The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

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Friday, August 19, 2011

Two Wingnuts To Watch

I like to think that this blog is kind of an “American Idol” for wingnut columnists, in that we give these eager unknowns a chance to strut their stuff for you, the Paula Abduls, Simon Cowells, and generic other guys of the Internets. So, judges, allow me to present two new wingnuts for your consideration.
First up is Marsha West, ”a freelance writer specializing in Christian worldview” who is ”currently writing a series of children’s books for homeschoolers” when not penning columns for Renew America.  I believe that with a lot of work (and a lot … of ellipses), Marsha could be the Kaye Grogan of her generation (whatever one that may be). Today she will be singing an a cappella version of “Radical feminism: The kiss of death.”  Take it away, Marsha!
As a result of the feminist movement there are no gender-based role differences in many marriages. Wives wear the pants in the family, husbands show little or no leadership and are often wimps, and children are unmanageable. Is this what God intended for the family?
NO!  God is strongly anti-pants for women!
No.
See, I told you! I can read God like a book.
The Bible teaches that the husband is to lead, provide for, and protect his family. The wife is to help her husband by managing the household and taking care of the children. Children are to be raised with discipline and love. That’s God’s way. Today’s children are train wreck.
Plus, they don’t write very well.
They’re undisciplined, disrespectful and, frankly, as lazy as a Sunday morning. Sadly, this is the rule not the exception.
We should just reinstate the draft, lower the age of military service to 12, and ship all the lazy, sassy, little bastards to Iraq.  That would fix their wagons!
Obviously something has gone terribly awry. Distinctions in masculine and feminine roles, ordained by God as part of the created order, have been blurred.
And this causes kids to be as rude and gumptionless as a mess of chittlins.
Men have become un-masculine, thus unattractive to women; women have become un-feminine, thus unattractive to men.
And now nobody wants to have (heterosexual) sex anymore — which is actually a good thing, since all the kids resulting from it have turned out to be such disappointments.  But still, there are those Victoria’s Secret models — they are reportedly attractive to men, n’est-ce pas?
Granted, some women have a feminine appearance. But don’t let that fool you. In the blink of an eye, females spew obscenities that would make a bull rider blush.
And a potty mouth on a woman ends sexual attraction faster than a June bug mating with a centipede in a crocodile patch.
Which brings me to the latest trend among teenage girls. I’m not talking about body piercing, tattoos or electric pink and green hair fashions. I’m talkin’ street fights. I’m talkin’ knock down drag out hair pulling fisticuffs caught on cell phones and distributed on the Internet. (Watching girls’ exchange body blows is not recommended for the feint of heart.)
Recently, an older gentleman with a feinting heart was rushed to the hospital with chest pains after watching a video of Lulu Robinson smacking Rita Sanchez.  However, it turned out that his heart was just faking it, which really annoyed his doctor.
Standers by, both male and female, fervently root for their favorite girl to win. Most self-respecting females would find it humiliating to have their bruised and battered faces plastered all over the Internet. Oh contraire! Today’s girls think it’s cool to kick butt.
I think you can now see why I believe that Marsha could be the new Kaye — but there can be only one, so I think the two women should duke it out to decide which one gets to wear the crown.  The loser gets to take on radical feminism for the world championship.
Now we will hear from James Lewis, a columnist for “The American Thinker.”  His piece is entitled “The Left’s identification with murderous aggressors,” and it’s every bit as nutty as it sounds.
Psychiatry is familiar with an odd syndrome called “identification with the aggressor.”  It’s sometimes called the Stockholm Syndrome, after the behavior of air passengers taken hostage by PLO terrorists at the Stockholm Airport in 1973, who, when they were rescued,  came out singing the praises of their murderous captors.
And speaking of oddness, when you click James’s link, it says that, “The syndrome is named after the Normalmstorg robbery of Kreditbanken at Normalmstorg, Stockholm, Sweden, in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage.”  But I guess that’s just another lie told by the liberal Internets –it seems that only James dares to reveal the robbers’ covert PLO affiliation, and to tell the world about the secret airport hidden under the bank.  Either that, or James is doing some Instapunditing and linking to stuff he hasn’t read.
