BREAKING
President Bush interrupted his prepared farewell address Thursday night to warn the nation of a threat from “terrorists who hate us for our freedom to suck them into aircraft engines.” Noting the forced landing of a US Airways flight, which occurred this afternoon after a collision with what a Department of Justice spokesperson called, “suicidehomicide geese,” the President praised the pilot and crew of the airliner, and expressed thanks that all persons aboard survived the crash. “At the same time,” Mr. Bush continued, “we must regard today’s tragedy as an act of war. Intelligence sources indicate that the cowardly attackers who brought down Flight 1549 had recently crossed into the United States from Canada.”
President Bush interrupted his prepared farewell address Thursday night to warn the nation of a threat from “terrorists who hate us for our freedom to suck them into aircraft engines.” Noting the forced landing of a US Airways flight, which occurred this afternoon after a collision with what a Department of Justice spokesperson called, “
Shortly after the crash, Vice President Dick Cheney made a surprise appearance on Fox News, where he claimed that the downing of the airliner should be regarded as a wake-up call by “both the incoming Administration and the civilized world at large.” Mr. Cheney noted that geese “can easily fly distances of up to 2500 miles, almost twice the range of an Iranian Shahab-2 intermediate range missile,” and, “they’re extremely hard to shoot down when you’re drunk.”
“Ironically,” the Vice President added, “because the terrorists took down an Airbus, I suspect our European allies will be a lot less eager to criticize us this time. In fact, the Obama Administration would probably be well advised to seek assistance from the EU when interrogating suspects, because who has more experience torturing geese than the French?”
Posted by scott on Thursday, January 15th, 2009 at 9:57 pm.
15 Responses to “Bush, In Farewell Address, Calls For Global War On Geese”
Sly “Alouette” reference, there.
Er, actually, I guess it was a foie gras reference.
Does waterboarding waterfowl actually accomplish anything?
I’m going to be somewhat disgusted at myself for that joke in an hour or so. But nowhere near as disgusted as I was at Bush for his “And we let the traumatized, grieving retiree go to Iraq rather than getting him a counselor!” anecdote. How inhuman do you have to be to think that’s a *warm* story? Culture of life my ass.
I’m going to be somewhat disgusted at myself for that joke in an hour or so. But nowhere near as disgusted as I was at Bush for his “And we let the traumatized, grieving retiree go to Iraq rather than getting him a counselor!” anecdote. How inhuman do you have to be to think that’s a *warm* story? Culture of life my ass.
Oh, you know how it is. Sometimes you have to kill to preserve life. Unless it’s the mother’s health being preseved.
Okay, I realize this observation is as uneducated as the joke about making the whole plane out of whatever the “black box” is made of, but how about stronger blades in the turbines?
I thought engines were designed to handle bird strikes…
I blame Canada.
OT, I went to the World O’Crap store to find my wife an appropriate “it’s 25 degrees below zero, here’s something to laugh at” gift and found:
“The UltraMind Solution: Fix Your Broken Bra…” by Mark Hymen, MD
Genius!
“The UltraMind Solution: Fix Your Broken Bra…” by Mark Hymen, MD
Genius!
what a Department of Justice spokesperson called, “suicide geese,”
I seem to recall that the appropriate term is ‘asymmetric warriors’ — as was used to describe those in Guantanamo prisoners who committed suicide. Please try to utilize the proper neologisms, lest you find yourself detained in a freedom cell….
I seem to recall that the appropriate term is ‘asymmetric warriors’ — as was used to describe those in Guantanamo prisoners who committed suicide. Please try to utilize the proper neologisms, lest you find yourself detained in a freedom cell….
The geese would win. And if the ducks joined sides with them, they could rule the world. And what a world it would be!
Rumor has it airport radar picked up that the geese spelled out “Let’s Fowl” just before the attack.
Even though I know it’s a “Let’s roll” joke, I couldn’t help remembering the Bill Hicks line about Castro-sympathizing pigeons meeting in a DFW bar the night before JFK was shot, muttering, “Coup! Coup!”
In fact, the Obama Administration would probably be well advised to seek assistance from the EU when interrogating suspects, because who has more experience torturing geese than the French?”
Listen, if torture was defined as stuffing fatty foods into one’s mouth until one’s liver turned to mush, that would be the kind of torture I coudl support.
Listen, if torture was defined as stuffing fatty foods into one’s mouth until one’s liver turned to mush, that would be the kind of torture I coudl support.
And if the ducks joined sides with them, they could rule the world.
Oh puleeez!
Ducks are Republican!
Think about it: something happens to Daffy or Donald and what’s the first thing they do?
They blow it way out of proportion, demand revenge, and fail miserably seeking it!
Scrooge McDuck probably finances the right wing…see? Wing? Hullo?…election efforts, and what’s he? Merely the world’s richest tycoon duck who doesn’t want to give one thin dime to the poor!
Even the Mighty Ducks of the hockey movie fame were products of the corporation started by that avowed fascist, Walt Disney Studios!
Oh puleeez!
Ducks are Republican!
Think about it: something happens to Daffy or Donald and what’s the first thing they do?
They blow it way out of proportion, demand revenge, and fail miserably seeking it!
Scrooge McDuck probably finances the right wing…see? Wing? Hullo?…election efforts, and what’s he? Merely the world’s richest tycoon duck who doesn’t want to give one thin dime to the poor!
Even the Mighty Ducks of the hockey movie fame were products of the corporation started by that avowed fascist, Walt Disney Studios!
Geese? I thought it was a flock of seagulls that did it.
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