The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Saturday, July 19, 2014

Bush Schedules Last Presidential Dump In The White House

ABC NEWS–Press Secretary Dana Perino announced on Wednesday that George W. Bush has scheduled the final defecation of his presidency in the private Oval Office washroom, known as “the Coolidge Crapper,” for Monday, January 19, at 10:35 AM (EST).  The president has requested ten minutes of live network and cable news coverage; 15 minutes if the Fi-Bar isn’t working.
Originally known as the “Taft Thunderbucket” when it was first installed in the East Wing in 1910, the toilet and separate elevated reservoir tank were handcarved from a single, 2000-pound block of Proconnesus marble from the island of Marmara, located in what was then the Ottoman Empire.  In 1923 the commode was ordered moved to a water closet adjoining the Oval Office by President Calvin Coolidge, who found it awkward making small talk at the urinals in the West Wing mens room.
Presidential scholar John Harlington said that despite some early successes, Bush’s performance in the bathroom has been mixed since 9/11, when he repeatedly lost control of his bowels during his efforts to “get out of harm’s way.”  And while top Administration officials have generally praised the president for his “steadfastness and regularity,” Bush leaves office with only a 17% approval rating from the White House cleaning staff.  Two maids, who spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly on the matter, declared “his aim is lousy,” while another added, “You’d think he was trying to write his name on the wall, or shoot down a fly.”
The presidential evacuation will be carried live on ABC, with special team coverage and post-dump analysis on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” program.

Posted by scott on Wednesday, January 14th, 2009 at 2:47 pm

11 Responses to “Bush Schedules Last Presidential Dump In The White House”

Aw, gee…what say we give the man another chance?
(Remarkable, ain’t it, how the Steely-eyed Rocketman, the guy who never looks at polls, the Decider, Commander Chips-Fall-Where-They-May is suddenly, like, solicitous of our attention an’ all? Like now he can think of a mistake or two that Might Have Been Made? He has a farewell fucking press conference? What was it, anyway, his third? It’s like J.D. Salinger giving an exit interview.)
And here was me thinking that Monkeyboy was more the type to leave a tidy little pile of fresh steaming turd in the middle of the Oval Office carpet for the incoming occupant.
(I’ve just realised how much I miss simple, uncomplicated lavatory humour.)
Bush will certainly trash the White House before he goes: why not? He trashed the country, 2, no 3 countries. Hell, he trashed the whole World, including the climate.
What about Larry King? Surely THAT voice will be needed to effect a thorough evacuation of the entire alimentary canal, yes? Isn’t that why they both went on his show, to have their brown-eyes licked laboratory-clean?
(No, I didn’t see it, but I’ve heard plenty about it from RenB, our European Correspondent… )
When we build the scaffolds for the war-crimes punishment, can we add a petite little girly-looking gallows for The Thorazine Queen? ‘Cause that drunk-driving-murdering bitch needs to GO DOWN, and no, not on Dumbya, ’cause we can tell that she doesn’t put her mouth on “anything icky”…
And Doghouse, it’s called “RE-WRITING HISTORY,” son: you,of all people, oughta know that. They ain’t “apologizing” to ANYBODY, they’re just trying to erase what the hand hath writ upon the wall and spackle over it with BULLSHIT. Granted, it’s bullshit that only True Believers would eat, but they’re still shoveling that shit up by the ton! Same reason that Caribou Barbie has her own shit-sharing website now, some horseshit about “What REALLY Happened,” blah blah blah… If you can’t get it right the first time, LIE LIE LIE about it, all the way home.
Fucking pustulent cunts. If we don’t get ‘em to the gallows and I mean fucking YESTERDAY, then I wish the slowest, most agonizing, most invasive forms of utterly-malignant, untreatable cancers, diseases, and disorders, until they’re BEGGING us to kill them.
And like the sadist to the masochist, we’ll say, “NO.”
(Okay, I may not be able to resist, but if I can’t get up there, I’m sure that somebody will find the appropriate ending to their reign of terror, and I don’t just mean the inauguration.)
Seriously, Scott, this is one of the
funniest posts you’ve ever written,and
you write a lot of funny posts.
I loved the historical info in
paragraph 2…
The perfect take on W’s “farewell”.
You forgot the copy of the Constitution at the bottom of the bowl.
Drunks don’t take dumps, their shit runs like the booze in their brains.
All seats on the Presidential Pots will more than likely need replacement due to stubborn stains underneath.
My entrepreneurial American spirit sees potential income in selling those discarded seats to Bush worshipping wingnuts.
Eeew, kate, really.
“You’d think he was trying to write his name on the wall, or shoot down a fly.”
Teh awesome.
Doghouse, I was checking out the pics on bagnewsnotes, (don’t have the stomach to watch the whole video), and the one time he really gets angry is when he is defending the bailout against whack-job right-wing complaints.
In other words, he might want you and I to pay attention, but he still only cares what the wingnuts and right-wing whackjobs think of him.
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