… NewsBusters.org (“Exposing and Combating Liberal Media Bias, Because Getting Paid to Watch TV and Whine About How It’s Unfair to Idiots Is a Pretty Good Gig”) provides a screen shot of the ripped-from-headlines Ann Coulter who will cause a murder tonight on “Law & Order.” (Apparently an embryo is the real killer.) You will note that the pseudo Ann is much more womanly (or, as NewsBusters puts it, “huskier”) than the real Ann, and has actual breasts. But hey, just keep repeating to yourself, “Willing suspension of disbelief.”
NewsBusters then goes on to catalogue all the slights that NBC crime dramas have made about the sweet and gracious Miss Coulter. (Presumably all such remarks were made at Keith Olbermann’s behest, since he is behind all the liberal bias that goes on at NBC — per Bill O’Reilly). It’s not as big a list as you might imagine, but if you throw in the digs at Rush, Bill O’Reilly, and Nancy Grace made by the L&O franchise (which the Busters didn’t), it’s clear that the writers of NBC crime dramas do have a liberal bias against obnoxious conservative media ”personalities” — and so, in all fairness, NBC should be forced to air a crime drama in which the lead detective is either a drug-addicted conservative loud mouth with sexual performance problems (or a thin-skinned, short-fused, not-that-bright conservative know-it-all with a kinky addiction to phone sex, vibrators, and sexually harassing his female employees). His sidekick should be a corosive blonde bimbo in a black cocktail dress who is always making witty quips such as “I know you are, but what am I,” and “I’m rubber, you’re glue.” I’ll leave it to you to come up with a title for the new series, and then we’ll pitch it to NBC, no doubt with the full support of “NewsBusters.”
Oh, and remember to watch L&O tonight, but only if you have nothing better to do, and only if you don’t think that you will throw things at the TV when you realize for the umpteenth time just how formulaic and stupid this once enjoyable series has become.
Posted by s.z. on Friday, February 2nd, 2007 at 7:47 pm.
NewsBusters then goes on to catalogue all the slights that NBC crime dramas have made about the sweet and gracious Miss Coulter. (Presumably all such remarks were made at Keith Olbermann’s behest, since he is behind all the liberal bias that goes on at NBC — per Bill O’Reilly). It’s not as big a list as you might imagine, but if you throw in the digs at Rush, Bill O’Reilly, and Nancy Grace made by the L&O franchise (which the Busters didn’t), it’s clear that the writers of NBC crime dramas do have a liberal bias against obnoxious conservative media ”personalities” — and so, in all fairness, NBC should be forced to air a crime drama in which the lead detective is either a drug-addicted conservative loud mouth with sexual performance problems (or a thin-skinned, short-fused, not-that-bright conservative know-it-all with a kinky addiction to phone sex, vibrators, and sexually harassing his female employees). His sidekick should be a corosive blonde bimbo in a black cocktail dress who is always making witty quips such as “I know you are, but what am I,” and “I’m rubber, you’re glue.” I’ll leave it to you to come up with a title for the new series, and then we’ll pitch it to NBC, no doubt with the full support of “NewsBusters.”
Oh, and remember to watch L&O tonight, but only if you have nothing better to do, and only if you don’t think that you will throw things at the TV when you realize for the umpteenth time just how formulaic and stupid this once enjoyable series has become.
Posted by s.z. on Friday, February 2nd, 2007 at 7:47 pm.
comments:
(Apparently an embryo is the real killer.)
I knew it! She’s an Alien queen!
I suppose I might watch the first half, since there’s nothing much else on, but then I’ll probably switch over to Monty Python, because I bet I’ll get more out of the nine-thousandth showing of “How To Spot Trees From A Very Long Way Away” than I will from anything going on in the L&O courtroom these days. Really, Ann Coulter vs the new, psychotically unlikeable Jack McCoy? Shoot me. (Guys. Seriously. Let the show go. You can carry on with CI and SVU, but I think I speak for all rational people–and now all wingnuts–when I say, it’s time. You’re just making us hate you now.)
