This week, in a little didactice essay entitled “Blurting with Disaster,” Dr. Mike shares some of his stories with us in order to teach one of his students why he or she shouldn’t interrupt Dr. Mike during class. And while we don’t find fault with Dr, Mike’s goal, we do feel that his methodology is suspect, mainly because, as usual, Dr. Mike’s stories reveal a little too much about Dr. Mike’s thought processes for comfort. (It’s always hard to learn moral lessons from a guy who makes you want to smack him.)
Anyway, Dr. Mike first recounts three incidents where four of his stupid, obnoxious students (three of them being women, but only one specifically identified as a feminist) blurt out inappropriate comments in class, and then go on to live lifes of failure, dishonor, and despair (and spinsterhood). Dr. Mike then tells us about three instances where stupid, obnoxious, smelly students annoy Dr. Mike, but he refrains from telling them just how much they disgust him (saving that for this column), and Dr. Mike wins their hearts and minds, which he then tosses in the crapper, because hey, they were just idiot liberals, after all.
So, let’s learn about the dangers of blurting by first meeting Goofus (who will be played by one of Dr. Mike’s students):
While some might think that this exercise was simply a way for Dr. Mike to salivate over the depravity of his students, while at the same time sadistically mocking and demeaning then, it was, in truth, a lesson on the unintelligence of self-reporting criminology studies. Socrates would be proud.
Now, on to Gallant (played today by Dr. Mike), who will teach us about not blurting.
Anyway, I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson today, and I hope we can all try to emulate Dr. Mike when it comes to decorum, tact, and self-restraint.
Posted by s.z. on Tuesday, January 16th, 2007 at 3:00 am.
Anyway, Dr. Mike first recounts three incidents where four of his stupid, obnoxious students (three of them being women, but only one specifically identified as a feminist) blurt out inappropriate comments in class, and then go on to live lifes of failure, dishonor, and despair (and spinsterhood). Dr. Mike then tells us about three instances where stupid, obnoxious, smelly students annoy Dr. Mike, but he refrains from telling them just how much they disgust him (saving that for this column), and Dr. Mike wins their hearts and minds, which he then tosses in the crapper, because hey, they were just idiot liberals, after all.
So, let’s learn about the dangers of blurting by first meeting Goofus (who will be played by one of Dr. Mike’s students):
*Once, I did an interesting exercise on self-report studies of criminality. I was teaching students about the evolution (but certainly not the creation) of self-report studies, some of which were not-so-intelligently designed. The students were all required to write a brief anonymous account of their most serious criminal act. I then read some of the highlights in class accompanied by my usual sarcastic commentary.Yes, it certainly would have. But before we move on, let’s take a closer look at Dr. Mike’s teaching technique: He requires that his students write about their most serious criminal act. Then he reads their confessions out loud to the class, adding satirical commentary. And when this provokes one young woman into an incriminating outburst, SHE’s the jerk.
I read one account of a female student chasing a woman down a residential street with a machete after she caught her in bed with her boyfriend. I then joked “They’re doing great things with anti-depressants these days.” I even offered directions to the office of the university psychiatrist.
But the girl didn’t think it was so funny. She thought “But that bitch was sleeping with my boyfriend.” And, simultaneously, she stood up and shouted “But that bitch was sleeping with my boyfriend.” She blew her anonymity and thereafter had a difficult time finding a good study group.
It would have been better if the young woman just learned to control her blurting.
While some might think that this exercise was simply a way for Dr. Mike to salivate over the depravity of his students, while at the same time sadistically mocking and demeaning then, it was, in truth, a lesson on the unintelligence of self-reporting criminology studies. Socrates would be proud.
Now, on to Gallant (played today by Dr. Mike), who will teach us about not blurting.
