The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Saturday, July 19, 2014

Letter From Birmingham Fail

I’ve been up since 5 A.M. with a cluster headache, and really wasn’t looking forward to combing the wingnut sites today, even assuming the medication kicks in.  So imagine my relief and joy upon opening up my email to find a scouting report from our old friend Bill S., who has taken the Search for America’s Next Top Wingnut to heart.  But I’ll let him tell you all about it himself.  Take it away, Bill! …
Recently, the folks at World O’Crap were asking if there were any new wingnuts on the landscape we should watch out for. I came across one on Jeremy Hooper’s website Good As You. It’s a letter from one L. Pat Williams that he received and decided to share. Armed with a patronizing attitude which he uses to defeat an army of strawman (in his defence, they are Super Ninja Strawmen), I think L. Pat is a Wingnut To Watch Out For. Now, if you’re familiar with the site Good As You, you probably know that, though he isn’t a pushover,  Jeremy is far too nice to people who don’t deserve it. I, on the other hand, adhere toDalton’s rules for niceness and after reading this rambling bit of jaw-dropping idiocy, I feel it’s time…to not be nice.
The “Rainbow” Community does more HARM  to itself rather than HELPING its beleagured, so-called “freedom fighter” cause!
Let me give you some pointers than can help you out:
As long as they’re not pointers in English Comp., go ahead.
*Stop using the PLIGHT OF OTHERS (blacks, women, latinos, asians, disabled americans, at-risk-children, children in Cambodia, Nelson Mandela, etc.) OK…I’m being facetious after “disabled americans” :-)
I think the word he meant to write was “fatuous”.
EXAMPLE: BLACKS DID NOT RELY ON ANY OTHER “suffering group” TO GAIN SUPPORT FOR THEMSELVES AS A “suffering group” OR “Woe is me Black…” But, “Have mercy on me Black…because you Had Mercy on them (Whoever)”
I want everyone to know that I did not, in any way, edit the above paragraph. That’s exactly what he wrote. I have no idea what he’s on about. I don’t remember any “Woe is me” vibe coming from ACT UP, and I’m fairly certain that nobody involved in the Stonewall riot was screaming “Have mercy on us” to the cops.
Well, we certainly wouldn’t want to alienate those plights and struggles any furthers.
[Now, now...I know you THINK the GAY PLIGHT is the SAME as THE BLACK PLIGHT...BUT]
I do? You can read my mind? Guess what I’m thinking right now.
No one is stopping GAYS  from getting JOBS! Arguably, some of the MOST WEALTHIEST INDIVIDUALS  in the U.S. and in the WORLD that sit atop Corporations, Congess, Media, Hollywood, Music and Fashion Industries are: HOMOSEXUAL!
Really? The most wealthiest individuals sitting atop Congress in the U.S. and in the world are gay? I did not know that. But it’s good to know that gay people can find success in such non-competitive fields as performing arts and fashion. If I just learn to act, sing, dance or sew, I can quit my shitty job at a grocery store and become a millionaire!
On a related note, some of the wealthiest athletes are African American, and some of the most successful models are female. So if all blacks just learn to play basketball, and all women just slim down to 90 pounds, they’ll never have to struggle to pay their bills.
No one is stopping GAYS from VOTING!
Perhaps not, but they are killed in a variety of gruesome ways (Short list: Matthew Shepard, Brandon Teena, Rebecca Wight, Paul Brussard, Allan Shindler, Saskia Gunn, Scotty Joe Weaver, Barry Winchell…i could go on. Unfortunately.)
No one is Stopping GAYS from GETTING AN EDUCATION!
Except for people pushing abstinance-only sex ed., which ignores LGBT people entirely, thus depriving them of information that could save their lives.
I am sure Gays feel that their issue is IMPORTANT, but in light of the OPPRESSION  of BLACKS, JEWS, and WOMEN you guys gotta GROW UP, GET REAL and GAIN SOME INSIGHT…
Well, how’s this: until 1962, gay sex was a felony in all 50 states, and in some of them the penalty was life in prison. It’s taken 40 years for some of those laws to finally be repealed or invalidated. Try and guess why it’s taken so long, jackass.
I mean so what??? If my own mother and father don’t like who I make love to, spend time with, make babies with (well, you guys can’t quite do that…but that’s another discussion) OH WELL! TOUGH COOKIES! They’ll get over it and if they never get over it…Again SO WHAT?
And if they decide to try and “cure” you by shipping you off to some rehab facity run by a quack who takes a peculiar interest in the type of underwear you own, so what? And if they kick you out and cut off all communication with you and refuse to acknowlege your relationship with your partner, so what? And if, after years of estrangement, you happen to become critically ill and they suddenly show up and make medical decisions that override your wishes because your partner isn’t regarded as a legal spouse, so what? And if you pass away and they kick your partner out of the home you shared because your name’s on the lease, again, SO WHAT?
