When we last dropped in on Newsmax’s John L. Perry, he was promoting the notion that Barack Obama is Pinocchio, a prevaricating puppet whose strings are pulled by mysterious, unseen hands. This week, the Newsmax pundit has not only promoted the President to Real Live Boy, he’s crowned him The Emperor Jones.
Now that he’s president, Barack Obama has new clothes, even if they don’t always fit. What he still lacks is class. Tailors can’t fix that.
Although some tailors can create the illusion of good breeding through the cunning use of darts.
Before, during, and since the president’s elevation to his stratospheric altitude in the vault of the heavens, he has been adorned in an unprecedented array of resplendent raiments of praise befitting his One-ness.
This is probably a good time to remind our readers that John L. Perry is “a prize-winning newspaper editor and writer”.
If he appears at times to be in contradiction, or inconsistency, with his One-ness, it only appears that this is so. For, by contemporary wisdom, that is an entirely admirable attribute of his being The One. And since he is, he can be no other. Nor can any other be he. Thus, whatever he is at any given moment in time, he can nowise be in contradiction thereof.
Guys? Please stop passing the joint to Mr. Perry.
Who, not being of status anywhere close to that of The One, can possibly say otherwise? If you ain’t been there yourself, you just ain’t been.
Among Mr. Perry’s awards is the PEN American Center Prize, given each year to the best translation of Khalil Gibran into jive.
But, lesser ones still might ask, “If all that the general public (a.k.a. the masscomm audience) can see are his new clothes, and if there’s no there there, how can anyone tell if what’s not there is class?”Since the president’s degree of déclassé is not a topic tolerated for public observation or discussion, this seeming conundrum must be approached silently, in solitude, and behind closed doors after the children are abed or safely watching smut on television.
In other words, once your penis has passed it’s Sell By date, masturbation is replaced by long nights spent pacing the Bonus Room, grousing about the uppity Negroes in the White House.
Under those conditions, how, if the president has no class, is his populace to know what he’s doing that is classless? It’s a bit like Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart’s celebrated dictum non-defining hard-core pornography: “I know it when I see it.”
Actually Mr. Perry, a little hardcore pornography might be healthier for you than running through the streets, wild-eyed and sweaty like Kevin McCarthy at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and shouting at passing cars that Obama’s classlessness is invisible to the naked eye!
So, the answer is that if the president’s classlessness is observed, it must be without comment about:
And then Mr. Perry furnishes a litany of indictable offenses against classiness, including:
- The way he walks, the way he talks, the way he looks down his nose.
The way he wears his hat. The way he sips his tea.
- The way he hasn’t learned to tie a four-in-hand necktie like the men do.
The President, as we’ve all seen, confines himself to those big floppy bows preferred by power-dressing women executives in the 1980s.
- The haughty way he fakes erudition off his teleprompter screens and proffers profundities on subjects in which he lacks credentials.
- The way he says, “as I’ve said before,” when he hasn’t.
These sound less like complaints about the President of the United States, and more the kind of daily irritants that come up during couples counseling.
- The way he jumps down, spins around, picks a new position
Then picks a bale of cotton. Yeah, we get it, John. We get it.
Posted by scott on Monday, June 29th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
24 Responses to “Putting The Ass In Class”
How did you bring yourself to read that all the way through? iT wasn’t…READABLE.
It was such meandering gibberish I kept zoning out of it. I’ve had conversations with people wasted outta their skulls that were easier to follow.
It was such meandering gibberish I kept zoning out of it. I’ve had conversations with people wasted outta their skulls that were easier to follow.
If all that the general public [...] can see are his new clothes, and if there’s no there there
Remind me never to solicit sartorial advice from a man who is capable of confusing a new wardrobe with a description of Oakland.
Remind me never to solicit sartorial advice from a man who is capable of confusing a new wardrobe with a description of Oakland.
I have to say thank you Scott for reading all these loons so WE don’t have to. Jeez, I sometimes read their stuff aloud to my cats, just to annoy. Works every time. They get off the bed and flee into the great outdoors.
I sometimes read their stuff aloud to my cats, just to annoy. Works every time. They get off the bed and flee into the great outdoors.
It’s all in a day’s work for Confuse-a-Cat-with-Dog-Whistles.
It’s all in a day’s work for Confuse-a-Cat-with-Dog-Whistles.
Did he get PAID for that?
Far, far be it from me to put myself forward as anything close to being in your league, revered Scott, esp. after that Among Mr. Perry’s awards is the PEN American Center Prize, given each year to the best translation of Khalil Gibran into jive crack. However, in spite of my humility, Pinocchio is spelled Pinocchio.
