The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Sunday, September 21, 2014

Didn’t Chuck Connors Play Him In “Branded?”

We received an email this evening (as did a number of our distinguished commenters) from Walter Francis Fitzpatrick III, and at first I was quite excited.  But it turns out he’s not the guy who played “Linc” inThe Mod Squad; instead, he’s the cashiered, ex-Navy Lt. Commander who is — even as we speak — bringing down President Obama with a charge of TREASON!  For the sake of posterity, I’m going to post the body of the letter, including all four Hungadungas.
Today’s attack-rant writing brought to us by a gent namedScott Clevenger (historically the reincarnation of British commanders at Cowpens).
I hate to interrupt Walter when he’s on a roll, but I should point out that while I am in fact historically considered the reincarnation of British commanders at Cowpens, I am hardly a “gent.”
(links, oddly emphatic bolding, and idiosyncratic color scheme all in the original…)
Scott and fellow travelers (see the comments)“Doghouse” Riley, “Slywy,” DSIDHE, andRugosa, are on the record with Patrick McKinnion (who updated his writing yesterday).
Presumably a career-ending letter of reprimand will be placed in our jackets and blot our escutcheons.
McKinnion writes: “In the interest of being fair, I welcome any further information from Mr. Fitzpatrick as to his behavior and his side of the story…”
Isn’t it a shame Mr. McKinnion didn’t check with me first. Or with Ed Offley, author of the work McKinnion relied upon, or with Christine Clarridge who writes for the Seattle Times (Mr. McKinnion’s current home town). Or with so many other independent journalists who’ve seen and vetted the extant document record.
Just a rotten shame!
As troubling is Mr. McKinnion’s exposure in his self-admission that maybe…just maybe…he didn’t know a wit of what he was so libelous in writing.
Tee-ball anyone?
As someone with a smart mouth and a long history of being told to put up or shut up, I just have to say — that’s the weirdest threat I’ve ever received.
It will be interesting to watch McKinnion’s filth travel.
Fellow travelers, as you know, travel by filth.  Making us, I suppose, filth columnists.
And I wonder who’s gonna break the news to Norm Dicks, Patty Murray, Maria Cantwell and the criminal thug Obama things aren’t workin’ out so well?
I think we should send a Strip-O-Gram.  It’ll cushion the blow.
Walter Francis Fitzpatrick, III
United States Navy Retired
United States Naval Academy Class of 1975
And yet, despite all that, he still doesn’t have the Kung-Fu Grip™.

Posted by scott on Sunday, June 21st, 2009 at 8:57 pm

60 Responses to “Didn’t Chuck Connors Play Him In “Branded?””

(links, oddly emphatic bolding, and idiosyncratic color scheme all in the original…)
Scott and fellow travelers (see the comments) “Doghouse” Riley, “Slywy,” DSIDHE, and Rugosa, are on the record with Patrick McKinnion (who updated his writing yesterday).
Presumably a career-ending letter of reprimand will be placed in our jackets and blot our escutcheons.
What the…? HEY! I commented! I was the FIRST to comment! I wanna career ending letter of reprimand too!!!!!
M’Dear Mary:
No linkee in yer moniker. There’s the rub.
But you are there, in spirit, I believe.
That is some fantabulous font editing. Do they teach that in the Navy?
I think one & all mentioned above should be watching their backs. Or snail-mail boxes.
Oh crud, I didn’t leave a dropping on that thread, did I?
he didn’t know a wit
Should be ‘whit’.
Does that earn my entry into the Enemies List?
See, that’s why I don’t include a personal link in my comments. I can do without getting e-mails from weirdos I don’t know.
And the weirdos I DO know never write me. [sigh]
I didn’t get an email. There isn’t even anything in my spam filter. What kind of half-assed pseudo-reprimand is this? Also, the fact that he spelled my name right suggests cut and paste.
I’d break the news to Senator Murray, but I’m currently in one of her “All right, we’ve heard enough of your opinions for a while” not-even-an-autoreply penalty boxes, so odds are she wouldn’t get the message at all.
Oh yeah, and I believe we owe the crazy lady an apology for suggesting she was so lazy she didn’t actually send the crazy guy any questions but instead copied his answers from crazy spam. Because I think it’s clear now that he does, in fact, answer questions that way as well.