It’s like really you guys would be MOST surprised to KNOW  that HETEROSEXUALS donn’t CARE WHO YOU DO! But, we we DO CARE ABOUT is YES…Just because you guys “feel” what you do is “NORMAL” doesn’t mean YOU SHOULD FORCE OTHERS  to “feel” THE SAME WAY about what you DO.
We uppity homos just don’t know our place!
[my grandma used to tell us as kids: "Watch a person who needs a CROWD to JOIN IN and HELP THEM DO what they want to do...It's a SURE SIGN something is "WRONG" with what their doing..."
Granted, she was talking about all those "negroes" who were marching on Washington in '63, but it's a valid point nonetheless.
She also said (God Rest Her Soul)"...When you KNOW in YOUR HEART  you are DOING THE RIGHT THING you CAN STAND IN IT and STAND ON IT ALONE!"]
Then she went to our door and called out her her old dog Sheba. We didn’t have the heart to remind her he’d been dead for 10 years.
Which brings me to my next few points:
There’s MORE? Oh dear God, no…
*Show why those who practice Homosexuality are NOT in ERROR, are NOT mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically disturbed.
Well, there is the fact that the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, and the American Medical Association all agree it’s not a disorder. There’s about 50-60 years worth of studies that bear this out.
NOTE: But, you see that’s kind of hard to do, when such a community is so SEXUALLY-DRIVEN, SEXUALLY CHARGED, and everything seems to REVOLVE and EVOLVE around SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, and…wait a minute…EVEN MORE SEX!
I did some research…
Oh, I’m sure you have. Doors locked. Shades drawn. I hope..
I noticed that in the Rainbow Community (from selling shoes to booze, toes to nose, hat to cat, shirt to skirt, jacket to racket, food to lewd) is ultra drenched in the SELLING OF SEX.
Yeah. I mean, check out the ad (below the fold) that ran in The Advocate. The American Famly Association launched a protest, and why wouldn’t they? It’s absolutely SHOCKING!
Yes, Heterosexuals use SEX to SELL.
Which undermines his point completely, but doesn’t stop him from blathering on. Let’s cut to the chase…
This stuff HURTS you guys to the “outside-Rainbow Community” it’s like…
Are these folks, i.e., Homosexuals ever not obsessed with their genitalia, hook-ups, banging and not getting their “freak on?”
I mean, the ads in this magazine are so raunchy! Why the hell do we have a subscription to Unzipped anyway?
*Finally, GET HOLLYWOOD FIGURES out of your barracks!
But, if their all gay, like you say, don’t they have a personal interest in Gay Rights causes?
Working Class, Poor Folks look at it this way:
“These people are FUN to watch, FANTASIZE about…But, they hold no REAL truth, knowledge or deep understanding or real world issues.”
“We’d rather listen to Bill O’Reilley, who’s not at all fun to watch or fantasize about.”
Now, we know that that’s NOT TRUE. Celebrities are people who have thoughts, beliefs, convictions, etc.
So, just disregard the previous sentence.
But, REAL people don’t EXPECT that from them and don’t RESPECT that of them when they get “too” political! Ask LimpBizKit…The Dixie Chicks…Rosie O’Donnell…Oprah…
…Chuck Norris…Charlie Daniels…Pat Boone…
Again…Getting these folks to “champion on your behalf again only WEAKENS your position…and PINPOINT that your cause is PROOF OF PERVERSION!
I love how he thinks Gays can simply approach celebrities and tell them to back off, like they all know each other. It reminds me of a white guy in a movie theatre who, when he hears a black patron seated a few rows in front of him talking too loudly, looks for the nearest black guy seated in his row and whispers, “Can’t you do something about that?”
Where the hell did that come from? Nice transition of subjects, bub.
FOR MY RELIGEOUS REASONS (and YES…That’s a thing too…You guys gotta REALIZE that people are not going to chuck out their Bibles, dump their faith and poo-poo away their religeous teachings to make you “FEEL GOOD” about your lives.)
Oh, I have no doubt that people will use the Bible to justify their homophobia, just as they use it to justify their racism and misogyny.
Then so be it!
But, don’t ASK ME TO VOTE  on it for you..
Because just like you WOULDN’T VOTE that MANDATORY PRAYER SHOULD BE IN SCHOOL (something that “I like” and believe “people should accept” and though I would want that) because YOUR CONSCIENCE TELLS YOU “OTHERWISE”
So does the Constitution, dumbass.
Then you shouldn’t EXPECT me to VOTE on GAY MARRIAGE because I LIKE YOU  bring MY CONSCIENCE to the VOTING POLLS.
So I shouldn’t expect you to support somthing you don’t support? Gee, thanks for explaining that to me.
You first.
