Inspired by Jacqueline, I would like to tell all you losers why I am way too good for you:
1. My hair has lots of bounce and body. Not every woman’s hair is thick and full, as any shampoo commercial will inform you. This automatically puts me in the top 10th percentile of desirability.
2. I own a car. Many famous people, to include Gandhi, Socrates, and Jesus, didn’t. This demonstrates my moral superiority to them.
3. I obtained a bachelors degree from an accredited college, so I am way more educated than most women who lived in the 12th century.
4. My IQ has been tested and found to be higher than the IQs of several other people. So, I’m not only educated, I can also darken little squares with a pencil.
5. When I posted a photo of a porn starlet at Hot or Not? and claimed that it was me, I was rated as 97% more attractive than John Podhoretz.
6. I was not born crippled or blind or anything, thus making me a much better catch than those blind and crippled girls. And I’m way hotter than those chicks who lost their hair during radiation therapy for their cancer!
7. I was not directly affected by Hurricane Katrina, thus proving that God considers me to be a really good person.
8. I am not a fat single mother on welfare.
So, now that you know how out of your league I am, will you all PLEASE stop dreaming that we have a future together?