The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Monday, September 22, 2014

Glory Holelellujah

In the annals of manly man-love, there is no more touching tale than the story of Apollo and Hyachinthus — or — Alexander and Hephaestion — or, no, wait — Washington and the Savage Weiner!  You may remember Mr. Washington from a previous World Net Daily column, in which he drew an unflattering parallel between the Obama Administration and the dystopia described in Orwell’s 1984, a jaunty jeremiad in which he managed to get the characters, plot, and theme of the book exactlybackwards.  But Ellis is more than just a man who affects a familiarity with books he clearly hasn’t read; he’s also a resume padder nonpareil, who claims in his bio to be “a professor of law and political science at Savannah State University,” although SSU lists him as a “part-time Instructor” (not an Assistant Professor, Associate Professor, or Professor) in the Political Science, Public Administration, and Urban Studies Department.
But just as Governor Mark Sanford deserves pity rather than scorn because his extramarital ugly-bumping was in the service of a love story (“A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day.”), so should we also pardon “Professor” Washington his fibs and vanities, for he is also in thrall to a forbidden soulmate: Michael Savage (neé Weiner).
On Jan. 13, 1898, the celebrated French writer and intellectual Émile Zola risked his career and endangered his life when his letter “J’accuse!” was published on the front page of the Paris daily L’Aurore. This famous letter was a scathing indictment against the French government for unjustly condemning a war hero, Capt. Alfred Dreyfus, to Devil’s Island and covering up evidence of his innocence. This passionate letter “J’accuse!” has stood through the ages as a singular expression of indignation and accusation against powerful persons, organizations and nations.
Now, 100 years later, the Dreyfus Affair has now crossed the English Channel in the case of Michael Savage.
A quick programming note:  Michael Savage’s talk radio show, The Savage Nation, is broadcast live, Monday through Friday, from the Crimson Barracks on Devil’s Island in the penal colony of French Guiana, from which there is no escape.
Jim Meyers of Newsmax dropped a bombshell article on July 1 that chronicles the recent admission by the British government that it did not consult with the U.S. and the Obama Administration regarding the exclusion of Michael Savage from England. As remarkable as that statement is, it made an even more incredible admission that England is now presently speaking with ranking members of the Obama administration about the blacklisting of Michael Savage.
Yes, Cathy Lee, that IS Incredible!  I guess…
The May 5 blacklisting of Savage is suspiciously close to – and I believe connected with – a lawsuit Savage filed in mid-April against Department of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano over a DHS report suggesting U.S. military veterans could be targeted by right-wing extremists.
Yes, the most logical way for the Obama Administration to punish Savage is for the British to ban him from traveling to the U.K., without telling the U.S. government, because it’s important to occasionally surprise your co-conspirators in order to keep your cabal fresh and romantic.
Britain’s defensive and convoluted reply on the case of Michael Savage amounts to a non-denial denial. It smacks of conspiracy, cover-up, lies and collusion at the highest levels of the world’s two most powerful governments.
Nothing smacks more of rank conspiracy than two groups doing things without coordinating or even telling each other.
Here is my theory on how the Obama administration colluded with Britain to blacklist Michael Savage:
In order to trace the line of Professor Washington’s recondite reasoning, take your index finger and place it in a parallel orientation to your mouth, then rub it over your lips in an up-and-down motion while humming at high volume.
  • Let us float a “Fairness Doctrine” trial balloon with our ally across the pond before we bring it home to America.
I think I’d rather just go see Up again.
  • Let us pick a sacrificial lamb: a conservative of some notoriety, yet controversial with few friends in the state-run media or among his conservative peers.
In other words, a phenomenal asshat.  Got anyone in mind, Prof?
  • Let us associate him with the most evil, irredeemable criminals on the planet.
  • And let us wait and watch with glee as his fellow conservatives lurch back into the shadows, shut their normally big yaps on this case and not come to Michael Savage’s defense.
Because nobody loves the Savage Weiner the way you love him!  All those other pundits, they don’t understand him the way you do!
The Machiavellian plot of the British and U.S. government against Michael Savage, an American patriot and self-confessed Anglophile is really appalling. Their scheme would have worked, but they only made one mistake:
They forgot to tell each other they were in a conspiracy and so they both wound up bringing the same hot dish to the potluck?
They picked the wrong man to blacklist.
This is where Weiner tears off his shirt, ties on a headband, and begins screwing explosive tips onto graphite arrow shafts, right?  Because this is where I usually go out to the concession stand for Good ‘n’ Plentys and a Mr. Pibb.
They underestimated this man. Michael Savage is aPromethean figure who has the courage and fortitude to take his case all the way before the British Parliament if necessary.
By the way, if you thought I was perhaps exaggerating a bit in that first paragraph, take a gander at Washington’s portrait of Michael Savage as the Modern Prometheus.  Here’s a taste:
Prometheus challenged the awesome authority of Zeus by stealing fire from heaven, which gave warmth to the earth thus saving all humanity. Likewise, Savage has put his reputation on the line daily for 15 years as a Ph.D. trained scientist, autodidactic philosopher and historian, zealously defending America’s national heritage and waging battle in the arena of ideas against the Zeuses of our time…a list of infamy that included Muslim terrorists, homosexual hate-mongers, neo-Nazis and Russian mobsters.
Zeus meted out unjust and sadistic punishment to Prometheus by chaining him to a rock and commanding an eagle to eat his liver every day, only to have the liver grow back anew each day. Likewise, a similar Sisyphus-like torture was heaped upon Savage by Great Britain whose unprovoked defamation of his name and reputation has daily caused Savage’s life and the physical security of his entire family to be brought into mortal danger.
And I thought that “Leave Britney alone!” guy went a little overboard.  How does Professor Ellis even manage to teach his occasional, part-time, Pass/Fail classes, when he is continually haunted by Savage’s Promethean inability to order spotted dick and fresh toad-in-the-hole?
[According to a] member of the Labour Party: “The Home Office did not consult the U.S. administration about the creation of the list of foreign nationals who are excluded from the United Kingdom on unacceptable behavior grounds, which included U.S. citizen, Michael Savage.
“However, following publication of the list, Home Office and FCO (Foreign and Commonwealth Office) officials have discussed the Government’s policy on exclusion with American officials.”
Who are these unnamed American officials? This British-American axis amounts to collusion to exclude Savage. Furthermore, it is a modern-day metaphor of the “Dreyfus Affair” regarding the unjust conviction, imprisonment and cover-up of Capt. Alfred Dreyfus, a decorated war hero, a French citizen of Jewish extraction who was falsely accused of treason by France in 1894. At least Capt. Dreyfus had the celebrated writer and intellectual, Émile Zola, to defend his cause, but who does Michael Savage have on his side?
Only deranged, but dedicated stalker and fan-boy Ellis Washington, that’s who.  But I don’t think comparing this situation to the torments suffered by Captain Dreyfus goes nearly far enough.  It’s like the Obama Administration has waterboarded Dr. Savage, in that his bosom has been repeatedly bedewed with the bitter, salty tears of Ellis Washington.
J’accuse England! … J’accuse America!