WTH were you doing in a cowpen??
I have to give Mr. Fitzpatrick credit for something…..
If it hadn’t been for that nasty email he sent you, me and a couple others, I wouldn’t have discovered your site. *laugh*
Welcome, Patrick.
Just for the record, I have never, by frontal assault nor any other means, contested South Carolina’s right to independence. Long overdue, in fact.
If I had been at Cowpens, we’d have won.
On the other hand, I am the reincarnation of the Hessin commander at Trenton, so I guess I’m not blameless.
Didn’t *I* comment too? WTF is this overlookery? Am I not a brother and a man? Racism, I tell you, sheer racism. Hey, Wee Willie! Put this in your pipe and smoke it. And then stick the pipe sideways up Uranus.
Let’s see if THAT gets me a highly-colorific, 130% font sized mention.
“Fellow travelers, as you know, travel by filth. Making us, I suppose, filth columnists.”
I consider you and your compatriots the filth estate.
Okay, so you were fighting the Revolutionary War and not, as previously surmised, looking for wingnut material to lampoon. Now we see that you don’t have to look for it, because IT comes to YOU!
Thanks, scott, for the link to Animal Crackers. Been far too long since my last viewing. It will be nice to hear some intentionally unintelligible dialogue as opposed to the unintentionally hilarious outgassing we so often get from the righties.
You left out a Hungadunga. The most important one, too.
Man, that is some industrial-strength crazy, right there.
And by the way, who stole the extra strawberries?
HEY! I Debunked the basic claim of his “lawsuit” (tea-bag anyone?). If Obama wasn’t born on American soil of 2 American parents, then he isn’t American. Ergo, he can NOT be a traitor, now can he? Unless the lawsuit is being filed in Kenya. In that case, never mind.
Also, the fact that he spelled my name right suggests cut and paste.
Classic. And also, incidentally, probably true.
Damn. Pastor Swank had better be working on his A game. The Rear Admiral looks like a serious contender.
Have you ever wondered, Mandrake, why I only drink rainwater and pure grain alcohol?
Okay, I’m feeling a bit left out here, because everyone but me seems to get the joke. I have read this post twice now, and I’d just like to ask what the cockslapping fuck is this freak babbling about?
Thank you.
Of course, if Walter Francis Fitzpatrick III had been alive during the Revolution he’d be standing on street corners attacking the Patriots for being traitors and writing nasty letters with a well-worn quill defending the King’s right to do what he pleased… The, of course, he’d be locked up in a bedlam somewhere with the other loons…
MaryC writes: What the…? HEY! I commented! I was the FIRST to comment!
Ha, ha, no stern letter of rebuke for you! [laughing uncontrollably] Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha–
Waitaminute, the fucker dinked me too.
[the scene darkens, thunder is heard]
You’ve underwhelmingly made a powderpuff enemy tonight, Fitzpatrick. I’ll make a personal extemporanamaneous of you, my friend– I won’t rest or so much as trim my toenails until you are [shouting] DEAF!, DO YOU HEAR ME, DEAF!, AND ALL OF YOUR FAMILY DEAF!, AND YOUR GODDAM PET TURTLE DEAF!
So I get the rewrite job, yes, and the “extra dialog” credit, Scott?
D. Sidhe writes: I didn’t get an email. There isn’t even anything in my spam filter. What kind of half-assed pseudo-reprimand is this?
Got your own personal color in the response. That’s gotta count for something. In some cultures I believe that counts as a betrothal.
NDP writes: I have read this post twice now, and I’d just like to ask what the cockslapping fuck is this freak babbling about?
No clue. But, just above your comment lies the explanation for the fascination; in the similarly nonsensical yet mesmerizing lava lamp milspeak of Buck Turgid in “Dr Strangelove.”
Yo, Fitz, now do I get my nasty letter of honor?
Jeezus, what does it take…the man’s a rock, I tell ya, a rock.
…independent journalists who’ve seen and vetted the extant document record.
Man, that’s some mighty fine redundancy! Vet on!
I’m thinking he has synaesthesia and these colors are the different forms of hate he feels for each of you.
Don’t make him go plaid!
I’m thinking he has synaesthesia
Wow, fascinating article. Sheesh, now I wonder if describing someone’s speech as a lava lamp counts. What would you think of the words “Color Temperature?”
