Dear Dr. Mjos:
The residents of Apartment 402 herewith submit the name of Riley the Cat (please see photo) as an unsolicited nomination for the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize.
We are offering this nomination for Riley’s tireless efforts to promote good catbox hygiene for all residents who must share the apartment with Hobbes the Maine Coon (hereafter known as “Mr. Stinky”), regardless of race, creed, economic stratum, or number of feet. We fervently believe that these are the only real cornerstones of just and lasting peace throughout the apartment, especially the parts adjacent to the closet where the quadruped demographic poops in a box.
Hobbes (AKA “Mr. Stinky”) seen in the left foreground in undated file photo.
Riley is a black-and-white tuxedo shorthair in the United States, and one of the most popular cats in the living room. Her interrogative chirrups and bizarrely amplified purrings are daily heard by up to two people, and occasinally more if she happens to curl up in our lap while we’re on the phone. For 8 years she has used her lethally seductive cuteness to become the apartment’s foremost advocate for napping and laying in that patch of sun that comes through the bathroom window. But most importantly, she habitually enters the hall closet after Mr. Stinky takes a huge crap, and buries the reeking pile he blithely leaves behind, much as the next president will likely find himself doing after George Bush leaves office. In short, Riley fights the stink in the catbox, so we don’t have to fight it in our nostrils, and it is fitting the Nobel Committee recognize the power of this poop-covering instinct to build a truly odor-free apartment for all, and maybe allow us to invite somebody over once in awhile without issuing a Haz-Mat suit in the foyer.
Thank you for your thoughtful and serious consideration of this nomination. Should you require additional information, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
Scott Clevenger
In the Hallway
Lighting a Match
The residents of Apartment 402 herewith submit the name of Riley the Cat (please see photo) as an unsolicited nomination for the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize.
We are offering this nomination for Riley’s tireless efforts to promote good catbox hygiene for all residents who must share the apartment with Hobbes the Maine Coon (hereafter known as “Mr. Stinky”), regardless of race, creed, economic stratum, or number of feet. We fervently believe that these are the only real cornerstones of just and lasting peace throughout the apartment, especially the parts adjacent to the closet where the quadruped demographic poops in a box.
Hobbes (AKA “Mr. Stinky”) seen in the left foreground in undated file photo.
Riley is a black-and-white tuxedo shorthair in the United States, and one of the most popular cats in the living room. Her interrogative chirrups and bizarrely amplified purrings are daily heard by up to two people, and occasinally more if she happens to curl up in our lap while we’re on the phone. For 8 years she has used her lethally seductive cuteness to become the apartment’s foremost advocate for napping and laying in that patch of sun that comes through the bathroom window. But most importantly, she habitually enters the hall closet after Mr. Stinky takes a huge crap, and buries the reeking pile he blithely leaves behind, much as the next president will likely find himself doing after George Bush leaves office. In short, Riley fights the stink in the catbox, so we don’t have to fight it in our nostrils, and it is fitting the Nobel Committee recognize the power of this poop-covering instinct to build a truly odor-free apartment for all, and maybe allow us to invite somebody over once in awhile without issuing a Haz-Mat suit in the foyer.
Thank you for your thoughtful and serious consideration of this nomination. Should you require additional information, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
Scott Clevenger
In the Hallway
Lighting a Match
No one can ever argue that Riley the Cat wasn’t nominated. Thanks for playing.
I love this meme!
I love this meme!
robert klein’s evolutionary couplet:
bury the feces and save the species.
bury the feces and save the species.
“buries the reeking pile he blithely leaves behind, much as the next president will likely find himself doing after George Bush leaves office.”
Pure gold.
Pure gold.
I wanted to agree with Lucy by saying “No Shit!” but somehow that doesn’t seem fitting.
Aren’t cats just so unique and cool? I do fear though that the next President will need full haz-mat gear to cover the shit that Chimpy has left behind! Love the blog
You know what’s sad? On the Weight Watcher message board some rwdickweed started a Congratulations Rush Limbaugh! thread. These mental midgets actually believe he’s been nominated.
Oy.
Oy.
Mary, I believe a lot of weird shit when I’m half-starved, too. For instance, my partner recently was able to persuade me that giant spiders had taken over the earth and were rounding us up to work in their silk webs gathering alien flies, which admittedly presents a less harrowing vision of the future than Rush Limbaugh getting a Nobel.
And may I add my congratulations to Riley, at long last getting the recognition she deserves.
And may I add my congratulations to Riley, at long last getting the recognition she deserves.
What is it with Maine Coons and stinkyness? We have two of them and, wow, do they stink up the joint. Great cats in every other respect.
I’m glad to come across another owner of a cat with a purr of unusual loudness. “Kitty” (how original) has a head the size of a softball, and when she purrs, the windows rattle. In fact, everything she does, she does loudly. All of her meows and yowls are loud enough to wake the dead.
“Ginny”, on the other hand, has a normal sized head and a very soft voice – is there a correlation there? You can barely hear her purr, and her meows are very soft and squeaky. When she wants to come in, she has to scratch at the window screens, because no one can hear her yowl through the door. An interesting thing about her head conformation, though – her mouth is very, umm, deep… when she yawns, it looks like the top of her head is about to fall off.
“Ginny”, on the other hand, has a normal sized head and a very soft voice – is there a correlation there? You can barely hear her purr, and her meows are very soft and squeaky. When she wants to come in, she has to scratch at the window screens, because no one can hear her yowl through the door. An interesting thing about her head conformation, though – her mouth is very, umm, deep… when she yawns, it looks like the top of her head is about to fall off.
I have a question about Maine Coons. Do they all have bipolar disorder or just mine?
I’ve always wanted to find out if Boy has some Maine Coon in him, because he is so very fucking ENORMOUS and hairy and stinky and did I mention that he’s built like a dumptruck? I wonder when that DNA technology will become affordable to cat-owners…
And I gotta tellya, Scott — I’d trade you my truck for Riley. Oh, sure, Boy has his very prissy sister, Biddy, but she does NOTHING to alleviate the plague of his digestive deadwood. Too damned lazy herself, the spoiled heifer.
But a cat who will go behind another cat, much less a burly beast like a Maine Coon, and try to spare the entire household from the wrath of the catbox — Riley deserves better than a Nobel, darling.
She deserves to be allowed to kill and eat Regis AND Kelly and then take over their timeslot. Y’know, provided that she doesn’t get the e.coli and all…
Truly, an amazing creature of great kindness and awe-inspiring bravery.
And I gotta tellya, Scott — I’d trade you my truck for Riley. Oh, sure, Boy has his very prissy sister, Biddy, but she does NOTHING to alleviate the plague of his digestive deadwood. Too damned lazy herself, the spoiled heifer.
But a cat who will go behind another cat, much less a burly beast like a Maine Coon, and try to spare the entire household from the wrath of the catbox — Riley deserves better than a Nobel, darling.
She deserves to be allowed to kill and eat Regis AND Kelly and then take over their timeslot. Y’know, provided that she doesn’t get the e.coli and all…
Truly, an amazing creature of great kindness and awe-inspiring bravery.
How does she bury the shit exactly? Does she make a hole from your clothes to bury it in, or does she somehow take it to its proper place?
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