You’ve been rambling on and on and you just NOW getting to that? If you’d LED with it, you’d have saved me a lot of time.
Folks RESPOND to stoicism, mutual-understanding and mutual respect.
By passively sitting back and waiting for other people to come around?
Why should I spend my time giving you guys ACTUAL POINTERS on how to WIN YOUR CASE and SELL YOUR ARGUMENT???
Yeah, why are you doing something you suck so badly at?
Honestly, I feel you guys are creating an unnecessary precipice inn society that out of your ignorance, immaturity and zealotry you can’t seem to realize nagates the very objective you wish to acheive in society.
I read that sentence a dozen times and still couldn’t understand it.
L. Pat Williams
Well, what did you think? Is he a keeper or what? Just think, in the years to come, when he becomes the Jonah Goldberg of his generation, we’ll be able to say, “We knew him way back when!”
-Bill S.

Posted by scott on Tuesday, January 6th, 2009 at 11:00 am

28 Responses to “Letter From Birmingham Fail”

This is the Shamwow guy, isn’t it? All the CAPS and STRESSED VOICINGS!!!!
I think his point is that black men and women didn’t have an oppressed group ahead of them to point to and say “But you gave THEM rights!”
Of course, you know, we didn’t give blacks in this country full rights across the land until after the Holocaust, and as my Jewish friends would say “200 years of slavery? And you call yourselves “repressed”!!!???”
So there’s that rebuttal, right there.
Blacks, women, et al, did not make their statements with “stoicism, mutual understanding and mutual respect” only. Those were tools, arrows in the quiver.
They also used violence, civil disobedience, and protests. They used the law to change the law. Sometimes they had to throw rocks. Sometimes they had to fight cops. Sometimes, they even had to face off against the National Guard, posse comitatus notwithstanding.
By the way, Bill, Scott, the Precipice Inn is a really nice little romantic place on route 23 in upstate New York that overlooks the Mohawk Valley. I think that’s what he means.
Christ, it’s like the youtube comment from hell! I hope this guy isn’t more than 16 or so. Because an actual adult writing this? Makes me wish I was an alcoholic.
Good find, Bill!
Though the phrase “dump their faith and poo-poo away their religeous teachings” evokes an image that I could have done without this morning.
This reminds me of my dad (the whitest thing for miles around) saying he hadn’t noticed an increase in racism since the economic downturn. “I haven’t noticed gays having any problems, therefore there are none. And I don’t have a problem with voting against gay marriage, therefore it isn’t a problem” Well, obviously homophobia doesn’t affect you, you dozy tit.
On behalf of all Williams’ I apologize for this semi-literate dick. I mean asshole, no no I mean, um…never mind.
(Cough) Nobody “gave” African Americans, or Feminists any rights, they demanded them, and attained many, tho not all the rights they/we are entitled to.
Honestly, I feel you guys are creating an unnecessary precipice inn society
because there’s already a Cliffside Motel Association
that out of your ignorance, immaturity and zealotry you can’t seem to realize nagates
transforms into a hindu cobra deity
the very objective you wish to acheive in society.
Someone didn’t see a boy named Charlie Brown
Glad I can help.
Honestly – wow. That is one amazing mass of gibberish.
Arguably, some of the MOST WEALTHIEST INDIVIDUALS in the U.S. and in the WORLD that sit atop Corporations,….
I get it gays caused the current financial crisis!
I wanted to push Bill S aside so many times and respond myself. So yeah, I’d have to say this guy is a keeper.
Should have been a comma in there somewhere.
To steal (and modify) a line from blazing saddles:
You’ve got to remember that these are just simple folks. These are people of limited reason. The common clay of the religious right. You know… morons.
A minor correction: I spelled Sakia Gunn’s first name wrong. Sakia was an African-American teenager who was waiting for a bus with some friends, when two men approached them an propositioned them. They turned the guys down and claimed to be lesbians. So one of them stabbed her several times. They fled the scene and Sakia died, I think before an ambulance could arrive.
The killer got a reduced sentence of aggravated manslaughter. He claimed the fatal stab wound was the result of the girl runnning into his knife.
Arguably, some of the MOST WEALTHIEST INDIVIDUALS in the U.S. and in the WORLD that sit atop Corporations,….
I get it gays caused the current financial crisis!
With all their “sitting on top” and shit like that…
What PISSES me OFF is the fact the I can’t just BARGE into that craptastic little blahg and VENT my OWN strain of SPLEEN!!1!
the blogsite that originally ran this letter isn’t bad. The host put it up as an example of the type of off-the-rails homophobia he deals with from some readers.
Well, if Pastor Swank is on a semi-hiatus, I guess this guy will have to do. He doesn’t mangle the language in quite as pleasing a fashion, though.
Feel better, Scott.
Bill, I think he’s a winner, though the capslock gives me a headache. Does he have his own blog, or badly proofread newsletter?