Oh god where’s my inhaler.
Oh man, I want in on some of this action.
From now on, I’m linking, and anytime our Dear Admiral is the topic, I’m commenting.
Let’s see… (so far nothing)… fuck. I got nothin’. Great.
I wonder if describing someone’s speech as a lava lamp counts
It pales in comparison with the sublime description of “Grand Juries like a slowly heating pop-corn machine”.
Damn. If only we could make Jeff Goldstein think this guy had said something mean about his kid — imagine the back-and-forth entertainment we would have!
Chris, I’m not sure my partner would approve.
I actually did consider the synasthesia theory. That and the possibility that he just hates color blind people. Either way, that shit’s fascinating. I mean, I’m crazy as eight ferrets in a haversack, even *with* the medication, but I know expertise when I see it.
(historically the reincarnation of British commanders at Cowpens).
Bullflop at ten paces was the order of the day, I hear.
Damn. You take one day off for a proctology exam and look what you miss!
On the other hand, maybe having my nym up in “lights” is more intrusive than a finger shoved deep in my ass…
Don’t make him go plaid!
I saw that Bugs Bunny cartoon. Next, he goes out naked and eats the grass…
*puts seven ferrets in a rucksack and observes findings*
*reads and compares findings*
Hmm. Nope, not quite there.
*adds one ferret and repeats*
Still lacking. What am I miss…Ah!
*switches ferrets to haversack and repeats observations*
A haversack is fine, but how do you stuff all eight ferrets into the tiny little ball before you kick it up in the air?
Damn fine question. Not picking on D. Sidhe, btw…I gotta say that yesterday was a four-ferrets-in-a-gym-bag day for me. And during the drive home I picked up a badger with a coconut. Today is much better though.
I hope I’m not too late to decide the fate of Revolutionary War battles. Or are they now Evolutionary Wars?
But how is tee ball related to tea bagging?
Did this asshat go all Galt on us and leave half the story unfinished?
I am sad to hear the he’s missing a wit.
One thing’s for sure, Fitz is definitely sixteen ferrets in an eight-ferret haversack.
Really? I was getting more of a pine-marten-in-a-laundry-basket vibe off him.
So, though, all these Mustelidae are taking a toll on my housekeeping. My partner’s been pondering a Dyson DC17, which I’m told is a vacuum cleaner rather than an airplane. We can get a refurbished one at half the cost, and as we’re in the market for a vacuum that actually sucks anyway, it’s something we’re considering.
The reviews I’ve read are hinky as to detail and diction, and I get the faint whiff of planted press release off some of the more effusive ones. One point the negative reviews make is that it’s a pain in the ass to clean and needs to be taken apart and cleaned frequently.
This being my go-to place for living-with-mammal advice, I thought I’d see if anyone here has tried the thing. Is it worth two-fifty? How often do you clean it, and *is* it a pain in the ass to take apart? I’m particularly interested in feedback from people who’ve had one a while.
My eternal gratitude for any help.
Kitten with a whip, anyone?
Tom: Puppy With A Numchuck!
Crow: Dick-dick With Brass Knuckles!
Mike: Yak With A Kentucky Longrifle!
Crow: Hamster Who Writes A Strong Letter To The Times!
ChrisV: Ferret Who Soundly Castigates His Detractors!
D. Sidhe,
Consumer Reports was lukewarm to the Dyson line.
Here are their recommended vacuum models:
On the DC-17 specifically:
CR’s Take
Overall, this is a very good upright vacuum that excelled at cleaning bare floors and keeping its emissions low. Dyson has been among the more reliable brands of upright vacuums.
The Dyson excelled at cleaning bare floors and keeping its emissions low. It was very good at cleaning carpets and picking up pet hair.
This model was fairly noisy in our tests and was somewhat hard to handle.
Reviews from CR readers:
Customers most agreed on the following attributes:
Pros: Powerful/good suction(148), Long power cord(126), Easy to use(121), Efficient(111), Easy to empty(41)
Cons: Heavy(59), Noisy(34), Difficult to use(15), Inefficient(9), Poor design(6)
Best Uses: Hardwood floors(94), Pet hair(89), Carpet(60), Stairs(59), Auto(18)
Describe Yourself: Frequent user(145), Occasional user(15), Professional cleaner(3)
Primary use: Personal(161)
ChrisV: Ferret Who Soundly Castigates His Detractors!