*I was giving a lecture at a leftist university in the northeast. A Muslim student was whining about how he was “offended” that he was (supposedly) targeted by airport security agents. He also said the First Amendment was not there for powerless people like himself. It was there for white people only. The Muslim fellow smelled so badly I was choking from about twenty yards away. I thought to myself:Yes, because Dr. Mike was able to control his impulse to mortally insult a student at a public gathering, Dr. Mike was able to teach the stinky Muslim that if racial profiling was good enough for Martin Luther King, Jr., it should be good enough for him. And the kid respected Dr. Mike, all because Dr. Mike didn’t tell the kid (and the rest of the world) just how stinky the non-Christian bastard really was – well, until now.“Yes, but you haven’t showered in a month. And, come to think of it, you smell bad enough to knock a buzzard off a turd wagon. That really offends me so sit down and stop whining.”
But I didn’t say it. Instead, I talked about poor powerless Martin Luther King, Jr. and all he accomplished with the First Amendment. And I asked the kid to reflect on the number of countries where such great achievements might be duplicated.
We concluded our exchange with nods of mutual respect, largely because I was able to control my impulses.
Anyway, I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson today, and I hope we can all try to emulate Dr. Mike when it comes to decorum, tact, and self-restraint.
Posted by s.z. on Tuesday, January 16th, 2007 at 3:00 am.
27 responses to "Storytime, With Dr. Mike"
Doc Mike, taking a break from salivating over pre-pubescent girls in halter tops, fearlessly insults a female student and a muslim.
Someone needs to smack this guy in the face with a spade.
Someone needs to smack this guy in the face with a spade.
Dr. Mike is a great intellectual, people. He uses Martin Luther King, a man with an entire community at his back, as well as a great political movement, as an example for a Muslim in today’s environment. What an apt analogy. I’d bet that at the end of the March to Selma MLK was pretty ripe. It’s good to know Dr. Mike wouldn’t feel it incumbent upon himself to give the Reverend grooming lessons.
It would have been nice if the Muslim student had been able to give the prof. the counter example of Lech Walenza (sp?), a man who did as much in his country WITHOUT a constitution. Or even to remind the good doctor that in this country Martin Luther King was assassinated for all the good he did.
It would have been nice if the Muslim student had been able to give the prof. the counter example of Lech Walenza (sp?), a man who did as much in his country WITHOUT a constitution. Or even to remind the good doctor that in this country Martin Luther King was assassinated for all the good he did.
I would feel sorry for Dr Mike’s students for having to put up with him except it’s fairly obvious they don’t exist and these little scenarios play themselves out in his head only, much the same way I, years later, can come up with things I wish like hell I’d said to some asshole at work. The difference is, I know what really did happen, and what is fantasy. Dr Mike seems not to be interested in fine details like that.
That said, I feel sorry for all of Dr Mike’s students who have to put up with the stupid shit he pulls in real life every day.
That said, I feel sorry for all of Dr Mike’s students who have to put up with the stupid shit he pulls in real life every day.
OT but entertaining:
http://objectiveministries.org/
No, really. Check it out. In just a few pages, you’ll find a link for the Chalcedon Foundation, a link to “Rat Out A [liberal] Church”, a plan to put a giant cross into space, a paper model of a crucifixion nail (and check out the creationist giraffe model–hysterical), the casual admission that Pastor Troy stole some poor Wiccan’s cat, a breathless expose on how windshield repair places are actually trying to brainwash you into joining cults, the hilariously matter of fact statement that Kirk Cameron narrowly escaped being sacrified by a bunch of Druids for filming a lunar ceremony, a sulking demand to shut down Landover Baptist, and several missions to Africa to hunt down and bring back living dinosaurs so as to prove the evolutionists are “wacky”.
I won’t even mention the game theory pages.
The whole thing is… astounding. Right down to the “Bazooka Jesus” tract and the warnings that evolutionists want to murder you while the secularists want to outlaw Christian marriages.
