The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

It’s Dr. Mike & Sideshow Brent Bozell!

Yes, they are the winners in our Your Crappy Choices of the Townhall Columnists thingee.  And I may read and comment on Matt “I’ve Dedicated My Life to Homosexuality But I”M NOT GAY!” Barber and one of the Concerned Women, just because this might be the week that they snap. Sorry I didn’t get back here sooner, but Friday a cat attacked me.  (I swear, all I was doing was petting it — and it didn’t give any warning signs before it grabbed my hand and bit me twice really hard, so I think it had received Navy SEAL training.)  And by the time I finished up with the Petsmart Adoption event on Saturday, my hand was all red and swollen.  And after I waited the three hours at Insta-Care (they named it that ironically, I’m sure) and the doctor could see me, I had infection going up my arm almost to my elbow, and my hand really hurt and stuff.  So, I had to have shots and take pills that reduced my bowels to liquid, and even so, the infection made it almost to my shoulder Saturday night.  And so I had to go back to Insta-Care yesterday to see if I had to go to the hospital for IV antibiotics — but by then, the oral antibiotics had driven the infection back down to mid-forearm level, so I didn’t. 
And the bottom line is: I did all this, just to avoid having to read the Townhall columnists.  But it didn’t work, I guess, because they’re still there.  And my hand is just kinda swollen and tender now, and the infection has receded, so I’m off to read me some Dr. Mike and some Brent the Wonder Bozell.  See you later.  Unless I can get the dogs to rip out my throat or something.
P. S.  My feline attacker, an angelic-looking longhaired orange-and-white tom named George, just left for his new life on a farm where nobody will ever pet him, if they know what’s good for them.  That means my animal fosters are now limited to: the four feline residents of the Island of Misfit Kittens (but Tribble finally got his cast off, so he may be freed soon); the feral kitten that the bio-tech company trapped on their premises (he is actually rather sweet, but probably bioengineered to turn into a truck or something); Mean Mother and her 7 adorable kittens (you can help me think of names for them all — right now I’m leaning towards “Maggie Gallagher” for the mom); and Angelo, the neurotic Chihuahua.  They all say hi. 

Posted by s.z. on Monday, January 14th, 2008 at 8:31 pm.

9 Responses to “It’s Dr. Mike & Sideshow Brent Bozell!”

Chihuahuas are neurotic by nature, I’d not want to meet one that is an exception to the rule. Sort of like meeting a cross between Dr. Mike and Pat Buchanan I’d imagine.
And the bottom line is: I did all this, just to avoid having to read the Townhall columnists.
You know, I can completely understand that.
Sorry about the infection, that’s always annoying, painful, time-consuming, and expensive, not necessarily in that order. The insult to injury for me is usually that after some cat has found my veins *and* arteries on the first go, the nurse usually takes several tries to get an IV in or take a blood sample.
Cypress does that same thing occasionally, which isn’t much help since she absolutely is neurotic. But I’ve been told that it might be a nerve disorder, so it’s probably a good thing those aren’t your vet bills anymore.
Ooh, I know a chihuahua named Thor who accompanies his person on ten mile runs (she conditioned him carefully, and of course if he gets tired, he’s just so portable. Hmm. Maybe he doesn’t know he’s a chihuahua.
I have been very lucky. Cats have only ever delivered warning bites to me. OMG, they are so quick. It’s all, “See what I could have done to you were I not all merciful and benevolent”. But I did have to go to my local InstaCare when a tick bite got infected, on account of it bit me near my collarbone and I couldn’t see it real well, and I didn’t get all of the tick-parts out. I was sorely afeared of a collarbone-ectomy, let me tell you.
But I have saved the worst for last. The other day, on this site, I cast my eyes once again upon the visage of Dr. Mike, and the scales fell off and I beheld - OMG have mercy! but there is none - my own face.
Yus, wull. That is right. Me and Dr. Mike, we wuz apparently separated at birth. I cannot offer evidence in support of the horror, because I do not have a digital camera. Somebody want to give me one? I will upload. You will upchuck.
By the way, it turns out I have no fever. This is the real moi.
Someone explain the Liberal Cat Thing to me. I mean, I like cats. I like dogs. I even occasionally like children. I like all sorts of things.
But what is the deal with liberal blogs and cats? Can someone shed a bit of light? Thanks.
Liberals have pet cats because they are compassionate and care about all species, even the ones disinterested in us. Conversely, wingnuts eat kittens as a secret delicacy, therefore never affording themselves the joy of cat ownership.
See how that works?
To be honest, I don’t know that there’s a good answer to your question. People who like cats like to talk about their cats. People who like cats like to hear about other peoples’ cats. I don’t know that there has to be a great political divide, and I’m not even sure there is one.
As to the widespread phenomenon of Friday Catblogging, which may be your question here, I think Kevin Drum started it, but I don’t think it’s a liberal thing per se.
But I did have to go to my local InstaCare when a tick bite got infected,
Your story has caused me to have second thoughts about the idea of adopting a pet tick.
By the way, it turns out I have no fever. This is the real moi.
I sympathize, actually. I stopped taking the Inderal months ago and the zombies are still here, so I guess they’re the real me, too. Sucks, really.
Our cat Iala tends to do the biting-for-fun thing too, not even as a warning bite but just because she’s playing, or bored, or annoyed with being petted, or whatever. Often she licks you a while first and then bites. She doesn’t break the skin with her teeth–claws are another matter–so we’ve tended to assume it’s exactly as you said, just letting us know how much she loves us that she has chosen not to actually bite anything *off*.
I too, had planned on adopting a tick. Thanks for the warning.

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