The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Laura Bush, Hustling for Xmas $$$

I haven’t had time to check my email for a while, but when I did I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had received a monetary donation from Alaina, which I will use to help feed my Island of Misfit kittens
See, all the perfect foster kittens have been adopted, and I am left withWobbly, the kitten with cerebellar damage due to in utero exposure to feline distemper; Leaky, the adorable flame point Siamese who dribbles urine constantly due to some internal plumbing issue that would cost a zillion dollars to correct; Raymond, a beautiful silver tabby whom everyone loves, but who hates everyone, due to his being raised in the feral lifestyle a little too long; Cubby, a nice black kitten who freaks out at Petsmart, leading people to believe that he too is semi-feral, even though he’s the most cuddly kitten in the world at my house; andTribble, a really sweet orange tabby kitten whose leg was broken when Bridget, a dog I was fostering for a couple of days, grabbed Tribble like a rat and crunched down on him.
I am also fostering JessieCat, who for some reason never got adopted at Petsmart, and who needed a break from being gawked at all the time, and Noelle, a really pretty dilute tortoiseshell who was rececently rescued from kitty death row, and who conveniently starting sneezing so she wouldn’t have to stay at Petsmart either.  I may soon be getting a mother cat and her 7 newborn kittens unless I can find some other sucker to foster them.  So, thanks Alaina! 
But enough about me and my growing cat army, and about Alaina and her kindness.  We’re here to talk about the email I received from the First Lady herself!  In case you’re not on Laura’s exclusive email list, here’s a copy of the missive.  (I can’t get an image of the calendar here without waking the formatting go crazy, but you can go to Republican • National • Committee to see the cover.)
Dear Republican As a strong supporter of our President and our Party, I wanted to make sure you had the first opportunity to have an official 2008 RNC calendar featuring President Bush.
The images in the calendar span the entire seven years of George’s Presidency.  I hope they will remind you of what’s great about our country and how high the stakes are for America in the upcoming elections.
While I’m sure the images will indeed remind of how stakes are for the upcoming elections (could we, as a nation, or a world, survive 7 years of another George Bush???), I don’t think they will necessarily remind me what’s great about our country, unless stupidity is now seen as a virtue.  But I do like the calendar photo and how Laura strategically placed the dog between her and George so she wouldn’t have any accidental contact with her husband.
Anyway, as Laura thoughtfully points out about 5 times in the email, I am one of the priviledged few who can get this calendar for merely donating $25 to the GOP.  At last, I am a GOP mover and shaker.
But wait, there’s more! Sue Gizardo of the RNC emailed to tell me about some “Last Minute Gifts for Your Favorite Republican.”  Gee, and just when I had decided that Rush Limbaugh was getting blue babies again this year
Dear Republican,The RNC has a special opportunity available only to our Party’s most dedicated supporters this Holiday season.
It always gives me a happy glow inside when I realize that my efforts to bring down the RNC via mockery have been noted and appreciated.  I assume my invitation to the White House Christmas party is in the mail.
There are still a few limited edition 2008 RNC Calendars and Max the Elephant plush stuffed toys available for purchase.
Next year, maybe Max can be President and featured on the calendar, and George the Bush can be a plush stuffed toy.
Max makes a great stocking stuffer for your children or grandchildren.  And the 2008 Calendar, featuring President Bush, Mrs. Bush and Vice President Cheney, is a great gift for any of your friends, family or co-workers — or get both for yourself.
And the 2008 calender, featuring VP Cheney, can be used to punish naughty children, now that coal is so hard to fime.  (“Billy, stop picking on your sister or Santa will put a Dick Cheney calender in your stocking.”  “No, Mom, not that!  I’ll be good.  I promise!”)
But time is running out.
So true. And I have the feeling that if I support the RNC with my donations, time will run out a little sooner for us all.
I hope you will take advantage of this special offer.  Your contribution will help elect a new Republican President and Congress in 2008.  Thank you for your continuing commitment to our Party and our cause.  Happy Holidays!
Because if ever a Party deseved to be committed, it’s this one.  And hey, did you notice that Sue is part of the War on Christmas, along with Petsmart and the Satanists!  What kind of an outfit IS this RNC anyway?  But Happy Holidays to you too, Sue.  And Merry War on Christmas to the rest of you.
Posted by s.z. on Friday, December 21st, 2007 at 4:58 pm.

9 Responses to “Laura Bush, Hustling for Xmas $$$”

I’m so glad to hear from you, s.z.! Sorry to hear JessieCat isn’t adopted yet. I wish I lived closer, I’d be glad to adopt. We ‘only’ have 2 cats who hate each other. With 3, two could gang-up on a third.
Kathy, I’ve had that thought myself but I think they’d all gang up on me.
S.Z., delighted to hear from you again! Probably even more so than you were to hear from the RNC. “Happy Holidays” indeed, someone alert Bill-O!
Next year, maybe Max can be President and featured on the calendar, and George the Bush can be a plush stuffed toy
Now, why hadn’t anyone thought of that before? It’s the perfect solution!
Laurabot is rockin’ that baby-shit brown…
why don’t you just donate to the GOP all the cat shit that is collecting? people like Laura and Sue G. would probably find good use for it
that is what i would do.
They named the elephant?
Indeed. Am I the only one suspecting the elephant’s last name is “Power”?
Because if ever a Party deserved to be committed, it’s this one.
THERE’S the S.Z. I know and love! Great to see you again and here’s wishing you and your marvelous coterie all the best in this glorious season of War on Christmas – Onward to Victory! Greetings also to the World’s greatest group of commenters – Felicidades!
AnnPW, aka Beginning To Wonder
And a Happy Tuesday to you all. S.Z. you never cease to amaze me. I’ve had to retire (at least temporarily) while I recover from the 2 spine surgeries, and it does my heart such good to know that you are still out there, dispensing love, care and wisdom to kittehs and critters of all stripes. When I finally hit that Powerball, you and teh critterz are gonna have the biggest bungalow on the island. But you gotta hire your own pooper-scooper. Those automated machines creep the hell out of me. Not a big thrill for any cat as big as Boy or as wide as Biddy, anyway.
Much love to you and your ever-expanding cadre of kittehz, to all the wunnerful commenters here, and a Happy Tuesday to us, every one!
Hopefully by next year, I will have come up with an official athiests’ holiday. Not so much a competitive thing (who could compete with Wal-Mart and Macy’s???) as a relief and an alternate — no shopping, no white-elephant exchanges, and fruitcake only for those who can actually digest it.
And we’ll print up some calendars and send ‘em to The-Female-Thorazine-Addled-Joker by the gross!!! With a Happy Tuesday or Wednesday thrown in somewhere between Eid and Hanukkah, just to piss the bible-bangers off reeeeeeal good.
I don’t understand. Why would anyone want a calender of ANY presidents and veeps with family in tow?

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