The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Happy Birthday, S.Z.!

Today we pause to mark the birth of a woman of brilliance, approaching genius (steathily, from downwind, so she can suddenly leap up out of nowhere, seize genius’ face and declare, “Got your nose!”).

As anyone who’s spent time at Wo’C knows, s.z.’s is a unique voice: witty, insightful, ironical, but never petty or mean-spirited. Her kindness, empathy, generosity, and integrity have meant more to me over the years than I can say, and I feel both proud and privileged to call her friend. (I’m less proud of the time I called her “Bilbo,” but that was a simple, honest mistake involving two bottles of Jaegermeister, some Wet Naps, and a Leonard Nimoy bootleg and it could’ve happened to anybody.)

Her unfailing sympathy for the powerless and the disadvanged among us is a testimony to her huge heart and tremendous decency, just as the vomit, poop, and hairballs decorating her once pristine home is evidence that her head periodically turns into a giant sucker.

The fact that s.z.’s acute intelligence (and intelligence training) has allowed her to expose many a wingnut prevarication has helped to make the blogosphere a slightly less hospitable place for lies, smears, and distortions. And though she rarely alludes to it, it should be noted that during her years of government service, she did more to actually protect and promote the national security of the United States than all the windy, vainglorious words ever pecked out by the likes of Max Boot, V.D. Hansen, Instapundit, the Powerclowns, Ralph Peters, Hugh Hewitt, and the sum total of Townhall combined. (However, in all fairness, it should also be noted that the staff of NRO has been much more effective in promoting the sales of Funyuns and Japanese schoolgirl porn.)

I tried to think of a proper way to repay s.z. for all the snarky goodness she’s provided us over the last two-years-and-counting, but this is the best I could do. So it is in a spirit of tremulous humility that I offer you a treasured Presidential heirloom: the very same teddy bear that Barbara Bush gave her son George when he was a wee tot of 24, and though the gift dates to a time when he was young and foolish, still, the future president seems to have gleaned many valuable life lessons from it. He also seems to have spilled a lot of beer and cocaine on it, so you might want to give it a few squirts of Resolve before letting Yodie and Flossie rip its farting guts out.
Happy birthday, Sheri.

66 Responses to “HAPPY BIRTHDAY S.Z.!”

Happy Birthday (again), s.z.!
And Scott, the bear is more attractive, and has more class, than the wingnuts s.z. must endure on our behalf.
Thank Allah you weren’t born a day earlier.
Oh that is so perfect. I especially like the picture of that swingin’ party – And the bear’s expression is priceless! My only question is, Does it come with its own, um, perfume?
Better “Bilbo” than “Bimbo”, however.
Happy birthday, Sheri.
Happy Birthday, sweetie! One of these days we’ll make the road trip out of NorCal and come babysit the critters. I promise. ;)
Happy BDay s.z.
and here I always thought you sprung fully formed from the forehead of Zeus much like Venus on the half shell
Happy Birthday SZ! I second everything Scott said, and would like to add that you are a damn fine investigative blogger. Have a wingnut-free day on us!
Woo-hoo, happy birthday Sheri!!
Happy birthday, love. I trust the box of kittens I sent arrived in good shape.
Sheri Sheri bo-berry, fee-fie, fo-fairy, SHERRRRRRIIII!!!!
Y’know, I’ve had a birthday greeting up for you ever since 1:01A over at my blog, and you ain’t even dropped by to say “hi,” dangit!
(And yes, there’s a gift en route via USPS, so be patient!)
So git yer ass over to Mark Of The Beast, and take your birthday whuppin’ like a big girl!
Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy joy joy JOYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday, S.Z. and many happy returns!
And bonus points to Preznit for the best line thus far. He’s such a suckup.
Doghouse, I just hope you remembered to poke the airholes in the box BEFORE you put the kittens inside. We don’t want a repeat of last year.
(shudder) The horror…the horror…
Awwww Billllll, dammit, I was right in the middle of my fish sticks dinner!
You trying to turn me into a bulemic?!?!
Happy Birthday SZ! And, in keeping with an old tradition, I present your Birthday Horoscope: Riffed for Your Pleasure!
YOUR BIRTHDAY: 12 September
Your personal ruling planets are Mercury and Jupiter.
It used to be Mercury, Jupiter and Pluto, but we all know what happened to Pluto. And hey, at least your birthday hasn’t been dedicated to Uranus!
The latter part of your life is likely to be more satisfying than the first part. Jupiter always brings a streak of luck to its natives so don’t dishearten when things don’t happen overnight. Trust the laws of the Universe that say “what you give you shall receive”.
Well, I’m going to assume that means that since you regularly give us laughter, tears and every sweeps week, a very special blog post, you’re going to get laughter, tears and a very special blog post.
Keep plodding along using your powers of good faith ambition and dutifulness.
Wow. Superman would get his butt kicked if those were his powers. I mean, no offense, but coming all the way from the planet Krypton just to plod in good faith?! I say spend your next vacation at Yucca Flats! Come for the rabbits and the skydiving, stay for the atomic mutations.
There is no doubt that though you are restless in life, you will arrive at your destination.
Unfortunately, your luggage was even more restless than you are, and it arrived in it’s own destination: Krakatoa, Eastof Java.
Your lucky colours are yellow, lemon and…
Okay. Can someone tell me how yellow and lemon are not the same color?
…sandy shades.
In other words,the vaguest colors ever! Which is PERFECT for you, since it provides you with plenty of opportunity to camoflauge yourself on your missions! (It also provides you with a theme song! Sandy Shades! Sandy Shades! Gads about in beige all day!)
Your lucky gems are yellow sapphire, citrine quartz and golden topaz.
Which just happen to be in the colors: yellow, lemon and sandy shades. Those really are your lucky colors!
Your lucky days of the week Thursday, Sunday, Tuesday.
Sorry. I got nuthin’.
Your lucky numbers and years of important change are 3, 12, 21, 30, 39, 48, 57 , 66, 75.
They’re also Dick Cheney’s heart rates.
Famous people born on your birthday include Maurice Chevalier, Louis MacNeice,
Frank McGee, Barry White, Paul Walker and Martina Ertl.