Before, during, and since the president’s elevation to his stratospheric altitude in the vault of the heavens,
Verily. Much like Bush’s descent into his subterranean depths in the clouds of Hades.
Verily. Much like Bush’s descent into his subterranean depths in the clouds of Hades.
You know, I certainly admit to being affected by George Bush and even Ronald Reagan to the point where the very sound of their voices and the look on their faces was like nails on a chalkboard to me. But I always knew it was a purely emotional reaction on my part, and I certainly wasn’t stupid enough to write an entire column based on the fact that I didn’t like the way they looked and talked.
the fact that this loon actually thinks his dislike of Barack Obama is worthy of publication is an amazing exercise in egotism.
the fact that this loon actually thinks his dislike of Barack Obama is worthy of publication is an amazing exercise in egotism.
So “class” is being able to tie a tie and unable to read off a teleprompter?
What about mysterious rectangular outlines in the back of “the One’s” jacket?
“The One” myth is the biggest, stupidest strawman of all Time.
What about mysterious rectangular outlines in the back of “the One’s” jacket?
“The One” myth is the biggest, stupidest strawman of all Time.
Verily. Much like Bush’s descent into his subterranean depths in the clouds of Hades.
You’d think he’d really had enough of Cheney’s company by now…
“The One” myth is the biggest, stupidest strawman of all Time.
Yes, but endlessly repeating it compensates for never, ever producing a liberal who has said it, or anything remotely like it. (Just like driving a Hummer compensates for, well, you know…)
You’d think he’d really had enough of Cheney’s company by now…
“The One” myth is the biggest, stupidest strawman of all Time.
Yes, but endlessly repeating it compensates for never, ever producing a liberal who has said it, or anything remotely like it. (Just like driving a Hummer compensates for, well, you know…)
“The One” myth is the biggest, stupidest strawman of all Time.
As tensor notes above, it doesn’t matter if anyone actually believes Obama is “The One”. What’s important is that conservatives believe that somebody believes it. Even if “somebody” is completely mythical. Or themselves.
As tensor notes above, it doesn’t matter if anyone actually believes Obama is “The One”. What’s important is that conservatives believe that somebody believes it. Even if “somebody” is completely mythical. Or themselves.
Seems like a reasonable topic, given the fact-challenged nature of the writer.
Hmm, overly-stilted prose and bizarre insider men’s fashion terminology? This is my beat.
Jeez, I sometimes read their stuff aloud to my cats, just to annoy. Works every time. They get off the bed and flee into the great outdoors.
They just probably figured there would be a quiz afterwards, and didn’t want to be bothered. You know how cats are.
Hmm, overly-stilted prose and bizarre insider men’s fashion terminology? This is my beat.
Jeez, I sometimes read their stuff aloud to my cats, just to annoy. Works every time. They get off the bed and flee into the great outdoors.
They just probably figured there would be a quiz afterwards, and didn’t want to be bothered. You know how cats are.
If he appears at times to be in contradiction, or inconsistency, with his One-ness, it only appears that this is so. For, by contemporary wisdom, that is an entirely admirable attribute of his being The One. And since he is, he can be no other. Nor can any other be he. Thus, whatever he is at any given moment in time, he can nowise be in contradiction thereof.
The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract” – look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We’ll take it right out, eh?
“If all that the general public (a.k.a. the masscomm audience)
We are all Bostonians in the Obama world order.
The President, as we’ve all seen, confines himself to those big floppy bows preferred by power-dressing women executives in the 1980s.
And the O-Jays in the 70s, Scott!
So basically, this can all be summed up, after subracting all the excess verbiage and excuse-making as follows:
“THERE’S A NIGGER IN THE WHITE HOUSE!“
The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract” – look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We’ll take it right out, eh?
“If all that the general public (a.k.a. the masscomm audience)
We are all Bostonians in the Obama world order.
The President, as we’ve all seen, confines himself to those big floppy bows preferred by power-dressing women executives in the 1980s.
And the O-Jays in the 70s, Scott!
So basically, this can all be summed up, after subracting all the excess verbiage and excuse-making as follows:
“THERE’S A NIGGER IN THE WHITE HOUSE!“
One thing I’ll give Mr. Bush credit for — since he’s left office, he’s had the good sense to STFU. Would that his worshipers would do the same.
Fuck me, what a tool.
What he still lacks is class. Tailors can’t fix that. …makes me immediately think of ol’ Mr. Cheney in an over-fluffy parka, attending that death camp memorial, while the other heads of state wore dignified grown-up attire.