Posted by scott on Wednesday, July 8th, 2009 at 10:13 pm

35 Responses to “Glory Holelellujah”

So Ellis’s metaphor (after the application of much asslube and a crowbar) goes like this: Michael Savage, the Promethean 19th century French officer shockjock, who was accused of being a hatemongering asshole by none other than Zeus himself (unknowingly in league with the British and American governments who are also unknowingly in league with each other) is now tied to a rock somewhere near French Guiana where a homosexual Russian Muslim daily eats his liver while Ellis Washington disguised as Emile Zola lovingly fellates him.
Bernoldus, that made way more sense than what Washington wrote.
Jesus. That’s about the most white-is-black thing I’ve ever seen.
Shorter Washington: The fact that Britain did not collude with America in excluding Savage proves that Britain and America are colluding to exclude Savage. Plus the whole “mortal danger” nonsense.
Take a gander at my portrait of Michael Savage as a Weiner.
More like the Modern Prometheus, or rather his creation.
This Washington guy really is symbolic reasoning challenged, eh? First getting the characters in 1984 exactly back asswards, and now this.
If Savage is supposed to be the mythological Prometheus in this metaphor, then wouldn’t he be punished for being a traitor, a thief, and a lawbreaker? After all, he was one of the Titans/Gods, not a human.
Now, if Savage managed to steal fire (say, a nuclear warhead), and give it to some group of foreigners (say Palestinians) that Zeus (say, the combined governments of the UK and US) has kept living in the Dark Ages, even knowing that the government would torture him to death for his betrayal,…
I’m sure that the fact that the co-conspirators didn’t talk to each-other until AFTER the deed was done is central to his point! (whatever that is)
This just confirms what I thought when I read the last Ellis Washington article: here is a man with a lot of education, lacking the intelligence to put it together.
Cole: I think Washington actually realized that it was a shitty metaphor, which is why he tried to add another one (“Sisyphus-like”) in the middle of it. Maybe he kept it because he was lazy and didn’t want to write a fresh column, but I think it was because of what the analogy says about Washington himself. After all, if Savage is Prometheus and Great Britain, then that would make the author Heracles (or possibly Kratos, depending on where he’s cribbing his information).
Less zola and more zoloft for Mr. Washington, please.
Wacky resumé-paddin’ guy:
On Jan. 13, 1898, the celebrated French writer and intellectual Émile Zola risked his career and endangered his life when his letter “J’accuse!” was published on the front page of the Paris daily L’Aurore.
Émile Zola risked his career and even his life on 13 January 1898, when his “J’accuse”,[1] was published on the front page of the Paris daily, L’Aurore.
Two things: I’d suggest that if you find yourself wiki-ing up the basic facts maybe you should rethink that metaphor before it gets committed to paper, though I suppose that after the previous column, plagiarizing someone who might actually know represents a great leap in scholarship. And you might then want to think it through, say, by calculating the odds that Britain knows Savage is not a hate-spewing lunatic but is keeping that evidence to herself.
Finally, January 13, 1898 is not ages ago, unless your metric is the mental ages of World Net Daily columnists.
Wow, not enough coffee yet today to help me through that one…
What’s with the photo? I’m lost.
i just get stuck on that one image, his fellow conservatives lurching back in to the shadows- now, put your thinking caps on, kids: among what group is the “lurch” the preferred method of ambulation? Yes, that’s right, Timmy, the answer is ZOMBIES. Explains a lot, doesn’t it.
J’accuse England! … J’accuse America!
Me, J’accuse My Parents!
Why didn’t they conjure up a way to rid the USA of both a these wankers, too?
