I want to thank Scott for alerting me to the LA Times story about the increasing number of men who are obtaining abortions — I can hardly wait for Doug Giles to do a story on this, because I know he’ll use the term “metrosexual” about five times in his column, and I love these retro pejoratives (without people like Dr. Mike, the great American hippie and the noble Feminazi would be extinct by now).
But I have to say that the LAT missed the boat by not interviewing the #1 expert on male abortions, our old friend Pastor Swank. I mean, geez, how can you write a piece about male abortions and not talk to the guy who INVENTED the term “womb babies”? (The LAT could have also asked him about homo nups, and probably got themselves nominated for a Pulitzer, but they blew it.)
And speaking of Pulitzers, I was kind of surprised that the noted journalist Fee Benamon failed to mention that since Jesus isn’t actually running for anything right now, and apparently her boss Alan Keyes isn’t being picked up by a party (not even Ralph Wiggums’ Nose Pickers of America), the guy you should vote for is obviously “Huck” Huckabee, the candidate who is so focused on righteousness and stuff that he doesn’t have time to worry about petty stuff like the Iraq War. So, here’s Pastor Swank, shedding a little light on both abortions AND who to vote for this fall: ”Moralists take to Huckabee.”First, he will explain why voting for Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton would be worse than voting for Hitler.
Democrats tend to hold to situation ethics, that is, the situation dictates the morality. Therefore, many of their positions do not depend on biblical data. Instead, they depend on political opportunism.That is why Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama enthusiastically can hold to post-birth abortion for they don’t care that the Bible defends the unborn child.
Hillary and Barack both enthusiastically hold to “post-birth abortions” (which I believe the law defines as “murder”)??? The bastards! Well, even if they are Democrats, I think that’s beyond the pale!
Democrats by and large don’t care what the Bible says; they carve out their own immoral positions, mainly defending homosexual activity. Of course, that kind of defense only furthers AIDS/HIV; consequently, such political defense of sodomy is not only illogical but spreading a dreaded disease.
Yes, the only Biblically-endorsed solution to AIDS/HIV is to stone all gay men. Any candidate that doesn’t hold to this policy just doesn’t care what the Bible says. Oh, and a REAL Biblically-based candidate would also endorse stoning adulterers, to solve the syphilis problem; and advocate stoning disobedient children, to end the scourge of juvenile delinquency. And anyone who doesn’t support stoning witches is only furthering the spread of Harry Potter merchandise!
But on to a guy who DOES care what the Bible says: “Huck” Huckabee, a guy who has kept his priorities straight (and his sexual orientation likewise).
What Huckabee believes about the Pakistani situation does not influence Republicans as much as his ethical base. He may make a few errors in public statements regarding some foreign issues; but that is understandable, Republicans say, for many of the reporters’ questions were flung at Huckabee before Huckabee had a chance to inform himself on the latest issues.Huckabee himself informed media that he works through the day and night, many times not getting the latest data on news events for he is consumed with the campaign. Republicans by and large don’t blame him for an error or two in that regard. Their main interest is his moral convictions. And those remain steady for most Republican moralists.Huckabee has been a solid biblical enthusiast for years. Those who consider that commendable will not be swayed by a misstatement he may make to the press regarding world events and so forth.
Yes! Huckabee was so busy working day and night on his campaign that he didn’t have time to keep up with world events (abd so forth), so it’s the media’s fault that he sounds like an ignoramus, because they should know better than to ask him questions when he’s so busy. Besides, he is a big fan of the Bible, and there is no mention of the Pakistani situation in either of the Testaments, so how is Huck to know anything about it?
So, he’s a busy guy who doesn’t have time to read the paper, but who does know that giving civil rights to gays causes AIDS. Now isn’t that the kind of guy you want as your President, rather than some immoral Democrat who will waste his time dealing with silly stuff like other countries and wars and such? So, vote for Huckabee — he’s the candidate of ignorance!
P.S. If you don’t want to vote for Huck, I think you should vote for Suri Cruise, because she’s either the Messiah or the antichrist.
