Today the good pastor will explain why Nancy Pelosi is history’s greatest monster.
But let’s think about this a moment: surely supporting legal abortion and same-sex marriage don’t mean that Pelosi is worse than Jeffery Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy, or Gallagher?
Posted by s.z. on Saturday, January 6th, 2007 at 4:35 am.
48 Responses to “Swank o’ the Day”
Pelosi, The Mother Of All MothersOne line in, and already Pastor Swank is arguing with himself. Not a good sign.
I don’t think so.
I noted recently especially when male reporters interviewed Nancy Pelosi the males just glowed when asking her questions about being a mother, her children, her family.Yeah, motherhood, children, and families do that to some people — but not many of them are brave enough to admit it. You go, Pastor Swank!
It made me sick.
But Pelosi is a murderer, along with too many other American mothers, even those presently pregnant and planning that bloody end zone. Pelosi proudly states that she is for abortion. That translated into bald language is that the Female Head of the Congress favors killing unborn children.So, supporting legal abortions and thinking about having an abortion make one a murderer in Pastor Swank’s world. No wonder he thinks the whole country is being stashed near hell’s lip.
So what makes Pelosi any different from Saddam Hussein?I’m going to let you guys answer this one.
Before you think that statement extreme — considering Hussein’s yen for pushing humans into shredding machines and slaying thousands as his executive duty being head of state — consider Pelosi endorsing measures by which millions of defenseless children are slaughtered.Certainly! And if Hussein slaughters millions by pushing them into gigantic blenders, and Pastor Swank slaughters the English language on a daily basis, is there not somewhere in there an equal equation?
If Hussein slaughters and Pelosi slaughters is there not somewhere in there an equal equation?
Further, Pelosi, mother of all mothers NOT, endorses most smilingly — with all the grins her face can muster — same-gender nuptials. She was the female politico in California who several years got the ball rolling across the nation for same-gender vows. She proudly told media daily how she thought it most laudable for same genders to tie the marital knot.And YOU thought I was just misquoting a Simpsons ref when I made that “greatest monster” remark!
Now that same headliner is the chief in the United States Congress.
Put Pelosi the murderer alongside Pelosi the sexually-permissive-which-furthers-HIV-AIDS and you have one of the major monsters in our country.
But let’s think about this a moment: surely supporting legal abortion and same-sex marriage don’t mean that Pelosi is worse than Jeffery Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy, or Gallagher?
Don’t try to whittle away any of the above. Don’t even dare.Um, fine. Whatever you say, Pastor Swank. I’m backing away slowly now. Please don’t hurt me!
Once you unravel one thread in the name of niceness, you unravel everything and that leaves you with being just as abhorrent a personage as Nancy Pelosi.So, I guess that means that I am also history’s greatest monster. I bet you people are so jealous!
Posted by s.z. on Saturday, January 6th, 2007 at 4:35 am.
48 Responses to “Swank o’ the Day”
Once again, pro choice is *not* pro abortion, or I’d be out trying to get knocked up so I can have one next month. I’m not, because I don’t consider abortions fun. So I’m not pro abortion*. But if I somehow do get pregnant, I will want to choose whether to or not to have an abortion, a choice that includes not having one. That’s why we call it “pro choice”.
Of course, carrying a pregnancy to term is a horrendously unlikely choice for me, and somehow I doubt that even Pastor Swank would think I should have a kid. He just also doesn’t think I should have an abortion, which makes, I believe, me pro choice and him no choice.
(I’m guessing his single allowable choice for me would be to carry to term, praying away the resultant PTSD, give it up for adoption to some sucker who wants a kid with an extremely high chance of assorted mental illnesses and cares not about race, and then pray away the post partum depression. God knows raising a kid in my family would be immoral and probably result in a child with sexually permissive attitudes.)
Of course, I say that as a murderer, so my opinion may not count, but I would contend it counts slightly more than that of a guy who has repeatedly urged genocide against Muslims everywhere. War, dear Pastor, is also murder. And what we’ve created in Iraq is distinctly a culture of death, even without abortions.
