I want to thank D. Sidhe for alerting us to the very amusing parody site OBJECTIVE: Ministries. (The links to sincere but nutty sites such as Christian Exodus, the Chalcedon Foundation, and Judge Roy Moore make you think it may be real, but such things as the “battle cry” of “Cut Up the Concubines” let you know that it’s a joke). It’s lots of good Christian fun for the whole family!
UPDATE: Although Wikipedia isn’t always right, if you are in doubt about whether this site is a joke or not, their entry on OBJECTIVE: Ministries might help you make up your mind.
What convinced me that the site was a parody was not just the “Kirk Cameron infiltrates a Druid Coven” piece, but the fact that the link in the article was just to a boring, old “Way of the Master” broadcast that didn’t mention Druids AT ALL!. Plus, I never got my free Bible for converting the hippie atheist. Bottom line: while all of the ideas presented at OBJECTIVE are held by actual religious wingnuts somewhere, said beliefs never come together in such an abundance of wingnuttery in nature (because such a site would be too stupid to live, proving that Darwinism even applies to wingnuttery). … Unless, of course, God is now intervening to make life a lot easier for bloggers like me by allowing nuttiness without even a dab of sense to flourish, or Satan is busy ushering in the apocolypse or something,
Posted by s.z. on Tuesday, January 16th, 2007 at 4:25 pm.
UPDATE: Although Wikipedia isn’t always right, if you are in doubt about whether this site is a joke or not, their entry on OBJECTIVE: Ministries might help you make up your mind.
What convinced me that the site was a parody was not just the “Kirk Cameron infiltrates a Druid Coven” piece, but the fact that the link in the article was just to a boring, old “Way of the Master” broadcast that didn’t mention Druids AT ALL!. Plus, I never got my free Bible for converting the hippie atheist. Bottom line: while all of the ideas presented at OBJECTIVE are held by actual religious wingnuts somewhere, said beliefs never come together in such an abundance of wingnuttery in nature (because such a site would be too stupid to live, proving that Darwinism even applies to wingnuttery). … Unless, of course, God is now intervening to make life a lot easier for bloggers like me by allowing nuttiness without even a dab of sense to flourish, or Satan is busy ushering in the apocolypse or something,
Posted by s.z. on Tuesday, January 16th, 2007 at 4:25 pm.
22 responses to "Maybe Pastor Swank Can Write For Them"
Oh, but I can give you sincere. Try this page, which is linked off the Kidz Krafts or whatever.
http://www.geocities.jp/happyorigamiministry/
There’s a mechalambofgod thing going on there. (It’s not supposed to be Jesus. It’s a lamb. A real lamb. Well, okay, an anthropomorphized lamb.) You can also make a paper model of Ruby, Lambuel’s lion friend who, one of the pages says, stays home and waits for Lambuel to come home with tales of his exciting adventures. (I think they’re advocating mixed species marriages, btw.)
You can also make a paper model of the grumpy atheist, a goat in a bathrobe. No, I’m not kidding. Stop looking at me like that. But kids! What should you do, per Objective Ministries, if you see an atheist in your neighborhood? Why, you should tell a parent or pastor at once! Do not approach them, apparently ’cause they’re all wily and stuff. And they wander around in bathrobes, with horns, and carrying coffee mugs that say “I [heart] Rand”.
There’s also a fairly nice pteranodon model that has flapping wings, if you ignore the whole Kongomato vibe, and a giraffe in a lab coat that nods its head and wags its finger at you as “Fun Facts about Creationism” are displayed while you turn the crank. They’re pdfs, but they’re worth the trouble to open them just for the added lunacy. (Although be aware that the giraffe model is almost completely backwards according to the assembly instructions. It took me two tries to get the one that’s sitting on my coffee table making me giggle.) I’m considering replacing the script on the fact tumbler with Fun Facts About Lamarckian Evolution!
I shouldn’t mock the harmlessly sincere, and the Happy Origami guy seems fairly harmless. But, damn. Just… damn.