I knew it! She’s an Alien queen!
I suppose I might watch the first half, since there’s nothing much else on, but then I’ll probably switch over to Monty Python, because I bet I’ll get more out of the nine-thousandth showing of “How To Spot Trees From A Very Long Way Away” than I will from anything going on in the L&O courtroom these days. Really, Ann Coulter vs the new, psychotically unlikeable Jack McCoy? Shoot me. (Guys. Seriously. Let the show go. You can carry on with CI and SVU, but I think I speak for all rational people–and now all wingnuts–when I say, it’s time. You’re just making us hate you now.)
D. Sidhe, bite your tongue. I don’t even watch any of the L&O shows anymore, but depriving the world of Jack McCoy would be a capital crime.
I watched it.
I watched it, and I’m not (too) ashamed to admit it.
Charlotte Ross had better scripts when she was on Days of Our Lives.
Why does Dick Wolf do it?
The cynicism is tres realistic, but y’know, if I wanted to be THAT depressed, I’d watch FOX.
Only slightly amusing line, for me, anyway?
“She makes Ann Coulter look like Mary Poppins!”
Not that Charlotte isn’t still cute and all, but darlin’ hearts, DIVINE couldn’t make Ann Coulter look like Mary fuckin’ POPPINS!!!!!!
And I don’t mean Divine in her prime, dear hearts, I mean Divine as she is NOW. How many years gone? Ten-ish?
But then, Divine was ever so much more feminine than St. Ann Of The Codpiece, perhaps it really is adam’s apples and oranges…
I watched it, and I’m not (too) ashamed to admit it.
Charlotte Ross had better scripts when she was on Days of Our Lives.
Why does Dick Wolf do it?
The cynicism is tres realistic, but y’know, if I wanted to be THAT depressed, I’d watch FOX.
Only slightly amusing line, for me, anyway?
“She makes Ann Coulter look like Mary Poppins!”
Not that Charlotte isn’t still cute and all, but darlin’ hearts, DIVINE couldn’t make Ann Coulter look like Mary fuckin’ POPPINS!!!!!!
And I don’t mean Divine in her prime, dear hearts, I mean Divine as she is NOW. How many years gone? Ten-ish?
But then, Divine was ever so much more feminine than St. Ann Of The Codpiece, perhaps it really is adam’s apples and oranges…
No, no. Believe me, I love Jack. I carried a torch for him for years and years, my partner bemusedly snickering as I watched episode after episode and did the freeze frame thing on those rare occasions you got to see his ass in jeans. My love for him is taboo and kind of creepy, and even illegal (copyright laws, anyway).
But the last couple years he’s become completely unlikeable. All of a sudden, he’s humorless and nasty and draconian. It’s so ugly. So I just stopped watching it, but it’s like never going to see your friend who’s in the hospital or in prison, you know? I feel bad about it, but I can’t make myself watch.
It’s time to cancel this puppy and let us have our reruns and our fanfiction. Nobody heard me say that, right?
But the last couple years he’s become completely unlikeable. All of a sudden, he’s humorless and nasty and draconian. It’s so ugly. So I just stopped watching it, but it’s like never going to see your friend who’s in the hospital or in prison, you know? I feel bad about it, but I can’t make myself watch.
It’s time to cancel this puppy and let us have our reruns and our fanfiction. Nobody heard me say that, right?
The only thing that could have made that segment more absurd (and I, too, watched it instead of Numb3rs which shows you what it is really like to be a college teacher- and I know because I solve murders and pollution accidents all the time just by using internal alliteration ) is if Dr. Mike Adams had been the murderer’s dissertation advisor.
And the new NBC show – how about a cross between Dog the Bounty Hunter, Bay Watch and the Factor – we can call it Hawaii Bill-O.
And the new NBC show – how about a cross between Dog the Bounty Hunter, Bay Watch and the Factor – we can call it Hawaii Bill-O.
pseudo Ann is much more womanly
All due respect to your judgement, but isn’t this a “first principle” comment?