Check it out. You’ll be glad you did. Or just sorry that you share a planet with these people.
http://objectiveministries.org/
No, really. Check it out. In just a few pages, you’ll find a link for the Chalcedon Foundation, a link to “Rat Out A [liberal] Church”, a plan to put a giant cross into space, a paper model of a crucifixion nail (and check out the creationist giraffe model–hysterical), the casual admission that Pastor Troy stole some poor Wiccan’s cat, a breathless expose on how windshield repair places are actually trying to brainwash you into joining cults, the hilariously matter of fact statement that Kirk Cameron narrowly escaped being sacrified by a bunch of Druids for filming a lunar ceremony, a sulking demand to shut down Landover Baptist, and several missions to Africa to hunt down and bring back living dinosaurs so as to prove the evolutionists are “wacky”.
I won’t even mention the game theory pages.
The whole thing is… astounding. Right down to the “Bazooka Jesus” tract and the warnings that evolutionists want to murder you while the secularists want to outlaw Christian marriages.
Check it out. You’ll be glad you did. Or just sorry that you share a planet with these people.
Hey, you weren’t kidding. Who is going to pay to put a cross into orbit? I’d love for them to go broke paying for that shit.
I’ve started realizing in the last few years that “Christians” are bloodthirsty intolerant bigots. I guess banging the Bible instead of reading it will do that.
I’ve started realizing in the last few years that “Christians” are bloodthirsty intolerant bigots. I guess banging the Bible instead of reading it will do that.
Oh my sweet FSM, that has to be a parody site. Did you see the page where he’s getting all giggly about going to some function and seeing a Christian rap group perform “Baby got Baptism” with nary a mention of what the song is obviously based on, and then suggest that he will use it to help his congregation get jiggy with the truth? It is so deliciously incredible it is causing me to write run-on sentences.
Not exactly a giant cross in space, unless you’re an ant. This is a two inch cross. http://www.blessitt.com/crossinspace/photoc2.html
The illustration of people pointing at a giant cross in the sky is deceptive advertising. But then again, this is for people who believe in creationism. If only they could send Dr. Mike into space…
The illustration of people pointing at a giant cross in the sky is deceptive advertising. But then again, this is for people who believe in creationism. If only they could send Dr. Mike into space…
The “Baby got baptism” article is on the “Anti-triclavianist” link (whatever the hell that is). Here are some thought-provoking quotes from the Rev. Miller:
“Firstly, what is the nature of the Baby Jesus? Put simply: The Baby Jesus is a temporal prosopon of the Logos hypostatic branch of the Trinity and is the conduit through which the circuit of Agape is grounded in Humanity. Like all the hypostases, the Baby Jesus is a fully integrated, homoousian manifestation of the Trinity, having two natures, both Infantile and Divine — Baby and God.”
“Some have criticized my stance on triclavianism as being counterproductive, arguing that making a point of doctrinal contention over not making a point of doctrinal contention over adiaphora is itself non-salvific. However, my critics are overlooking the dangers of triclavianistic doctrines: allowing adiaphora to creep into our credenda — while possibly pushing the theologoumenic envelope and providing exciting new opportunities for supererogative works — will most often serve to muddy the soteriological foundation of Faith, leading in general to ultramontane excesses and, in extreme cases, ebaptization (which is unacceptable pastoral malpractice, however rare it may be.) Doctrinal integrity, and hence salvific effectiveness, is best served by working to end triclavianism and similar erroneous, or simply adiaphoric, doctrines.”
I have to spray my credenda now, I think it’s infested with adiaphora.
“Firstly, what is the nature of the Baby Jesus? Put simply: The Baby Jesus is a temporal prosopon of the Logos hypostatic branch of the Trinity and is the conduit through which the circuit of Agape is grounded in Humanity. Like all the hypostases, the Baby Jesus is a fully integrated, homoousian manifestation of the Trinity, having two natures, both Infantile and Divine — Baby and God.”
“Some have criticized my stance on triclavianism as being counterproductive, arguing that making a point of doctrinal contention over not making a point of doctrinal contention over adiaphora is itself non-salvific. However, my critics are overlooking the dangers of triclavianistic doctrines: allowing adiaphora to creep into our credenda — while possibly pushing the theologoumenic envelope and providing exciting new opportunities for supererogative works — will most often serve to muddy the soteriological foundation of Faith, leading in general to ultramontane excesses and, in extreme cases, ebaptization (which is unacceptable pastoral malpractice, however rare it may be.) Doctrinal integrity, and hence salvific effectiveness, is best served by working to end triclavianism and similar erroneous, or simply adiaphoric, doctrines.”