TOM Cruise is the second-in-command of the Church of Scientology and his daughter, Suri, was conceived using sperm from the dead scientology founder, a new book says.[...]Andrew Morton’s wild claims include that Cruise’s 20-month-old daughter, Suri, was conceived “like Rosemary’s Baby” – with wife Katie Holmes impregnated with the sperm of dead Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.
Well, as I recall, Rosemary’s baby was conceived by natural means, the devil stopping by to do the deed in person, and having plenty of fresh sperm handy for just such an occasion. But that does make me wonder if this might be a good time to do another movie for the book. Scott already tackled “Days of Thunder,” the movie that led to Tom’s marriage to Nicole Kidman (and to low-level Scientologists reportedly being ordering to plant a whole field of wildflowers for Tom and Nicole to frolic through). So, do you have any ideas for films that are somehow applicable to the current Cruise situation, so that we might exploit it for our personal gain? (We could also exploit the Brittany debacle, but that’s kind of croweded right now). Any suggestions are welcome, as long as they don’t involve me having to watch movies that will make my head explode.
Posted by s.z. on Monday, January 7th, 2008 at 10:12 pm.
23 Responses to “There’s Something About Swank”
This stuff about Cruise is such a load of crap, unbelievable. One basic belief of Scientologists is that man is a spirit traveling from body to body and so on. They couldn’t care less about sperms or bodies. So that is just a dirty lie and shows how much “insight” this Morton guy really has.
*moved to the right location*
Well, I suppose if you take God out of consideration, the preacher-man makes a good point!
Therefore, many of their positions do not depend on biblical data. Instead, they depend on political opportunism.That is why Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama enthusiastically can hold to post-birth abortion for they don’t care that the Bible defends the unborn child.Actually, post-birth abortion (biblically speaking) is the only kind of killing that can take place. According to Rabbinical law (and they’ve been doing this whole “translating the bible” thing longer than Christians), life does not begin until the child draws its first breath, in imitation of God breathing live into Adam.
Well, I suppose if you take God out of consideration, the preacher-man makes a good point!
Actually I’m pretty sure most disobedient children already get stoned pretty regularly
Shrimp eaters… what does Lord Huck have to say about them, huh? Do they die as the Bible says they should, or do they get sent to Iraq to fight for our right to freely be Christians *or* believe in Jesus?
Well, since you asked, this 1938 thriller seems perfect for your next book, and it lists ElRon for writing credit.
I mean, that practically makes it a lost Scientonomy gospel or something, doesn’t it?
The Secret of Treasure Island (1938)
STRANGE AND STIRRING ADVENTURE, THRILLS! (original poster- all caps)
In the Prologue, pirates hide a treasure on an island off the Mexican coast. And the pirates, the map and the treasure disappear in a volcanic eruption. The legend of the island draws treasure seekers for a few centuries, but the treasure lies undetected. Cut to 1938 and Carter Collins)—The Shark—takes possession of the island and turns it into a fortress, while he systematically seeks the gold. He takes over an ancient mansion, installs a physician, Doctor “X”, his nurse Zanya, his butler, Hawkins, and Grindley, who has plans of his own, since he already has a portion of the map. The possessor of the other portion soon shows up. Meanwhile, Collins has his slave diggers—The Mole Men—digging up the island looking for the treasure. Back in the states reporter Larry Kent is assigned to go to the island to investigate the disappearance of another reporter, Paul Thorndyke. A sea captain who has half of the map is killed before he can tell the daughter, Toni Morrell, of an old shipmate about the other half but is around long enough to tell her that her father, that she doesn’t know, is on the island but expires before he can tell her his name. Toni and Larry decide to join forces and solve the mysteries if the island.
I mean, that practically makes it a lost Scientonomy gospel or something, doesn’t it?
