The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Dr. Mike is on the Offensive!

This time, Dr. Mike uses story time to complain about how people keep saying mean things about him (which just isn’t right!). He also publicly castigates one of his students, and accuses her of being a drunkard. And then comes the threat . . .

Defamation Nation:  By Mike S. Adams
Lately, I haven’t had time to watch The O’Reilly Factor or any other shows on Fox News (not even the “Hannity & What’s His Name Show”). But the last time I watched Bill’s show he touched on one of my biggest concerns; namely, that defamation of character has replaced free speech as the principal way of resolving problems in America.
I find it rather interesting (in a pathetic way) that both Bill and Dr. Mike feel that one of society’s biggest problems is that other people keep saying bad things about them.

And I find it ironic that Dr. Mike, the guy who wrote a column entitled “If your brother is the father of your child?” is complaining about defamation.

And here’s a bit from that column, just to remind you of the kind of stuff Dr. Mike writes about other people:
It sounds like one of those Jeff Foxworthy jokes, doesn’t it? “If directions to your house include what to do after you turn off the dirt road, you might be a redneck.” “If your grandmother wakes you up in the middle of the night and says ‘come look at this before I flush it,’ you might be a redneck.” “If you introduce someone to your brother and the father of your child and there’s just one guy standing there, you might be a redneck.” You know the bit.
But this article isn’t about a redneck. It’s about Julia Boseman, a North Carolina Democrat running for the State Senate against Republican Woody White.
[…]
Recently, she and her “domestic partner” had a baby, which was made possible by a sperm donation from her biological brother. When the couple (Boseman and her “domestic partner,” not her brother) sought to have the baby baptized in a local church, many in the community were outraged
Of course, not only did Ms. Boseman not commit incest with her brother (as was implied in the first paragraph), nor did she use her brother’s sperm to conceive a child through artificial insemination, (which is what the column suggests), nor did Ms. Boseman’s PARTNER use the brother’s sperm to beget their child. The brother wasn’t involved at all in the fathering of this child.

Yeah, it sounds like defamation to me too. But how did Dr. Mike respond to a request for a retraction and an apology? He blamed Boserman for not responding to his charges before he went to press.

So, I can see why Dr. Mike considers defamation such a serious problem.

But let’s cut to the threat:
And the stories just go on and on in the age of internet defamation. One day I’m impotent, the next I’m on drugs. According to some, I’ve even fathered a lesbian Senator’s child. [I think Dr. Mike is making a joke here. Ha ha.] But what is one to do about such falsehoods?
I’ll tell you what Mike Adams is about to do. This year, I’m going to pick just one person who fails to grasp the difference between free speech and defamation. And I’m going to make a very public example of him (or her) in a way that will make even cranky old Bill O’Reilly smile.
Stay tuned for the unfolding drama. You don’t want to miss this one.
Yes, we live for this kind of thing: an obscure columnist venting his spleen on people we’ve never heard of.

But we can’t wait for all the unfolding drama, and so we propose a little drama of our own: a blog soap opera called “The Dr. Mike Chronicles.” It will be the continuing story of one Dr. Mike Adamo, a sociology professor who is always having exciting adventures involving guns, feminists, Muslims, drug dealers, Mexicans, transsexuals, E.D., hippies, scary vaginas, and killer deer. And since these stories are both satirical, obviously fictitious, and not about anybody living or dead, they obviously won’t be legally actionable. (Which isn’t to say that Dr. Mike couldn’t make a very public example of us by writing about us in his column, thus ruining our lives forever. He could also give us a wrong address, like he did to one of his other enemies, thus causing us to die. But it’s a risk we’re willing to take – for you, America, and the Bill of Rights.)

So, be sure to join us next time, when Dr. Adamo takes some of his hated college students on an extra-credit hunting project that soon turns into “The Most Dangerous Game.” He then donates their corpses to a poor black family for Thanksgiving dinner.

Scott will be starting the story. That’s the way Dr. Adamo would want it.
Posted by s.z. on Thursday, January 4th, 2007 at 3:25 am.
 
