuure, he’s not. When will Popeye just come out of the closet already?)

But anyway, this leads us to today’s  WorldNetDaily: Daily Poll question, “What do you think of NBC’s ‘gay’ commentary during Miss Universe broadcast?”

The polls only opened an hour or so ago, but here are the top four responses so far:
It’s time to boycott all things NBC again
I didn’t see or hear the comments on the air, so I can’t really comment
What’s next? NBC showing ‘gay’ GUYS in a similar competition?
This is nuts! What the heck is NBC thinking?
I had to vote “other,” because the answer I would have chosen, “It’s time to boycott all things on Earth that could have been contaminated with ‘gay’ cooties” wasn’t listed. But hey, don’t let me influence you — you should vote your conscience.

Oh, and speaking of the gayification of the Miss Universe pageant,it’s time to visit Powerline for John Hindrocket’s obligatory report on the event, “Delayed-Blogging Miss Universe.” Sadly, it’s not as exciting as it sounds, so let’s just hit the highlights:
No live-blogging this year, as we have house guests–my youngest brother, the Rocket Prof, and his family. But, through the miracle of Tivo, we preserved the pageant finale to watch after dinner.
The initial impression is that this was an evening of upsets. A number of the betting favorites didn’t make the top twenty, while several underdogs broke through. The big shocker was that Miss Australia, the betting favorite just twenty-four hours ago and the contestant who accompanied Donald Trump on the David Letterman Show, didn’t make the cut.
Wow, that was indeed shocking! I don’t know if my heart can stand much more of this kind of thing!
Now the top ten. Several favorites survive: T & T, Puerto Rico, USA.; also Switzerland, whom I still don’t buy.
Wait, Hindrocket buys these women? Is that legal?
Miss Japan is in; she looks a whole lot better in real life than in pre-pageant photos.
By “real life,” John means, “on TV, which is the realest kind of life, since I would never get this close to beautiful women in the other kind.
Miss Mexico is in; the strange thing about her is that English seems clearly to be her native tongue. Or else she is a heck of a linguist.
But since it seems really improbable that a woman from Mexico could speak accentless English unless something funny was going on (which it clearly was, as we know from the WND report), she’s most likely a terrorist.  Somebody alert Michelle Malkin!
The evening gown competition. Yawn. Miss Japan is my new favorite. Well, except for Puerto Rico. “I’m ready to switch teams for Puerto Rico,” says the gay host, an odd concept in itself.
Joking about switching teams in order to snag hot beautifies queens is indeed an odd concept.  See, John would only turn gay for somebody like George Bush, a man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, who is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time. 
And the winner is: Miss PR! We know from Miss U. gossip sites that she arrived in Los Angeles with two young men whom she described as “personal travel assistants,” and her bearing was described by other competitors as “regal.”
Yes, we all know that, because we check out Miss U. gossip sites several times a day. Everyone does.  However, Carson Kressley is the only gay man who has ever been associated with the noble sport of beauty pageanting.  Damn his “gay” joke strutting — he almost ruined it for the rest of us!


So making gay jokes all night is somehow… supporting us? WTF?! And, jeeze, Carson is teh kweeniest kween, teh most swishiful pooftah there is–not really someone I’d choose to represent us as a whole. Especially if he’s gonna say something like:
I’m ready to switch teams for Puerto Rico
That was gay-supportive?!? Huh??!!?? Me so confus-ed! Now, I personally would say, “I’m willing to stay on the same team I’ve been on all along for Puerto Rico,” ’cause those ‘Rican boiz art teh s3xx-aay! Yum!
And Assmissile asks:

Miss Mexico is in; the strange thing about her is that English seems clearly to be her native tongue.
Well, obviously she was taught by some gay anglos, interfering once again with the natural order of things. Meddlesome kweerz!!1one!!
It’s amusing that Bottlerocket watched this thing–I thought only nancy-boy kweerz did that anymore, thus the Carson Kressley hosting and all. Damnit, he better not have “switched teams” to my team, or I’ll abduct him and drop him off at one of those “ex-gay” clinics. It might actually work with him–for real! He’s certainly shown that he’s easily swayed with nonsensical bullshit often enough in the past….

And, woo-hoo—I got at least one “Who Said It?” question right. Swanktastic!
Fuckwits. Would anyone like at this point to dispute the premise that homophobia in men is at least partly tied to misogyny?
Personally, I’m amazed it’s possible to make the Miss Universe Pageant more offensive. And I say that as someone who finds “Queer Eye” pretty damned offensive, too, especially that WTF-esque wedding season.
I didn’t see or hear the comments on the air, so I can’t really comment
Honest to God, is this the sort of thing any WND reader would ever say about anything? I don’t know what happened so I can’t judge? I’m overwhelmed by the coherence.
D.Sidhe: Good point about the homophobia\misogyny connection. IT probably has to do with the fact that
sterotypical flambouant ones are acting like the women the homophobes secretly dispise. While the non-sterotypes are just too different for their tastes.