Such a self-righteous man. Such a logical position. Such a moral high ground. Such a small-minded, misogynist fuckwit.
* This should not be assumed to mean that I regard abortion as “wrong”, but merely that I regard medical procedures as things to be avoided wherever possible. Incidentally, I am also not “pro appendectomy”, but I might find myself reluctantly doing that soon, and being extremely grateful that the technology exists, the law allows me to get that done, and the procedure is readily available for me in a safe, clean environment with a high probability of success and a low probability of having to deal with aggressive picketers. The joys of non-girly-bit illnesses. Guys like Swank make them seem almost a blessing, by comparison.
Of course, carrying a pregnancy to term is a horrendously unlikely choice for me, and somehow I doubt that even Pastor Swank would think I should have a kid. He just also doesn’t think I should have an abortion, which makes, I believe, me pro choice and him no choice.
(I’m guessing his single allowable choice for me would be to carry to term, praying away the resultant PTSD, give it up for adoption to some sucker who wants a kid with an extremely high chance of assorted mental illnesses and cares not about race, and then pray away the post partum depression. God knows raising a kid in my family would be immoral and probably result in a child with sexually permissive attitudes.)
Of course, I say that as a murderer, so my opinion may not count, but I would contend it counts slightly more than that of a guy who has repeatedly urged genocide against Muslims everywhere. War, dear Pastor, is also murder. And what we’ve created in Iraq is distinctly a culture of death, even without abortions.
Such a self-righteous man. Such a logical position. Such a moral high ground. Such a small-minded, misogynist fuckwit.
* This should not be assumed to mean that I regard abortion as “wrong”, but merely that I regard medical procedures as things to be avoided wherever possible. Incidentally, I am also not “pro appendectomy”, but I might find myself reluctantly doing that soon, and being extremely grateful that the technology exists, the law allows me to get that done, and the procedure is readily available for me in a safe, clean environment with a high probability of success and a low probability of having to deal with aggressive picketers. The joys of non-girly-bit illnesses. Guys like Swank make them seem almost a blessing, by comparison.
Why do so many people think gay sex generates HIV? It can be transmitted sexually, in one person is carrying the virus, but if neither person has it, there is no way either can contract it. I would have thought anyone with an ounce of sense would know that.
Oops. I forgot who wrote that. Sorry, my bad. This guy thinks encouraging monogamy is “sexually permissive”. What are the colors in Swank’s universe? Are blackberries yellow? Do cats love to swim? Are elephants really, really small? Is Pat Robertson sane? Is Ann Coulter fat, and compulsively honest? Is Mike Adams sweet and outgoing? Is Rush Limbaugh skinny and intelligent? Can Ben Shapiro get laid?
C’mon, everybody, think of other things in the alternite reality the Swanksta lives in!
Oops. I forgot who wrote that. Sorry, my bad. This guy thinks encouraging monogamy is “sexually permissive”. What are the colors in Swank’s universe? Are blackberries yellow? Do cats love to swim? Are elephants really, really small? Is Pat Robertson sane? Is Ann Coulter fat, and compulsively honest? Is Mike Adams sweet and outgoing? Is Rush Limbaugh skinny and intelligent? Can Ben Shapiro get laid?
C’mon, everybody, think of other things in the alternite reality the Swanksta lives in!
…like, can I write a comment that doesn’t contain a single spelling error?
on the other hand, Pastor Swank supports the current unpleasantness in Iraq, which our own army acknowledges has exponentially increased the death toll for Iraqis, some of them unborn for no particular reason and to no particular advantage, so can we not say that Pastor Swank (who, assuming he was following current events back then, undoubtedly also supported Saddam back when he was gassing kurds, some of them unborn, for Donald Rumsfeld) is the same as Saddam Hussein?
As a matter of fact, can you not say that by supporting Bush administration policies which have resulted in the loss of adequate prenatal care to pregnant women and the resultant increase in the rate of…
Whatever. After this many years of wingnut superfunding of the most vicious forms of vicious pseudo-christianity, Swank is mired in the supermarket flyer section of the internets. The man’s just flat bitter. Leave him sitting at the end of the bar telling his woes to the bowling trophies and go sit near the jukebox.