I have to spray my credenda now, I think it’s infested with adiaphora.
I can’t tell if that’s a parody or not. The “LOL — Love Our Lord!” shirt suggests parody, but the rest of the stuff suggests real church. Gahhh, why can’t I tell?
Likewise, I can’t tell whether or not Dr Mike is really this much of an asshole or is just PRETENDING to be this much of an asshole in his columns because he’s too chickenshit to really act that way. I’m not sure which option makes him more of a loser, honestly.
Wouldn’t getting your students to write down their worst criminal act be ethically questionable at best? And wouldn’t TALKING about what the students wrote, especially if you had promised them confidentiality, be ILLEGAL?
Likewise, I can’t tell whether or not Dr Mike is really this much of an asshole or is just PRETENDING to be this much of an asshole in his columns because he’s too chickenshit to really act that way. I’m not sure which option makes him more of a loser, honestly.
Wouldn’t getting your students to write down their worst criminal act be ethically questionable at best? And wouldn’t TALKING about what the students wrote, especially if you had promised them confidentiality, be ILLEGAL?
Yesterday I was giving a lecture at a Left-Handed Agronimists college in Northeastern Peru. I did a fabulously interesting exercise where I had all the students swap shoes with the person on their right. Most went right ahead and started the exercise, but one woman, an animist who smelled like my mother, got up blurting, demanding to know what all this shoe-swapping was going to accomplish. Now I obviously could have recomended she use less of the lilac water and barbados rum, but instead I simply ridiculed her for her speech impediment until she ran sobbing from the room. Hmmm, felt pretty good to. Got a little chubby. Wonder if anybody’d notice if I…
Huh? Where was I. Oh yeah. The studends discovered that by and large, the shoes of their neighbor did not fit them. I explained that the lesson was that they needed to think with their feet, because it’s just not a one size fits all world. Then I assigned them some reading and ran down to the bathroom – you know, the one with the locking door…
mikey
Huh? Where was I. Oh yeah. The studends discovered that by and large, the shoes of their neighbor did not fit them. I explained that the lesson was that they needed to think with their feet, because it’s just not a one size fits all world. Then I assigned them some reading and ran down to the bathroom – you know, the one with the locking door…
mikey
I was teaching a class in ‘criminal thought processes’, and I had my class write essays on what would be their ideal crime. Strangely enough, a large majority of them speculated about killing me, so I reported them all to the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security, and the campus security guard (I had to wake him up first) who just laughed in my face. Instead of telling him what awful breath he had, I reported his sleeping on the job to his superiors.
My God!!! I had absolutely NO IDEA that the poor goat herders in Puerto Rico were being terrorized by velociraptors! We have to DO something…
Wow. I want some of whatever those Objective Ministries folks have in their water cooler.
Wow. I want some of whatever those Objective Ministries folks have in their water cooler.
the public gathering/comments section today seems to be turning into a leftist university
I talked about poor powerless Martin Luther King, Jr. and all he accomplished with the First Amendment
And most of the time, Martin Luther King _didn’t_ get jailed, spied upon, or shot, proving that when non-white people exercise their First Amendment rights, it tends to work out great.
And most of the time, Martin Luther King _didn’t_ get jailed, spied upon, or shot, proving that when non-white people exercise their First Amendment rights, it tends to work out great.
DRMike writes: I was giving a lecture at a leftist university in the northeast.
Waitaminute…[calls up wikipedia entry on leftist college distribution in the US]…hm, northeast.
Okay, his story checks out.
I mean, seriously: what possible reason could Mike have for identifying the geographical location of the university?