37 Responses to “Dr. Mike is on the Offensive!” 
 
Dr Mike *is* offensive. But lawsuit threats? Wow, now we know why Two Minute Townhall at Sadly, No! is *really* on hiatus. Scaredy cats.
Doesn’t he have to prove there are actual damages in order to sue someone for suggesting, for example, that the word “vagina” gives him ED? Plus, the defense against defamation is “truthfulness”, which I think could be loads of fun. And, forgive my not clicking over, but is he actually in fact defaming a student in the same column where he’s whining about defamation? Please, tell me he’s not. Even for Dr Mike…
Would it be a defamation of Mike Adams’ character to say he’s an obnoxious, pea-brained asshole who deserves to be held down by two burly gay bodybuilders, and kicked in the balls by a lesbian biker wearing steel-toed boots, until he coughs up said balls?
Oh man. That much stupid make brain hurt and smell toast. Hurt hurt hurt. Toast toast toast. Taste like copper and ozone now. Fading fast. Wheeeeee
Would it be a defamation of Mike Adams’ character to say he’s an obnoxious, pea-brained asshole who deserves to be held down by two burly gay bodybuilders, and kicked in the balls by a lesbian biker wearing steel-toed boots, until he coughs up said balls?
Am an evil person for desperately wanting to watch this happen in real time? YouTube, don’t fail me now!
defamation of character has replaced free speech as the principal way of resolving problems in America
Then Dr. Professor Mike doesn’t really have anything to worry about, since you have to actually have some character for anyone to be able to defame it.
But I’ll be more than happy to provide Dr. Professor Mike with some legal fodder here:
Hey, MIKE! You’re a FUCKHEAD!
I’ll be looking forward to Dr. Professor Mike attempting to prove in court that he’s not really a fuckhead, and therefore my statement defames him. My rebuttal will consist of reading a collection of Dr. Professor Mike’s columns to the jury. I expect to win quickly.
One really is left to marvel at the sort of blasted mental architecture that could produce a “What’s-’is-name” joke when refering to Alan Colmes.
Maybe we should dub Dr. Mike “The Horse Whimperer.” He seems remarkably thin-skinned for a columnist. Anyone who starts out as a beat reporter, then progresses to columnist (which is the typical journalistic progression) gets used to a certain amount of criticism. You wrote that the corpse was at the wrong intersection, for example. Corpse’s relatives complain to the paper, and your editor descends upon you and hauls you up by the scruff of the neck.
But in Wingnut World, they get a column on the basis of sheer bombast, and then fuss because the only responses they receive aren’t long-stemmed roses. I ask you!
When the newspaper for which the eldest Biscuitbarrel lad writes was the target of a published letter to the editor blasting my son for “daring” to write a controversial news story, I told him, “Kid, you’ve arrived.”
Now, here’s my scenario for Dr. Mike. He will have to go on a long car trip with me, and he will be forced to listen to Air America until the radio signal fades. Then I will air my views on the hot-button issues of the day. (They get musty all cooped up, you know.) I also like to sing loudly along with Bonnie Raitt, Joni Mitchell, and other favorite CDs for the entire length of the Ohio and Pennsylvania turnpikes. Dr. Mike may not bring earplugs. Bathroom breaks are scheduled for my convenience and not his.
Heh. Do I feel better.
S.Z., if anyone deserves the honor of being sued by Dr. Mike, it is certainly you. It would make for the single funniest trial in the history of the world. Go on, keep defaming him!
I don’t know what Adams thinks anyone could publish about him that could make his reputation any worse, but even if such a thing were possible I don’t think he’d have the stones to do anything about it unless there’s such a thing as canned barratry. Neener.
This year, I’m going to pick just one person who fails to grasp the difference between free speech and defamation. And I’m going to make a very public example of him (or her)
Dang!! that Admin Assistant III in the Department Chair’s office better watch out next time she smirks and calls Dr. Mike a twit.
D. Sidhe: I’d actually recommend reading the column – it’s a hoot. Dr. Mike reads off a list of “defamations” he’s received at the hands of such dreaded foes as some anonymous transsexuals and people on Facebook.
My personal favorite was a student of his who made allegations about Dr. Mike on a website. The student was claiming that Dr. Mike gave him low grades for personal reasons. Gee, where could he have gotten that idea? Just because Mikey has frequently used his column to personally attack students (as recently as a month ago, no less!), that’s no reason to think that he’s anything but impartial!
S.Z., if anyone deserves the honor of being sued by Dr. Mike, it is certainly you. It would make for the single funniest trial in the history of the world. Go on, keep defaming him!
After all, if he’s full of shit, they must acquit.
My sources tell me Dr. Mike has some real dirt on his soon-to-be-announced example victim. This person acutally has dogs and cats living together; performs elective birth control on them with a spade or something; routinely spies on her neighbors at all hours of the day and night with walkies-talkies or something; has a network of shadowy associates all over the area posing as veterenarians or (get this) humane societies to which she is often seen darting to anxiously in her vehicle; is seen hauling inordinate amounts of ostensible carpet cleaning chemicals into her house; and publishes books with someone who is not her brother.
