Reasonable conservative Jon Swift takes a look at the arguments of certain prominent commentators and political figures who ask, Do We Need Another Terrorist Attack? The facile answer is no, of course not, what an asinine thing to say. But that’s only because for most of the country, the trauma of 9/11 was largely negative, yielding only loss and despair. If, however, you are one of the lucky few for whom the experience served to vindicate your belief in a clash of civilizations (or at least a dust-up featuring the United States and Europe versus some fanatics in a cave), or gave you carte blanche to rule without fear of criticism, or to start optional wars from which you and your friends would derive a certain, shal we say, “profiteering dividend,” then you might feel toward America the way a husband feels toward an insufficiently obedient spouse: the sting of the first slap is starting to wear off, and if she doesn’t shut her yap, you might be forced — more in sadness than in anger – to dole out a shiner.
As readers will recall, Michael Fumento is one such conservative Cassandra. He’s been shouting himself hoarse lately over America’s inability to sustain the peak state of terror achieved on 9/11, and desperately trying to hammer his words into a kind of inspirational verbal cockring that would allow us all to remain rigid with fear for up to four hours. And he’s not choosy or squeamish about picking potential allies in the Holy War Against Holy War. Unlike other conservatives who want to lay waste the soul-sapping smut factory of Hollywood, Michael wants to recruit it to spread the Good News of war without end, and feels the best way to start would be with a terrorist bombing of a movie theater (for boffo irony), followed by a slew of films featuring “Islamist” villains.
Oddly, Mr. Fumento objects to the respectful attention paid his views, and recently graced the pages of Mr. Swift’s blog with the same sort of elegant rebuttal he earlier favored us with here at World O’ Crap. The entire exchange is worth reading, but this was my favorite part:
MR. FUMENTO: Finally, maybe you want to tell your readers about how Hollywood changed Tom Clancy’s “The Sum of All Fears” so that Islamist terrorists became neo-Nazis? Why? Because the Islamist front group the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR)demanded it. Take a bit of time and read about it, rather than getting all your information from a World o’ Crap.
MR. SWIFT: It is certainly distressing that the movie “The Sum of All Fears” decided to defame neo-Nazis instead of Islamist terrorists after pressure by CAIR. Why don’t neo-Nazis have their own advocacy group? Perhaps you can start one.
Now that’s a reasonable conservative.
As readers will recall, Michael Fumento is one such conservative Cassandra. He’s been shouting himself hoarse lately over America’s inability to sustain the peak state of terror achieved on 9/11, and desperately trying to hammer his words into a kind of inspirational verbal cockring that would allow us all to remain rigid with fear for up to four hours. And he’s not choosy or squeamish about picking potential allies in the Holy War Against Holy War. Unlike other conservatives who want to lay waste the soul-sapping smut factory of Hollywood, Michael wants to recruit it to spread the Good News of war without end, and feels the best way to start would be with a terrorist bombing of a movie theater (for boffo irony), followed by a slew of films featuring “Islamist” villains.
Oddly, Mr. Fumento objects to the respectful attention paid his views, and recently graced the pages of Mr. Swift’s blog with the same sort of elegant rebuttal he earlier favored us with here at World O’ Crap. The entire exchange is worth reading, but this was my favorite part:
MR. FUMENTO: Finally, maybe you want to tell your readers about how Hollywood changed Tom Clancy’s “The Sum of All Fears” so that Islamist terrorists became neo-Nazis? Why? Because the Islamist front group the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR)demanded it. Take a bit of time and read about it, rather than getting all your information from a World o’ Crap.
MR. SWIFT: It is certainly distressing that the movie “The Sum of All Fears” decided to defame neo-Nazis instead of Islamist terrorists after pressure by CAIR. Why don’t neo-Nazis have their own advocacy group? Perhaps you can start one.
Now that’s a reasonable conservative.
Unlike Mr Swift, since I’m no conservative, I let Fumento have it, both barrels.
Okay, speaking of movies, Scott, you’re hysterically funny. So’s Mr. Swift. A dozen commenters or more here make me laugh out loud. Norbizness, Roy, TBogg, Tom Burka, the list goes on…so why does every Hollywood comedy look like “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”? Hah?
By the way, it’s interesting, in a way that Mr. Fumento himself is not, that he objects to the suggestion he seeks more portrayals of “Muslim villains” rather than “Islamic terrorists” by name-checking Clancy’s 1991 novel, in which the bad guys are anti-Peace process Palestinians, or in other words…Muslim villains, not anti-Western jihadists. There’s some German commies and an American Sioux turned terrorist as well. And we all know what kind of lobby they have.
By the way, it’s interesting, in a way that Mr. Fumento himself is not, that he objects to the suggestion he seeks more portrayals of “Muslim villains” rather than “Islamic terrorists” by name-checking Clancy’s 1991 novel, in which the bad guys are anti-Peace process Palestinians, or in other words…Muslim villains, not anti-Western jihadists. There’s some German commies and an American Sioux turned terrorist as well. And we all know what kind of lobby they have.