Is this just a lame attempt to make his tale match his goofy ideas about where we keep the liberals, or is this like the guy who spends all his dough at the bar and then has to make up a phony story for his wife about how he got mugged, and is just pathetically drunk and stupid enough to think that adding detail will make the story seem more real– “’cause I hadda to give my workmate Isaac a ride home, to ‘crowtown,’”–
Which is where we keep our muggers, for God’s sake.
Waitaminute…[calls up wikipedia entry on leftist college distribution in the US]…hm, northeast.
Okay, his story checks out.
I mean, seriously: what possible reason could Mike have for identifying the geographical location of the university?
Is this just a lame attempt to make his tale match his goofy ideas about where we keep the liberals, or is this like the guy who spends all his dough at the bar and then has to make up a phony story for his wife about how he got mugged, and is just pathetically drunk and stupid enough to think that adding detail will make the story seem more real– “’cause I hadda to give my workmate Isaac a ride home, to ‘crowtown,’”–
Which is where we keep our muggers, for God’s sake.
That cross-in-outer space guy is the same one who reportedly “brought George W. Bush to Jesus. Glory! But I won’t speak of it,” as he wrote in his pocket diary.
Evidently someone DID speak of it, and Arthur Blessitt was deemed less mainstream-palatable than Billy Graham. Yessir, BG gave the hung-over W. the mustardseed chat as they strode along the waters of Kennebunkport.
Speaking as the offspring of a project manager for a major defense contractor, I can attest that they were putting some really wacky stuff into space for awhile there, some of it less durable than a papier-mache cross. Back in the mid-’60s, I asked persistently, “Who cleans up the outer-space junk?” Never got an answer.
“Dr.” Adams seems to be seriously threatened by anyone bright enough to pose a threat to him. Which appears to be just about everyone.
Evidently someone DID speak of it, and Arthur Blessitt was deemed less mainstream-palatable than Billy Graham. Yessir, BG gave the hung-over W. the mustardseed chat as they strode along the waters of Kennebunkport.
Speaking as the offspring of a project manager for a major defense contractor, I can attest that they were putting some really wacky stuff into space for awhile there, some of it less durable than a papier-mache cross. Back in the mid-’60s, I asked persistently, “Who cleans up the outer-space junk?” Never got an answer.
“Dr.” Adams seems to be seriously threatened by anyone bright enough to pose a threat to him. Which appears to be just about everyone.
We’ve all known for years that Dr Mike’s Stories err slightly towards the “completely made-up bollocks” end of the spectrum, but if all the *ahem* tall tales he tells about his university life are both laughably unrealistic and pathetically weak, as well as being remarkably ignorant about current trends of fashion, speech, and ideology amongst students how do we know he’s actually a university lecturer at all? It seems eminently reasonable to assume that he got his PhD from the same place as Ian Paisley and Dr Who
please excuse atrocious grammar. in my defence i’m foreign
I have to spray my credenda now, I think it’s infested with adiaphora.
Isn’t that a line from A Scanner Darkly?
Isn’t that a line from A Scanner Darkly?
I kind of read Dr. Mike’s last story as a confession of sorts. See, we’ve been correct all along — he really doesn’t say or do any of the vile stuff he claims to do in his columns. It’s all a big fantasy. Why, if we met him in real life, we would think he’s just a garden variety conservative, and we’d never know that he is actually the world’s most festering asshole.
As for the first story, there’s more than a little irony in Dr. Mike telling us this tale in the same column where he supposedly lauds his own personal restraint. I can’t really figure out how public snickering about his students’ past indiscretions has anything to do with proving something about self-reporting studies. But then I suspect the true meaning behind this story is that Dr. Mike is one of those teachers who can’t think of any way to get control of a class other than humiliation tactics. Somehow I’m not surprised.
As for the first story, there’s more than a little irony in Dr. Mike telling us this tale in the same column where he supposedly lauds his own personal restraint. I can’t really figure out how public snickering about his students’ past indiscretions has anything to do with proving something about self-reporting studies. But then I suspect the true meaning behind this story is that Dr. Mike is one of those teachers who can’t think of any way to get control of a class other than humiliation tactics. Somehow I’m not surprised.