Swank isn’t fit to hold their dinosaur nets.
http://www.geocities.jp/happyorigamiministry/
There’s a mechalambofgod thing going on there. (It’s not supposed to be Jesus. It’s a lamb. A real lamb. Well, okay, an anthropomorphized lamb.) You can also make a paper model of Ruby, Lambuel’s lion friend who, one of the pages says, stays home and waits for Lambuel to come home with tales of his exciting adventures. (I think they’re advocating mixed species marriages, btw.)
You can also make a paper model of the grumpy atheist, a goat in a bathrobe. No, I’m not kidding. Stop looking at me like that. But kids! What should you do, per Objective Ministries, if you see an atheist in your neighborhood? Why, you should tell a parent or pastor at once! Do not approach them, apparently ’cause they’re all wily and stuff. And they wander around in bathrobes, with horns, and carrying coffee mugs that say “I [heart] Rand”.
There’s also a fairly nice pteranodon model that has flapping wings, if you ignore the whole Kongomato vibe, and a giraffe in a lab coat that nods its head and wags its finger at you as “Fun Facts about Creationism” are displayed while you turn the crank. They’re pdfs, but they’re worth the trouble to open them just for the added lunacy. (Although be aware that the giraffe model is almost completely backwards according to the assembly instructions. It took me two tries to get the one that’s sitting on my coffee table making me giggle.) I’m considering replacing the script on the fact tumbler with Fun Facts About Lamarckian Evolution!
I shouldn’t mock the harmlessly sincere, and the Happy Origami guy seems fairly harmless. But, damn. Just… damn.
Swank isn’t fit to hold their dinosaur nets.
Yup, it’s real. That “cut up the concubine” deal even.
See, just below the misogynistic suggestion there’s a wee lil’ link to Judges, Chapter 19. A story of a guy bringing his concubine home from her dad’s house (nothing illegal or immoral to see here, move along) ends up staying in a kind stranger’s house. Some local punks pound on the door and demand to see the traveler, they take the concubine away and gang-rape her and do who knows what else.
In the morning the traveler takes his concubine home — she’s apparently still barely alive — and cuts her into 12 pieces, sending one to the head of each tribe of Israel. (A violation of more postal regulations than I care to name.)
To find out why, go to Chapter 20. The 12 tribes are so horrified by the punks’ acts (but not by the traveler’s acts) that they band together and perform a very thorough ethnic cleansing of the punks’ entire tribe. Body count rivals current Iraq war.
So “cut up the concubine” is a declaration of war. These “Objective” (heh heh) guys want to make war on infidels, Druids, atheists, etc.
Okay, then, why not just say that, instead of making reference to the brutal hacking of a woman (who’d already been through a bad time and would likely have preferred a hot bath, a swift horse, and some archery lessons) just to make a point, followed by a war with such massively disproportionate collateral damage? What kind of war are we talking about here?
Oh yeah, in Chapter 21, the land of the vanquished tribe is taken over by a wealthy merchant named Ha’al-e-Burton. (just kidding)
See, just below the misogynistic suggestion there’s a wee lil’ link to Judges, Chapter 19. A story of a guy bringing his concubine home from her dad’s house (nothing illegal or immoral to see here, move along) ends up staying in a kind stranger’s house. Some local punks pound on the door and demand to see the traveler, they take the concubine away and gang-rape her and do who knows what else.
In the morning the traveler takes his concubine home — she’s apparently still barely alive — and cuts her into 12 pieces, sending one to the head of each tribe of Israel. (A violation of more postal regulations than I care to name.)
To find out why, go to Chapter 20. The 12 tribes are so horrified by the punks’ acts (but not by the traveler’s acts) that they band together and perform a very thorough ethnic cleansing of the punks’ entire tribe. Body count rivals current Iraq war.
So “cut up the concubine” is a declaration of war. These “Objective” (heh heh) guys want to make war on infidels, Druids, atheists, etc.