The infamy of her crimes of defamy go deeply indeed. As but one example, to spite George Lucas and the Garfield comic author What’s His Name, she has named one of her dogs from Yoda + Odie!
I for one am on tenterhooks waiting for his revelations to be revealed.
Dr. Mike thought up a GREAT column header “Defamation Nation”, and had to use it. The rest is piffle.
“One day I’m impotent, the next I’m on drugs.” Well, at least Dr. Mike isn’t reluctant to talk about his erectile disfunction and his need for viagra.
Dr. Mike suing anyone for defamation is kind of like Bozo the Clown suing for defamation because someone called him a Bozo.
“piffle” sounds like a snack food, Kathy. I think “twaddle” is better-sounds like something a duck produced from an oriface other than his mouth.
Mrs Biscuitbarrel is correct as usual (and would you take video of this road trip? Please?) He’s remarkably thin-skinned, especially for someone who tosses the insults around with such unfettered glee. How anyone who supports Ann Coulter could bitch about the nastiness of the public discourse boggles the mind.
This is like the academic version of “Every ten years we should throw some crappy little country against the wall just to show the world who’s boss”. (Incidentally, how’s that working out for you guys?)
I suppose he thinks this is his pour encourager les autres moment, but really it just seems like a typical bully. I suppose at least we know why all the guns, now.
With all his devoted fans worldwide and the many pundits who defer to his weighty expertise, surely Adams qualifies as a pubic figure. Excuse me, PUBLIC figure. Therefore, absence of malice is a defense to any such suit–malice being defined as reckless disregard for the truth. (NYT v. Sullivan, remember?)
And if this guy accuses someone else of recklessly disregarding the truth, the irony will be intense enough to blow a huge hole in the space-time continuum through which maybe we’ll get back all those ships and planes from the Bermuda Triangle.
As famed litigator Jackie Chiles once said, “That’s deplorable, unfathomable, improbable.”
trashfire, run away with me. We can join the circus together and teach the dancing bears to eat guys like Adams, and every night, in the gentle glow of torches from the villagers, we can build pyramids of Hostess SnoBalls while you make me laugh, and I reflect that I can hardly even remember how anyone lived–possibly in little caves with little modems, the poor savages–before that Bermuda Triangle reference.
Hey, I know what I like.
Mike A. writes: This year, I’m going to pick just one person who fails to grasp the difference between free speech and defamation. And I’m going to make a very public example of him (or her)…
[sigh] And then you’ll all be sorry! You’ll all be very, very, VERY SORRY!
This year, I’m going to pick just one person who fails to grasp the difference between free speech and defamation. And I’m going to make a very public example of him (or her)
And that person will be… Mike Adams. Mike Adams is going to make that guy look like a vindictive, petty, overcompensating nitwit.
“But, Rimmer, you really ARE a smeghead!”
I cackle with glee when I see the words “Dr. Mike” as I check in with WoC! Today is ‘teh best’!
He would be literally laughed out of court ala Franken v. Fox (BillO).
Oh, and I start the bidding with $100 to ride in the backseat (or ‘shotgun’ as it were) of the Biscuitbarrel Roadtrip.
Roadtrip!
Chris V:
Reminds me of an old Charlie Brown cartoon, where Lucy and her cohorts are giving CB the usual hard time.
CB, in righteous indignation, responds, “Someday I’ll be President of the United States, and then you’ll all be sorry.”
Amidst the ensuing gales of laughter, CB observes, “That didn’t come out the way it was supposed to.”
Hey, do you think Charles Schulz knew Chimpy when he was still a child?
I imagine that Dr. Mike is a small guy- about 5’1 1/2″. He’s prematurely grey and uses Grecian Formula “blue” on his balding hair. He wears really thick glasses, which make his eyes look like little beads. He jumps at loud noises, which makes people around him laugh, and then he fantisizes about guns.
To Bill S: “piffle” is the noise an already half deflated balloon makes when it is popped. I know because my cats love to HUNT these balloons. When they kill (pop) them, they bring ‘em to me. Better than dead rats, mice, birds, and (awful memory) a dead baby bunny!
Anyhow, in that context I think piffle describes Dr. Mike well, tho twaddle is excellent. Does he twaddle when out hunting, uh, wild bores? (heh heh)
Oooh! Oooh! Pick me, Dr. Mike, pick me!
Come on, humor like this is timeless:
The student had been complaining to me all semester about her period, so I was “in the know.” In fact, one time she complained all period about her period in a run-on sentence desperately in need of a period.
And according to Mike, this student: missed close to 20 class periods that semester – presumably because she had 20 periods that semester.
And remember that other student, the one he wants to take “hog hunting” with him (*wink, wink*)? He supposedly missed 28 classes.
Now, at my college, if several students habitually missed months worth of classes taught by the same professor, the administration would be more likely to look into how that professor conducts his classes, even moreso if the professor aired grievances against his students in a public, insane “Dear Me” column every coupla weeks.
