The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Supply Your Own Mental Photoshopped Image for This One

I know that the Sadly, No! guys have a thing for perky Miss Marie JonApostrophe, but are they her type?  Sadly, no!  For it seems that what turns her on are incompetent senior citizens in spike heels with whips and chains.
Rummy, as he is fondly called by President George Bush, is an intelligent, Godly, man of faith. He has dedicated himself to protecting our country. He is a man who serves his country though the eyes of great experience. He is inspiring. The Secretary of Defense wakes up everyday and thinks about every single American citizen’s safety. [...]
At the age of seventy five, the man is in excellent mental and physical health. He is fit and trim an extraordinary specimen of manliness.
Yes, its true Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is a genuine sex symbol. A senior-citizen sensation, evoking swoons and cries. At the of 69-year old Rumsfeld was receiving offers from Playgirl magazine to pose nude. “Rumsy is hot in a dominatrix kind of a way,” said the editor of Time magazine.
Okay, while you wash the image of Rummy in a leather bustier out of your mind, let’s read the REST of the story — the part of the quote that Marie “forgot” to include in this Valentine to Rummy.
“Bush is a good-natured, bumbling simpleton more suited for a spin-off bass-fishing show, while Rumsy is hot in a dominatrix kind of a way,” said the editor of Time magazine. “He’s so stern in his denial when asked to address real issues–like the thousands of innocent Afghan people we killed looking for a small band of psychotic cave nuts–it kind of turns me on. I secretly wish he would just bitch-slap me someday.”
And so does Marie, who also gets hot thinking about the deaths of innocent brown-skinned people. But I am kind of disappointed that she has turned her back on her former crush, George Bush, this way. But I guess that thing with the boiled bunny probably creeped him out a tad, and thus doomed their relationship.

P.S. I highly doubt that the editor of Time really made that remark about Rummy the Dominatrix, since the only source I can find for it is a Chico News and Review column wgucg which reads like satire to me — but the important thing is that Marie thought it was a real quote and a legitimate tribute to Rummy (as long as she cut out the parts she didn’t like). So, Rummy, even though spooky chicks are supposed to be great in bed, I’d avoid rolling in the hay with Marie, because she’s also kinda dense.

Well, I’m glad that the source story was (probably) fake, ‘cos that quote from the “Tine” editor–! :::shudder::: I mean, they’re bad enough in real life. Marie is merely applying her standard research protocol to this–if it reenforces her worldview, then it’s true! If not, then it’s a scurrilous lie!!1!! It’s easy, once you know how!
Lucienne Goldberg also thinks Rumsfeld is hot. There’s something deeply disturbing in the conservative libido, you know?
Speaking from experience, spooky chicks are not so great in bed. Their damage makes them narcissistic, and not really tuned into the moment-by-moment response of their partner to their ministrations. This is compensated by the ease in which they can be bed. Besides, most men lack the ability to judge the difference anyway.
PS: I apologize for lowering the standards of the comments here at WOC. Let us return to discussing finer things, like how sixteen-year-olds seduce their superiors.
Too funny. Best! Typo! Evar!
oh, and the post was pretty good, too.
Lucienne Goldberg also thinks Rumsfeld is hot.
Which leaves only the most dreaded question of all: does Rummy find Lucienne “hot,” or is kaYe “Groga’n more the type of minx he’s been sniffing around after for fifty or sixty years? I would pay good money, at least a dime, not to ever have that question answered.
You can get away with more stupidity if you’re a hot chick. No one listens to them anyway. Except for s.z., of course. And the other fine female ladies who post comments here. We do listen to you.
OK, time for me to put down the beer and the bowl and go to bed.
A discussion of Marie JonApo and Rummy getting sweaty together? Great; another day where lunch will not stay down.
fine female ladies
tee, hee…Well that lets ME out! I’ll leave it to you to guess which word disqualifies me!
Marq, you raise an intriguing notion. How much would it take to get these people to keep the insides of their heads to themselves, and how quickly could we raise the money? I bet it would go faster if we approach people who are trying to eat and tell them what, for example, Chris Matthews had to say about Commander Codpiece.
Someone needs to tell rummy that the rear-guard combover isn’t fooling anyone.
The combover does its job, focusing attention on itself and drawing the eyes of millions away from torture and extraordinary rendition.
the bunny, I think spooky women fall under the old rubric of “Never sleep with a woman who has more troubles than you do.”

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