Well, I know Maurice and Barry, but those other people…not so much. So really, how famous could they be? Martina’s not even famous enough to merit a second vowel! I hope on their Birthday Horoscopes they include your name, because you are way more famous, smarter, nicer and funnier than they could ever hope to be.
Have a wonderful birthday,. SZ, and may all your pets finally give you a break and let you sleep in this week!
Happy birthday!
And I think the bear can be a contender for 2006′s Ultimate Wingnut.
I’ve been reading WO’C for something like 2/3rds of its existence, which makes me an old-timer around here. And, yes, I know many of the other commentators in this thread were here first–that’s not the point. The point is, this blog’s title is freaking brilliant! At the time, I was pretty ignorant of blogs in general. I had recently discovered them via the Smirking Chimp, who at the time had a few links on it’s homepage to what turned out to be some of the biggest, most widely-read left-wing blogs, then and now: Kos, Atrios, etc. After reading these few blogs for a while, I became peripherally aware that there was a much wider blog world out there to be discovered. Atrios’ blogroll was particularly useful in this matter, as it was pretty lengthy. Whenever I ran out of things to amuse or infuriate me on the handful of blogs that I had already discovered, I’d scan the blogrolls looking for blog titles that really stood out. “World O’ Crap” really stood out from the crowd. I tried it, laughed, and kept coming back for more. WO’C is one of the very few blogs that I pitch a comment in on more than 50% of the threads. So, hooray for s.z. and her birthday! Hopefully, it will be a long, long time before radical blastocyte commandos take stem-cells from her to cure their chronic cases of freezer burn!
Happy birthday S.Z.! I do more lurking than commenting, but count me a loyal and appreciative fan wishing you the best today and always.
AC, if I wanted to turn you bulemic, I’d have posted THIS link:
maryc, those “Lucky Numbers” are also the I.Q’s of the Town Hall columnists-time 2, that is.
happy birthday, sz. I hope it’s not too late.
maryc, those “Lucky Numbers” are also the I.Q’s of the Town Hall columnists-time 2, that is.
Ooooh, Bill S, SNAP! Nice one!
Coming here daily makes ME feel like I’ve gotten a present. My wish is that you feel all of the love and presents coming your way today!
And for sport, I’m picturing Cheney supplying the olfactory aura to that bear at the party…
s., you are the best. Hope this birthday is a good one, not like that one where your folks threw a double sawbuck at you, got drunk and and went to the beach house to party with friends, even though you won the essay contest at school.
I wish you a world o’ happiness.
And Scott, you said it, brother. Thanks for putting into words the appreciation so many feel (you win the essay contest, hands down!).
All our happy are belong to you.
*raises glass to s.z.*
Bill, darrrrrling… Do you honestly believe that Ol’ Dial-Up Girl here would waste half a day of her life, downloading Paris Hilton?
If you’re going to prank me, honey, you gotta be a little slicker and a lot more subtle than that.
Joyeux anniversaire!!!
Hey, you downloaded enough of it to find out what it WAS-that’s enough of a prank for me.
And in the morning, 15 minutes before going to work, I could only think of one video that was worse…and I’m saving it for your birthday. :)
Happy B’day, S.Z.! Hope the kitties and puppies don’t leave you any presents!
Happy birthday. In lieu of a gift, a donation has been made on your behalf to The Human Fund. See card at
Bill, darling, you’re not trying to make me abdicate Wo’C for the entire month of October for some reason, now are you punkin’?
Don’t make me sic the Lesbian Attack Hamster onto yer ass… she goes for BLOOD!
Oh, and re: The Birthday Girl — where the fuck is she?!?! Not a peep in this whole, lovely piece that Scott wrote for her, or any of the heartfelt comments — is she sick, is she MIA, is she inflagrante delicto with a cabana boy in Cabo?
I’m really starting to worry ’bout that hussy… not to mention the fact that I’m still sulking ’cause she never comes to visit at my blog, nor have any of you other heifers… *sigh*
:::pouting better than Rue McClanahan at a Tailhook Convention:::
Hey, Annti, I’ve been by “Mark of the Beast” at least, um, once! I just didn’t post a comment at that time (shame, shame!!1!). Now, here;s the threat promise: next time I drop in, I’ll pass some bon mots atcha. Or sumthin’.
Happy Birthday, s.z.! It must be a good one since we haven’t heard from you. Are you blowing all your royalties on a birthday bash?
Happy birthday to the Queen of Snark!
Well, Marq, darlin’ heart, I hope that if you do gift me with your presence again, that you will do me the kindness of dropping a few bon mots (or Godivas) at the doorstep, or whatever dainty metaphor that you so choose, if you are so inclined.
Musta been a helluva party, SZ….
hey Annti, I ran by there, but didn’t feel like signing up for a blogger account just to leave a comment
Thank You Keith Olbermann {TYKO}
Yesterday I decided to google ” Thank You Keith Olbermann” just to see if someone had put up a site similar to the one that sprang up for Colbert this past summer.
To my surprise, there was nothing…..
