I understand that the President gave a speech this evening — something about the State of the Mission Accomplished. But there’s no time for that now, because the big news is that Tom Cruise ‘is Christ’ of Scientology. (Hey, we don’t really read The Sun, we just got the link from WorldNetDaily.)
But forget all that, because the real REAL news is that we didn’t make the Forbes Magazine’s Web Celeb 25 list.
LonelyGirl15 is #1. Kos is #3. And, presumably just to prove that celebrity, even web celebrity, is a tawdry, dirty, ultimately meaningless business, John HIndrocket and That LittleGreenFootballs guy also made the cut, both of them for their involvement in Proportional Font Gate, thus demonstrating that Forbes is so two years ago. (The fact that InstaGlenn is #7 only proves it.)
But even so, Hugh Hewitt, the guy who invented blogging, didn’t get included, probably because he’s just not photogenic enough. So, to make things up to him, let’s take a brief look at his latest Town Hall column, “So Let Us Find Our Resolve, And Turn Events Toward Victory.” It’s about the SofU speech, and how it was just like the Gettysburgh address, in that George Bush is also one of our greatest presidents (and since Honest Abe got picked on by bloggers too, only he can truly understand the loneliness of the Dubya).
However, in another eerie parallel with our current situation, Lincoln never found Robert E. Lee’s stash of nuclear weapons, and so he was ultimately impeached.
But, per Hugh, it’s sad to realize that despite all of George’s heroic resolve and steely-eyed focus and stuff, the Democrats will never acknowledge that President Bush, not Tom Cruise, is the real new Jesus (which is why they are all going to hell).
But back to Hugh:
Posted by s.z. on Wednesday, January 24th, 2007 at 4:55 am.
A source close to the actor, who has risen to one of the church’s top levels, said: “Tom has been told he is Scientology’s Christ-like figure.But only after his crucifixion, alas. (My guess is that the source close to Tom is Tom. After all, he has to do something to keep Katie from leaving him now that the sex is over in their marriage.)
“Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”
But forget all that, because the real REAL news is that we didn’t make the Forbes Magazine’s Web Celeb 25 list.
LonelyGirl15 is #1. Kos is #3. And, presumably just to prove that celebrity, even web celebrity, is a tawdry, dirty, ultimately meaningless business, John HIndrocket and That LittleGreenFootballs guy also made the cut, both of them for their involvement in Proportional Font Gate, thus demonstrating that Forbes is so two years ago. (The fact that InstaGlenn is #7 only proves it.)
But even so, Hugh Hewitt, the guy who invented blogging, didn’t get included, probably because he’s just not photogenic enough. So, to make things up to him, let’s take a brief look at his latest Town Hall column, “So Let Us Find Our Resolve, And Turn Events Toward Victory.” It’s about the SofU speech, and how it was just like the Gettysburgh address, in that George Bush is also one of our greatest presidents (and since Honest Abe got picked on by bloggers too, only he can truly understand the loneliness of the Dubya).
Lincoln of course was surrounded throughout the Civil War by critics whose venom was the equal of the far reaches of the nutterspehere. To his enemies in the Confederacy he was evil personified, and to his political opponents at home, especially the Copperheads, he was a fool and a dangerous incompetent. But even the horrors of the war which he saw often and at first hand did not blur his vision of what had to be done, a vision far more focused and far sighted than that of his enemies combined.And thanks to him, we were victorius in our war against the Commie Nazi Huns, and we lived in a golden age of peace, prosperity, and no oral sex until Bill Clinton came along and ruined things for everybody.
So Lincoln called for resolve and he insisted on victory.
However, in another eerie parallel with our current situation, Lincoln never found Robert E. Lee’s stash of nuclear weapons, and so he was ultimately impeached.
But, per Hugh, it’s sad to realize that despite all of George’s heroic resolve and steely-eyed focus and stuff, the Democrats will never acknowledge that President Bush, not Tom Cruise, is the real new Jesus (which is why they are all going to hell).
First principles plus the resolve to defend them are the mark of great presidents, and it has always been so in the history of the country. President Bush extended a variety of invitations last night to the new majorities in the Senate and the House, and only the most optimistic of sorts can imagine much coming from them as the Democrats have evidenced no interest in ending their effort to reverse the judgment on Bush which history will inevitably bestow.Okay, can anybody translate that last sentence from the original wingnut into English? (I think what Hugh was trying to say is that Democrats probably won’t take up the President on his offer to jointly destroy our country because the Dems are too busy trying to build a time machine so they can go back to 1945 and prevent Barbara Bush from getting lucky, but I could be wrong.)
But back to Hugh:
President Bush is resolved to deliver the country to his successor much safer than the one that was delivered to him,His successor being Cornelius the Ape, of course, and the safer time only coming after the radioactivity dies down quite a bit.
… a safety which flows from clear-eyed realism about threats and the courage to act upon them.And trillions of dollars, and the lives of hundreds of other people’s children.