Recently we saw the same human oddity when two Fox News reporters were kidnapped in Gaza, and forced to convert to Islam at the point of a gun. After his freedom was bought (at a reported cost of millions of dollars), reporter Steve Centanni told the world that:
“I hope that this never scares a single journalist away from coming to Gaza to cover the story because the Palestinian people are very beautiful and kind hearted. The world needs to know more about them. Don’t be discouraged.”
“Kind-hearted” and “beautiful” are not the first words that come to mind to describe kidnappers who were quite ready to murder Steve Centanni only a day before. 
So obvious Centanni was suffering from some kind of Leftist syndrome, for any sane person (or conservative) would have denounced all Palestinians (and probably all Arabs) as murderous savages after such an experience.  That Steve Centanni didn’t only proves that liberals hate America, or something.
Anyway, let’s skip James’s attempt to diagnose the Left with battered wife syndrome, and go to his central thesis: that liberals are terrorists themselves.
To make things worse, the Left itself is ruthlessly aggressive against conservatives, democratic individuals who happen to disagree with them. There is a true persecutorial viciousness in the Left’s attacks on Republican presidents, from Herbert Hoover to Dwight D. Eisenhower and George W. Bush. Emotionally, these people want to destroy those who defy their demands. Almost all the assassins and would-be assassins of American Presidents since JFK have been Leftists, starting with Lee Harvey Oswald. So their rage is not exactly harmless.
We could discuss such Leftist would-be assassins as “Squeaky” Fromme and John Hinckley, but I think it’s more important to identify all those successful Leftist assassins of American Presidents since JFK.  You start.
Most of the time the Left just aims at destroying conservatives’ careers and public reputations - as they have tried to do with ferocious fury in the cases of Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, Ann Coulter, Tom Delay, Rush Limbaugh, and numerous others.
So, it’s OUR fault that Ann Coulter has a bad reputation?  (And why did we kill all those Presidents since JFK, but gave her a pass?)
They are driven by paranoid rage: They are in fact the aggressors. But when it comes to assaults on their country, the Left blames the victims. The most militant Leftists seem severely damaged psychologically. The recent suicide by the militant lesbian President of UC Santa Cruz may be only the tip of the pathological iceberg.  
Yes, militant lesbians may soon be jumping out of building by the thousands, once the the Left’s Titanic of mental health hits the pathological iceberg of, um, clinical depression.
Many radical Leftists seem to suffer from a basic twist in character. They constantly confuse aggressive and defensive actions by their own country, on whose freedom and protection they depend every hour of the day. They constantly indulge sworn enemies of our freedom and well-being. They constantly push for government actions that seem plausible on the surface, but which inevitably hurt the very people they are supposed to help. It happens over and over again.
When I was young I thought the Left was just confused, but now I’m increasingly drawn to the idea that there is a deep, if unconscious, malevolence at the bottom of the history of disasters inflicted by those people. They are dangerous.  
After all, American Leftists are the ones who kidnapped Patty Hearst and made her shoot Israeli athletes in Munich. (If you don’t believe it, look it up yourself.)  So beware, BEWARE!

Yes, militant lesbians may soon be jumping out of building by the thousands, once the the Left’s Titanic of mental health hits the pathological iceberg of, um, clinical depression.

Oh My God. LOL
You just made my day. Seriously. And it’s only 2 AM.
And a potty mouth on a woman ends sexual attraction faster than a June bug mating with a centipede in a crocodile patch.
I was going to say something witty, but I’ve decided to just let myself be distracted by this sublime image. Thank you. It was worth reading nutjob West, who thinks no one is having sex anymore, the sluts.
Don’t you love it when a raging paranoid loony accusing liberals of being raging paranoid loonies. Or as Kaye Grogan Lite would say, “the left are acting like a raging paranoid loony.”