Actor212: Amoeba who whines a lot from his couch.
This is MY kind of thread: start off with pained expressions of disappointment at being spam-neglected by a vindictive former Naval officer/emotive colorwheel enthusiast, and progress – by exquisite logical steps and esthestic gradations – to a serious request for a vacuum cleaning forum.
D., I’ve never tried a Dyson so I should keep schtum, but I’ll put Burmese cat and Pug fur up against ferret or kinkajou or muskrat fur anytime, and my little Hoover Flair electric-broom style cleaner does a very nice job on both, and didn’t cost no $250, and is a breeze to empty and clean (self-contained dust cup/filter).
If either you or your partner is allergic to the point of needing HEPA approved equipment, however, the Flair wouldn’t be for you.
Wait, noisy is a complaint about a vacuum cleaner?
Got a Dyson 07 Animal, turns five next month. Still picks up as well as it did on Day One, which is to say twice as good as anything else we’ve ever owned. We were early adopters, so I haven’t tried any of the imitations, but I’ll fork over $500 for another one before I spend half that for something that is working at 3/4 efficiency in eighteen months.
Excellent job on cat hair with the animal brush; never have to go back over anything with a fistful of masking tape. It is a little Rube Goldberg-y, and the constant assembly-disassembly gets tiresome, but top marks otherwise.
I’ve taken it apart exactly once, when my wife ran over a half-mile of string, and it wasn’t my idea of a good time but it wasn’t awful. Clean the cannister with a feather duster. Other than the beaters the dirt trail is accessible for cleaning. Overall, 4-1/2 stars.
OK, fine. I love my Miele (but not in that way.) After its first usage, I realized some of my carpets were a totally different shade than I had gotten accustomed to.
No clue. But, just above your comment lies the explanation for the fascination; in the similarly nonsensical yet mesmerizing lava lamp milspeak of Buck Turgid in “Dr Strangelove.”
You mean Gen. Jack Ripper, Sterling Hayden not George C. Scott.
Sadly, Woodrowfan, I think W.F.F. III would more likely have become that Tory supporting county registrar, who refused Thomas Paine the right to vote upon his return from France, on the grounds that he wasn’t American.
I’m sold, then. The damned thing we have now is maybe three years old and I have to go over the carpets with a lint roller.
Noisy and heavy are pros, in my mind, since the one means I’m less likely to run over a cat and the other means it’ll actually suck up some stuff–honest to god, I *cry* when they talk about how light some vacuums are, do they not get it? Oreck is a blight upon the earth. But the disassembly thing sounded obnoxious if you have to do it a lot.
And heydave, don’t be embarrassed. I’ve been saying for years that I’d marry my SpotBot if it could make post-sex conversation.
Also, Chris, it’s a dik-dik. No, really.
dik-dik : a small antelope found in Africa.
dick dick: exclamation uttered upon seeing Jonah Goldberg and Glen Beck seated together.
Today I am a blogger! I have a career-ending letter of reprimand in my jacket and my escutcheon has been blotted. (sigh) My first link.
the title is a lebowski reference, right?
Hey, don’t leave me D! I’ve got two cents.
Get the Dyson. I have 5 cats, two of which are pure white and my area rugs have a black background(at the time, I was over confident of my Hoover, which gasped and died when faced with that much fur) I googled around awhile, got a holiday deal for $350 on a new one and free shipping. Not problem one in over two years. This cleaner could suck the proverbial chrome. I’d buy it again and happily (well, somewhat happily) pay a bit more for it.
So the thread wanders all over the map, and in the middle someone brings up synesthesia.
[tenting fingers] excellent.
Seriously, the reason this research ws abandoned in the fifties is that this is simply indistinguishable from “associative” behavior, a feature not a bug, and I’m glad to be among those blessed with it.
Thanks for the corrections, bidzilla [I apparently so depleted the oxygen level to my brian while shouting DEAF, DEAF-- jesus I didn't even get the mis-cited character's name right-- in a movie I've seen about a thousand times] and of course D Sidhe, for which apology I have only ignorance to offer and the fact that I googled “mst3k kitten’ and cut’n'pasted the first result.
Shut up, I have to go back to work.

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