As a matter of fact, can you not say that by supporting Bush administration policies which have resulted in the loss of adequate prenatal care to pregnant women and the resultant increase in the rate of…
Whatever. After this many years of wingnut superfunding of the most vicious forms of vicious pseudo-christianity, Swank is mired in the supermarket flyer section of the internets. The man’s just flat bitter. Leave him sitting at the end of the bar telling his woes to the bowling trophies and go sit near the jukebox.
Hmm, I’m hoping that the coding got mixed up on that third blockquote, otherwise Swank is really taking arguing with himself to extremes. Also, “mother of all mothers NOT” brings back fond memories of 7th grade debate class. Thanks for raising the level of discussion in America, Pastor Swank.
I’m surprised that Swank didn’t accuse Pelosi of being worse than Hussein. After all, I thought Saddam presided over a state that doesn’t allow abortions.
This is really silly on my part (to argue facts with Swank), but just to be technically correct — Nancy Pelosi wasn’t “the female politico in California who several years got the ball rolling across the nation for same-gender vows” unless Swank means she supported what went on in SF in ’04.
Gavin Newsom was the male politico who threw open the doors to City Hall and invited all of us to get married. Pelosi merely commented. Newsom was the hero, and the reason the world watched, because he publicized his decision as much as he could. So every corner of the lgbt community would hear (and come), and the rest of you would see.
To Swank’s idiocy, I can only sigh. But then I’m right up there with Hussein, I guess, since I spent years running a family planing clinic which did pregnancy terminations. Somehow I thought I was doing good work by keeping a clean, medically safe facility going day in and day out, counseling women who had no more ability/means/stability to raise a child than Swank appears to.
He doesn’t actually have children, does he? If so, I pity them.
Gavin Newsom was the male politico who threw open the doors to City Hall and invited all of us to get married. Pelosi merely commented. Newsom was the hero, and the reason the world watched, because he publicized his decision as much as he could. So every corner of the lgbt community would hear (and come), and the rest of you would see.
To Swank’s idiocy, I can only sigh. But then I’m right up there with Hussein, I guess, since I spent years running a family planing clinic which did pregnancy terminations. Somehow I thought I was doing good work by keeping a clean, medically safe facility going day in and day out, counseling women who had no more ability/means/stability to raise a child than Swank appears to.
He doesn’t actually have children, does he? If so, I pity them.
I think he has an adopted son, doesn’t he? I seem to recall a column he wrote awhile back in which he said he had his suitcase packed, in case the kid became violent, so he could escape and leave his wife to be killed.
Or SOMETHING like that. Does anybody else remember it?
Or SOMETHING like that. Does anybody else remember it?
You’re right, Bill S, that was one of my first sightings of Swank in the blogosphere. I thought he was a jerk then – no thought for his wife, no thought for the troubled kid* – and his subsequent outpourings of Swanktorum have only reinforced that impression. I only read him here and in other selected blogs to get my dose of “I must not be such a bad person; at least I’m better than that.”
*I think it involved drugs, being not-white, and not being grateful enough to Swankster for taking him in.
*I think it involved drugs, being not-white, and not being grateful enough to Swankster for taking him in.
C’mon, everybody, think of other things in the alternite reality the Swanksta lives in!
Okay, “Bill S.” ‘Fess up. You’re really Lindsay Lohan, aren’t you?
Okay, “Bill S.” ‘Fess up. You’re really Lindsay Lohan, aren’t you?
Wacky Mr. Swank would be right at home with the hatemongers at KSFO, who chortle about “painting a bull’s-eye” on Nancy Pelosi. In light of the enormity of her evil, that position seems so very reasonable, doesn’t it?
As some of you may have noticed, the blogger Spocko has had some success in getting advertisers to yank their spots from KSFO’s virulent talk show programming. In fact, he’s had enough success that his blog has been shut down by a cease & desist order from ABC/Disney, KSFO’s parent organization.