A couple of points.
1) People can and do fire gays for being gay in many states.
2) *My* grandmother used to say “Normal is what you are!” Oh wait, that was Leo the Lop. (And even Leo might draw the line at this nut.) Actually, she used to say “Gay is just another way to be, like being Black or blind or Christian.” I’m personally glad I didn’t have this guy’s grandmother, though it’s a shame he didn’t have mine.
Also, this:
As long as they’re not pointers in English Comp., go ahead.
made me laugh out loud. As did several other lines. But the whole thing, including the outrage, was great. Thanks, Bill.
I don’t know if he has his own blog or not. This was basically a “letter to the editor”, directed at a pro-gay website.
“…Chuck Norris…Charlie Daniels…Pat Boone…”
There were many brilliant lines, Bill, but that’s the one that put me in the floor.
Explain to me again why you don’t have a blog? Shit, man, you put ME to shame with righteous rage, and prolly didn’t even break any of the keys from typing like you wanted to pound that idiot’s face.
Personally, I hope that this pathetic excuse for a “human,” this “L.Pat” is old, sterile, and never had the chance to reproduce. That way, we can hope that at least a SMIDGEN of ignorance/stupidity/inbreeding/knuckle-dragging mouth-breathing FUCKTARDEDNESS will soon leave the planet.
Oh, and another thing just occurred to me: Does L.Pat say, at any point in the blog, that “he” is actually and technically a “he”? ‘Cause when I saw that name, I went immediately to Julia Sweeney/”It’s Pat!” from SNL. I can’t be the only one, surely… ?
I read that sentence a dozen times and still couldn’t understand it.
I read taht thing and could feel the millions of brain cells committing suicide trying to put me in a coma to stop the stupid overload
Definitely a keeper. Succulent, juicy, wingnutty and incoherent. Is L. Pat Williams the illegitimate love-child of Pastor Swank and Dr. Adams?
think this is the same guy who is the owner of SerpentWise Films and writer of its first feature, 10.000 Doors, which was last heard of in Pre-Production last summer and scheduled for release this coming autumn (tagline: “The Doors to Hell are paved… With Intention”).
See the plot summary if you have any doubts:
(…) His 300-year-old book, a rare and horrific tome tickling the paranormal fancies of those fortunate enough to “somehow” get their hands on it, now resides in the care of STEVEN TALBERT a 21st Century Film Major attending college. TALBERT is a chain-smoking, beer-drinking antihero of sorts-an outsider who hails from a struggling working class family who has his eyes set on CHASTITY BOCKNER-a beautiful, virgin blonde that embodies the upscale community of EVANSTON, IL. CHAZ, is a “promising” Pharmacology Major and is as “pretty as she is smart” but she’s looking for love in all the wrong places. She and TALBERT meet in PROF. PALMERO’s ill-fated ENGLISH class-a prerequisite course that puts them in the midst of the likes of WARREN, JESSICA, SHIMMY and NISHA (The Seeds of Promise) and “CHRIS”-CHRIS MAGOG! CHRIS MAGOG is a mysterious, handsome, intelligent, can-do and seemingly can-do-no-wrong “Poli-Sci Major” whose entrance into the lives of PROF. PALMERO’s students prove to be as seductive as it is ultimately insidious. CHRIS MAGOG is the “new kid” in town who quickly becomes the “big man” on campus. Everybody loves CHRIS for their own “personal and individual” reasons, but no one seems to question why, except one: TALBERT. It is TALBERT’s gravity, intuition and spiritual inclinations that will unlock the door to the dark and hellish secrets of the ethereal and esoteric CHRIS MAGOG. But will TALBERT’s efforts be enough to close the 10,000 DOORS of HELL and ultimately save CHAZ-the woman he loves?
A release to watch out for, surely.
God Bill…I Love when you get so excited !!! You should have your own blog. Thanx or should I say, Thanks for making my ya, J.G.
Bill…It’s me again, after I thought about it for the second time, I’m wondering why you’re not getting paid to be a critic. Keep up the good work !
Side note: no woman named Chastity is for long.
“Watch a person who needs a CROWD to JOIN IN and HELP THEM DO what they want to do…It’s a SURE SIGN something is “WRONG” with what their doing…”
Obviously granny belonged to the notorious 60′s radical group,Grannies Against Jesus, the Pope and Ronnie Reagan.
Well, you have to admit, his little missive does answer the burning question as to whether or not our children is learning.
“they’re,” not “their.” Just sayin’.
Teeing off on old L. Pat is surely a blast. He is obviously dumber than a bag of sand. But this is one of our fellow Americans. I wish we could find some way to reach people like L. Pat — there are an awful lot of them.
To be a “keeper,” L. Pat would have to ramp up the hate quotient a fair amount. See, e.g., Coulter, Ann, or Hannity, S.

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