The Bible teaches that the husband is to lead, provide for, and protect his family.
I’m sure there’s any number of men out there that would be happy to do this, but under a Republican economy, it’s nearly impossible for their wives to be stay-at-home moms – they really need two wage-earners. Or more. So, sorry, lady–your precious Republican’ts created this whole, ugly situation.
Granted, some women have a feminine appearance. But don’t let that fool you.
Yeah! Damned transvestites!
Watching girls’ exchange body blows is not recommended for the feint of heart.
But, if it’s a couple of boys smacking the crap out of each other with crowbars and baseball bats, that’s A-OK!
And, James Lewis was such an enormous idiot that I don’t even know where to begin… so, I won’t.
If her malapropic style of writing is the product of our public education, it is little wonder Winger West is homeschooling her kids.
As for Idiopundit Lite: a paraphrase -
When I was a youngster, I thought conservatives were just hypocrites, but now I’m increasingly drawn to the idea that there is a deep malevolence at the bottom of the history of disasters inflicted by those people. They are stupid and dangerous.
Thank you for this hilarious post. I would never even know about these nuts if it weren’t for you…
And I second the kudos for the June bug/centipede sex in a crocodile patch image.
Priceless. I’ll be laughing all day!
I can sympathize with madam west, having had a few ex’s pull the old “feint of heart” on me.
I also suggest some of that ‘ol home schooling for madam west, concentrating on basic spelling skills.
Yeah, I caught that thing on the Stockholm Syndrome incident right away too. Who knew that there was an airport in that bank? BTW, You need to fix your link.
So I guess Marsha West’s husband was busy and he ordered her to write a column in his stead on how women need to cede control to men. Right?
Correct me if I’m wrong–I was educated in a previous century–but shouldn’t someone who “specializes” in Christian worldview be, like, aware, if not fully conversant, with the fact that something on the order of 50% of Christians in this country would strongly dispute that characterization of gender roles? I mean, you’re a specialist. You should acquire the basic knowledge before moving on. If I’m riding an elevator with a plastic surgeon and I have a heart attack, I hope he’d start CPR, not an emergency liposuction.
“Watching girls’ exchange body blows is not recommended for the feint of heart.”
She stole that apostrophe from Marie Jon’!
Which brings me to the latest trend among teenage girls. I’m not talking about body piercing, tattoos or electric pink and green hair fashions
Those are truly some troubling trends. It’s getting hard to cope with the shocking aspects of girls’ lives in 1995 and/or 1979. And don’t get her started on that Biblically unfeminine dance craze, the Charleston.
Y’know, every comment I leave here anymore winds up in moderation. And I never use scatological language or imagery, so it really blows donkeys.
I did what now?
Oh contraire! Today’s girls think it’s cool to kick butt.
Oh tempore, oh mores!
Oh, shit.
Sorry DR. I installed some new anti-spam software, and like Colossus: The Forbin Project, it’s still learning the ins and outs of our curious human ways. In other words: Blowing donkeys = good. Liposuction = bad.
Obviously, it’s all Norbizness’ fault as usual. Someone should tell him.
They constantly indulge sworn enemies of our freedom and well-being
I must confess. Yes, it is none other than I, the sworn enemy of well-being. You must begin to suffer from a vague, free-floating anxiety. You must suffer from holes in your sox, lint on your jacket, sticky mashed potatos and flatulence. You will find the batteries dead in your remote control, the halogen buld dead in your living room lamp, and the bedroom clock insouciantly blinking 12:00.
As the sworn enemy of well-being, I can only say BWAAA HAAA HAAA HA….
mikey
(tseowb)
“Blowing donkeys = good. Liposuction = bad. “
Scott, it’s a good thing you aren’t working for the Edwards campaign.