It will be interesting to see if the combination of General Petraeus’ clear and emphatic testimony at his confirmation hearing and the president’s steady insistence on victory will reverse the flow towards neoappeasement in the Senate. That may be too much to expect of politics in these divided times, but the good news is that the president is not for turning.Personally, I thought that Christopher Fry’s The President’s Not for Turning lacked the wit and charm of his previous play. However, I did like the part where the town gives in to the hero’s demands, and hangs him. But then, I’m always a sucker for a happy ending.
Posted by s.z. on Wednesday, January 24th, 2007 at 4:55 am.
17 responses to "Maybe Next Time Tom Cruise Can Deliver the SofU Address"
But even the horrors of the war which he saw often and at first hand
Seeing the horrors of war at first hand? What was Lincoln thinking? Why would one waste one’s beautiful mind on such ugliness?
Seeing the horrors of war at first hand? What was Lincoln thinking? Why would one waste one’s beautiful mind on such ugliness?
Neoappeasement? WTF?
“President Bush extended a variety of invitations last night to the new majorities in the Senate and the House, and only the most optimistic of sorts can imagine much coming from them as the Democrats have evidenced no interest in ending their effort to reverse the judgment on Bush which history will inevitably bestow.”
Okay, I’ll try to translate:
My Fellow Americans,
Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put ‘em together and what have you got
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
It’ll do magic believe it or not
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Salagadoola means mechicka booleroo
But the thingmabob that does the job is
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Salagadoola menchicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put ‘em together and what have you got
Put ‘em together and what have you got
Put ‘em together and what have you got
bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Good night and God Bless America
Okay, I’ll try to translate:
My Fellow Americans,
Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put ‘em together and what have you got
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
It’ll do magic believe it or not
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Salagadoola means mechicka booleroo
But the thingmabob that does the job is
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Salagadoola menchicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put ‘em together and what have you got
Put ‘em together and what have you got
Put ‘em together and what have you got
bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Good night and God Bless America
Okay, can anybody translate that last sentence from the original wingnut into English?
Sure, here you go:
“Hi, I’m Ms. Cleo – remember me? I’m still making predictions about what’s gonna happen in the future, and still getting it wrong most of the time.”
Sure, here you go:
“Hi, I’m Ms. Cleo – remember me? I’m still making predictions about what’s gonna happen in the future, and still getting it wrong most of the time.”
“Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”
I gather that statement is included as a demonstration of how offensive to Christianity Scientology is. Of course, Trent Lott made much the same remark recently. In fact, it’s a pretty common sort of remark from the exclusionarily religious, from Pat Robertson to Kent Hovind to the nutjob down the block (at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave) who still thinks eventually the Iraq war will be vindicated. I don’t hear too many condemnations of that.
Hugh, btw, always strikes me as what The Pointy Haired Boss of Dilbert fame would sound like if he were employed by AEI. Rarely do his columns make any more sense than a corporate mission statment. “Striving to synthesize the new media with traditional forms to create a more responsive synergistic paradigm for the empowerment of far-sighted investors.”
I gather that statement is included as a demonstration of how offensive to Christianity Scientology is. Of course, Trent Lott made much the same remark recently. In fact, it’s a pretty common sort of remark from the exclusionarily religious, from Pat Robertson to Kent Hovind to the nutjob down the block (at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave) who still thinks eventually the Iraq war will be vindicated. I don’t hear too many condemnations of that.
Hugh, btw, always strikes me as what The Pointy Haired Boss of Dilbert fame would sound like if he were employed by AEI. Rarely do his columns make any more sense than a corporate mission statment. “Striving to synthesize the new media with traditional forms to create a more responsive synergistic paradigm for the empowerment of far-sighted investors.”
Neoappeasement–I’m guessing it’s just like the old appeasement, only without the trans-fats, right?
Does this idiot make up words when he’s writing legal documents, too?
Does this idiot make up words when he’s writing legal documents, too?
“Striving to synthesize the new media with traditional forms to create a more responsive synergistic paradigm for the empowerment of far-sighted investors.”
D. Sidhe, you owe me an aspirin for that. The entire English language section of my brain now has a big ugly crack running through it…
D. Sidhe, you owe me an aspirin for that. The entire English language section of my brain now has a big ugly crack running through it…
In another amazing coincidence, Lincoln had a military strategy that was Bush. And Bush has a military strategy that’s…well, I guess it’s Bush, too. Scratch that.
Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”
to steal a line, “if Bush is Christ, I’m voting for Barabbas.”
to steal a line, “if Bush is Christ, I’m voting for Barabbas.”
Oops….”if Tom Cruise is Christ”…
Either way, Barabbas gets my vote.
Either way, Barabbas gets my vote.
These townhall folks are exhibiting all the symptoms of Stockholm syndrome: denial of what they\’re going through, idolizing their abuser, etc.
As Oscar Wilde said, \”We are all in the gutter, but some of us are busy rolling over our IRA\’s and don\’t give a crap.\” Or something like that.
And now for some good news:
http://www.paed.uscourts.gov/documents/
opinions/07D0096P.pdf
As Oscar Wilde said, \”We are all in the gutter, but some of us are busy rolling over our IRA\’s and don\’t give a crap.\” Or something like that.