Okay, then, why not just say that, instead of making reference to the brutal hacking of a woman (who’d already been through a bad time and would likely have preferred a hot bath, a swift horse, and some archery lessons) just to make a point, followed by a war with such massively disproportionate collateral damage? What kind of war are we talking about here?
Oh yeah, in Chapter 21, the land of the vanquished tribe is taken over by a wealthy merchant named Ha’al-e-Burton. (just kidding)
Great site, D.
You know, I’m convinced I’ve seen these faces before (those listed in the member bios) but cannot remember where.
Little help, anybody?
You know, I’m convinced I’ve seen these faces before (those listed in the member bios) but cannot remember where.
Little help, anybody?
You know, I’m convinced I’ve seen these faces before (those listed in the member bios) but cannot remember where.
Children of the Corn?
Children of the Corn?
I didn’t see this as a parady site as there were so many links that I just couldn’t stomach it.
And frankly, I know there are plenty of people ignorant enough to take this as real, I mean really real.
Stop laughing at me ok?
And frankly, I know there are plenty of people ignorant enough to take this as real, I mean really real.
Stop laughing at me ok?
Oh, man…even though you said it’s a parody, it’s walking a thin line. The proposed GODly flag cracked me up (see http://objectiveministries.org/gametheory/godlyflag.html )And, then again, it’s not a far cry from what happened after the American Civil War when citizen groups pushed to get “In God We Trust” on currency. I’m not particularly for or against “God” on money (that dang all-seeing eye creeps me out more…) But, I just think it’s a scream to know that some representative WILL get a letter from somebody who’s seen the Godly Flag post and taken it seriously, and wants to make it happen. What’s NOT funny is that the congressman getting the letter may also think the Godly flag is a serious—and good—idea.
Are you sure their kidding? that’s a lot of links just to pull off a joke that I don’t get. Plus Ive heard of the movement to move christians to So. Carolina.
Don’t think it is a parody. But with wingnut Christians, the real thing is often even more screamingly funny than any parody.
To be clear: No, it’s most likely not a parody, unless it’s one that’s good enough that it’s drawn in real fundie nutjobs who think it’s sincere. And I think S.Z.’s comment was tongue-in-cheek. We’ve gone meta, here, people! We’re through the looking glass! Or stained glass. Whichever.
Besides the Biblical reference trashfire explained, I believe the “cut up the concubine” line is a reference to a conservative Christian conference last year called “The War on Christians and the Values Voter in 2006″ ( http://www.therevealer.org/archives/main_story_002500.php ) at which Ron Luce (who runs the site that banner links to) likened himself to the Levite who dismembered the concubine before yelling “CUT UP THE CONCUBINE!” at the audence.
I concur with Trashfire: these folks are real.
I thought it was already known that this site is a partner site of Landover Baptist, another parody. Am I misremembering?
The Kirk Cameron infiltrates the Druids alert makes me think this is a parody site.
Apparently, this site has quite a number of people stumped. The idea that it is a partner site of Landover Baptist was suggested by the Register
http://www.theregister.co.uk/
2002/04/22/apple_promotes_godless_darwinism/
but they were not sure. The thing is that whether this site is real or bogus or some kind of collaboration between Landover and themselves, we\’ve all seen sites that are like this and quite real. Sort of like watching either Bill Clinton in Contact or Joe McCarthy in Good Night and Good Luck ( both of whom, I think, should have been eligible for Best Supporting Actor.)
http://www.theregister.co.uk/
2002/04/22/apple_promotes_godless_darwinism/
but they were not sure. The thing is that whether this site is real or bogus or some kind of collaboration between Landover and themselves, we\’ve all seen sites that are like this and quite real. Sort of like watching either Bill Clinton in Contact or Joe McCarthy in Good Night and Good Luck ( both of whom, I think, should have been eligible for Best Supporting Actor.)
Oh, but I can give you sincere. Try this page, which is linked off the Kidz Krafts or whatever.
http://www.geocities.jp/happyorigamiministry/
You can also make a paper model of the grumpy atheist, a goat in a bathrobe.