I mean, really, Arnold Schwarzenegger is more womanly than Ann Coulter…
All due respect to your judgement, but isn’t this a “first principle” comment?
I mean, really, Arnold Schwarzenegger is more womanly than Ann Coulter…
“Husky”? Jeez, they’ve been hanging around an anorexia clinic if they think that’s husky.
Okay, I know it’s obvious (and my personal knowledge of the Jessie Martin era onwards comes from reruns) but the problem is that Fred Doolin Dalton Trumbo Thompson drags down everything around him. At least Adam Schiff occasionally felt some constitutent problems–Branch seems to have been elected on the strength of his deep-fried homilies and lard biscuits. I mean, how exactly does Senator Claghornget elected in Manhattan without any measurable ideological consequence? It’s dishonest, and the whole thing infects the show like pretending Bush was normal, intelligent, and a leader affected mass-market news in the early Naughts.
This show needs to die. They used to occasionally lose a case, but a few years ago a change occurred. Now they win nearly every case-even using borderline unethical means-and the few cases they lose end with someone close to the victim killing the perp. That and the skinny chicks they all have for ADA convinces me David E. Kelly took over the show.
And what’s the obession with ecoterrorists on SVU? Do they seriously think that’s a problem “ripped from today’s headlines”?
And what’s the obession with ecoterrorists on SVU? Do they seriously think that’s a problem “ripped from today’s headlines”?
D Sidhe writes: “No, no. Believe me, I love Jack. I carried a torch for him for years and years,…”
If you haven’t already, check out a youthful Sam Waterston’s wonderful work in “Rancho Deluxe” (1975), in which he plays a native American. Uh, injun.
A very funny and nearly unflawed little gem, also featuring Jeff Bridges, Harry Dean Stanton, and a pre-parrot Jimmy Buffett score.
If you haven’t already, check out a youthful Sam Waterston’s wonderful work in “Rancho Deluxe” (1975), in which he plays a native American. Uh, injun.
A very funny and nearly unflawed little gem, also featuring Jeff Bridges, Harry Dean Stanton, and a pre-parrot Jimmy Buffett score.
s.z. writes: “You will note that the pseudo Ann is much more womanly (or, as NewsBusters puts it, “huskier”)…”
Hard to imagine anything huskier than Ann’s basso profundo.
Hard to imagine anything huskier than Ann’s basso profundo.
Isn’t anyone going to suggest a name for the show? How about “Lierski and Bitch?” Pretty lame, eh? Next?
I’m tired of those damn people coming to my door every morning and ripping the headlines out of my newspaper. They should have to pay for the damn thing.
I’ve never seen Lawn Order (in fact, for years I thought it was about gardening and landscaping) but I can help you with a title for your new show with the conservative crime busters.
I’d call it “The Misanthropic Principals”…
mikey
I’d call it “The Misanthropic Principals”…
mikey
My thanks to you all for the advice and laughter. And Doghouse is right. But I’m not mentioning… that man… by name. Borderline unethical–that’s about it, right there.
Funny, I always liked the first half of L&O where the detectives ask nosey questions and make wisecracks. (I mess Lenny). I usually switch on my laptop or pick up a book during the second half. Yawn.
Might be a better show if someone pied Ms. Coulter and one of her fans shot him, and claimed the pie-er was a terrorist. Or something like that!
Might be a better show if someone pied Ms. Coulter and one of her fans shot him, and claimed the pie-er was a terrorist. Or something like that!
Oh, man. Lennie. I’m still sad about that. Once he left, it was all just marking time. I still love Rodgers and VanBuren, but I just can’t watch anymore.
Assuming there is some omnipotent being out there, I demand to know why we still have Bruce Willis and Tucker Carlson but not Jerry Orbach and Molly Ivins!
Assuming there is some omnipotent being out there, I demand to know why we still have Bruce Willis and Tucker Carlson but not Jerry Orbach and Molly Ivins!
Formulaic? Become? Puh-leeze. L&O has always been formulaic. That’s what we love about it.