Mississippi State University has much to answer for.
Perhaps they can retroactively find “Dr.” Mike guilty of plagiarism or something and retroactively revoke his degree.
I try hard not to judge a university by a single one of it’s graduates, but I’m going to have to try harder.
Perhaps they can retroactively find “Dr.” Mike guilty of plagiarism or something and retroactively revoke his degree.
I try hard not to judge a university by a single one of it’s graduates, but I’m going to have to try harder.
Rats, sorry about the repeat of “retroactively” (clumsy) and the apostrophe in “it’s” (inexcusable)….
The “Baby got baptism” article is on the “Anti-triclavianist” link (whatever the hell that is).
Oh, man, I’ve read some on these guys! Miller sees tremendous evil in the heresy of “Triclavianism”–the portrayal of Jesus being crucifed with three nails (both feet nailed together) instead of four (one nail through each foot). See, the Bible doesn’t say whether Jesus was crucified with three nails or four, and it is wrong and evil for us to speculate. While you might think this is a mindlessly unimportant detail, to Miller it is one of THE CORE ISSUES of Christianity. See, for some reason, God didn’t want us to know, and who are we to question God?
However, my critics are overlooking the dangers of triclavianistic doctrines: allowing adiaphora to creep into our credenda
Oh, yeah, cause once you get adiaphora in your credenda, you have to go get it frozen off.
Oh, man, I’ve read some on these guys! Miller sees tremendous evil in the heresy of “Triclavianism”–the portrayal of Jesus being crucifed with three nails (both feet nailed together) instead of four (one nail through each foot). See, the Bible doesn’t say whether Jesus was crucified with three nails or four, and it is wrong and evil for us to speculate. While you might think this is a mindlessly unimportant detail, to Miller it is one of THE CORE ISSUES of Christianity. See, for some reason, God didn’t want us to know, and who are we to question God?
However, my critics are overlooking the dangers of triclavianistic doctrines: allowing adiaphora to creep into our credenda
Oh, yeah, cause once you get adiaphora in your credenda, you have to go get it frozen off.
Thanks for the link to the objective ministries site. Nothing like seeing a flashing banner reading, “Cut up the Concubines!” or a banner extolling Chuck Norris’ ideologies on bringing the bible back into public education.
Thanks to that site I also now know that atheists are ‘grouchy and unhappy’ people that children should not speak to but report them immediately to their pastor or their parents as they ‘are better prepared to deal with them’.
I also now know that the earth in only 10,000 years old and that fossils are really the remains of all the evil people and animals that didn’t make it on the ark. Oh and that T-Rex was a vegetarian, because silly, how could he have gone on the ark if he was so vicious?
scary shit and I highly doubt its satire.
Thanks to that site I also now know that atheists are ‘grouchy and unhappy’ people that children should not speak to but report them immediately to their pastor or their parents as they ‘are better prepared to deal with them’.
I also now know that the earth in only 10,000 years old and that fossils are really the remains of all the evil people and animals that didn’t make it on the ark. Oh and that T-Rex was a vegetarian, because silly, how could he have gone on the ark if he was so vicious?
scary shit and I highly doubt its satire.
Yeah, you go Dr. Mike, go to them liberal Massachusetts schools and tell them snobby rich liberal brats and them smelly foreign students what’s up.
Has the proletariat always been part of such a boobocracy?
Has the proletariat always been part of such a boobocracy?
The fascinating thing about Dr Mike is that he could smell this Muslim at a range of twenty yards or sixty feet. Assuming that there were no other students between them, this means Dr Mike’s students are a good distance from him (thank goodness)and the question arises if the good professor were smelling this Muslim or merely noticing his own fragrance? When everyone in the room is sitting 60 feet away from you, complaining that the others stink may not be the smartest thing to do.
the question arises if the good professor were smelling this Muslim or merely noticing his own fragrance?
Mookie, to Jade, in “Do the Right Thing”: “It’s your upper lip.”
Mookie, to Jade, in “Do the Right Thing”: “It’s your upper lip.”
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