I’ve posted some stuff here, with links to many other sources of information in this fight over right-wing hate radio.
As some of you may have noticed, the blogger Spocko has had some success in getting advertisers to yank their spots from KSFO’s virulent talk show programming. In fact, he’s had enough success that his blog has been shut down by a cease & desist order from ABC/Disney, KSFO’s parent organization.
I’ve posted some stuff here, with links to many other sources of information in this fight over right-wing hate radio.
on the other hand, Pastor Swank supports the current unpleasantness in Iraq, which our own army acknowledges has exponentially increased the death toll for Iraqis, some of them unborn for no particular reason
Yes, but I believe that good Pastor Babelfish would argue that there is no equal equation possible between womb babies and muslims murderers global.
Yes, but I believe that good Pastor Babelfish would argue that there is no equal equation possible between womb babies and muslims murderers global.
Well, s.z., I suppose SOMEBODY has to love him.
And maryc, I neither drink nor drive. Does that answer your question?
And maryc, I neither drink nor drive. Does that answer your question?
For a pastor, he seems kinda hateful. That’s what I never liked about going to church when I was a kid. Because it was always about what the preacher hated and not what he loved.
Yeah, well, you give an asshole a Bible, and you don’t get a better person-you just get AN ASSHOLE WITH A BIBLE.
Yes, BillS. That answer is very adequite.
Lindsay couldn’t even drive straight when she was sober. I hate to think of how it looks when she’s DUI.
Totally off topic, but I know there are very knowledgeable people here to set me straight: John Murtha and ABSCAM. From what I recall and have read, he declined the bribes, wanting the “arab” business men to invest in things that would help Murtha’s district. He was never indicted, but was called an “un-indicted co-conspirator”, which I took to mean that meant he actually met with the faux arabs, rather than declining to get involved at all with them.
Am I right? Wrong? Help?
Lindsay couldn’t even drive straight when she was sober. I hate to think of how it looks when she’s DUI.
Totally off topic, but I know there are very knowledgeable people here to set me straight: John Murtha and ABSCAM. From what I recall and have read, he declined the bribes, wanting the “arab” business men to invest in things that would help Murtha’s district. He was never indicted, but was called an “un-indicted co-conspirator”, which I took to mean that meant he actually met with the faux arabs, rather than declining to get involved at all with them.
Am I right? Wrong? Help?
I had a psycho boss call me ‘the worst person in the world’ once. Doesn’t that make me a worse monster than you and Saddam Hussein?
No,no, I’m the greatest monster in the world. I rule. You drool.
with all the grins her face can muster
Ah, the great Grin Muster of 2007. Phrases like that call for a Gary Larson cartoon to do them justice.
Ah, the great Grin Muster of 2007. Phrases like that call for a Gary Larson cartoon to do them justice.
Yo – ain’t nothing worse than Gallagher. Except possibly Doug Henning. Discuss.
Wow. She’s got a kazillion grandkids but she’s a mass murderer?
Pelosi showed to anyone tuning in that she is not just pro-family, she has created one. A big one!
This kind of rabid ranting only helps us.
Pelosi showed to anyone tuning in that she is not just pro-family, she has created one. A big one!
This kind of rabid ranting only helps us.
Yes, Nancy Pelosi is Speaker of teh Hiz-ouse, and I have but THIS to say to the likes of Pasteur Swank!
And, that’s fascinating. It isn’t slutty, rampant promiscuity that spreads HIV–it’s same-sex marriage. And, evidently, just same-sex marriage. Huh. Well, how did it spread before Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage a couple of years ago? I think Swank is covering something up here. HIV is obviously spread through traditional marriage as well! None of that disease-ridden marriage stuff for me-just give me the meaningless, slatternly, whore-like sex, thank you! And, as always, thank you, Pastor Swank!