That was hilarious. Thank you, Mr Swift.
Really, all CAIR could have done was hold some press conferences and boycott. If the country wanted Muslim extremist bad guys, they sure as hell could have had them if the free market made it worthwhile. Mind you, the country seems to dig neo-Nazi bad guys a great deal, too, based on the programming of The History Channel, the Biography Channel, and the National Geographic Channel as well as Discovery People or whatever the hell that thing is.
So it’s not like CAIR used its evil Muslim mojo to stop a major motion picture from using whatever bad guys it wanted. The studio decided, presumably based on the projected bottom line, that they could get more people to come see it if it was neo-Nazis.
Remind me why the wingnuts get all squirmy when the free market subjects their views to market forces?
Really, all CAIR could have done was hold some press conferences and boycott. If the country wanted Muslim extremist bad guys, they sure as hell could have had them if the free market made it worthwhile. Mind you, the country seems to dig neo-Nazi bad guys a great deal, too, based on the programming of The History Channel, the Biography Channel, and the National Geographic Channel as well as Discovery People or whatever the hell that thing is.
So it’s not like CAIR used its evil Muslim mojo to stop a major motion picture from using whatever bad guys it wanted. The studio decided, presumably based on the projected bottom line, that they could get more people to come see it if it was neo-Nazis.
Remind me why the wingnuts get all squirmy when the free market subjects their views to market forces?
Doghouse, my prediction is that Mr Fumento will bitch about Chuck and Larry demonstrates that the homos get all the *good* legal perks, when even the straights are pretending to be them to get in on it, and clearly the only reason the homos want in on marriage is because they’re mean and selfish and stuff.
Fumento writes:
I objected to the lack of Islamist terrorists; hardly the same thing as “Muslim villains.”
Because there are so many Hollywood movies where the terrorists are the heroes.
And you’re about as conservative as Arianna Huffington and David Brock.
I’m beginning to wonder if Fumento isn’t the intellectual giant I had mistaken him for.
I objected to the lack of Islamist terrorists; hardly the same thing as “Muslim villains.”
Because there are so many Hollywood movies where the terrorists are the heroes.
And you’re about as conservative as Arianna Huffington and David Brock.
I’m beginning to wonder if Fumento isn’t the intellectual giant I had mistaken him for.
a kind of inspirational verbal cockring that would allow us all to remain rigid with fear for up to four hours
Bad Scott. Sick twisted Scott. No biscuit.
Bad Scott. Sick twisted Scott. No biscuit.
He used the “aptly named World O’ Crap” line AGAIN! Yeah, ya’ really zinged Scott with that one, boy. I mean, who could have for-seen that someone would twist that name into something insulting!? You’ve become a laughing stock! Better rename this blog right, before you get humiliated even more.
Also someone should tell this guy how ridiculous patrolling around the internet looking for anyone who might be saying bad stuff about his writing makes him look.
Also someone should tell this guy how ridiculous patrolling around the internet looking for anyone who might be saying bad stuff about his writing makes him look.
Mark S,
Try reading Fumento as satire –it’s hilarious.
And Gundamhead,
Also someone should tell this guy how ridiculous patrolling around the internet looking for anyone who might be saying bad stuff about his writing makes him look.
I think Mr. Swift did that to our poor “Mike”, but I don’t think Mike got it!
Oh well, more laughs for us!
Try reading Fumento as satire –it’s hilarious.
And Gundamhead,
Also someone should tell this guy how ridiculous patrolling around the internet looking for anyone who might be saying bad stuff about his writing makes him look.
I think Mr. Swift did that to our poor “Mike”, but I don’t think Mike got it!
Oh well, more laughs for us!
Scott, I’ve got some biscuits. 
The line nearly caused one of those unfortunate Tab-on-the-keyboard situations, and I really needed that today.
(Anyone who’s been following the saga of my cat, the vet has mostly ruled out the big nasty shit and it might just be as basic as: You stupid bipeds suck at picking out food. Just so you know.)
The line nearly caused one of those unfortunate Tab-on-the-keyboard situations, and I really needed that today.(Anyone who’s been following the saga of my cat, the vet has mostly ruled out the big nasty shit and it might just be as basic as: You stupid bipeds suck at picking out food. Just so you know.)
Today’s World O’Carp (isn’t the new name better? Un-insultable) gave me the first good laugh I’ve had in a week. Then Swift’s column was priceless…We should give Furmento a great big Thank You.
You guys think you are all so clever. You had better watch out, these defamatory posts are legally actionable. If you do not desist from dragging my good name through the mud, I will be forced to take legal action. You have been warned.