The Secret of Treasure Island (1938)
STRANGE AND STIRRING ADVENTURE, THRILLS! (original poster- all caps)
In the Prologue, pirates hide a treasure on an island off the Mexican coast. And the pirates, the map and the treasure disappear in a volcanic eruption. The legend of the island draws treasure seekers for a few centuries, but the treasure lies undetected. Cut to 1938 and Carter Collins)—The Shark—takes possession of the island and turns it into a fortress, while he systematically seeks the gold. He takes over an ancient mansion, installs a physician, Doctor “X”, his nurse Zanya, his butler, Hawkins, and Grindley, who has plans of his own, since he already has a portion of the map. The possessor of the other portion soon shows up. Meanwhile, Collins has his slave diggers—The Mole Men—digging up the island looking for the treasure. Back in the states reporter Larry Kent is assigned to go to the island to investigate the disappearance of another reporter, Paul Thorndyke. A sea captain who has half of the map is killed before he can tell the daughter, Toni Morrell, of an old shipmate about the other half but is around long enough to tell her that her father, that she doesn’t know, is on the island but expires before he can tell her his name. Toni and Larry decide to join forces and solve the mysteries if the island.
“…reporter Larry Kent…”
Is that Clark’s wimpy kid brother who never could make it in the big leagues?
Is that Clark’s wimpy kid brother who never could make it in the big leagues?
Huckabee was so busy working day and night on his campaign that he didn’t have time to keep up with world events, so it’s the media’s fault that he sounds like an ignoramus, because they should know better than to ask him questions when he’s so busy.
Well, he almost has a point. The media is largely to blame that the rest of us know less than we should about world events, because they’re busy going on about Britney’s sister and Tom Cruise’s daughter.
On the other hand, for a presidential candidate to use this excuse is beyond lame. It’s like me interviewing for a job as a secretary and explaining that I haven’t had time to learn how to use a computer yet, but I bet I’d be really good at it, and hey, I can make coffee.
World events are important for the freaking job he wants. He needs to make time to find this shit out. It’s not like it’s a pop quiz–they know they’ll be asked about it. If they can’t be bothered to do their homework, they might as well stay home.
Well, he almost has a point. The media is largely to blame that the rest of us know less than we should about world events, because they’re busy going on about Britney’s sister and Tom Cruise’s daughter.
On the other hand, for a presidential candidate to use this excuse is beyond lame. It’s like me interviewing for a job as a secretary and explaining that I haven’t had time to learn how to use a computer yet, but I bet I’d be really good at it, and hey, I can make coffee.
World events are important for the freaking job he wants. He needs to make time to find this shit out. It’s not like it’s a pop quiz–they know they’ll be asked about it. If they can’t be bothered to do their homework, they might as well stay home.
(Head on desk.)
My computer started to malfunction a week before Christmas. (Anybody miss me?) I only just got it back a couple days ago. And THIS is what I come back to?
Hmmm….dare I brave reading the stuff by Giles and Adams? Or should I give myself time to recover from the Swanksta first?
My computer started to malfunction a week before Christmas. (Anybody miss me?) I only just got it back a couple days ago. And THIS is what I come back to?
Hmmm….dare I brave reading the stuff by Giles and Adams? Or should I give myself time to recover from the Swanksta first?
Huckabee was so busy working day and night on his campaign that he didn’t have time to keep up with world events
No-one told me that was going to be in the exam!
No-one told me that was going to be in the exam!
Democrats tend to hold to situation ethics, that is, the situation dictates the morality. Therefore, many of their positions do not depend on biblical data.
Excuse me? “Render unto Caesar”? HulllLO? It doesn’t GET much more situational than the interpretations of THAT little phrase!
Excuse me? “Render unto Caesar”? HulllLO? It doesn’t GET much more situational than the interpretations of THAT little phrase!
I come in expecting a chat about Hillary Swank and instead I get Pastor Swank. Bah!
Democrats by and large don’t care what the Bible says; they carve out their own immoral positions
Not true. We don’t carve positions. To quote Kevin Bacon’s frat boys in Animal House, we assume said position. (And to quote Kevin himself, “May I have another one, sir?!”)
Not true. We don’t carve positions. To quote Kevin Bacon’s frat boys in Animal House, we assume said position. (And to quote Kevin himself, “May I have another one, sir?!”)
Sometimes I can’t believe Swank is for real. At other times I totally do. I don’t know which notion is more naive.
Bill, we pine every moment you’re not online. Well, I do. I’m like that.
advocate stoning disobedient children
Is that what they mean by “post-birth abortion?”