There is now. We know that the noise machine will be coming after him even harder now that he’s stepped up. And for all we know the messages to MSNBC on his behalf may go directly into the worlds biggest e-mail trash can. But TYKO is out on the web for all to see. So stop by and just say a simple Thank You. This isn’t going to be a fan site. I’m not going to do a lot of posts, I’m not going to preach. Just a place to say thanks.
Tell others about it, add a link to it…..There’s code for a button right there to cut and paste…Look for ” ATTA BOY ”
The site went up at 9:30 yesterday…it’s doing 60 hits an hour now.
AC, what preznit said about the comments thing. And after the pictures you posted Sept. 9 on your blog, do you really think there’s something I could post on your b’day that’d scare you away? I suspect you may have a stronger stomach than I.
I know, I know, it’s not as “easy” as Radioland (which I don’t miss AT THE FUCK ***ALL***, btw) or HaloScan, but it keeps life a little simpler for me, k?
It’s not like they’re asking for a home address and a REAL NAME, for fuck’s sake. Just do it.
And from all of the effort that y’all went to, so that you could complain at me, you could’ve already done it.
Sorry if I’m not at my most solicitous/friendly today, but it’s been about 30 hours since I’ve slept, and my body absofuckinglutely LOATHES ME (go ahead, make the jokes, I’ve already got the punchlines in my head), and I’m going to be in a self-induced mini-coma very shortly.
When y’all get the time and feel like really breaking a sweat over your keyboards, please do me the favor of gracing my blog with your inimitable, sterling personalities, k? Hug-hug, smooch-smooch.
And don’t think that they’re not still lookin’ for y’all, over at the Chuck E. Cheese…
This is the time of year when I feel grossly offended because store clerks insist on saying the nonreligious, inoffensive, “Have a nice day,” to me instead of “Shanah Tovah” which they should do so I don’t feel offended at their not standing with Israel. Bill O’Reilly, why aren’t you looking out for me? Why must the Container Storeofascists dictate our policy?
A wee bit OT, but no new posts for four days, so…
Remember our good buddy, former Operation Rescue leader and Terri Schiavo ghoul Randall Terry? He was running for a state senate seat in Florida as the more wingnutty of two Republican’t candidates. Surprisingly enough, he lost. Bigtime. It was a 2-1 margin against him.
Perhaps between this and Laffey’s inability to unseat Lincoln “I’m far to the left of 2/3rds of the Democratic Party” Chafee show that there actually is a point at which a candidate becomes too conservative to win. Then, I thought the “Keyes for Senate ’04″ campaign had already proven this.
It was:
Jim King, 27315 votes.
Randall Terry, 13251 votes.
Happy birthday SZ
I’m glad he lost, yet…there’s still something dismaying about the fact that 13251 people could overlook all of Randall Terry’s many, many, MANY character flaws. You’d think being a vile, stupid, bigoted, hypocritical sociopath would be more of turnoff.
Bill, darling, you give the human animal far too much credit.
They don’t “overlook” Randall Terry’s “flaws” — they view them as ATTRIBUTES. Failing to accept and understand that there really are people THIS stupid, this VENAL, THIS CRUEL, is what has handicapped the DNC to this day.
I’m not saying that we should view the world as Dumbya and his religious-bigot batshit-crazy sheeple do, as either you’re “with (them)” and therefore “good,” or “ag’in (them)” and therefore “bad.”
What I’m saying is that it’s not just that Domino’s founder batshit and that Amway founder batshit that we should be worried about. What we should be worried about is the fact that so many of the sheeple AGREE with them and BELIEVE the lies, the purile pablum, and the outright flaming BULLSHIT that they sell.
Those 13,251 votes are open admission that there are still people in this country who think that crime in the name of cults is still okay. People who agree that women serve no higher purpose than to be captive breeding vessels. People who truly believe that it’s perfectly okay for ExxonMobil, Dow Chemical, British Petroleum, et al, to destroy the earth and as many inhabitants as possible, because JEEBUS IS COMIN’ and we won’t “need” this planet after the rapture.
Be afraid, be very afraid. I’m afraid that education can no longer reach those who are so purposefully blind and ignorant, as they fear and resent knowledge and research that reveals the lies to which they cleave their bosoms so heartily.
They’re fighting for their right to be ignorant, and they’re fighting to ASSUME their self-issued “right” to shove their cult and their ignorance down everybody else’s throats. They think that they do “gawd’s will” when they encroach upon the human rights and constitutional rights of others. They think that they are fully entitled to discriminate against, blackball, and assault anyone who doesn’t agree with their megalomaniacal agenda.
Today, it’s your local school board or your Congressional district. Tomorrow, the world. Fuck, they’ve already got the biggest self-loathing closet-case on the planet doing their bidding from the highest places of power — if they can recruit Karl Rove, who CAN’T they get?
I hope you had a marvelous birthday, you certainly deserve it. My best wishes and my hope for many more, each better than the last.
I thought this religio-Nazi was heading off to greener pastures.
Different guy,same agender.
Due to their multiple sex partners, at any given time, 80% of these deathfags will be carrying some sort of venereal disease.