OK, scott, now you’ve done it.Now you’ve crossed a line:
GGAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH-AAAAAAAHHHHHH-HHHHHHHHHH!!!tehnationaldefecit!!1!
[tearing gobs of my own brain out]
Ow! Ooh! Oofa!
Damnit, scott. When you least expect it, buddy!
Michael Fumento… desperately trying to hammer his words into a kind of inspirational verbal cockring that would allow us all to remain rigid with fear for up to four hours.[inhales deeply]
GGAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH-AAAAAAAHHHHHH-HHHHHHHHHH!!!tehnationaldefecit!!1!
[tearing gobs of my own brain out]
Ow! Ooh! Oofa!
Damnit, scott. When you least expect it, buddy!
Rats.
Herr Doktor beat me to it… uh, not the most elegant phraseology,but I admit.
(ah, shit,)
And, then I had ti follow Fumento.
Rats.
Herr Doktor beat me to it… uh, not the most elegant phraseology,
(ah, shit,)
And, then I had ti follow Fumento.
Rats.
You guys think you are all so clever. You had better watch out, these defamatory posts are legally actionable. If you do not desist from dragging my good name through the mud, I will be forced to take legal action. You have been warned.
oooh, looks like someone’s been googling his name compulsively. I suppose it’s easier on the tissue box than other compulsive behaviors
oooh, looks like someone’s been googling his name compulsively. I suppose it’s easier on the tissue box than other compulsive behaviors
Warning: If you remain rigid with fear for longer than four hours, consult a physician immediately!!
Was that threat actually from Fume-boy? I may have to drag his name through some mud myself.
Was that threat actually from Fume-boy? I may have to drag his name through some mud myself.
If the burden of proof is on the fuming one to prove he isn’t an idiot then we have nothing to worry about.
I had a Fimento sandwich at 7-11 yesterday. It tasted TERRIBLE.
You guys think you are all so clever. You had better watch out, these defamatory posts are legally actionable. If you do not desist from dragging my good name through the mud, I will be forced to take legal action. You have been warned.
Just so you all know, that is not Michael Fumento, but a very dry imitation. Kind of like the figures at the hollywood wax museum. They kinda look like the celebrity, but there is just something off about them, you just can\’t quite put your finger on it…something you can almost see, or touch, or hear, but not something you can see, or touch, or hear…
Just so you all know, that is not Michael Fumento, but a very dry imitation. Kind of like the figures at the hollywood wax museum. They kinda look like the celebrity, but there is just something off about them, you just can\’t quite put your finger on it…something you can almost see, or touch, or hear, but not something you can see, or touch, or hear…
You guys think you are all so clever. You had better watch out, these defamatory posts are legally actionable. If you do not desist from dragging my good name through the mud, I will be forced to take legal action. You have been warned.
Left by Mike Fumento on July 19th, 2007
Which name is the “good” one, Mike?
Left by Mike Fumento on July 19th, 2007
Which name is the “good” one, Mike?
Actually Scott, you had me at the very beginning with the whole “reasonable conservative” thing. Cracked me right up!!
You know, there’s always something uniquely refreshing about a Michael Fumento takedown. Everything just goes better with it. fu-Mentos — The fresh-maker!
The IMPORTANT thing, people, is that Hollywood “bad guys” aren’t always English, anymore. I can’t stress this enough, people.
(PS–the combination of your and Swift’s writings on the singular Mr Fumento have been epic and hilarious in the extreme.
(PS–the combination of your and Swift’s writings on the singular Mr Fumento have been epic and hilarious in the extreme.
Well, I kind of figured it was Faux Fumento. I mean, nothing quite says “You’re defaming me by suggesting I compulsively Google myself” like, uh, compulsively Googling yourself so you can make legal threats whenever your name is used in vain. Call me an optimist, but it seemed pretty likely he wasn’t *that* dumb. (Is that defamatory?)
I know it’s a cliche but that exchange between Fumento and Swift is the definition of bringing a knife to a gunfight.
Funmento:
But- but I *didn’t* drag your *good* name, I deliberately changed it so as not to offend you.
But- but I *didn’t* drag your *good* name, I deliberately changed it so as not to offend you.
TomMil: More like bringing a banana to a gun fight.
Or, do I mean like bringing a banana to a knife fight? Isn’t that more visually interesting?
The IMPORTANT thing, people, is that Hollywood “bad guys” aren’t always English, anymore. I can’t stress this enough, people.
Left by Britisher
Don’t move. We ain’t done with your kind yet, Brit…we’ll git back to ya!
Left by Britisher
Don’t move. We ain’t done with your kind yet, Brit…we’ll git back to ya!
Michael, as Perry Mason pointed out in an episode where someone was making the same kind of threat you just made, truth is a defense against libel and slander in American law.
You really don’t want to go to court and have all the things said about you that you object to are TRUE!
You really don’t want to go to court and have all the things said about you that you object to are TRUE!
No comments:
Post a Comment