“Let’s boycott NBC again! For real this time and not just for five minutes during a commerical break!”
Wow. Carson Kressley did gay schtick? Bet NBC never saw that one comin’.
And I’m not sure whether to laugh or, well, laugh even louder at the revelation that WorldNetDaily wasn’t aware until last night that beauty pageants are just musical theater without the professional talent.
On the news from my local progressive radio station, I only heard that Miss PR fainted in the heat while wearing a gown made of many metal chains.
Not a word about her swing, just an OD of bling. And I’m so out of touch I didn’t even know they did these things on television anymore at all. Miss Universe, huh? How did Miss Mars and Miss Pluto do?
As far as the outrage at the gayness of it all, I don’t see why the Right fusses so. I thought they’d be more tolerant after the news came out about Laura Bush and Condi being lovers, and the video of the love triangle between the recent Hindu converts, John Bolten, Negroponte and Karl Rove.
Isn’t “strutting” what the Texans call “walking?”
Is it just me or does Tivo’ing the Miss Universe contest lead to the inevitable conclusion that one will watch it later… alone… if you know what I mean, and I think you do. And AM I that childish enough to be the only one to realize that AssRocket was so strongly suggesting that Miss Mexico is… one cunning linguist? What the hell, this was all good birthday reading for me today anyway! :)
A round of applause for WO’C for bravely highlighting the decades-long femme-butch relationship between Popeye and Bluto. As any WND reader would confirm, anyone (even a cartoon character) who insists that he owes his strength to a leafy green vegetable simply has to have a tenuous sexual orientation!
Hilarious. Yes, Wingnut Daily, Miss Universe has become our #1 recruiting tool as part of our Homosexual Agenda. So many straight men love to watch beauty pageants, it’s a mystery to me why they don’t run them versus the Super Bowl.
the only straight man watching was Hindrocket (and any male family member of the contestants invovled.) Makes you wonder.
Also, Wingnut Daily may want to start a petition drive to get Miss U.S.A.’s title stripped. She was wearing a gown designed by Project Runway competitior Kayne, who is clearly gay. How dare she. I am sure that’s why she placed 4th.
Miss Pluto’s performance was erratic, and Miss Mars struck the judges as a bit cold.
Happy birthday, HeyDave. I hope today’s not the day Bush tries to find out what that big red button does. At least not before you get your presents.
Minute Maid: Popeye not ‘gay’ in O.J. ad
It’s nice to see that OJ is back making commercials after his long exile looking for his wife’s killer, and that in order to deflect public opinion, he’s taken to making ads with same sex partners.
But….I dunno…a sailor?
Thinking of HeyDave’s comment, Field Marshal von Moltke was an extremely learned and discreet fellow and it was thus said “He could be silent in seven languages.”
So, if Hindrocket could lust for Miss Mexico and tape the beauty pageant, could he be “Unlucky with both genders”?

Trust me, Rich, he already is. I’m bi and I wouldn’t touch him.
-X- 1. Destroy the institutions of “marriage” and “family” in America.
-X- 2. Kill Terri Schiavo.
-X- 3. Hide Iraq’s WMD in Syria.
-X- 4. Complete Operation “War on Christmas” – mop up the Deadenders.
— 5. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN for Best Picture.
-X- 6. Force Tom DeLay (suspected Christian) out of office using false charges.
-X- 7. Spoil Easter by forcing The Bush Administration into letting our kids pick up hard-boiled, pastel colored eggs placed artistically on the White House lawn.
-X- 8. Give Rick Santorum WMD story and then thoroughly humiliate him by debunking it.
And as always – Recruit, Recruit, Recruit!
cc: Ken Mehlman

I don’t understand why WND was upset about the “switching teams” remark. I thought that was what every gay both could and should do according to their way of thinking.
happy BD, Heydave, I think we might still have some cake left a couple threads down. if not I’ll send you a mAnn Coulter pic
We know from Miss U. gossip sites that she arrived in Los Angeles with two young men whom she described as “personal travel assistants,” and her bearing was described by other competitors as “regal.”
Does Hinderaker even have a job anymore? Or does he blow off clients to check up on Miss Universe gossip?

ok that article is really paranoid and idiotic. wow does the smart clean man over there really plotting to take over america? come on! its just miss universe… a parade of beautifully surgically altered women ahem*ms.puerto rico* gays will be gays but they are still people nonetheless…. they represent themselves, not the general gay community. plus whatever carson said that night (i watched MS. U)was not offensive at all. you would only find offense in it if youre an ignoramus from up plutos ass. see this is why they call us yankees (derived from dutch for hicks), we get the rep that were homophobes and narrow minded. take it as it is, dont berrate NBC for carson. if you asked me he did a good job. this is just a nutty homophobic conspiracy theory. YOUR JUST PARANOID.

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