Thank you, D. Sidhe — they’re good. My biology-lecturer hardline-evolutionist sister definitely needs a copy of the giraffe in a lab coat.
And if you’re into that kind of thing, with the the glue and the paper-cutting and the blood everywhere, let me recommend Bob Ives’ model designs. His head-shaking Grumpy Goat is particularly good.
http://www.flying-pig.co.uk/
http://www.geocities.jp/happyorigamiministry/
You can also make a paper model of the grumpy atheist, a goat in a bathrobe.
Thank you, D. Sidhe — they’re good. My biology-lecturer hardline-evolutionist sister definitely needs a copy of the giraffe in a lab coat.
And if you’re into that kind of thing, with the the glue and the paper-cutting and the blood everywhere, let me recommend Bob Ives’ model designs. His head-shaking Grumpy Goat is particularly good.
http://www.flying-pig.co.uk/
Landover is a parody site that also features links to actual crazy christian websites, so i wouldn’t use the authenticity of the links as evidence that Objectiveministries is for real.
Herr Doktor, indeed I already have almost all the available for download Flying Pig models, and one of the books. Also, the CardBawdy turtles. Because I find that sort of thing highly entertaining.
I made the giraffe for my friend the biologist/geneticist as well. She was… well, baffled, probably. I’ll have to make her the atheist goat. She’s in fact Christian, but she’ll appreciate it nonetheless.
I made the giraffe for my friend the biologist/geneticist as well. She was… well, baffled, probably. I’ll have to make her the atheist goat. She’s in fact Christian, but she’ll appreciate it nonetheless.
What convinced me that the site was a parody was not just the “Kirk Cameron inflttrates a Druid Coven” piece, but the fact that the link in the article was just to a boring, old “Way of the Master” broadcast that didn’t mention Druids AT ALL!.
Only the “Kirk Cameron infiltrates a Druid Coven” part was apparently completely true:
http://tinkerbell-nl.blogspot.com/2006/10/druid-podcast.html
No idea why their link doesn’t have the right audio (someone should email them), but that link above has a hotlink to a copy on a pagan site.
Only the “Kirk Cameron infiltrates a Druid Coven” part was apparently completely true:
http://tinkerbell-nl.blogspot.com/2006/10/druid-podcast.html
No idea why their link doesn’t have the right audio (someone should email them), but that link above has a hotlink to a copy on a pagan site.
Although be aware that the giraffe model is almost completely backwards according to the assembly instructions. It took me two tries to get the one that’s sitting on my coffee table making me giggle
Fortunately, being a bloke, I’m supposed to ignore the assembly instructions anyway. It says so somewhere in the clubhouse rulebook.
Fortunately, being a bloke, I’m supposed to ignore the assembly instructions anyway. It says so somewhere in the clubhouse rulebook.
No, no. Red Green explained it once. See, as a man, you could obviously figure it out on your own without any instructions. The thing is, it’d take you some time, and as a man, you haven’t got the time to waste on that. So, in a way, reading the instructions is really just… cheating. You’d get there on your own eventually anyway. This is just a shortcut. And shortcuts are extremely manly. So instructions are cool.
I vote for the “clever parody.”
Tipoff for me: The ad banner from Chuck Norris saying the Bible needs to be “kicked back to the dojos where it belongs.” The link is real, but that’s clearly a fake banner.
Tipoff for me: The ad banner from Chuck Norris saying the Bible needs to be “kicked back to the dojos where it belongs.” The link is real, but that’s clearly a fake banner.
So, in a way, reading the instructions is really just… cheating. You’d get there on your own eventually anyway. This is just a shortcut.
I’m not convinced… this could be the start of slippery slope. If I started by reading the instructions, the same argument could easily lead on to stopping to ask strangers for directions.
I’m not convinced… this could be the start of slippery slope. If I started by reading the instructions, the same argument could easily lead on to stopping to ask strangers for directions.
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