And now for some good news:
http://www.paed.uscourts.gov/documents/
opinions/07D0096P.pdf
Aw, jeez, not ‘History is a series of moral lessons for eight-year-olds’ from the Townhall moronocracy again. Maybe Hugh could get a job as Victor Davis Hanson’s TA.
We could just point out that Lincoln’s victory remade the Republic in precisely the way Hewitt and his intellectual forebears have been grousing about at least since the New Deal. But I find it really hard to leave the details alone–you’d think they’d get something right occasionally if only by the Law of Averages, but no. Lincoln won the Civil War by being “steadfast”? Please. He was able to pursue the war despite a great deal of opposition in the North because he maintained the necessary political majorities to do so (despite Republican losses in the ’62 Congressional elections enough pro-war Democrats were elected to mold a working majority). He knew he would not win reelection, and probably not be able to sustain combat operations even that long, without sizeable victories in ’63, which he got at Vicksburg and Gettysburg. By then Lincoln had gone through six commanders, not counting taking the reins himself for a time, and would replace Meade with Grant early the next year.
By contrast the only guy Bush sacked was the one who gave him an honest assessment.
To sum up: Lincoln, steadfast in principle, flexible in practice, strong opposition early silenced by eventual victories. Bush, silenced opposition early, stubborn in the face of rapidly deteriorating situation, promoted political loyalty over accomplishment, lost popular support, Congress, war. How the hell can somebody confuse them?
We could just point out that Lincoln’s victory remade the Republic in precisely the way Hewitt and his intellectual forebears have been grousing about at least since the New Deal. But I find it really hard to leave the details alone–you’d think they’d get something right occasionally if only by the Law of Averages, but no. Lincoln won the Civil War by being “steadfast”? Please. He was able to pursue the war despite a great deal of opposition in the North because he maintained the necessary political majorities to do so (despite Republican losses in the ’62 Congressional elections enough pro-war Democrats were elected to mold a working majority). He knew he would not win reelection, and probably not be able to sustain combat operations even that long, without sizeable victories in ’63, which he got at Vicksburg and Gettysburg. By then Lincoln had gone through six commanders, not counting taking the reins himself for a time, and would replace Meade with Grant early the next year.
By contrast the only guy Bush sacked was the one who gave him an honest assessment.
To sum up: Lincoln, steadfast in principle, flexible in practice, strong opposition early silenced by eventual victories. Bush, silenced opposition early, stubborn in the face of rapidly deteriorating situation, promoted political loyalty over accomplishment, lost popular support, Congress, war. How the hell can somebody confuse them?
Also, “Honest Abe”. I dunno how Dubya will go down in history, but I’ll wager that schoolkids won’t be learning about how he never lied, was generous to widows and the poor, and opposed war. Or for that matter, was extremely well-regarded for his oratory skills. Really, probably they won’t even be hearing stories about Dubya fessing up to cutting down a cherry tree.
The funny thing is, Kerry had way more Lincoln about him (Not just the looks, but, really, stick that guy in a tall hat…) and they made him into a liar.
Apparently truth is relative, history moreso.
And Marion, feel free to dip into my Big Box O’ Headache Remedies. None of it works, but exploring it will distract you from the headache.
The funny thing is, Kerry had way more Lincoln about him (Not just the looks, but, really, stick that guy in a tall hat…) and they made him into a liar.
Apparently truth is relative, history moreso.
And Marion, feel free to dip into my Big Box O’ Headache Remedies. None of it works, but exploring it will distract you from the headache.
Hugh, btw, always strikes me as what The Pointy Haired Boss of Dilbert fame would sound like if he were employed by AEI. Rarely do his columns make any more sense than a corporate mission statment. “Striving to synthesize the new media with traditional forms to create a more responsive synergistic paradigm for the empowerment of far-sighted investors.”
Left by D. Sidhe on January 24th, 2007
D., you rock! This is the same kind of parody of the English language I spend my professional life deleting and rewriting, day in and day out. I always enjoy your comments and you and I seem to think alike in lots of ways. This was a great post!
Left by D. Sidhe on January 24th, 2007
D., you rock! This is the same kind of parody of the English language I spend my professional life deleting and rewriting, day in and day out. I always enjoy your comments and you and I seem to think alike in lots of ways. This was a great post!
Thank you, Tehanu. But it wasn’t that good, I didn’t even use “benchmark” as a verb.
I’ve noticed we seem to think alike too, but I try not to say that because most people don’t view thinking like me as a compliment.
I’ve noticed we seem to think alike too, but I try not to say that because most people don’t view thinking like me as a compliment.
Oh, but I do! I mean, thinking like D. Sidhe is a major compliment!
This charming analogy also serves as a palate cleanser, wiping away a persistently unpleasant thought mentioned earlier in this thread about serving as VD Hanson’s TA at Cal State Fresno.
Fresno I could deal with. (Fresno I have dealt with.) Hanson? Not so much.
This charming analogy also serves as a palate cleanser, wiping away a persistently unpleasant thought mentioned earlier in this thread about serving as VD Hanson’s TA at Cal State Fresno.
Fresno I could deal with. (Fresno I have dealt with.) Hanson? Not so much.
At first I read SofU as “StfU”.
I don’t know why.
I don’t know why.
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