The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Ahem…American Greetings…? This Is How The Pros Do It

Successful abstract portraiture ignores the deceptive surface, instead combining seemingly disparate elements to reveal the soul of one’s subject.  So it is with good Photoshoppery.  Clumsily dubbing a dog collar and leash onto DNC Chairman Howard Dean does little to convincingly evoke the hidden wellspring of the former governor’s personality, since anyone with sufficient ego and energy to run for President is unlikely to have either the time or the patience to spend all day washing a woman’s foot with his tongue.  On the other hand, if the image had featured Dick Morris, I would have bought two.
Gavin from Sadly, No! shows us how it’s done, with a Photoshopped portrait of AG Interactive President Josef Mandalbaum that does not rely upon superficial distortion, but allows the inner man to explosively burst forth.  And then be sopped up by a giant bipedal paper towel roll infused with unholy life.

Sure, it’s a little highbrow for an e-greeting card, but I have no doubt that Gavin would be willing to sell out for the right price.  Blue Mountain?  Ball’s in your court…

One of the finest pieces of art criticism I have run across since my 11th grade art teacher told me “that looks like crap.”
It’s GO time.
is Mr Sparkle any relation to the captain?
Leave it to you to make the Simpsons synapses snap, eh Prez?
I followed the link to Sadly, No, and couldn’t see anything related to Mandalbaum… Or is that the picture here?
At any rate, Big Boy should’ve learned by now to never be photographed in profile…
The pic above was especially Photoshopped by Gavin (using the pic of Mandalbaum from the post below) and donated to Wo’C. And I must say, it’s the best free gift since the Sports Illustrated Sneaker Phone!
Leave it to you to make the Simpsons synapses snap
well, as long as you don’t tie it into any doughy pantload similarities I don’t mind
is Mr Sparkle any relation to the captain?
Hey, *Captain* Sparkle puts his life on the line preserving your freedom (from sloppy messes). Even when we disagree with his methods, we honor his service and sacrifice. *Mr* Sparkle is nothing but a nancy-boy appliance-abetting chickenhawk among cleansers. Put your soap where your mouth is, Mr Sparkle, and enlist.
Is that Woody Allen’s image on the Sparkle man? Is Woody Allen in that thing? Finally he’s found his niche it seems.

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