The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

A Brace of Imbeciles

Old WO’C favorite Sandy Rios, a Chicago radio host and occasional FoxNews Talking Wig Stand, takes time out of her busy Townhall column today to answer an important question:  What’s the collective noun for pagans?
It would take a missile’s laser focus to cut through the confusion and conflict concerning the murder of late-term abortionist, Dr. George Tiller.
These missile lasers are great for cuttin’ through interpersonal drama and emotional states of being!  I’ll never use my Sawzsall again!
Shot down in his church while ushering on a Sunday, the crime was shocking. The pro-abortion lobby is rightly grieving the loss of a colleague while strangely expressing no remorse for his thousands of little victims.
My that is strange.  Sure, most of his patients were women who were trying to bring a pregnancy to term, but who suffered complications that threatened their future fertility and often their lives, but then, you could say the same thing about cancer; and if a right wing nut shot and killed your oncologist for interfering with God’s will,  you’d at least have the good taste to apologize to the tumor.
The pro-life community is struggling to find the balance between relief that his death is saving lives and revulsion at the means by which they have been saved.
Dabbing at imaginary tears while tittering behind your handkerchief seems to strike the proper tone.
What about a mother who practices Satanism and believes in child sacrifice? Is our right to life guaranteed only by our mother’s individual belief system? Clearly-stated American principles alone would reject this view. The first inalienable right conferred upon us by our Creator—according to the Founding Fathers—was life … life… life.
Caller, can you turn down your radio?  Thank you.
Dr. Tiller was an usher in the Lutheran church…Why do the people who perpetrate this monstrous practice refer to the Christian God in their own defense—and insist on maintaining some sort of identity with Him? The Judeo Christian God is not the god of confusion, and he is not unclear on this issue of the murder of the innocent.
Let them be pagans and practice what pagans do. Let them refer to the gods and worship nature and pleasure and preach child sacrifice in their gathering places, but let them cease and desist all claims to the Judeo-Christian God.
Thanks to DRM, the Judeo-Christian God can only answer Region 1 prayers.
We should not succumb to the confusion of the pagans.
Or the pirates of the Caribbean.
Now let’s check in with another old friend of WO’C, Rachel Marsden:
An 88-year old by the name of James Von Brunn allegedly walked into DC’s National Holocaust Museum in Washington this week, mowing down a security guard. Are leftists going to feel the Holocaust Museum shooter’s pain and find ways toblame ourselves for this act of terrorism like they do when the “usual suspects” do such things? I bet not.
Wait, Rachel’s a leftist now?  Come on, she can’t have stalked everyonein the GOP already.
In the left’s view, this guy doesn’t have any boxes to tick off in the “victim” column. He’s white, male, and hence “privileged”. That’s how they see it. How do I know this? Because I’ve been called “privileged” enough times by leftists who don’t know a single thing about me beyond my skin color.
Rachel makes a good point.  Before we leap to conclusions about how “privileged,” or “likely to to go on a shooting spree” she is, let’s take the time to really and truly get to know her.  S.z.’s already done the basic spadework for us:
In case you don’t recall Rachel, here’s a brief recap of her career:
In 1997 she seduced her swim coach at Simon Fraser University, stalked him when he tried to break up with her, then charged him with date rape when he tried to ignore her.  This was the case that put her on the map, in that it caused the coach to get fired, caused many good people a lot of unnecessary grief, and cost her college lot of money, both in dealing with the case, and then to reinstate and compensate the swim coach when the truth came out.
While at SFU, she also:
* Seduced then stalked one of her college professors.
* Seduced (in a non-sexual way) then stalked the college sexual harassment officer who helped her file her case.
After graduation, she decided that a career in wingnuttery was the one for her:  She went on to write columns for such no-rent sites as GOPUSA, and American Daily.  She claimed in her bio to have written for McLeans magazine and the National Post, but it later was discovered that her contributions consisted of a letter to the editor.  She was hired by Paul Weyrich’s Free Congress Foundation, but resigned after she was arrested for stalking again.
Read the whole thing.
But what’s Rachel been doing lately, besides seeking revenge on her ex-boyfriend by auctioning off his clothes on eBay?  According to her Townhall bio, she’s “a columnist with Human Events Magazine, and Editor-In-Chief of GrandCentralPolitical News Syndicate.”  Now, as for the first qualification, I’m pretty sure my cat has contributed columns to Human Events Magazine…
I’m a keen observer of human events, and to be honest…you people are morons.
But the latter credit sounds quite impressive and entrepreneurial — let’s check it out:
Welcome to Grand Central Political, the premiere website connecting people working in politics and political media directly with politicians, campaigns, public relations firms, and media outlets looking for both experts and new talent. We serve the USA, Canada, UK and France. Sign up for a free account to get your own professional webpage, orsearch for jobs and opportunities. Take control of your career and get discovered today. And if you like, you can upload your contributions to our bipartisan international political magazine and have your work seen by the top decision makers and employers.
So it’s like for people whose resumes apparently aren’t good enough to post on, with the added benefit to the user that he can while away the time he’s not getting a job by writing articles for which he won’t get paid.  Let’s see what’s in the Bipartisan International Political Magazine today:

From Susan Boyle To Hitler: Why Some Simply Can’t Hack Fame

By Rachel Marsden
Hm.  Okay then.  Reaching back into the archives, it appears there’s a grand total of eight articles in the “magazine,” six by Rachel Marsden (and one by Bernard Kerik, entitled “Obama Risks National Security With CIA Scrutiny,” in which the former Commish gives it to the Prez man-to-man, warning that if Obama exposes CIA methods and sources, the intelligence community will retaliate by exposing the President’s adulterous love nest overlooking Ground Zero, ’cause that’s what your enemies fuckin’ do to a man in this fuckin’ town!).  Still, I’m sure it’s a fast-growing new media enterprise that’ll prove to be the next Google, or  Let’s see if there’s still time to jump on the Grand Central Political IPO
Wait — this can’t be right.  Rachel Marsden is an internationally known pundit who John Hawkins of Right Wing News considers the 15th Hottest Conservative Woman in New Media, and yet her website isn’t worth half of WO’C, which isn’t worth anything?!  (And John ought’a know, because he’s worth ten times what we are.)
So what have we learned about Rachel?  Well, she believes that Susan Boyle would make a world-conquering fascist dictator, if she was just a little less camera-shy (or, alternatively, we could have totally avoided World War II if Simon Cowell had only gone to the 1934 Nuremberg Rally and made snotty remarks about Hitler’s gesticulating).  Anyway, I believe we’ve done sufficient supplementary reading that we should now be able to comprehend the broad outline of Rachel’s Townhall column, if not its many nuances.
Every terrorist apparently has a giant axe to grind – one which the left is always happy to retrieve for them the second it’s misplaced, if they pick the right cause.
I tell ya, I couldn’t find my terrorist axe anywhere — but thanks to The Left, I made it to the grindstone just in time!  Now if I could just get some other metonym to find my keys and sunglasses…
Until now, as Rachel points out, liberals’ involvement in the Long War has been limited to recovering brobdignagian, yet missing axes, like a combination of Jason Voorhees and St. Anthony.  But now that they have a terrorist of their own to torture, we’ll see if they’re still so eager to shut down Gitmo.
if President Obama was looking for an excuse to keep Club Gitmo open – because the status quo is much easier than taking any action that could result in a screw-up, given that they often return to the battlefield upon release – he should just tell leftists that Von Brunn will be in there propping up the walls. Until he comes up with an excuse the left finds sufficiently self-serving, they probably wouldn’t even mind if he’s pushed against a hollow wall, put in a room with caterpillars and ladybugs, or given an aggressive face-washing by a federal agent.
If Bush and Cheney had actually been serious about protecting America, they wouldn’t have subcontracted the harsh interrogations to a couple of psychologists from Spokane; they would’ve jobbed it out to Rachel, who knows a thing a two about torturing a man.
Some are having a hard time categorizing Von Brunn.
I’m gonna say…”Animal”?
That’s what happens when you try to foolishly rationalize insanity.
Instead, you should follow Rachel’s example, and try to monetize it.

Posted by scott on Sunday, June 14th, 2009 at 12:20 pm

11 Responses to “A Brace of Imbeciles”

Not only were those columns a brace of imbeciles, they were also a crutch FOR imbeciles.
Hmmm….that sounded funnier in my head. Oh well.
Wait, what? I couldn’t get past the first one. Sandy, honey, Satanists are not pagans. They are, in fact, a subset of Christians. Without you, they wouldn’t exist. Don’t fucking blame us for them.
Paul Bunyan’s gratitude to The Left will change when it’s his ox being gored.
I think I’m sufficiently abraded now.
“FoxNews Talking Wig Stand.”
I hope you have the copyright on that one. I’ll try to remember to give credit.
P. S.: My web log is worth more than, mostly from people Googling “Sophia Loren topless” everyday.
(I should’ve known when I took that job at Red Hot Video I’d end up being a pornographer.)
[…] World-O-Crap: A Brace of Imbeciles […]
How Grand Central Political could come in behind
in terms of value is beyond me…NOBODY likes puffy hard nipples!
I am deeply grateful to this post for making me look up Jason Voorhees (I don’t watch slasher movies) and St. Anthony (I’m not good on saints’ metiers, or bailiwicks, or whatever they are). I’m intellectually richer now, I think.
What gets me about some of these beings is their energy. If I were revenging myself by selling my ex-boyfriend’s clothing on eBay, that would just about shoot my bolt, given the other demands of day-to-day life. But not our Rachel! She swims, she writes letters, columnizes, she entrepreneurializes, she sucks the blood of the male, she’s everywhere!
Yeah, they’re “struggling to find the balance” by dancing on Dr. Tiller’s grave. The whole lot of ‘em make me want to hurl.
Gee. Herr Dokton Bimmler said what I wanted to say. So I will just take off my ladies’-luncheon hat to all these classy (with a K!) Vagino-Americans: writing for Human Events, pretending to have vast vast MSM chops, overestimating the worth of their websites, auctioning off the menfolk’s clothing (Hmmmm! There’s a new threat: “Hang it up or I’m putting it on eBay!”).
As I said, gee. Compared with Sandy and Rachel, the Ozymandias of our day, should I look upon their works, ye mighty, and despair? What do I do? Read great and trashy works of literature, browse the blogs, keep house, bake bread. Sometimes pie. No stalking.
Satanists are not pagans.
Neither are Lutherans, Sandy. Just sayin’.

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