Is that what they mean by “post-birth abortion?”
Does Pastor Swank have a pulpit? Because given how he writes, I’d love to hear him give a sermon somewhere. If I’m in the neighborhood.
“That is why Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama enthusiastically can hold to post-birth abortion for they don’t care that the Bible defends the unborn child.
Are there children that are born unborn? Is there an infanticide epidemic in American delivery rooms? I need to stop as I think I may be assisting in manufacturing a wingnut rumor.
“…depend on biblical data…
Pastor Swank found the Lost Spreadsheets? Where? Buried inside a Tandy computer in Tennessee?
“Republicans by and large don’t blame him for an error or two in that regard. Their main interest is his moral convictions.
Absolutely, because as evidenced by the last 7 years, the Republican machine likes nothing better than to have a hungry idiot over for dinner. “Feed him well boys! Feed him well!” they commanded.
“Drink up Huckie! The sign of a true statesman is the malleable state of intoxication with the elixer of power and money and we’ve got plenty!”
Are there children that are born unborn? Is there an infanticide epidemic in American delivery rooms? I need to stop as I think I may be assisting in manufacturing a wingnut rumor.
“…depend on biblical data…
Pastor Swank found the Lost Spreadsheets? Where? Buried inside a Tandy computer in Tennessee?
“Republicans by and large don’t blame him for an error or two in that regard. Their main interest is his moral convictions.
Absolutely, because as evidenced by the last 7 years, the Republican machine likes nothing better than to have a hungry idiot over for dinner. “Feed him well boys! Feed him well!” they commanded.
“Drink up Huckie! The sign of a true statesman is the malleable state of intoxication with the elixer of power and money and we’ve got plenty!”
Is there an infanticide epidemic in American delivery rooms? I need to stop as I think I may be assisting in manufacturing a wingnut rumor.
Too late. The details are already set out in the Malleus Maleficarum, which is Pastor Swank’s bedside reading.
“Part 2, Chapter XIII
How Witch Midwives commit most Horrid Crimes when they either Kill Children or Offer them to Devils in most Accursed Wise.
“We must not omit to mention the injuries done to children by witch midwives, first by killing them, and secondly by blasphemously offering them to devils…”
Too late. The details are already set out in the Malleus Maleficarum, which is Pastor Swank’s bedside reading.
“Part 2, Chapter XIII
How Witch Midwives commit most Horrid Crimes when they either Kill Children or Offer them to Devils in most Accursed Wise.
“We must not omit to mention the injuries done to children by witch midwives, first by killing them, and secondly by blasphemously offering them to devils…”
Well Herr Doktor, that’s not too far from the wide-eyed young woman I once met who looked at me with all seriousness and said, “In China they serve placentas in their finest restaurants!”
She placed her hand on her Formica top kitchen table and squeezed her thumb and forefinger together before my face and said, “We’re only this far from that if the abortionists get their way!”
When I scoffed at such lunacy she immediately produced her panel of authority as proof: an article penned by Dobson in his monthly moron mailing.
She placed her hand on her Formica top kitchen table and squeezed her thumb and forefinger together before my face and said, “We’re only this far from that if the abortionists get their way!”
When I scoffed at such lunacy she immediately produced her panel of authority as proof: an article penned by Dobson in his monthly moron mailing.
Bugger. Should be Dumplings.
What about the “situational morality” of caring a whole lot about the wee little unborn children, but not caring a damn red cent about the BORN ones?
As far as “haven’t had time, been campaigning”, think about this: IF he’s elected (shudder), what’s going to happen when it’s time for re-election??? Who’s going to run the country and keep track of all that important stuff while he’s busy on the campaign trail again? In case anyone needs a(nother) reason to NOT vote for Huckabee…
As far as “haven’t had time, been campaigning”, think about this: IF he’s elected (shudder), what’s going to happen when it’s time for re-election??? Who’s going to run the country and keep track of all that important stuff while he’s busy on the campaign trail again? In case anyone needs a(nother) reason to NOT vote for Huckabee…
“…depend on biblical data…
Biblical data is an oxymoron if I have ever heard one.
Biblical data is an oxymoron if I have ever heard one.
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