Yes, having your liver eaten by eagles everyday is equivalent to be denied entry into a foreign country.
Please allow me to just apologize for everything that goes on in the State of Georgia. There are a few of us here in Chatham County who aren’t completely nuts… [slinks away in shame]
I’ve always liked to think it was pronounced “Jay Accuse!” which was totally like “Hulk Smash!” for me.
What’s with the photo? I’m lost.
The pic at the bottom, Dave? That’s Chris Crocker, who felt about Britney Spears much as Ellis Washington does about Michael Savage, but who at least had the decency to express his opinions from underneath a blanket.
Uh, OK. More coffee, please.
Prometheus challenged the awesome authority of Zeus by stealing fire from heaven, which gave warmth to the earth thus saving all humanity.
OK, wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute here. It is truly possible to write a column of this length while misreporting, misinterpreting, or misunderstanding literally every single fact contained in it? Is it possible to achieve a 0% accuracy rate without deliberate, conscious effort? I think we may be dealing with a political version of The Onion‘s Jackie Harvey here (“Item! It always breaks my heart to be the one to deliver news like this, but Kung Fu and Shane: The Series star and acting legend Davy Caradinedied in a hotel in Bangkok”).
The only other possibility is that Ellis Washington is such a colossal clod that the quantum dumbth field emanating from his cranium warps reality around him, creating a shell of alternate history in which the things he writes are actually true and make sense. Maybe if you’re close enough to him, he’s not only a professor at SSU, but it’s an Ivy League school and all tremble before him!
Is it just me, or whenever the Right finds an African-American spokesman the guy is always obviously mentally unbalanced?
maybe that’s not fair. Michael Steele isn’t a loon. he’s a sleeze and a liar but he’s not crazy.
FWIW, Rape Your Professor has no rankings for Mr. Washington, at least at Savannah State.
Michael Savage is a Promethean figure
I think he misspelled “pro-meth”…
This just confirms what I thought when I read the last Ellis Washington article: here is a man with a lot of education, lacking the intelligence to put it together.
He’s the Erector Set of book learning.
Or maybe it’s Duplos…
Oh wait!
I get it!
Michael Savage’s real name is Weiner, right?
And Ellis is Washington’s first name, right?
And Ellis Weiner was the editor of both the Harvard and National Lampoons, right?
Don’t you mean “WAKE UP SHEEPLE!”?
A few observations
Jim Meyers of Newsmax dropped a bombshell article on July 1 that chronicles the recent admission by the British government that it did not consult with the U.S. and the Obama Administration regarding the exclusion of Michael Savage from England.
Northern Ireland, Wales, Scotland, the Duchy of Cornwall ,the Isle of Man, Jersey, Guernsey and Gibraltar all having been lost to Mahatma Ghandi in 1947 of course.
As to the non-consulting collusion between “the world’s two most powerful governments“, that probably explains how ,b>Madonna got IN to the UK–the Brits didn’t want her, but the US insisted.
But I’m a bit confused about how 300 million people+ 2.5 million square miles+$11 trillion GDP+$600 billion p.a. defense budget = 60 million people + 50,0000 square miles + $2 trillion GDP + $30 billion p.a. defense budget, but it has been a long time since I took math.
Their scheme would have worked, but they only made one mistake:
They forgot to wipe the semen off the bedpost?
They picked the wrong man to blacklist.”
No I don’t think so. It says quite clearly in triplicate “Michale Savage Weiner can fuck-off out of it”
As for taking his ‘case’ all the way before the British Parliament, he’s going to have to get past British Customs and immigration first,isn’t he?

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