D Sidhe, I’m speechless.
Um, good speechless, or Omigod I hope that woman doesn’t know where I live speechless? I swear I’m harmless. My shrink will swear to that, too.
For the record, Dr Mike, chicks get periods once a month, which is a fact not all men know for some reason (Had a boyfriend once who had been given the impression in sex ed classes that it happened once and never again), but, and here’s the tricky part, it can last for days. Also, some of us get stuff like PMS, which can actually last longer than your actual period, and sometimes it causes things like “If I Leave The House I Barf” migraines and such. This all leaves aside actual disorders that actual doctors will treat, as opposed to PMS which is a Just Get Over It kinda deal, things like cancer or endometriosis and whatnot. This can certainly happen twenty or more times in any given semester, and not all of us chicks have the option of being unemployed, or the interest in going into details with a man who writes columns which display such wanton misogyny.
Though in your case, she might just be aware of how big a sexist asshole you are, and may be skipping classes to get away from you and telling you about her period because she knows it creeps you out.
When the couple (Boseman and her “domestic partner,” not her brother) sought to have the baby baptized in a local church, many in the community were outraged
Yeah, because good Christians certainly don’t want to save the souls of any babies born to Lezbos. What an outrage, to think that a gay couple’s baby might be baptized in the same font as a good Christian couple’s kids — why, it might give them gay cooties or something.
This year, I’m going to pick just one person who fails to grasp the difference between free speech and defamation.
Thus spake the man who appears to have difficulty distinguishing abuse from defamation.
Ah, the sweet symmetry of our rhetorical existence.
D. Sidhe, I’d be delighted to videotape said trip. Even if it’s just me. Fills up the more than 500-mile road trip back from my lad’s university.
By the way, last week I recently was practically strip-searched in front of hundreds of holiday travelers in a major airport. After I made the metal detector go ding-dong, a man seized me by the upper arm and handed me over to a woman who felt me all over–and I do mean ALL OVER–wanded me all over and between the legs (pulling my skirt up to my knickers), removed my Birkenstocks and looked inside them, while another man checked the name on my plane ticket and driver’s license against the names on my bottles of prescription meds rattling in a Zip-Loc bag.
An elegant white-haired woman watched me being taken apart, and nostrils flaring, said in loud tones of disgust, “Now, SHE looks REALLY DANGEROUS!” Loud murmur of assent from passers-by, averting their eyes. Thank you, madam, whoever you were.
Mrs Biscuitbarrel: I had a similar experience at SFO (metal plate in my knee/shin). My problem was the almost irresistable urge to laugh (especially at the wanding). When one of the guards or whatever they are could not figure out how to open my HOBO traveling purse (lots of zipper compartments) I had to (really) bite my lips to keep from chortling. What happens to one if you laugh at them?
They haul you off to a little room and ask you annoying questions till you miss your flight. Same as your momma told you about the cops, avoid laughing, joking, or, especially, sarcasm.
In particular, do not say, as the frisky frisking is going on, “What, do I look like Che Guevara?” Do not attempt to elicit from security staff if they live in caves. (It’s complicated. It involved the very real possibility that they’d never seen X-Files.) Do not, above all else, attempt to be sarcastic at them by saying things like “Well, yes, I suppose if they stood real still, I might be able to kill someone with a Hello Kitty pencil, given nine hours or so and a complete absence of distractions”.
Sarcasm is a passing pleasure, but missing one’s flight is a total pain in the ass.
That’s exactly what they do, D. In addition, one of my sons has two of the names on the No-Fly List and is as dark-skinned as the manly Mr. B., so he gets Terrorist Treatment every time he flies.
Last time, for good measure, the security folk also took his little brother behind a screen for “examination.” He emerged with the words on his lips that gladden any parent’s heart: “I didn’t like the way they touched me.”
Almost every Dr. Mike column follows a set formula: the heroic and manly Dr. Mike is confronted by a liberal straw man. Dr. Mike chastises the liberal, pours insults upon his victim’s head, and then marches off, triumphant.This makes Dr. Mike feel better about himself.
However, Dr. Mike’s constant and neurotic self-affirmation (in a public forum)reaches pathological levels. As such, it bespeaks a lonely childhood, socially isolated from others. Feelings of resentment towards other ‘normal’ children and people become a powerful force and are expressed in fantasies in which the isolated child triumphs over others. One can imagine a sickly and feeble child enviously watching through a window as others play outside.
With Dr. Mike, fantasy becomes indistinguishable from reality. Dr. Mike, if no-one else, believes the stories he concocts. He has no perspective on himself. It is all narcissistic preening. The only place where Dr. Mike finds acceptance is amongst the geeks and grotesques that populate the sewers of the Internet; a collectivity that, for a brief moment, enjoyed the limelight.
 

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