And to conclude with singing the praises of a fucking four-in-hand knot? Oh fuck me, that’s high-pedigree stoopid. What’s next, chastising Demon Denim with George Eff Will (h.t./doghouse) and wondering why one’s neck wear choices so inevitably lead to getting one’s ass kicked on the playground?
What he still lacks is class. Tailors can’t fix that. …makes me immediately think of ol’ Mr. Cheney in an over-fluffy parka, attending that death camp memorial, while the other heads of state wore dignified grown-up attire.
And to conclude with singing the praises of a fucking four-in-hand knot? Oh fuck me, that’s high-pedigree stoopid. What’s next, chastising Demon Denim with George Eff Will (h.t./doghouse) and wondering why one’s neck wear choices so inevitably lead to getting one’s ass kicked on the playground?
“ If all that the general public (a.k.a. the masscomm audience) can see are his new clothes, and if there’s no there there . . . ?”
Is he asserting that Obama is dickless ?
Is he asserting that Obama is dickless ?
As always happens with wignuts trying to be smartasses, it seems that JLP didn’t understood that the Emperor’s New Clothes fable is NOT about clothes!
I WAS going to note the typo Rebuscado made, but I actually think “wignuts” is a nifty word.
How ’bout another title search:
29, 2009 Emperor Obama Has No Class
Jun 8, 2009 Obama Motors Is Here to Help You
Jun 1, 2009 Obama Behaving Like Third World Leader
May 27, 2009 Obama Answers Wake-up Calls With Big Talk
May 18, 2009 Obama Will Run Out of People to Fool
Apr 27, 2009 Obama, the Puppet President
Apr 21, 2009 Clues to Decipher Obama Speeches
Apr 13, 2009 The Flying Kenyan-American
Apr 7, 2009 Curse of the Obama Diamond
Mar 30, 2009 Obama, Reckless Manager of Time
Mar 23, 2009 Obama’s Olympian Slip of the Intellect
Mar 9, 2009 Steering Obama’s Drive to Socialism
Jan 27, 2009 Forget Obama — Focus on America
Jan 21, 2009 Obama’s Vacuous Inaugural Speech
Dec 22, 2008 Obama and Chicago Politics
Dec 2, 2008 Obama Donors Entitled to Refunds?
Nov 19, 2008 Obama Supporters to Seek Marxist Payback
Ah, the old attack their strengths. Does he honestly think people don’t remember how embarrassing it was even for conservatives to watch bush speak?
I know his shallow thinking here:
They attacked Bush for being a word-fumbling idiot therefore I should be allowed to attack Obama for the same. If they disagree I’ll call “hypocracy!”
OMFG he says Um alot and reads from a telepromter! and ..uh.. necktie! And probably does hop-hip type stuff.
I had to look up the Cheney photo as I missed the story the first time around. Beyond embarrassing.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A43247-2005Jan27.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A43247-2005Jan27.html
I believe that’s a North Face coat. From their Accountability Insulation line.
“For, by contemporary wisdom, that is an entirely admirable attribute of his being The One.”
He apparently doesn’t realize that when McCain attempted to slight Obama by referring to him as “That One” it was considered a monumental show of arrogance and racism? Oh wait, these people are quite comfortable with racism.
“And since he is, he can be no other. Nor can any other be he. Thus, whatever he is at any given moment in time, he can nowise be in contradiction thereof.”
…and as such it shall be known to all those presents that the foregoing instrument shall be held as a true document forthwith, notwithstanding force majure or any other acts committed by any party upon the other party as referred to in Section 1 of Article 6 of this instrument herein referred to…
I’d bet he spends a good amount of time championing the slip and fall, the officer insulted me, the dog catcher trespassed and many other important calls of justice.
He apparently doesn’t realize that when McCain attempted to slight Obama by referring to him as “That One” it was considered a monumental show of arrogance and racism? Oh wait, these people are quite comfortable with racism.
“And since he is, he can be no other. Nor can any other be he. Thus, whatever he is at any given moment in time, he can nowise be in contradiction thereof.”
…and as such it shall be known to all those presents that the foregoing instrument shall be held as a true document forthwith, notwithstanding force majure or any other acts committed by any party upon the other party as referred to in Section 1 of Article 6 of this instrument herein referred to…
I’d bet he spends a good amount of time championing the slip and fall, the officer insulted me, the dog catcher trespassed and many other important calls of justice.
Isn’t there an implied obligation if you’re going to repeat, many times over, that an individual is or isn’t [adjective] you have to at least cite some examples?
He might as well have used the word “icky”, for all it means here.
He might as well have used the word “icky”, for all it means here.
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