So, I guess that means that I am also history’s greatest monster. I bet you people are so jealous!Not really. You aren’t Historsizzle’s Greatess Monsterdizzle. Nor, for that matter, am I. As it turns out, I am tied, with a number of other people, for second place (since we are gay, pro-choice monsters). The winners are married, pro-choice, gay people who read and comment on WO’C. There must be at least a couple!
So what makes Pelosi any different from Saddam Hussein?I take it that Swank isn’t asking for a lengthy dissertation on that whole dead/alive thing, so I gotta go with the mustache. Definitely the mustache.
considering Hussein’s yen for pushing humans into shredding machines and slaying thousands as his executive duty being head of stateI see somebody finally got to see “Fargo.”
And, that’s fascinating. It isn’t slutty, rampant promiscuity that spreads HIV–it’s same-sex marriage. And, evidently, just same-sex marriage. Huh. Well, how did it spread before Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage a couple of years ago? I think Swank is covering something up here. HIV is obviously spread through traditional marriage as well! None of that disease-ridden marriage stuff for me-just give me the meaningless, slatternly, whore-like sex, thank you! And, as always, thank you, Pastor Swank!
Wait! Let me guess!
Swank is all for the slaughter performed in our names that Bush has foisted on Iraq.
Swank is all for the slaughter performed in our names that Bush has foisted on Iraq.
“Yeah, well, you give an asshole a Bible, and you don’t get a better person-you just get AN ASSHOLE WITH A BIBLE.”
Which is why there’s no difference between the drunken George W. Bush and GWB after he quit drinking.
Which is why there’s no difference between the drunken George W. Bush and GWB after he quit drinking.
Marq, are you implying that my interracial, queer, pro-choice, anti-child, polyamorous household full of atheist and pagan liberals is somehow less evil than a *married* interracial, queer, pro-choice, anti-child, household full of atheist and pagan liberals? We get points *knocked off* for being promiscuous? (We’re not, but guys like Swank don’t know the difference.) If it’ll bump our score any, I’ll fess up to some illicit drug use, trial lawyer-lovin’, and cat ownership. Also, the one of us who drives has decided that a new job is the perfect occasion to get a hybrid to replace our beloved Tinyhonda, because we’re concerned about global warming and it’ll look spiffy as hell with a Stewart/Colbert 08 bumper sticker on it. (Or a Gore/Moyers 08, if we can find one.)
And, we all hate baseball and apple pie, and none of us has talked to our mothers in years.
I yield in our Worse Than Saddam credentials to no one!
And, we all hate baseball and apple pie, and none of us has talked to our mothers in years.
I yield in our Worse Than Saddam credentials to no one!
The Swank column was responsible for an outburst of man’s laughter here. But then Marie Jo took her apostrophe back, and the Equally Equivalent Equation police arrested me for manslaughter.
I need to cut down on the cryptic-crossword clues.
I need to cut down on the cryptic-crossword clues.
“planning that bloody end zone”
I mean I know it is playoffs and bowl games and and all that, but this is really one of the more surreal images the ol swankster has come up with.
I think Swank has these strange dreams ( in this one, 11 pregnant women, coached by Nancy Pelosi, were playing Ohio State, coached by Saddam Hussein, for the National Champioship and it was 4th and goal. Pelosi went for it, got it, and Swank lost his church or the post office box or whatever he has), and bits and pieces sort of wind up in his column. I mean there has to be some kind of an explanation for where this stuff comes from.
I mean I know it is playoffs and bowl games and and all that, but this is really one of the more surreal images the ol swankster has come up with.
I think Swank has these strange dreams ( in this one, 11 pregnant women, coached by Nancy Pelosi, were playing Ohio State, coached by Saddam Hussein, for the National Champioship and it was 4th and goal. Pelosi went for it, got it, and Swank lost his church or the post office box or whatever he has), and bits and pieces sort of wind up in his column. I mean there has to be some kind of an explanation for where this stuff comes from.
Well, dear WO’C friends, prepare yourselves for the puzzled spew from Pastor Swank when Passover rolls around this year. He will learn, to his horror, that not all of Catholic Nancy Pelosi’s grandchildren are Catholic. At least one of them is Jewish, and she enthusiastically participates in that household’s Passover seder and other Jewish holidays.