You sound jealous.
Can’t imagine why…
I think I’d rather have every STD in the book rather than what you’ve got, buddy. Yours is a much nastier kind of sickness.
Jealous that I don’t have sex?
Fixed your statement for subtext.
† Says:
September 18th, 2006 at 2:11 pm
Look us in the eyes you liberal pussies !

Oh…listen…so long as you’re down there…
Aw, did we get ANOTHER troll today? Gosh, the things I miss when I’m at work. (Now if only THEY had jobs…)
Yeah! It’s no fair* when we, the resident gay population of WO’C don’t get to see the venomous fag-bashing!
*Actually, not complaining. Delete away, scott & s.z.!
Awwwwww, mannnn… I miss ALL the fun, dammit!!!
And has anybody issued an APB for Sheri yet? MIA? PBR? MI-5? CIA? WTF?
I swear I warned her not to try teh autoerotic asphyxiation!
Um, Scott, Annti’s perturbedness there would be your cue to let us all know what’s going on….
Sorry for being slow on the perturbedness uptake. I did finally get in touch with Sheri after several days incommunicado. She’s been ill, there have been multiple pet dramas, lightning bolts hitting her neighborhood like so many Zeus-tossed Jarts, and a 20-hour power outtage that made all her electronics go to a dimension not of sight nor of sound, but of crap.
Anyway, she’s alive, and will hopefully be back with us shortly.
and here I thought it was just the hangover from hell or the aftermath of the Armageddon party. hope she’s back with us soon
Now, can we throw a fundraiser to buy S.Z. a HAL of her very own, that is impervious to doom, lightning, and attacks of Lucianne literature?
Oh, and Scott? Thanks for the Jart flashback… *sigh* Good times, good times… *sigh*
wow and we thought she was partying up with her man..
Amen to what Annti said! I, for one, would be willing to donate my entire retirement fund (that would be about $25.)in order to help upgrade S.Z.’s equipment. I mean, I hate to lay this on her BUT…does she KNOW how much we suffer in her absence????
Happy Birthday Sheri!,
I hope the critters haven’t eaten you in some kind of weird sacrifice to Doug Giles.
Gee, it seems kinda… odd to go from “Happy Birfday, s.z.!!1!” to “Get well soon, s.z.!!1!!”, but…
GET WELL SOON, S.Z.!!1!!11!!
happy birthday!
i love you!
It’s not like they’re asking for a home address and a REAL NAME, for fuck’s sake. Just do it.

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