Skinny ADA chicks? Abbie Carmichael was skinny. The new Latina is yummy.
Now I grant you that Jack McCoy is not what he used to be, but hey, who is, especially at his age? And I second the call for firing Dalton Thompson (how long do the NY County DAs get elected for anyway) and some new writers.
But given the choice between CSI (which jumped Shark years ago and now only goes for the yuck factor) and Law and Order, I’ll pick L&O any time. I say go for the record, bring on season 18, 19 and 20!
Oh and Jack McCoy for president.
Or DA.
Skinny ADA chicks? Abbie Carmichael was skinny. The new Latina is yummy.
Now I grant you that Jack McCoy is not what he used to be, but hey, who is, especially at his age? And I second the call for firing Dalton Thompson (how long do the NY County DAs get elected for anyway) and some new writers.
But given the choice between CSI (which jumped Shark years ago and now only goes for the yuck factor) and Law and Order, I’ll pick L&O any time. I say go for the record, bring on season 18, 19 and 20!
Oh and Jack McCoy for president.
Or DA.
Hilarious, will also suspend disbelief for NCIS episodes.
Assuming there is some omnipotent being out there, I demand to know why we still have Bruce Willis and Tucker Carlson but not Jerry Orbach and Molly Ivins! — Left by D. Sidhe
AYYYYYMENNN, mah sistah!!!!!!
Also: Did y’all HAVE to remind me of Lenny?!?!??! Man. The show blows without him. Not that I don’t love me some Jessie Martin, but at least Lenny was REALISTIC, not to mention a much more developed character. Jessie really gets the shit end of the stick on that one.
What cracks me up the most about “crime & punishment” dramas/farces is that NO police or DA’s department has the money to spend, or WOULD spend it if they had it, on INDIVIDUAL CRIMES. They don’t spend that kind of money on crime labs, investigations, or victims, PERIOD. “We are your gubmint and we will protect you” is a lovely meme for the sheeple, but it’s a crock of shit.
Even celebrity murders get the shaft on investigations & criminology — think of what they might’ve accomplished with the O.J. trial if they’d spent half of what they did on cameras ON THE ACTUAL TRIAL.
The mythology of “film noir as weekly entertainment” is just another crock of shit, because nobody’s murder means that much to ANY gubmint agency, kids. They’ll make entire films about “what if Dumbya got assasinated” (one that I wanted to see, btw), but they won’t do shit to solve the crime if it isn’t politically advantageous and publicity-friendly to do so.
Now, now, stop fantasizing about that assassination and get back to work.
AYYYYYMENNN, mah sistah!!!!!!
Also: Did y’all HAVE to remind me of Lenny?!?!??! Man. The show blows without him. Not that I don’t love me some Jessie Martin, but at least Lenny was REALISTIC, not to mention a much more developed character. Jessie really gets the shit end of the stick on that one.
What cracks me up the most about “crime & punishment” dramas/farces is that NO police or DA’s department has the money to spend, or WOULD spend it if they had it, on INDIVIDUAL CRIMES. They don’t spend that kind of money on crime labs, investigations, or victims, PERIOD. “We are your gubmint and we will protect you” is a lovely meme for the sheeple, but it’s a crock of shit.
Even celebrity murders get the shaft on investigations & criminology — think of what they might’ve accomplished with the O.J. trial if they’d spent half of what they did on cameras ON THE ACTUAL TRIAL.
The mythology of “film noir as weekly entertainment” is just another crock of shit, because nobody’s murder means that much to ANY gubmint agency, kids. They’ll make entire films about “what if Dumbya got assasinated” (one that I wanted to see, btw), but they won’t do shit to solve the crime if it isn’t politically advantageous and publicity-friendly to do so.
Now, now, stop fantasizing about that assassination and get back to work.
[fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap]-
Wha–YOIKS!!1!!!
[zzzip]
Wha–YOIKS!!1!!!
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:::groooaaannnnn:::
GET THE HOOK!!!!!!
GET THE HOOK!!!!!!
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