The horror, oh, the horror!
The horror, oh, the horror!
tomg, I loved your analogy. Especially after viewing one collection of the Top Ten Video Clips over to crooksandliars.com. In Berea, Ohio, the “unemployed 23-year-old living with his parents,” arrested for publicly wanking away to porn viewed at a computer terminal–as seen on surveillance camera at the public library–wore a bright OHIO STATE hoodie during his interview with the television reporter. Bad for the Buckeyes, I say, and anything that’s bad for the Buckeyes is fine by me.
It’s the Ohio State Womb-Babies vs. the Florida Sexually-Permissive-Which-Furthers-HIV-AIDS team to determine who is the worst monsters of them all.
“anything that’s bad for the Buckeyes is fine by me.”
Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel, save in whom they vote for, I could not agree more. Still, I must admit, that in a case of
Ohio vs. Florida, I am sorely pressed as to whether I hope Ohio or Florida loses ( isn’t there someway that both can lose?).
Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel, save in whom they vote for, I could not agree more. Still, I must admit, that in a case of
Ohio vs. Florida, I am sorely pressed as to whether I hope Ohio or Florida loses ( isn’t there someway that both can lose?).
It’s the Ohio State Womb-Babies vs. the Florida Sexually-Permissive-Which-Furthers-HIV-AIDS ….
Left by Mark S.
isn’t San Francisco State supposed to be in there somewhere?
Left by Mark S.
isn’t San Francisco State supposed to be in there somewhere?
MAN! I hate it when I miss all of the good Bill S. jokes…
And y’know, S.Z., darlin’ heart, I was going to start this comment with a ginormous scream neverending, seeing as how Pastor Swanktorum (yes, I’m stealing that one!) was the first site (sty?) to hit my eyes this “morning”, but y’know, he’d probably just enjoy it. He’s probably on surveillance tape SOMEWHERE, I’d wager, and not “ministering” in the traditional (or non-altar-boy) sense. If ever I’ve seen a finer example of The Bitch He Doth Protest Too Much, I can’t recall it at the moment.
If I had it, I’d offer up a $2M reward for any evidence from any establishment (gay, hetero, bi-curious or omnisexual) that has footage of Swank in/near/out back of their building(s). Where the hell is Larry Flynt these days, anyway — when did HE stop tormenting phony motherfuckers and WHY???
Also, if she didn’t turn to ash or fly away as a billion scarab beetles, I’d give both my tits to get a gander at Swank’s MOTHER. I hate to go all Freudian on y’all, but come ON — anybody who loathes women on this kind of scale has GOT to have some (SOME???) fucking ISSUES.
None of which is to excuse or even attempt to explain how batshit-crazy this mouth-breathing nematodic pus-wad IS, of course, but wouldn’t it make for the most fascinating sideshow? Imagine what we could raise from the popcorn franchise alone…
OT & BTW, Scarborough is bitch-slapping Falafel Boy… heh heh heh…
http://mediamatters.org/items/200701050011
And y’know, S.Z., darlin’ heart, I was going to start this comment with a ginormous scream neverending, seeing as how Pastor Swanktorum (yes, I’m stealing that one!) was the first site (sty?) to hit my eyes this “morning”, but y’know, he’d probably just enjoy it. He’s probably on surveillance tape SOMEWHERE, I’d wager, and not “ministering” in the traditional (or non-altar-boy) sense. If ever I’ve seen a finer example of The Bitch He Doth Protest Too Much, I can’t recall it at the moment.
If I had it, I’d offer up a $2M reward for any evidence from any establishment (gay, hetero, bi-curious or omnisexual) that has footage of Swank in/near/out back of their building(s). Where the hell is Larry Flynt these days, anyway — when did HE stop tormenting phony motherfuckers and WHY???
Also, if she didn’t turn to ash or fly away as a billion scarab beetles, I’d give both my tits to get a gander at Swank’s MOTHER. I hate to go all Freudian on y’all, but come ON — anybody who loathes women on this kind of scale has GOT to have some (SOME???) fucking ISSUES.