I’m going to be looking forward to more of Marsha West’s work, if this bit is a representative sample. I love the way she mangles the language: “feint of heart,” “standers by,” and “oh contraire” have a special piquancy and zing that make plowing through the rest of her drivel worth the slog. She just grabs the English language by the throat, drags it down to the floor, and chokes the life out of it. Kinda like that girl-on-girl violence she deplores…
Is “Oh contraire” anything like “Oh, Calcutta”? I hope so, because I’d rather see nekkid people than a catfight anyday. It’s obvious General J.C. Christian’s Inner Frenchman needs to visit this lady, toot sweet. (That means pronto.)
And a potty mouth on a woman ends sexual attraction faster than a June bug mating with a centipede in a crocodile patch.
Yep; comedy gold right there.
I was thinking wouldn’t it be cool if Marsha West looked like Marsha Brady ? Gravitas…
God is strongly anti-pants for women!
Hmmmmm….and to think I stopped going to church. At least now I can crawl along the pew and look up skirts…
Scott, it’s a good thing you aren’t working for the Edwards campaign.
Pah, Edwards is a longshot. I’m holding out for a call from Harold Stassen.
I can’t get over that Mr. Lewis is using the supposed Stockholm syndrome of Fox journalists and the ruined reputation and career of Tom Delay(et alia) to prove leftist mental disorder. What a surfeit of example when Duke Cunningham’s tearful post-conviction apology would suffice to prove the lunacy of the left on both counts.
the militant lesbian President of UC Santa Cruz
Not to quibble with simple issues like fact-checking, but the woman’s title was Chancellor, not President.
And I do so love her championing of those defenseless and virtuous victims, Ann Coulter, Tom Delay, and Rush Limbaugh, against the evil and unkind criticisms from the left. They surely do need it, don’t they?
Oh, I always forget what treasure is hidden behind the links! I actually read her column, and it’s even more fun than the exerpts!
What’s her convoluted point, actually?
We’ve become unattractive to one another because of blurred gender roles, and yet we’re slutting like crazed weasels?
Watching girls’ exchange body blows is not recommended for the feint of heart.
As for watching girls exchange body shots, my doctor advises against it until my pacemaker is fixed.
Come to think of it, is this business of ‘exchanging body blows’ refer to some new way of snorting coke? I’m hopelessly out of date with what the young people are saying these days.
Quick nurse, the defibrillator!
Men have become un-masculine, thus unattractive to women; women have become un-feminine, thus unattractive to men.
This is still my favorite bit, despite its apparent lack of spelling errors.
Yep, we are completely repulsed by each other, yet we continue to force ourselves to have sex. Often. And with a variety of techniques. Because we hate it so.
It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it.
Marsha West homespins: “They’re undisciplined, disrespectful and, frankly, as lazy as a Sunday morning.”
‘Ceptin a ‘course when they’s busy as a Satiday night.
Your move.
The “FEINT” of heart?!??!?!
‘Marsha is also designer and webmaster of a Christian apologetics website, On Solid Rock Resources.’
The bitch can’t fucking spell, has written several dozen crank letters to newspapers and blogs, and she calls herself a fucking “WEBMASTER”?!?!??!?!!!!
But her gawwwddd wouldn’t like that — she must be a WebMISTRESS, ’cause a “master” must have a penis and– and– PANTS!!!!!!
Dumbass freakazoid fucking housefrau moron cunt.
She reminds me so much of the bug-eyed, histrionic wife of one of those hairspray-addicted pompous old Viagra-poster-child “preachers” who report “urgent news stories” about “satanism” and “the decay of civilization” that come straight the fuck out of WEEKLY WORLD NEWS.
(You know which one that is — that’s the tabloid so cheap, it’s still in BLACK AND WHITE, which is sooooo appropos of the people who believe it…)
JACK VAN IMPE!!! *THAT’S* the pompous old jackass’s name — can’t recall the wife’s name, probably ‘Brunhilda’ or similar — at any rate, if y’all haven’t seen these geniuses at work, you should. They make Marsha look erudite.