None of which is to excuse or even attempt to explain how batshit-crazy this mouth-breathing nematodic pus-wad IS, of course, but wouldn’t it make for the most fascinating sideshow? Imagine what we could raise from the popcorn franchise alone…
OT & BTW, Scarborough is bitch-slapping Falafel Boy… heh heh heh…
http://mediamatters.org/items/200701050011
Pelosi the sexually-permissive-which-furthers-HIV-AIDS
Shouldn’t supporting homo-nups decrease sexual permissiveness among the homo-nupees? So by supporting gay marriage, isn’t Pelosi preventing the spread of HIV/AIDS? Or something like that…
Shouldn’t supporting homo-nups decrease sexual permissiveness among the homo-nupees? So by supporting gay marriage, isn’t Pelosi preventing the spread of HIV/AIDS? Or something like that…
So, supporting legal abortions and thinking about having an abortion make one a murderer in Pastor Swank’s world.
Apparently. Pastor Swank was one of my best students at the fine Welsh art of Llap Goch, in which you attack your attacker before he’s even thought about attacking you.
Apparently. Pastor Swank was one of my best students at the fine Welsh art of Llap Goch, in which you attack your attacker before he’s even thought about attacking you.
No, homo nups actually spread AIDS/HIV, because gay sex actually makes the virus, and then that virus leaks out of the bedroom to kill us all.
Also, if she didn’t turn to ash or fly away as a billion scarab beetles, I’d give both my tits to get a gander at Swank’s MOTHER. I hate to go all Freudian on y’all, but come ON — anybody who loathes women on this kind of scale has GOT to have some (SOME???) fucking ISSUES.MENTAL IMAGE ALERT!! If you value your sanity, read no further! Thank you.
I’m sure that Mrs. Pastor Swank’s Mum was something along the lines of a 570lb. wet-nurse who wandered around topless, occasionally pausing to press a screaming infant to some undifferentiated roll o’ fat until it quieted down. Whether she ever pressed one against anything that actually gave milk remains a topic of some controversy.
END, MENTAL IMAGE ALERT!1! You can start reading again!
Sweet Zombie Jesus. I don’t know how anyone could navigate through an entire Swank article (tee hee) without dying. Just reading the passages above actually caused my brain to twist and thrash about in my brainpan like a pissed-off eel trying to escape the pain.
Hey marq–
Here’s something even scarier, and grist for all yer lil’ mills:
http://www.clements.umich.edu/Webguides/B/Bush.html
And yes, it’s the current prezidunce’s great grandfather. (Or great-great, I’m not sure.)
Here’s something even scarier, and grist for all yer lil’ mills:
http://www.clements.umich.edu/Webguides/B/Bush.html
And yes, it’s the current prezidunce’s great grandfather. (Or great-great, I’m not sure.)
Gosh, Annti, I’m flattered that you’re stealing “Swanktorum.” As far as I know, I invented that word. Unless, of course, I ripped it off from someone else subconsciously. (that means while drunk or stoned, I guess)
Buffalo Gal, darlin’ heart, matters not whither it cometh, I’ll always give you credit in my heart as I rip you off shamelessly.
And Happenstance, that whole eel-frying-pan-brain-pan thing was PURE ART!
Marq, pumpkin. I know that, on your planet, a 570-lb topless woman is but a mere abstract, a mere figment of said imagination… BUT, you forget that I’ve got relatives in Mississippi. And 35 out of 36 years in Louisiana — come ON!!!
You gotta try harder than that, pumpkin. And no, Swanktorum was NEVER even VAGUELY affiliated with breastfeeding, whether it had nipples or not. If ever there were a prime example of post-Depression/pre-Baby-Boom puritanical/misogynistic bullshit about breastfeeding being “unclean” and “for poor people” — SWANKTORUM IS TEH POSTERBOY.
And I’d wager that the retro-Victorian industrial “purity” shit that sprang from the font of Prescot Bush & Adolph Hitler is the same meme that created this abomination upon the earth. Think Ayn Rand on really really bad cocaine and huge huffs of ether. Kinda the way that republicunt basement-boys “interpret” Rand these days… She wasn’t about ethnic cleansing or capitalist hegemony, but that’s what these can’t-handle-the-Cliff’s-notes morons got from it.
And Happenstance, that whole eel-frying-pan-brain-pan thing was PURE ART!
Marq, pumpkin. I know that, on your planet, a 570-lb topless woman is but a mere abstract, a mere figment of said imagination… BUT, you forget that I’ve got relatives in Mississippi. And 35 out of 36 years in Louisiana — come ON!!!
You gotta try harder than that, pumpkin. And no, Swanktorum was NEVER even VAGUELY affiliated with breastfeeding, whether it had nipples or not. If ever there were a prime example of post-Depression/pre-Baby-Boom puritanical/misogynistic bullshit about breastfeeding being “unclean” and “for poor people” — SWANKTORUM IS TEH POSTERBOY.
And I’d wager that the retro-Victorian industrial “purity” shit that sprang from the font of Prescot Bush & Adolph Hitler is the same meme that created this abomination upon the earth. Think Ayn Rand on really really bad cocaine and huge huffs of ether. Kinda the way that republicunt basement-boys “interpret” Rand these days… She wasn’t about ethnic cleansing or capitalist hegemony, but that’s what these can’t-handle-the-Cliff’s-notes morons got from it.
Hey, the Koufax award nominations have started!
http://koufax.wabanaki.net/node/32
I’ve already put in my two cents for WoC, and it was then that I remembered this awesome little post from this past summer:
Meet The Press…In Hell
http://world-o-crap.com/blog/?p=42
Just HAD to nominate that one for most humorous post
http://koufax.wabanaki.net/node/32
I’ve already put in my two cents for WoC, and it was then that I remembered this awesome little post from this past summer:
Meet The Press…In Hell
http://world-o-crap.com/blog/?p=42
Just HAD to nominate that one for most humorous post
It’s been almost a week since we had a new post up here. Hope s.z. and scott are okay.
They probably just have real-life stuff to tend to.
But golly-gee. Four frakkin’ days. I mean, darn! Heck!
please excuse my language.
They probably just have real-life stuff to tend to.
But golly-gee. Four frakkin’ days. I mean, darn! Heck!
please excuse my language.
They’ve been enslaved by the cats and are toiling in the underground catnip mines. I, for one, welcome our cat overlords.
Bill S: as my Mom used to say “You wouldn’t hold in your hand what is coming out of your mouth!” My response was “Huh?” Yes, I too, hope all is well on the Planet Crap.
Adults used to say a lot of things that I, as a child, found remarkably stupid. Anybody ever hear this?
“A jerk is a tug,
A tug is a boat,
A boat floats on water,
Water is part of a nature,
And nature is beautiful.
So when someone calls you a jerk, they’re REALLY calling you beautiful.”
Even as a kid, the flaw in that reasoning was easy to spot: AN OBJECT THAT FLOATS ON WATER AIN’T WATER, YOU STUPID JACKASS!!!! In my head of course, ’cause you can’t call your teachers “jackass”. Not to their faces anyway.
Then as a teen, when heard an adult say that to a little kid, I’d think, “Yeah, that’s brilliant-now tell me what it means when someone calls you an asshole.”
“A jerk is a tug,
A tug is a boat,
A boat floats on water,
Water is part of a nature,
And nature is beautiful.
So when someone calls you a jerk, they’re REALLY calling you beautiful.”
Even as a kid, the flaw in that reasoning was easy to spot: AN OBJECT THAT FLOATS ON WATER AIN’T WATER, YOU STUPID JACKASS!!!! In my head of course, ’cause you can’t call your teachers “jackass”. Not to their faces anyway.
Then as a teen, when heard an adult say that to a little kid, I’d think, “Yeah, that’s brilliant-now tell me what it means when someone calls you an asshole.”
It means that you’re Dr. Professor Mike Adams, of course.
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