And what the fuck is up with that faux-”folksy” bullshit she’s slinging? Isn’t she from fucking ARIZONA?!??!?! Or did she flee the ass-end of Arkansas when Bill Clinton was elected gubner?
And y’know, I read the whole article here, but James Lewis’ part made my brain cringe in such a fashion as to render it basicallly useless for some unknown length of time. Have you ever had your brain cringe? It’s not a pleasant experience, and I don’t recommend it.
BUT — when I saw the name (before I blacked-out upon reading his batshit-crazy fucking conspiracy theories that somehow link libruls to Lee Harvey Oswald) “James Lewis,” all I could think of was a quote from Brother Dave Garland:
“James Lewis? JAMES LEWIS! Gitcherself away from that thar wheelbarrow, you know you doesn’t know nothin’ ’bout MACHINERY!”
And judging from what I could grasp of James Lewis’ “writing,” neither does he — neither the machinery upon which he commits these abortions of the language, nor the very machinery of the English language itself.
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha…
They’re undisciplined, disrespectful and, frankly, as lazy as a Sunday morning. Sadly, this is the rule not the exception.
As an expert in Christian worldview, how would you know that Sunday mornings are lazy? Tsk, tsk. Shouldn’t you be in church, young lady?
Annti, Jack Van Impe’s glassy-eyed, squeaky-voiced, bleached-blonde co-presenter is… “Rexella.” And, no, sadly, I didn’t even have to look that up.
mikey, mikey, mikey- you must use your powers for GOOD. write that down, please; for GOOD only.
Thank you.
(oh, and Annti darlin’- i love Weekly World News, it is what National Enquirer was back in pre-history before they got all upscale- absolutely bugfuck crazy, their writers must laugh themselves sick making up that shit).
Well, I is thinkin’ that we should jes’ march these godless leftists off to wingnut re-education camps where Marsha West can learn ‘em all about the glories of god-ordained marital butt-sex.
I think some people feel that a little folksiness is like a vaccination against the fact that they can’t write. After someone suggests that workin’ a computer is like nailin’ jelly to a tree, readers may tend to be more forgiving about the misused words. In much the same way, people who are crazy may make some weird, deliberate affectation, like, say, carrying a hazmat suit in their motorcade, to give you the impression they’re merely eccentric. Or stupid and incompetent people may make much hay out of their misunderestimatedness, leaving the casual viewer to conclude they really do understand the perception that they’re idiots, and it’s all just part of a big joke.
Of course, that sort of thing is easily seen through by people who vote, for example, or donate money. So really, we only have to worry about it when people like Marsha start talking, and, hey, who can they influence, actually?
FlipYrWhig writes: “Jack Van Impe’s glassy-eyed, squeaky-voiced, bleached-blonde co-presenter is… ‘Rexella.’”
Knew she looked familiar. Daughter of Roxor, nemesis of Chandu the Magician.
They constantly push for government actions that seem plausible on the surface, but which inevitably hurt the very people they are supposed to help. It happens over and over again.
Uh, would that be like holding secretive committee meetings and injecting patronage flunkies into governmental organizations for the purpose of “openness”?
Jack Van Impe’s glassy-eyed, squeaky-voiced, bleached-blonde co-presenter is… “Rexella.”
Sounds like a diarrhea cure.
Probably is.
There is some thing wrong here. Something in Marsha West’s tone… “husbands show little or no leadership and are often wimps… Men have become un-masculine, thus unattractive to women.” This kind of contempt and disrespect for those whom God in his wisdom has has chosen to raise to the exhalted position of husband ia almost–oh, what’s thte word I’m looking for? Feminist! She’s a feminist mole planted inside the conservative movement to promote disrespect and turn good, God fearing Christian women into hairy-armpitted lesbians who refuse to cook a hot meal for their undisciplined, free-love bastard spawn!! We must sound the alarm!!!
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha
Marsha West is the ultimate hypocrite. She herself is divorced and remarried to a man whom was formerly married and now divorced. What a dangerous fraud she is!
Check the craziness she chose for her own.

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